At the End of Days

by U92n

Chapter 1- Eclipse

Author's Note:

Comments, critique and criticism is very wanted.

It began during the Summer Sun Celebration.

Celestia and Luna stood at their pedestals, prepared for the lowering of the moon and raising of the sun. The two sisters grew eager as the time approached. Once it was her time to partake in the celebration, Luna began to lower the moon. Closing her eyes and summoning her magical powers, Luna grabbed hold of the moon. With a firm grip, Luna sluggishly dragged the moon out of place. She continued to focus all of her might onto the celestial body, and the slow grind accelerated to a steady slide. In attempt to quicken the moon's decent, she continued to gather power, but her needs began to exponentially exceed her own potential. She was unknowingly forced into tapping another being's power.

She got what she desired, the moon began to fall with incredible speed. But sharp pains quickly shot throughout her mind, disrupting her thoughts and shattering her concentration. Then moon slipped from her grasp, grinding slowly back into place. Luna's face cringed in pain, her mind was cloudy and thoughts were blurry. As Luna stood dazed and staggered about, the crowd of spectators that witnessed the event began to descend into fear. Their fears were laid to rest when Luna finally snapped out of her trance. She worked through the unbearable pain finally setting the moon behind the horizon. Luna finally opened her eyes, and looked upon the faces of her observers. Some looked back in happiness, but most stared in dismay. She switched her view and rotated her head to the left, where Celestia looked at her with worrying eyes. Luna cut her contact from Celestia and a dismal feeling of shame washed over her.

Celestia closed her eyes and resumed the ceremony as she began to raise the sun. Celestia, like Luna, mustered her strength and power. Grabbing hold of the ball of fire, it moved out of place and rose behind the horizon, slowly revealing itself. As the light shone, Celestia began to lift herself off the ground, aiding the ascent. All of Equestria rejoiced as the sun had reached its apex. Celestia then returned back to the ground; receiving praise from all sides.

The first sun of summer shone with great brilliance, illuminating all of Equestria. It was finally time to celebrate. Festive parties sprung throughout Equestria, with all pony races partaking in the glorious thanks of the two alicorns. While most found this time to go into a mania of indulgence and merrymaking, Celestia and Luna found this as an opportune time to slip away.

The entire castle staff was busy working outside to tend to Canterlot's city-wide party, leaving the great structure barren, save two alicorns. The sisters paced up and down the castle halls, staying relatively silent; until Celestia brought up the elephant in the room.

“Luna, you know we have to talk about this, there is no avoiding it.”

Luna looked away from her sister in shame. "I am so sorry."

"What is there to apologize for? This was only a small mistake, a slip of your grasp."

"The mistake was not of my doing."

"Well, if this was not by accident, what had forced you to weaken?"

"An aching pain in my head."

Attempting to pick away at the solemn mood, Celestia joked at her sister. "Luna, how can you have a headache get the best of you?"

Luna, however, did not take the reply as Celestia intended. Luna erupted into a fit of rage. "I WAS NOT CONQUERED BY A MEASLY AFFLICTION! Do you think that this is a game? Do you have any idea how it felt to embarrass one's self around the world?"

"No, Luna- I did not mean to-"

"Mean to what? Anger me? Mock me? TO IGNORE YOUR SISTER'S DISTRESS?" Luna stormed down the hall in a furious rage, getting as much distance from her sister as she could.

Celestia quickly gave chase, constantly shouting for her enraged sister. "Luna, wait!"

"Luna, I'm sorry!"

Her attempted pleads to calm her down had proven vain, Luna was still running. Celestia may be larger than Luna, but Luna was always more athletic. She would have eventually outran Celestia, but now the adrenaline from her anger invigorated her body. Within a matter of seconds, Celestia began to fall behind. Desperate to get to her sister, she began to take wider strides and use more force with her hind legs. While this slowed the growing distance between them, it had done nothing to shorten it. Luna was still charging ahead, taking sharp turns to impede her sister's pursuit.

