Kitty!
Alucard sat back in his chair at the kitchen table, flipping through the Canterlot Times. It had been a few days since Scootaloo had been recognized as Luna's heir, and things in Ponyville were settling down back to a semblance of normal. Just about anywhere else, this would have meant being boring, but this was Ponyville; 'boring' was the last adjective anyone would use to describe everyday life there. Coming to a rather amusing part of the paper, Alucard chuckled wickedly.
"And what do you find so amusing?" Luna asked as she stepped in through the front door, Scootaloo looking somewhat downtrodden at her side.
"The funnies," Alucard replied, grinning like a loon.
Luna walked over curiously. "The Canterlot Times? I was not aware they had a comics page." She glanced over his shoulder. "That's the political news section." She glanced at a headline. "'Nobles Denounce New Royal Heir, No One Cares'?"
"Like I said," Alucard replied. "The funnies!" He then turned the page again, before cracking up laughing at the next headline.
Blueblood, the Musical
Below the headline was a picture captured of Blueblood as he danced his punishment for striking Scootaloo, and the article discussed how the video taken of the event - on Princess Scootaloo's orders - would be released to certain select movie production companies for use in creating a satire film about the prince...and Blueblood himself was under orders from Celestia to fund the production from his own coffers.
Luna couldn't help but laugh at that. "Scootaloo, come here. I think this might cheer you up."
Scootaloo immediately approached, glancing at the article. After reading for a bit, she smiled, chuckling quietly.
Alucard blinked. "Wait, why's my little dark angel need cheering up?" he asked, dropping the paper to hold Scootaloo. "What's wrong, snookums?"
Scootaloo sighed. "It's...it's nothing, Dad."
"Aww!" Alucard complained. "Don't be like that, sweetums. I want to cheer you up, but I can't shoot Nothing in the head! It doesn't have one!"
Scootaloo chuckled helplessly. Luna then spoke up. "After she was released from school, we were talking, and she expressed certain desires I felt should be addressed."
Alucard tilted his head. "Luna, if she's too young to drink blood, I'ma have to put my foot down on taking her to a brothel."
Luna's cheeks turned bright red. "Not that kind of urges! She's only 11!"
Scootaloo tilted her head in confusion. "What's a brothel?"
"Never mind!" Luna said quickly, giving Alucard a glare that he ignored. Sighing, she continued. "As I understand it, before we were both consistently available to her for caregiving in this modern era, she more or less took care of herself."
"She was quite good at it," Alucard confirmed. "Makes me so proud."
Luna smiled sadly. "True. At any rate, with our return to her life, that burden has eased, and she has expressed a desire to have someone to take care of. As I feel her new royal status calls for her to learn responsibility for others, so I took her to Fluttershy's so she could choose a pet for herself."
"Fluttershy'd make a pretty good pet," Alucard suggested with a wide grin.
"Can you be serious?" Luna demanded.
"Only when it's important," he replied with a soft smile. Luna rolled her eyes.
"The animals were all afraid of me," Scootaloo mumbled.
Reaching out, Alucard gently pet the filly's head. "Yeah, something you'll need to get used to now that your vampirism is released. Most animals are scared of vampires...or vamponies in your case."
Scootaloo nuzzled into her father's caress. "The only ones who weren't were the bats, and they were more respectful than affectionate. I want a pet who wants to play with me, not bow and scrape. I'm gonna get enough of that when I grow up." She sighed sadly. "I was at least hoping a turtle or tortoise - or one of the other longer lived reptiles - would like me."
"Why longer lived?" Luna asked.
Scootaloo looked up at her mother flat-eyed. "Mom, you're an immortal alicorn, and Dad is an immortal vampire. I don't need to be Twilight Sparkle to figure out that short of being killed, I'm going to be around for a really long time." She sighed. "I was hoping to find a friendly pet to be in it for the long haul...or at least a good portion of it."
Luna nodded sadly. "I had also recommended a reptile pet as they tend to be more durable than other varieties of domestic animals. Given how you and your friends have a penchant for accidental devastation, t'woud be best if your pet was as durable as you, or close to it." Despite Luna's best efforts, every so often some Olde Speech slipped into her daily conversation...partially because Alucard found it adorable.
