War is taking over the land, changelings have taken over half of equestria and the elements are scattered because of Celestial and Luna being worried. Now the main six have to find them or war itself will be in chaos.
Chapters (9)
- Member Since 9th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen Feb 14th, 2015
THEqwabik
I'm weird you're weird, let's all be weird... At writing.
THEqwabik
Joined 9th Nov, 2013 ·
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List errors? I'm half good at that!
Alrighty.
This story, from the two chapters I've seen, has a pretty good plot. Elements of Harmony; scattered is a pretty good major conflict. The changelings add on to that.
But, as I was reading this, it felt like they... teleported. When they were at the castle, there was something about Pinkie going up to changeling guards. Suddenly, a changeling was using the last of his energy to send a distress beacon. And then gates burst open, and changelings flooded in. Then, there was something about a roof, and Twilight being an alicorn.
That threw me off. How did...? How does that flow? I'm trying to see a connection...
Just, don't be afraid to add details to everything. The more details a story has, the easier it is to follow, and the better the general response will be.
Oh, and as you're writing, really try to show setting progression. The pictures in my mind were jumping all over the place.
And, I would imagine you don't have a proofreader or anything along those lines, but I can highly recommend one. This community is full of kind, helpful people, so don't be afraid to ask.
Heck, I'd even do it.
In any case, this story has promise, but it just needs to be slowed down a bit.
I'd like to see where this goes.
Potential is evident,
-Time Centurion
You might have missed the Everfree forest part.
Great story bro, like to see where this is going.
3679530 I saw that part.
It's after that, when they reach the castle, things start happening for no explained reason.
Or at least that was what I was talking about.
Thank you :D Trust me, I've waited damn longer than three days for a chapter. If anything, this is short!
Bit of errors, you might want to proofread it once or twice before posting.
If you are actually writing this on an iPad. . . turn autocorrect off. Celestia was ac'd to Celestial, and et cetera.
Just realized you updated yours mere seconds before I logged on. :D
Oh sweet mother of plot twists.
3718737 Plot twists. Plot twists everywhere.
What's exaserating?
3744635 I dont have spell check on so I'll fix this.
3744945 Oh. Thought you perhaps meant exasperating and I'm like, "nuuuuuu!"