Luna quickly turned to the left with excellent grace and form. Celestia, however, was too fixated on Luna and not where she was going. Once Luna ran behind a corner, Celestia did not have enough time to react, sending her barreling into the castle wall. Celestia's sizable frame met the oncoming wall with impressive force. The impact shattered the ill-fated wall, reducing it to pieces of rock and dust.

Luna looked behind her just in time to witness Celestia's wreck. The hailed princess of the sun smashed into the wall with her side and disappeared in a newly made cloud of dust and white feathers. A smile started to grow on her face, but her look of happiness soon turned to worry when she saw the end of the hall shake.

Luna scrambled to maintain balance, but she lost her rhythm as the ground shook from underneath her. Every attempt to regain control just made her situation worse. She quickly blurted a very audible "NO!" just as her legs gave out from under her. In a last resort, she spread out her wings to slow her descent. Her desperate effort was executed just too late, the princess fell to the floor and landed on her jaw. Pain shot through her mouth as her head made contact with the floor.

Celestia saw the entire predicament play out; the struggle, stumble and fall. She dislodged herself from the wreckage of the wall. The faint crackle of stone falling upon stone could be heard with each of her movements. Fragments of marble inlaid the surface of her coat and wings, causing discomfort in every motion. She shook her body and wings, removing the unwanted debris and restoring her coat back to its pristine condition. One step after another, she approached her weeping sister, hoping to comfort her and end this ridiculous feud. "Luna... are you okay?"

Luna's head turned to her side, allowing her to see Celestia. She cut her a look of absolute resent and hatred, replying to her sister in a hostile tone. "Go away!" Luna jumped to her hooves and ran off, abandoning her sister. Celestia followed again, continuing the hunt.

"No, Luna!"

Her hooves met viscous contact with the ground, which drove her forward with incredible speed. She was determined to lose her sister, no matter the cost. In a rampant fury of rage, Luna unleashed her magic; not on Celestia, but the furniture and decorations that lined the halls. In a devious act, Luna prepared to pull out furnishings right behind her or just ahead of Celestia. If anything would stop Celestia, it would be traps. Luna silently unleashed the first salvo, demonstrating her resolve.

"Luna, please stop! Luna, listen to-" Her sentence was cut short when a book of incredible proportions flew out from a shelf and threw itself into Celestia. The hardback made contact with her snout and forced back her head, causing a bitter sting to flash through her nose. Her muzzle was sore from the collision, making her face cringe in pain.

"Luna, stop these childish ambitions. I know you are upset! I unders-"

"NO YOU DON'T! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" With her enraged response, Luna increased her speed and threw another book.

The book liberated itself from its shelf and shot towards Celestia, but she was ready this time. Just as the novel came within close proximity, Celestia leaned her head to the left and lowered herself just in time. The book flew just in front of her face, briskly grazing the fur on her nose. Success. She then regained her original composure and continued the chase. Luna looked back at her with fiery eyes that were full of anger.

"Lu-"

Celestia's sentence was cut short when something smashed into the side of her head. Her vision was tilted to the right when yet another book attacked Celestia, flinging itself into the left side of the princesses head. She readjusted and continued to follow, only to be hit again by another object. A wooden cabinet levitated and destroyed itself on Celestia's cranium, sending Celestia off her feet and onto the floor. She slammed onto the ground, right next to a set of armor. Luna started to shrink in the distance, she was getting away! Celestia drew her magic, whispering "Luna, I told you to stop." Her magic gripped a nearby chair and shoved it in front of Luna.

She just did not know what happened. One moment she was about to run from her sister, now she was laying on top of a toppled chair. It didn't take long before she realized that Celestia was behind this. She wasn't going to allow it to slide. Luna recuperated from the chair, pulling out her horn from a cushion. She turned around and searched for something... heavy. Her eyes darted back and forth, searching for the ideal item.