The vampire lord in question, however, was rubbing his chin in thought. "An immortal, near indestructible pet that is more playful than respectful..." He suddenly grinned, snapping his fingers. "Stay right here, sugar-bunches, I'll be right back with the best pet you could ever ask for!" Before Luna or Scootaloo could react, he raced downstairs past a door labeled 'Dark Magic Lab: Scary Butt Fun'.
Deep in his lab, Alucard stood before the circle he had crafted for his more dangerous magical experiments at Luna's insistence. Now, this was not to say he didn't experiment with dark magic elsewhere - like in the Everfree - but if there was something he was toying with that ran the risk of warping reality or was similarly dangerous, he did it down here where the circle contained it.
"Hmm..." He stroked his chin in thought. "Let's see...how will I go about doing this...magic here works a little differently than it did back in England, so this will be a little tricky..." After a time of thought, he lifted a silver knife etched with dark runes from a table. Calmly slitting his wrist, he trailed his blood over the design of the circle. Once it was finished, the design glowed before becoming a red and black hole in the floor opening into absolute darkness.
"Let's see if this works," Alucard mumbled under his breath. Taking his bloody hand, he plunged it into the hole up to his elbow. As soon as his hand passed the level of the floor, it vanished from sight into darkness. He felt around in the darkness for a time. "Aha! There you are!" Leaning back, he extracted his arm.
Clutched in his hand was a blonde head with cat ears. Following the head, Alucard pulled out a human appearing - except for the cat ears - young man, dressed in a military uniform modified to shorts and short sleeves. The only sign of identity was the Nazi insignia on the end of his sleeve.
As the hole in the floor closed up, Alucard gave the unmoving figure a shake. "Hey! Boy/girl thing! Wake up!"
The figure slowly opened his eyes. The pale purple orbs blinked up at Alucard. "G-guten tag?" he asked in confusion. "I...I am me again? Ze last thing I remember is darkness...and being only one of many..." He shuddered. "I am...free?" The figure suddenly vanished. Frowning, Alucard did too.
In the back yard, Alucard reappeared behind the one he'd pulled from his own power. "Now hold up there!" he said, tugging on his magic. A magical chain appeared between his hand and where it seemed to be wrapped around the young figure's neck. "Don't go pulling your vanishing act on me. Not only will it not work, since I can still follow you, but I can choke it off easy like so. And if you prove not worth the trouble, I'll-"
"Mein gott!" the figure proclaimed, staring towards Canterlot.
"You don't have a god!" Alucard proclaimed.
"I am in Equestia?" the young undead queried in shock.
Alucard blinked. "Uh...yeah. I brought you here-"
The former Millenium member suddenly fell to all fours and began kissing Alucard's feet. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you-"
Alucard grinned. "Well, I'm all for worship, but-"
The ex-Nazi warped back into the Dark Magic Lab, quickly followed by Alucard. "Suck it, van Winkle!" he was shouting, pointing at the circle. "I told you the fics had it right, and suicide would get me here better than death-by-monster!"
Alucard couldn't help but chuckle at that point. "Alright, alright, hold your horses-"
"Ponies!" the young man corrected, his eyes shining.
"-boy/girl thing-"
"Schrodinger," the young seeming boy offered.
Alucard blinked. "Whatever. Anyway, as for why I let you out, Luna took our daughter to-"
"You are married to best Princess?" Schrodinger squealed happily. "Please tell me I'll get to meet her? And the Crusaders! Zey are ze best ponies!" He rubbed his check nervously. "Scootaloo's always been my favorite."
Alucard blinked. "Huh. Well, that's good news. She's my daughter, and you get to be her pet." Schrodinger gasped happily, his eyes shining. "Just as soon as I'm sure you will behave-"
Schrodinger ripped off the swastika armband from his uniform and replaced it with a plain white band with a black circle marked with a white crescent moon as an emblem, a symbol Alucard recognized as Luna's royal crest. "Cross my heart," Schrodinger said quickly as he did the motions, "hope to fly, stick a cupcake in mine eye, I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever hurt Scootaloo!" His eyes shined. "Eee! I get to call best pony Mistress!"
Alucard chuckled. "Alright, come on up." Gripping Schrodinger by the scruff of his neck, he carried him upstairs. "Scootaloo! I have the perfect pet for you!"
