Doing the Mommy Thing
Scootaloo lay back in her bed, curled up and tucked in, wondering when sleep would claim her. Normally she wouldn't be so eager for sleep, but tonight her Mom had tucked her in and was reading her a bedtime story...and it was so boring.
"...and as Filly Red Trotting Hood stepped into the house, she heard a voice calling, 'Come in, child', and she was concerned, because it was not quite what she remembered her grandmother sounding like."
Scootaloo suppressed a sigh and pasted a smile on her face. She could handle this, it was for her Mom. Luna had seemed really excited at the idea of tucking her in and reading her a bedtime story...and Scootaloo hadn't the heart to point out she was almost 12 and had outgrown the need for such things years ago. Besides, her Dad was also in the room, and occasionally making silly comments that made the story more amusing, even if they did earn him glares from Luna.
"And Filly Red said, 'Grandmother, what thick fetlocks you have," Luna read aloud.
"Bet that's not all that's thick!" Alucard joked, grinning impudently at Luna's glare.
"'The better to groom you with, my dear-"
"Groom. Right."
After yet another glare, Luna continued. "Grandmother, what a wet nose you have," she read.
"Wow, this filly is stupid!" Alucard joked.
Luna ground her teeth. "Grandmother, what big ears you have!"
"And you know what they say about big ears!"
Luna started to glare at Alucard, then paused. "Do they really?" she asked, curious.
Alucard shrugged. "Pointy ears, actually, but the wolf's got those, too."
Luna rolled her eyes. "'Grandmother, what big teeth you have!' And the wolf replied, 'The better to eat you with my dear!' And-"
"And then they f-"
"Alucard!" Luna snapped, slamming the book shut. "I'm trying to read Scootaloo a bedtime story and you're ruining it with your commentary!"
"Please, Luna, that story is way too childish for a preteen like Scoot! She's bored out of her wits! I'm just trying to liven things up."
Luna looked towards Scootaloo. "Art thou truly...bored?"
Scootaloo tried to smile. "No, no...the story is...riveting..." She knew she couldn't get any sincerity into that.
Luna frowned, setting the book down. "Excuse me a moment," she said, turning to leave the room.
Alucard looked after her, then turned to Scootaloo. "Stay here," he said, turning to follow Luna.
Scootaloo blinked. "What did I do?" she wondered, worried.
Alucard found Luna in the bathroom, standing over the sink. "Whazzup?" he asked her.
"Not now, Alucard," she said, turned resolutely away from him.
He frowned. "Aww...come on..." He tried to look her in the eye, but she kept turning away. "Don't make me do the face! You know you can't resist it!" He started to arrange his facial features into a feline smile as he raised his hand like a paw.
"Alucard, please!"
He froze at that. When he next spoke, his voice was completely serious, all trace of humor gone. "Luna, look at me."
Luna turned to face him, seeing his face completely serious...as he saw the unshed tears in her eyes. Instantly, he pulled her into a warm, comforting embrace. "What's wrong?" he asked simply.
Unable to stop herself, Luna broke down and wept. "I...I missed so much!" she sobbed. "Nursing her, her first words, her first steps...she's my only daughter, but it feels like I can only call myself her mother in name!" She buried her face into Alucard's chest. "I don't know her favorite color, her favorite toy, her favorite subject in school...I don't know if she has a crush...I didn't even get to weigh in on choosing her name! And now I can't even read her a bedtime story properly!" She sobbed broken heartedly. "I'm a terrible mother..."
Alucard held her close, quietly shushing her as he stroked her back. "Don't cry, Luna. We can fix all this. I can't do much for what you missed, or helping you to be there for events that have passed...but I can show you those events as they happened, and we can help you learn about her anew. And maybe this was just the wrong story for her, given her age-"
"But it's my favorite," she whimpered. "I was so looking forward to reading it to her, and bonding with her over it..."
Alucard thought for a time, then snapped his fingers. "Then we just tweak it a little!"
She raised an eyebrow. "Like you were?"
"No! No no no no." He grinned widely. "We just change a few details to make it more accessible for Scootaloo while keeping the moral and theme the same, and the happy ending." He chuckled. "Also to make it more believable. Seriously, the only way the talking wolf works is if it's Filly Fluttershy Fainting Hood, and even then she knew the difference between a pony and a wolf dressed up as one."
Luna frowned. She hated that she had to admit he was right. Even saying it was a magic talking wolf didn't really work. "So what do we do then?"