She still laid on the ground, looking at her sister. Luna bore the same oppressive face, her jaw was still clenched shut, eyes were narrowed. The pupils within them, however, were restless and did not stop moving. The set would hold in place for one moment, but it would only be a brief moment before they went back into a frenzy. It had only been a few seconds, but it felt like minutes had passed. The pair of teal-rimmed pupils finally came to a halt, and a smirk emerged on the princess' face.

Celestia raised a brow in suspicion of Luna's antics. She finally decided to get up as she twisted her body to the side and retracted her legs, trying to place herself in a sitting-up position. Her efforts were promptly interrupted when a set of armor came crashing down on her and forced her to return back to the floor. The amount of force behind the armor would have instantly crushed an imperial war helmet, which could withstand the sharpest of dragon claws and repel enchanted ekel cross bolts. Thankfully, princess Celestia was not laid victim to such casualties; being somewhat of an immortal being gave her incredible resilience.

That did not prevent her from feeling the incredible pain from the impact. The air was brutally expelled from her lungs, causing her breaths to become heavy and erratic.

Luna showed a sadistic smile, fully pleased at her show of force. She shouted to her sister in an acrid tone, "Now leave me alone!" The now contented princess trotted further down the hall, her figure slowly shrinking in the distance. She slipped out of view and disappeared around a corner. Faint sounds of hoofsteps echoed throughout the empty corridors, the only signal left of her presence.

Celestia could do nothing but watch her sister slip away, still recuperating from the recent attack. Using a levitation spell, Celestia lifted the dense armor off of her, allowing her to breathe regularly once more. When the last of the armor was alleviated off her body, she sat up and prodded her chest, midsection and underbelly. She carefully searched for fractures or broken bones in her rib cage, but found none. Aside from her ruffled fur and the bruising on her side, she was as healthy as, well... a horse.

Her mind was somewhat put to rest after she finally confirmed that she suffered minimal injury, until Luna reentered her thoughts. Caught up in her own well being, Celestia had forgotten about Luna. Thoughts suddenly flooded her brain again as she worried for her sister. She stood up and began to run in Luna's last direction, but the princess of the sun had grown tired from the previous chase, and her muscles ached with every action. The valiant sprint that Celestia aspired to break into was reduced to a gallop. Even then, her body complained and resisted the motions. She couldn't get to Luna- at least not by ground.

Luna traversed the grand halls and corridors, the sound of her hooves softly echoed around her. She was still upset, still angry at her alleged sister's indifference. Enraged thoughts and ideas swarmed in a frenzy within her head, clouding judgement and reason. Her sister taunted her, mocked her when she was suffering. When she was in despair. When she needed her most. But Celestia kicked her while she was down, not even attempting to help her! She... she failed her.

Luna's rabid deductions ceased to continue when a faint noise slipped past her ears. She stopped walking and froze in place. She stood tall and alert, swiveling her ears to the next sound. Her ears picked it up again, the same sound, but louder. It was still unrecognizable, but she found where it was coming from. The repeating noise emanated behind her, just around the corner from which she had turned by. As it became louder, it became more audible. It sounded like someone was beating a pillow, but it was long and drawn out- like the flapping of wings. The familiar sound was then accompanied by an even more familiar voice.

"Luna? Luna where have you gone? I am sorry."

Celestia's face lit up in joy as she saw the indigo alicorn come around the corner. "Luna!"

The feeling was not mutual for Luna. She coldly stared at her sister, expressing a bitter demeanor every moment she had. Celestia stopped flapping her wings and straightened them out, making herself glide towards her sister. Her glide was suddenly interrupted when a cloth wrapped around her stomach. A tapestry had unhooked from the wall and pinned Celestia's wings down to her sides, changing her glide to a rapid plummet.