Scootaloo came racing up. "Oh my gosh!" She skittered to a halt, staring at Schrodinger. "Umm...what?"
Alucard dropped Schrodinger in front of her. "This boy/girl cat thing's your pet now. Also double as your familiar."
"My name is Schrodinger, Mistress," Schrodinger added, smiling widely.
Scootaloo tapped her chin as Luna entered. "I'm gonna call you Jerry," Scootaloo said at last. "Schroda-whatever's too much of a mouthful."
"Okay, Mistress!" Jerry replied happily.
"So this is the immortal pet?" Luna asked, looking Jerry over curiously.
"Not just immortal!" Alucard boasted. Pulling out his gun, he promptly shot Jerry in the head, sending him sprawling in a bloody mess.
Scootaloo stared, her jaw hanging. Luna gasped. "Alucard! What are you-"
"Ole!" Alucard proclaimed, waving his coat between them and the body. When they could see where the body had fallen again, there was no body, and not even a drop of blood. Scootaloo tilted her head in confusion as Luna stared.
"Here Mistress!" Jerry said happily from behind her, completely unharmed.
Scootaloo spun around, gasping in excitement. "That was awesome!" she yelled happily. "Do it again!"
Grinning from ear to ear, Alucard cocked his gun. Luna facehoofed.
The next day, Cheerilee smiled down at her class. "Alright everypony, today is Show and Tell. Who wants to go first?"
Scootaloo waved her hoof along with the rest of the class. "Oh, me!" she called out.
Cheerilee chuckled indulgently. "Alright, Scootaloo. Come up to the front and tell us what you have to share."
Scootaloo ran up to the front. "I brought my new pet kitty, Jerry!"
Cheerilee smiled. "Really? So where is-"
Jerry hopped out from behind the desk, making Cheerilee jump, as she was certain there had been nothing behind the desk a moment ago. "You called, Mistress?" he asked Scootaloo.
Scootaloo grinned. "This is Jerry. He's a magical respawning boy/girl-cat-thing, according to my Dad. Say hi to the nice ponies, Jerry."
Jerry smiled. "Hi nice ponies," he said, waving.
As the whole class stared, Cheerilee regained control of herself. "Say hi to Jerry, my little ponies."
The entire class waved. "Hi Jerry," they said together.
Smiling, Jerry waved again. "Hi Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon."
Cheerilee blinked. "Why did you say that?"
"It would be rude not to say hi back," Jerry pointed out logically.
"But..." Cheerilee began, confused. "But you just said hi to them."
"No," Jerry corrected, "I only said hi to the nice ponies."
Scootaloo chuckled as the rest of the class - save two - giggled. As those two in question glowered, Jerry grinned at them...a grin that was reminiscent enough of Scootaloo's father to discourage thoughts of vengeance.
One thing Scootaloo knew. Crusading was going to be a lot more fun from now on.
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XD
I approve!
I was having a really bad day, but this made up for it. Thank you!
Schrodinger is best cat-person/ Cheshire cat/ best former Nazi... never thought I'd say that last part
"I only said hi to the nice ponies."
Zzzzzzzing!
So now that Scootaloo's a....er...dhampony...does this mean it's a Dark Crusade?
Also, pig song. PIG SONG. You're killin' me here, O Author.
Cat ears on somebody back from the dead now the undead named Schrodinger. I may or may not love it I haven't looked yet.
...I want...your babies....
And not in the human sacrifice kinda way!!
Seriously, I squeed...SQUEED I SAY!!! I NEVER squee...well not often anyway. Had to put a pillow over my head when I did this time, it was a max level one.
That said, Jerry is a brony...and Rip van and he/she were Bronies looking to get to Equestria...yes, this is, in fact, THE. BEST. POSSIBLE! THING!!!!
And with that climactic fangasm, I must also say I am hoping to see more hijinks when you can provide them. I am now off to rewatch the abridged series of Hellsing followed by hunting all possible fanfictions depicting that version of Alucard!!
5402711
Well, van Winkle being a brony is canon to the Abridged series.
To quote one of the sailors...
Eeeeee!