Alucard grinned widely. "I'm going to work my magic, temporarily change the words in the book. You just read what you see. Trust me, the kid'll love it!"
Luna frowned suspiciously, but nodded. "Alright." She turned and headed back to Scootaloo's bedroom, smiling.
Scootaloo looked up at her with a wide smile. "Read me story, Mommy?" she pleaded, making her voice sound younger.
Luna blinked. "Scootaloo...why are you..." She wasn't sure how to say it.
Scootaloo gestured to her bat-like ears.
Luna blushed. "Oh." She walked forward. "Well, let's give this story another try, shall we?" She opened the book. "Little Red Riding Hood was-" She paused. "Little? Riding?" she asked Alucard in confusion.
"Keep reading."
Nodding, she continued. "Little Red Riding Hood was heading for the forest, eagerly pushing herself along on her scooter-"
Scootaloo gasped, suddenly becoming quite riveted. Her eyes glanced towards her own scooter.
Following her gaze, Luna smiled, now understanding Alucard's plan. "She knew the dangers of the forest, and wasn't about to take the wrong path. However, as she entered..."
In her mind's eye, Scootaloo saw the story take form.
As Little Red reached a fork in the path, a stranger stallion was there, leaning against a tree. "Where are you going, little one?" he asked kindly.
Little Red smiled. "I'm going to visit my grandmother down that way!" she said, pointing down the regular path.
The stallion chuckled. "And I thought I'd heard Little Red was adventurous."
"Hey!" Little Red snapped. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Only that I'd thought an adventurous filly would prefer that path," he said, gesturing down the other fork. "With all the hills and pits and perfect natural ramps for jumps and flips, I'd have though you'd love taking your scooter down that path. But if you're too chicken..."
"I'll show you who's chicken!" Little Red snapped, racing down the alternate path.
Once she was out of earshot, the stallion chuckled. "Too easy," he whispered, as his body shifted, claws sprouting from his hooves as his muzzle lengthened and his fur grew-
"He's an eqwolf?" Scootaloo gasped in shocked pleasure.
Luna grinned widely at seeing her enjoyment of the story. "Indeed. But there's more." She returned to the book.
The eqwolf ran through the woods, gathering his small pack. They were all young males, rambunctious, and not a stable pack yet. They needed to add a female to stabilize the pack, but none wanted an old, established mare who would make all sorts of rules and dominate them. They wanted a young filly they could train and warp to their ideal. And Filly Red was just on the verge of feminine ripeness, made to order for their desires. All that was left was to lay the trap.
When they reached the grandmother's cottage, they moved in quickly. The elderly mare didn't even have the chance to scream before they tore her apart and devoured her.
Luna and Scootaloo's eyes were both wide as Luna read that part. "But..." Luna begins. "But...isn't the grandmother supposed to be saved, too?" she asked, a little frightened.
Scootaloo, however, found herself with a different question. "How are they going to clean up all the blood?"
Luna blinked as she saw Alucard grin widely at that question. "I guess we'll keep reading and find out."
By the time Little Red had reached the cottage, the trap was set. A member of the pack was hidden in every cupboard, closet, and room surrounding the bedroom, and the pack alpha who had mislead her was in the bed, dressed in the grandmother's clothes and once more a pony in appearance, having made himself up to look like the grandma. "Come in child," he called as there was a knock on the door.
Little Red slowly approached the bed, setting down her basket and putting her scooter aside. "Grandma?" She paused, noticing something was off. "Grandma, what a thick coat you have."
The eqwolf in the bed cursed his eagerness that caused him to start to change. "The better to keep warm with, my dear. It is coming on winter." He did thank his quick thinking.
Little Red slowly approached the bed. "Grandma, what sharp hooves you have."
Noticing the slowly developing claws, the wolf replied, "The better to grip things with."
"Grandma, what big ears you have," Little Red wondered, starting to get suspicious.
"The better to hear you with, my dear." The wolf's ears twitched, signaling the pack to be ready to pounce.
Little Red reached the bed and stared at her 'grandma's jaw. "Grandma...what sharp teeth you have..."
The wolf grinned as the change completed. "The better to turn you with, my dear," he snarled, leaping from the bed.
Little Red screamed as the pack surrounded her. The alpha from the bed caught her, pinning her to the bed. Without thinking, she kicked out with both hind hooves, striking him at the fork of his hind legs, making him crumple with a whimper. However, she knew she was outnumbered, and feared for her life. "Help!" she screamed. "Daddy, help!"