Celestia's mind raced in fear as she fell. Her only action was to turn her head, close her eyes and look behind her. She braced herself for impact, but it never came. The princess opened her eyes again and looked forward, finding that she was only a few inches off the floor. She looked over at her sister, whose horn was faintly glowing. Luna stopped her fall! A short-lived smile emerged on Celestia's face, just before Luna released her grip on the princess. She fell the short distance she had left, landing on her evermore sore nose. She laid pathetically on the ground, slowly rubbing her poor snout. Celestia got back to her hooves, just a few yards in front of Luna. She opened her mouth in preparation to speak, but another tapestry tightly bound itself around her muzzle and behind her head to silence her.

"No."

Luna lifted the decoration, bringing Celestia off the ground. "I am tired of hearing you speak. I am sick of YOU not listening to ME!" Luna was venting all of her anger and rage, expelling the built up emotions.

"I know you want to help. I know you wanted to help. But if you really wanted to help, you wouldn't have poked fun and mocked me. You-" Her voice was cut off by muffled dialogue coming from Celestia. Luna looked at her sister with great animosity as she took action.

Luna shouted at her sister. "SILENCE!" The grip of the tapestry tightened and clamped her jaw shut. "If you wanted to help, you would have LISTENED TO ME! You wouldn't have tripped me. YOU WOULD HAVE LEFT ME ALONE!" Luna violently jerked her head to the left, thrusting Celestia's head into the castle wall. Her skull smashed into the marble, leaving spiderweb-like fractures in the stone. "AND YOU ONLY MADE IT WORSE!" Tears welled up in the princess' eyes and ran down her cheek.

"ALL YOU DID-" Celestia was thrown into the wall again, making the fractures grow. "-WAS HURT ME!" Luna swung her head again. "I HATE YOU!"

The words struck her heart with sorrow and regret. Celestia felt horrible for what she did, finally realizing her fault. Her thoughts were blurred from the constant 'punishment', but she still understood. A shock was sent through her head as it was smashed into the wall for the last time. Her mind was once again scrambled as pain shot into her head. The last impact left her dazed as her crown was thrown off her head and clattered to the floor. The sheer force of Luna's rage showed in the wall, where a large spider fracture lay embedded. Celestia was lowered back to the ground and the cloths were removed from her body. As her vision snapped back into focus, she found Luna with Celestia's crown in her hoof.

What Luna did next was unspeakable. She held the precious crown in her hoof, gazing upon it with great disgust. She lowered the crown to the ground, just at her hooves. Then Luna then reared back.

Celestia saw what she was about to do, she cried out to her sister. "No! LUNA WAIT!"

With all of her might, she slammed her hooves down on the crown. The gold metal peak bent back underneath Luna's hooves. The two shorter spires followed soon after, bending into a shapeless lump of gold. Luna raised her hooves once more to finish what she started.

"LUNA STOP!"

The amethyst cracked and shattered under the enraged princess' force, spreading fragments of the precious jewel across the floor. The crown was unrecognizable. It was a mound of misshapen gold, littered with shards of a purple crystal. She then kicked it back to Celestia, who was left petrified.

In her excessive pride, Luna taunted her sister. "How does it feel to be ignored? How does it feel to be helpless? TO STAB YOU IN THE BACK, TO KICK YOU WHILE YOU ARE DOWN!?!"

Celestia gave no answer. She was silent for a long time, trying to gather what just happened. After a prolonged amount of time, Celestia removed her vision from the crown and to her sister. An unending rage boiled within her, Luna's taunts and slander could be handled. But the destruction of the crown was another story.

It was a family heirloom, passed down from her mother; who has since joined her father among the stars. The crown was all she had left. Celestia snapped, lashing out at her sister in a relentless fury. "Luna, you insolent pawn. You ungrateful, useless weakling! You are a childish, incompetent wretch! I ALLOWED YOUR RETURN FROM EXILE! AFTER ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF BANISHMENT, I thought I could bring you back! I freed you from your unworldly prison! And this..." She picked up the defiled crown in her magic, representing it as a sign of malevolence. "...is how you repay me. I thought reuniting us would be joyous. I now see that I was wrong. I regret my decisions."

