This is a mash-up of the Honor Harrington series and MLP:FiM. Honor Harrington has discovered the ponies, and with them, the Grand Alliance might actually win against the Solarian League. What will happen? Will the Alliance be victorious? Only time will tell.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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...Sweet Tester someone is doing a Honorverse/MLP crossover?
3844114 Yes, yes I am. And apparently people hate it! Yaaay.
3844440
Having finished reading through the story I can see why people have voted it down. There is potential here, but that potential is being smothered by problems. Your chapter are too short, it took a couple chapters to even see ponies, the pacing is way to damn fast, and honestly you are losing a lot of the realism that DW put into the 'verse. Honor wouldn't be initiating first contact, she wouldn't be negotiating the treaties, hell you aren't taking in account that space travel is slow. Add in the apparent Self Insert in this chapter, you have a recipe for votes down.
3844818 I have to agree with you on many things. For some reason I decided to write in really short chapters. The later chapters seem to have been climbing towards a better length, but they're still way off. Why the ponies weren't in the first chapter, I don't know. Possibly because the expedition needed to arrive at the planet before the ponies noticed them, and I wanted to set up the expedition as such. I do have a problem with pacing. I just don't know any way to fix it, since anything I try just comes out seeming stilted. About Honor making first contact. Dr. Kare survived the Torch Wormhole incident; do you think I could send that crew instead of Honor? I'm also working on the assumption that Manticore has successfully developed the streak drive at this point, but I agree that it should be a longer delay. The self insertion... I don't know. I'm going to have to create a crap load of OCs just to make it apparent that the ponies actually have some sort of presence and I'm not just writing an Honorverse fic. I'll probably just change the name and call it good. Honestly, I never thought anybody on this site knew about the Honorverse, so for the time being I might have to make you my sounding board/primary resource. If that's okay with you.
This is a rare sight and Honor Harrington/MLP crossover I'll give it a shot, also what book dose this come after?
3849270 I intended it to come after A Rising Thunder.
3849298 (I don't have that one and am on War of honor currently)
What do you mean peple hate it it's awsome
Not sure Dash even knows that the word redundant exists, let alone what it means.
Hmmm... kinda mixed feelings about this one. While it is nice to see a Honorverse/MLP crossover, your writing style has several problems. Worst is the chapter length. A few hundred words is hardly enough to whet my appetite for more. You could solve this problem (partially, at least) by addressing another problem: description. Try adding more description to the story. Show actions that are inconsequential to the story, but add to the atmosphere. For instance, when Twilight was looking through the telescope, have her cast a spell, that let her gauge Dash's altitude to get an accurate measurement. Explain just what Dash saw (perhaps with a cutaway scene where she spots the ships somehow) before landing to report to Twilight. While not strictly necessary for the story, they add atmoshere and make you feel more invested in the story. Go more in depth into what the characters are doing as they talk, and have more than just back-and-forth dialogue interspersed with a small action scene here and there.
Thirdly, try not to let the dialogue be so stilted. It's hard to describe, but there's a kind of stiffness to it that makes it feel unnatural and wooden. Not quite Phantom Menace wooden, but close. The characters were also the tiniest bit OOC, mostly the ponies.
And I just realized that this story hasn't been touched in over two years, and you haven't been on in almost a year. Never mind. Ah, well. C'est la vie.
Umm... Chimpanzees?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gombe_Chimpanzee_War
I am going to start reading this tomorrow, if only to hopefully see the inevitable moment when Fluttershy meets Nimitz.
Celery will be had. Bleeks will be Eeped.
7540302 And ants. More ants die in ant-war each year than exist humans on the face of this earth.
7757061 Alas, no Fluttercat was had.
3844440
I sadly just found this. It is fantastic. Longer chapters would be good. A lot of consequential details are skipped over in the chapter breaks. However, the basic writing is solid. A good editor could help you round this out. I wish this story continued. Alas, I'll need to make my own Honorverse crossover, or
bullyconvince someone elseinto doingso.7759342
I mourn for the lost opportunity.