As the wolves surrounded her, the wall of the cottage exploded inward. In strode her father, Big Red, already armed with his two guns as he looked over the now frozen wolves surrounding his daughter. With a wide grin, he leveled his weapons and spake his battle cry-
Luna stared at the book. "This can't be right. I can tell this is supposed to be you, Alucard, and you've never said anything like that in your life! Is that really the battle cry?"
Alucard grinned. "Yes. As Big Red, my battle cry is...:Long. Lasting. Freshness."
Luna and Scootaloo both blinked at him. "I don't get it," they both said together.
Alucard sighed. "Just roll with it."
-before pulling the triggers. With easy confidence he put a bullet right between the eyes of each and every eqwolf, the explosive silver killing them and blasting their heads open in the process. Before long, only the alpha remained. He reverted to stallion form to beg. "Please...have mercy!"
Big Red stepped between the stallion and his daughter. "Mine," he growled, swinging his flat hand. His magic surrounded it, slicing cleanly through the stallion's neck like a blade, and sending the head flying.
"Decapitation!" Scootaloo yelled happily, waving her hooves.
"Now don't you start," Luna groaned as Alucard laughed.
As Big Red held Little Red comfortingly, she looked up at him. "Where's Grandma?" she asked.
Smiling, Big Red happily cut open the bellies of each of the wolves, retrieving the pieces of the mare. Reassembling them, he reanimated the flesh golem the grandmother had always been-
"Wait, what?" Luna demanded in confusion.
Alucard grinned. "You said yourself that's obviously supposed to be me and Scoot in the story, and neither of us have a mother alive, so how else am I supposed to give her a grandma to visit?"
As Luna stared in perplexity, Scootaloo queried, "How come you haven't?"
"Yet," Alucard corrected.
"Couldn't you just ask somepony to act as her grandmother?" Luna demanded.
Alucard thought for a bit. "Only if I can make it fun!"
As Luna groaned, Scootaloo yawned. "G-great story," she said through the yawn.
Luna smiled. "And now it's time for little fillies to sleep," she said, leaning in to kiss Scootaloo on the forehead.
She was surprised as Scootaloo threw her forelegs and wings around her neck and pulled her into a tight hug. "I love you, Mom," she said quietly. "I don't care that you weren't there when I was younger, it wasn't your fault. And I wouldn't trade you for anyone. You're the best Mom I could have."
Tearing up again, Luna pulled Scootaloo close. "I love you, too, my sweet Night Angel."
Scootaloo smiled. "You know...maybe when I grow up and start my second life as an immortal...Night Angel would be a good name..." She slowly drifted off to sleep.
Luna couldn't help but beam.
Alucard smiled at her. "See? What'd I tell you."
Luna smiled at him. "You were right. How can I ever thank you?"
Alucard grinned maniacally. "I'll get the cat-o-nine-tails!" He raced out.
Chuckling, Luna soundproofed Scootaloo's room with a powerful spell. "Oh, you will get it!" she called as she chased after him.
Scootaloo smiled widely as she drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, Zecora was awakened from a sound sleep by a loud pounding on her door. "Still the din, I'll let you in!" she called, grumbling in her native tongue as she walked to the door. She then pulled it open.
The surprise of finding Alucard at her door was nothing compared to the surprise of his words. "Will you be my mommy?" he asked sweetly.
Zecora blinked several times. "...yes?" she finally managed to voice.
Alucard turned. "She said yes, Scoot!" he called. "You've got a grandma now!"
As Scootaloo raced up and hugged Zecora's leg, the zebra shaman stared from the vampire to the filly. "Will somebody tell me true...what have I gotten myself into?"
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"She said yes, Scoot!" he called. "You've got a grandma now!"
are you my mommy?
perfect
Good thing she didn't ask for Grandpa.
4760926
Then he'd have gone to Discord.
That fucking ending.
Awwww.... Zecora will make an awesome grandma for Scootaloo, especially if she needs some female advice and Luna is stuck in court and can't slip out to help. I loved this version of Little Red Riding Hood, but I was hoping Little Red would have at least kicked the Alpha in the crotch and put up a fight.
4760967
She did kick the alpha in the crotch. It said specifically she kicked him in the fork of his hind legs with both hind hooves and he folded up whimpering in pain. She did that just before calling for her daddy.
That last part was totally hilarious LOL!!
You have no idea how happy it made me to see this updated. I love this story
. Can't wait for more.