A great silence stood in the air between the two. Celestia stared in hatred and anger, but Luna was now the one horrified. Celestia broke the silence when she boomed in a virulent attitude.

"I SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU ON THE MOON! YOU DON'T BELONG HERE!"

Luna's jaw dropped open, the sentence spoken was like a dagger in her heart. Tears welled up in her eyes as she began to cry. The sorrow and pain was overwhelming, she again, ran from her sister. She sobbed and sniffled, not even attempting to hide her lament. She quickly disappeared around a corner, loudly crying.

"Run like you always do! COWARD! You never could face your problems! I can rule Equestria by MYSELF! I can-"

Celestia was interrupted by a buildup of liquid in her throat. She rose her foreleg to her mouth, and coughed; expelling the unwanted fluid from her airway. She prepared to speak again, but the same liquid flooded her throat. In a rather discourteous manner, Celestia turned her head to the right and hacked the viscous liquid out of her body. The excessive force scattered the liquid all over the wall and floor; giving Celestia a good view of what was invading her lungs and throat. The liquid was a deep red, an unmistakable color. She was drowning in her own blood.

Celestia searched herself for injury. She looked down at her chest, revealing three deep puncture wounds. Each one readily leaked the crimson fluid out of her body; staining her ivory coat a deep red. Her mind panicked and raced, but when the gravity of her predicament finally struck her, but it was already too late. Her vision already blurred, she started to become dizzy and her thinking slowed.

Celestia's body was shaking as her muscles grew weak from deprivation of nutrients and oxygen. She attempted to take a step forward, trying to get to her sister. However, even that simple task proved too much for her now frail figure. The minor movement depleted what energy was left in her muscles, causing them to give out. Her legs became unstable, as if they were sparingly made from hay. She tried to stabilize herself, but her muscles ignored her commands; they had no energy to do so. Celestia collapsed to the ground, drenching her coat in the pooling blood below.

The princess laid helpless on the cold castle floor, suffering in a forced silence. Her eyes futilely darted back and forth, as her vision was already reduced to blurry shapes and lines. Her chest was constantly heaving in a desperate attempt to retrieve oxygen, but each breath she took only made her situation worse. Every time she inhaled, her own blood would flood her lungs and cause her to panic. The more she panicked, the more she tried to breathe. The more she tried to breathe, the more blood filled her airway. Her mind began to unnerve as she continued to drown; thoughts were lost to fear and her vision edged away. The mixed physical and emotional trauma caused her to descend into shock and lose consciousness. As the world descended into darkness, a wondrous sound of hope graced her ears. Celestia heard the echo of speeding hooves.

Luna valiantly ran through the empty castle corridors, desperate to find her sister. Desperate to apologize for her horrendous actions. She finally realized that she had stepped far out of line, after remembering that the crown was her mother's. It was not difficult trying to backtrack. Luna only had to follow the dents and cracks on the floor, left behind from her thunderous sprint away from Celestia. As she ran back further, a repetitive noise echoed from a hall that was marked with her impacts. It was a deep-pitched sound, like something was hitting against the ground or walls.

"Sister?"

The noise did not change tempo or pitch. Luna cautiously approached the unknown sound, its volume slowly increasing with every stride she made. A smile slowly began to grow on her face as she turned down a hall, where the noise was at its peak. The noise seemed to originate from around the corner at the end of this corridor. She raced down the hall, leaving a new set of fractures. Bounding around the turn, she discovered her ivory-colored sister! But she soon regretted her discoveries.

Tears welled up in Luna's eyes as she saw her befallen sister. She laid in a growing pool of her own blood. Her body convulsed and shook, constantly hitting her head against the ground. Celestia's eyes were wide open and her pupils were unnaturally dilated; but no light shone in them. Blood readily flowed out of her mouth and out of three wounds in her chest. Blood was splattered on the walls and floor, painting the picture for a grotesque murder scene.

