Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are up to their usual, bullying the CMC. But this time, after they call the CMC "blank flanks" and leave, Silver Spoon feels depressed and tells Diamond Tiara a secret she's been keeping for awhile now.
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If there are any stories related to this, I had no intentions of stealing your idea.
Also, first story ever made, so constructive criticism is deeply appreciated.
Editor: Draco Fire (Ch. 1 & 2)
Chapters (3)
For your first story, it seems pretty good. The main thing I could say about the writing is to try to keep a consistent tense. I believe, in the very beginning, you were using past tense:
Then, you switched to present tense:
And afterwards, you reverted back to past tense:
Overall, still a nice job. I look forward to the next chapter.
4108281 I already have chapter 2's rough draft done, so expect chapter 2 to be released sometime this week!
4108324 I never noticed that, I'll be sure to correct it.
Anyone know what kind of tags I need to put in? I'm not really sure
4108713 No prob. Happy to help.
As for tags, I would say maybe Slice of Life. Here's what the FAQ says:
I'm not too good with tags, myself.
4108728 Ah, thanks. I was concidering putting Slice of Life but I wasn't sure what it ment at first. Maybe if I stop being lazy I would've.
Looks like that both will walk the path of redemption
Well....*scratches back of head* not bad. Cant wait for the next chapter.
As has been mentioned, you need to fix that problem with your verb tenses. Also, putting "Sigh..." in dialogue instead of using it in narrative is wrong.
Just as a word of caution: there are a lot of Silver Spoon redemption stories out there, so you're going to have to step up your game if you want this to stand out.
If you don't have one already, I would suggest getting a proofreader and/or editor. Otherwise, great job on a first.
4108992 I figured there would be.
I'm just hoping mine will be different from the others.
4109022 I'm still looking for an editor. But for now I'm just going to have to read slower and hopefully catch all of my mistakes.
I can't really get invested in this because of how quick the fight between Diamond and Silver was, and I really didn't feel any build up to it.
4111349 Well to be fair they are only fillies, and kid fights generally end up like that. At least what from I know.
When I read other stories I'm like...
When I read stories like yours, I remember...
Awesome Story! Keep going. If you ever need an editor, I'm free to be that said editor...
4111769 Awesome!
I'll be sure to send you Chapter 2 for editing once it's done!
4111865 Be sure to share through my google drive...
4108992
What are some best 'Redemption' stories in your opinion?
Chapter 2 is being edited! Hopefully I can post it by Monday!
Cannot wait for the next chapter!!!!
(Nice chapter by the way.)
Wow. I alwas saw silver as the leader and here ya destroyed that. Awsomw! Make more and update.
4125823 Silver? Do you mean Sweetie Belle?
4125836 no silver as the lead bully but had dt act like a follower for the sake of acting. And otherwise scots is the cmc leader.
4125997 Ah ok. To me it seemed like Diamond Tiara was always the first one to start the bullying, with Silver Spoon following up.
4126253 to each his own.
Ring
Hello?
...Click
Well pinky, send me to the moon, luna got somthing stuck again.
"Okey doky loky!"
Oooh, I wonder how they'll react to seeing her!
Moar please!
Can't wait to see more, keep up the good work
Unfortunately guys, I'm putting this on hiatus for quite awhile. Bad stuff has been happening to me recently and now I've lost motivation to write anything. I have chapter 3 saved on my Google Docs so I can work on it during school if I decide to do so, but don't expect any content for a long time. Anyways, I want to say thank you guys for motivating me to continue writing back then, and I hope to finish this story sometime.
Okay, you said that you wanted a lot of constructive criticism, so I'll give you some.
1. There was almost zero buildup to the Diamond/ Silver fight. If you wanted it to be meaningful, then you should have had SS act unsure or insecure when they were bullying the CMC.
2.Kid's fights are not that simple. From my deductions, the CMC and co. are around 10-11 years old, and from what I remember, the sort of fight you depicted needs some depth.
Besides that, it's a very nice story and I would like to hear more. Keep it up!
I love this story. Can't wait to see more :) :D
good chapter and keep up the good work
Nice job, Silver Spoon.
Now if only Diamond Tiara would do the same... 
one chapter left, and you go on hiatus??!! for over 2 years?!?!?!?!
Applejack is less than happy at this.
Just read and i want more