5402609 Well technically there were a few Nazi's who defected from their ideology during World War II, Oskar Schindler was a member of the Nazi Party before he decided to save over 1200 Jews from the Holocaust. I'd include the plotters of Operation Valkyrie and the 14 other plots to kill Hitler but determining the motives behind each and everyone, (ie. stopping Hitler because he was incompetent rather than because his ideology) and who you count as Nazi's (do you count members of the Party only, or do you count military commanders). But yeah former Nazi's can be a possible if super mega ultra rare title.
5402718 Huh...thought that last bit was "The friendship and za Magic?" Eh, I'm re-watching the series, up to episode three...out of popcorn though...this makes me sad...still, totally worth it!
And yeah, knew she was a Brony...kinda almost makes me sad she died and didn't go to Equestria...heh...almost...still most epic kill of the first half of the OVA series in my humble opinion.
HOW did I FUCKING KNOW that Schrodinger was somehow gonna show up here?
And seriously, is he/she a boy or a girl? Both? I don't fucking know, and to tell you the truth, I'd kinda hate to find out.
5402897
5402871
Schrodinger is a boy. Sorry for destroying your hopes and dreams that Schrodinger's a girl.
5402972 But I said I didn't want to know!
5403037 MUHAHAHA!!!!!
5403052 You cheeky dick waffle!
I forgot about this. Schrodinger's Cat, huh?
5403074
Yup.
I love this
Now all we need now is Alexander Anderson, Sears Victoria, Sir Intergra Wingates Hellsing and Alexander Anderson to appear and I will be happy
Boy/girl/cat-thing!
I aproves!
5403095 That makes sense for the name, since the old experiment of Schrodinger's cat involved not knowing whether the cat was alive or dead. Since he/she pops back and forth it's rather fitting. Also, love the new chapter
Dear god... That's hilarious. It was just so unexpected. I was laughing for the majority of the rest of the chapter from hare on, for varying reasons. hehe
(looks at chapter title)
No, surely not...
You did. And the androgynous wavefunction is a brony, no less. You magnificent bastard. I can't wait to see what you do with this latest development.
5403701
You listed Anderson Twice. Sadly, there is only one of him, so you will just have to settle for having him twice as likely to appear, rather than there being two of him...
My first thought upon seeing the chapter title and hearing Scootaloo wanted a pet: Oh good lord, Alucard is going to give Scootaloo a Manticore cub or a full grown manticore as a pet... which would actually be awesome. Him giving her Schrodinger was my next thought. I like him changing his name to Jerry and his insult at DT and SS since they aren't nice ponies.
Ohh I love it I love it ILOVEIT!!!!
Also, satin, hitler, and 300 others just had heartattacks and died
5407699 Now that would have been very cruel to the poor manticore.
5410759 Nah, Scootaloo and the Crusaders would go to Fluttershy for care advice. Plus, just imagine the looks on DT and SS's faces if a manticore entered the room acting like a kitty for Scootaloo.
BEST CHAPTER YET!!!!!!
Welp my favorite hellsing character joins my favorite abridged character. THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED!!!
Schrodinger.. MLP Fan, well now, didn't see that one coming!
5411919 And of course Alucard would make some comment about 'finally getting some pussy' or somesuch.
5414036 LOL, didn't even think of that!!!!
So much vin in zes chaptah.
I want to suggest if you do a chapter related to Winter Wrap up or just winter in general for Alucard to sing this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk2wqYPlLoc perhaps even getting some other ponies involved to do the song with him.
5484643
Hmm...unlikely (both the winter themed chapter and the song).
5484803 Oh well just voiced the suggestion to get it out of my head, Anyway I was wondering if you got any plans for Schrodinger to be responsible by trying to keep the CMC from getting into danger/harm and try to lessen the rather insane plans they get or just watch and participate at times?
5484879
Well, I don't have any plans currently beyond referencing what happens in 'talking about the day with Daddy' along those lines as far as writing...but all of the above.
5403095 SCHRODINGER'S CAT IS BEST CAT EVER!
5484930 PLEASE WRITE MORE!!!!
Checking checking 123ok good ahem MOAR!
References, references everywhere!
5620715 But is he alive or dead?
5830848 WANTED:
ALIVE AND DEAD!
im loving your style perfection it is.
5883664 Cheap!
Mooooooooaaarrr.