"No..." Luna's eyes welled up in tears.

"Celestia, please don't... ...don't do this to me." Seeing her sister in this condition was heartbreaking, she felt a dagger of sorrow pierce her heart again.

Luna valiantly charged towards her sister in total hysteria, fearing that she may have to live on without her. "CELESTI-AAAHH!"

The princess of the night fell to the ground in mid-stride with her hooves clutching her head. Her mind was surging with pain, causing her to writhe in agony.

"STOP!" Luna closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, attempting to endure the pain. But it was just too strong, just unreal. Every measure Luna took to relieve herself, the more intense the ache became. Luna smashed her head against the walls and floor, trying to force herself into the bliss of unconsciousness; but to no avail, the pain raged on. The pain kept growing. She fell back to the floor and screamed at the top of her lungs. The volume of her wailing exceeded normal values of a mare. Her devout shrieks could be heard outside the castle, alerting everypony attending the royal celebration. Suddenly, just as quick as it started, the pain stopped.

It was replaced by a crushing grip on her neck, which rose her off the floor. The force exerted on her neck restricted her from breathing or making another cry. She reached for her throat, trying to release what had gotten hold of her. As her hooves reached up to her neck, she only made contact with the fur that covered it. Luna could do nothing but attempt to struggle and fight as the grip further lifted her above the ground. She was at its mercy. Just before she passed out, her head was thrust down with immeasurable force. The back of her skull shattered as it made contact with the floor, rendering Luna unconscious.

The castle hall was silent and still. Nopony there could speak, or so it appeared. A faint whisper rang over the two princesses. They both were a mare's voice, and both held extreme hostility in their voices.

"Let the festivities begin."

Comments

[Silent Dream]

In short : It flows way too fast, without enough buildup or explanation for what's happening.

[Samsam1155]

Interesting... Proceed

[U92n]

3747753 Alright. I am changing some lines, entering new ones in to combat that. Is there anything else that I would need to do in order to better my writing? If I want to keep people engaged in this story, I must find my flaws.

[UnicornCrazy]

THIS IS AWESOME

[Silent Dream]

3750147
Focus on more natural dialogue and improving diction. Really, compare your writing to other stories of higher popularity and examine how the sentence structure/word choice differs. Right now the prose feels stilted.

[U92n]

3750274 Thanks. I plan to continue this story, another chapter is on its way.

[Slip Kid]

It's fast, so very fast. Still probably better than my (now deleted) first was.

[UnicornCrazy]

3751596 Haha you're welcome xD. And yay more storeh! ^_^

[gman]

The chapter is good but the first few paragraphs are a little large and kind of offset me a bit. I also found some repetition in the chapter as well, so be mindful of that.

[AceCombat101fan]

3751596 I like your story. Why does it have down votes?
p.s. Maybe some Flashlight could go with it.

[U92n]

4239919
It didn't start out as good or detailed as this. I actually shudder while reading the first take.
(Didn't use proofreading/editing first time around)

p.s.- This excludes any relationships, except the obvious basic friendship among the others. So, sorry, no romance or ships

[AceCombat101fan]

4240608 I feel the same way.  My story Ace Combat: Divided Feelings also have down votes.  Want to check out my story?

[U92n]

4240651
Why not?

[Chessie]

Eeee...

Alright, I am afraid you need to firstly, post this to r/mylittlefanfic and not the main sub. Secondly, this isn't...good. It's not the worst I've ever read by a long shot, and PLEASE...keep writing. Everyone's first attempt is bad.

You will need to write more. DO proceed with the writing and learn as much as you can from this. Write 90,000 words of it...then set fire to it and start over. Best thing you can do.

The main-sub doesn't like fanfics for some reason I have yet to determine.

-Chessie

[Chowatron]

That was great. An emotionally draining and drawn out fight between two sisters who keep saying how they don't want to hurt each other but only seem able to escalate things.