• Member Since 9th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 14th, 2015

THEqwabik


I'm weird you're weird, let's all be weird... At writing.

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It's hard for Luna, everypony's scarred of her and she has no one to talk too except for her sister Celestia, and that gets weird sometimes. But on her night journey, she finds somepony that's not afraid.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 5 )

YOUNG LOVE :heart:
WAIT
WHAT
NO








OLD LOVE
YEAH
HUNDRED THOUSAND YEAR OLD LOVE :heart:

Ok dude, not trying to rip on ya, but a little advice:

1: Dont be so punctual, people don't like that. It makes your story sound like a bullet list, or "Her horn lit up. She took flight. She cares for the night." See what I mean?
2: Use more commas, they help to flow your sentences together. Using too many full stops leads to being too punctual, while a comma can give a pause, allow for another point to be made, and generally makes it nicer to read.

Again, not trying to rip on you, just giving some friendly advice from a readers perspective. Also, I'm not a writer myself, (Though I do study Cambridge English). I'm just a reader that cares about helping out a rising author.

3785265 thanks for the feed back, I could use more criticism cause I wanna be the best writer in the world, so that's gonna take some criticism.

that was good:pinkiesmile: not the best, but good.
thanks for finishing it:twilightsmile:

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