4760983 My bad, had a rough day at work and my eyes skipped over that line.
I almost fee sorry for and bad ponies who try to kidnap Scootaloo and her friends for ransom. I can just see the Crusaders beating them black and blue only for Alucard and Luna to arrive and repeat the process. Then comes the part where Alucard gets to consign someone to a few moments of agonizing torment before draining them dry for hurting Scootaloo and her friends, even if Scootaloo is unharmed.
When will Celestia and Alucard come face to face????
4761147
Soon. Don't worry, I already have a plan for that chapter.
4761154 Excellent *Does the Gendo pose*
images.sgcafe.net/2014/06/Gendo_Ikari_by_Darthval.jpg
UPDATE!
Yes! Update! This has been another great chapter in my opinion.
Yay! Now they're a bigger, happier family! WITH a confused grandma to boot!
4763483
What trilogy?
4763746
What's that? I've never heard of it.
Ughhh.
- types long and rather detailed comment -
- posts -
- itouch crashes, comment is gone -
Short version of comment :
Hilarious chapter, look forward to more.
Sun + vamp-scoots = not good.
So how will tomorrow go?
seriously though, this is a really funny story. :D
Something amazing, Zecora. Something amazing.
4764579
Obviously, the sun protect is back on come morning.
I don't know whether to pity Zecora or be jealous of her.
4760876 No...
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7xjseByjc1rcqfgdo1_500.jpg
Beautiful from beginning to end. Poor Zecora. You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into.
Looking forward to more.
Hmmm...I wonder how schrodenger is taking all of this... And as alucard's familiar couldn't he negate the whole sun sensitivity thing by tagging along with her and channeling whatever alucard uses when he's out and about?
4789193
...who the heck is schrodenger?
4789386 ...I must be thinking of the wrong hell sing anime...there's two different versions ya know... Anyway schrodenger(or however you spell it) is the cat-boy who is the Major's messenger boy/lackey/sacrificial lamb to "kill" alucard. After his "death" alucard had to purge himself of his collected souls to allow himself to reform, which took him 60 years, but he left the soul of schrodenger within himself to make use of his powers. He's in hell sing ultimate on YouTube.
4789386 I'm sorry just with the whole "alucard's kitten face" thing I thought you knew. Or maybe you do and I just don't have access to germen letters
4792082
Oh! I haven't seen that far in Hellsing Ultimate (in fact, I've only seen the four episodes of Hellsing Ultimate Abridged by Team Four Star on youtube that this is based on), so I didn't know what you meant. I remember Schrodenger the cat boy who, when killed, could respawn and not be dead (a reference to Schrodenger's cat, the cat in the box who is both alive and dead at the same time.)
4792094
Actually, the "Do the face" and the 'kitten face' was a reference to Teen Titans.
4792103 god I miss that cartoon. Glad I could introduce someone to a gem of an anime. Once you see schrodenger in action you'll see why I thought of him. His personality would clash(?) so we'll with scoots...
4792152 oh wait, I just spoiled the last 5 min. Of it... I'm such a bad person...
4838575
Sir/Dragon/Pheonix, actually.
Dear GOD I love this story, makes me grin every time I read it.
I can honestly say I made the right decision favoring and liking this... the only problem I have is that I can't Favor and like the shit out off it!
seriously can't wait for more
Love this version of little red ridding hood!
And the ending was so funny!
Umm.......zecora you are......uh let's say doomed.
.......................*dead*.....................
You poked something.
4760951 this idea has all of my YES
That's, actually pretty smart.
I get it.
Wait what?
Fair enough, I guess.
Oh my!
I, don't know.
that story is way to childish
Big Red stepped between the stallion and his daughter. "Mine, he growled
1. Too.
2. I think you forgot your closing quotation mark there.
7242204 Guess Alucard was... howling at the moon in the middle of a summer afternoon.
I'd say that Scootaloo really... wolfed down that story huh?
Guess Alucard can say that... mum's the word for Zecora.
If I didn't know any better, the story had the character... in stitches.
PS. Previously I was refferee for that comment but I'm happy to oblige for puns. It's more or less habitual now.
That.... Is somehow more terrifying than anticipated.
As i read the end of this chapter, my brain chrashed
Seriously... my mind just melted.... the ending was too funny
7833845
I see how.
Long lasting freshness........HA!
And now I remember why I took a break from reading this. Too much at once would cause me to die of laughter.
Poor Zecora, she has no idea.
That pun is TERRIBLE.