Celestia has been having recurring dreams; dreams that she wishes would go away. But they only increase in their frequency. One night, she gives in and visits that statue in the royal garden. The statue that haunts her sleep. The statue of her love.
You're a human baby found and adopted by the two most powerful ponies in Equestria. You, together with your little sisters, are going to be the future rulers of Equestria someday. Unless fate decides otherwise
Princess Luna has got into an argument with her sister and goes to her private realm to vent. Meanwhile, in another realm, Prince Artemis has got into a similar situation. From what was a simple encounter between the two quickly becomes anything but
It's hard for Luna, everypony's scarred of her and she has no one to talk too except for her sister Celestia, and that gets weird sometimes. But on her night journey, she finds somepony that's not afraid.
Ok dude, not trying to rip on ya, but a little advice:
1: Dont be so punctual, people don't like that. It makes your story sound like a bullet list, or "Her horn lit up. She took flight. She cares for the night." See what I mean? 2: Use more commas, they help to flow your sentences together. Using too many full stops leads to being too punctual, while a comma can give a pause, allow for another point to be made, and generally makes it nicer to read.
Again, not trying to rip on you, just giving some friendly advice from a readers perspective. Also, I'm not a writer myself, (Though I do study Cambridge English). I'm just a reader that cares about helping out a rising author.
YOUNG LOVE
WAIT
WHAT
NO
OLD LOVE
YEAH
HUNDRED THOUSAND YEAR OLD LOVE
Ok dude, not trying to rip on ya, but a little advice:
1: Dont be so punctual, people don't like that. It makes your story sound like a bullet list, or "Her horn lit up. She took flight. She cares for the night." See what I mean?
2: Use more commas, they help to flow your sentences together. Using too many full stops leads to being too punctual, while a comma can give a pause, allow for another point to be made, and generally makes it nicer to read.
Again, not trying to rip on you, just giving some friendly advice from a readers perspective. Also, I'm not a writer myself, (Though I do study Cambridge English). I'm just a reader that cares about helping out a rising author.
3785265 thanks for the feed back, I could use more criticism cause I wanna be the best writer in the world, so that's gonna take some criticism.
that was good not the best, but good.
thanks for finishing it
4392623 your welcome