Why talk about a real life? This is the interent - I'm here because I choose to live many.
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Well... at least she has the decency to do it to already-dead bodies. That means that she actually isn't completely batty, she's just... semi-batty.
It's been a while since I have seen a story that can make me tremble if both fear and excitement, I look forward to seeing what happens next.
Intrigued beyond words ... Please (palms up) continue.
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!
-Sky66
Well shit. That happened.
Loving this so far.
At first I was like, 'oh, Celestria is just going to wipe his mind and erase the memory of him coming down into the morgue.' Afterwards,
'... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!' That was a good twist. Now you (Celestria) are breaking all of the rules. You've already begun, you may as well go all the way.
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!
-Sky66
Well, that came right the fuck outta nowhere.
uh that was an unexpected escalation ...
Spelling mistake:
Change to "laid there."
Otherwise I am excited for the next chapter.
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!
-Sky66
3592426
Thanks for the feedback Sky
Yeah, I do need to work on my pacing, but with any luck events should make more sense later. And I'll fix that, cheers for pointing it out
I appear to have disliked my own story... whoops.
If anypony knows how I can go back to being neutral, that'd be dandy . Until then, I'll keep going crazy trying to figure out how to fix this
... My God I'm an idiot...
3595938
To the best of my knowledge, there is no way. You can, however, switch it to an upvote and enter the same slippery slope Celestia now finds herself on.
3596048
My thanks for the help, friend.
If nothing else it's nice to know there isn't a way to to fix it.
As for upvoting instead... I'd rather be known as an idiot than as vain.
Change "led" to "laid" or "lied"
Otherwise, an intriguing development ... one that I do not know how to interpret because I do not know how it fits into the whole picture yet. I eagerly await for more information.
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!
-Sky66
3637257
I did that again? Thanks for the heads up.
Maybe it's a colloquial thing - IRL, people use 'led' all the time where I live... Doesn't make it anymore correct
I shall edit it... and hopefully avoid doing the same in the future.
One mistake:
'by' to 'my'
Otherwise ... what an interesting development. I thought it intriguing to bring in this Dr. Forensics and Twilight is still delving deeper into her want for knowledge. I truly wonder how far into the abyss she will go. Very eager to read more whenever you can type.
Also, happy holidays!
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon.
-Sky66
Wow Celestia, things do not seem alright upstairs.
0.0
A few mistakes before I forget:
First, "her the color" to "her
thecolor"Second, I feel like you can condense both of these sentences:
"One was white and had a shimmering pink mane, while the other was a dark blue, and her mane a lighter blue. Neither of the manes were ethereal yet - both were too young."
"10's" to "tens"
This is because you do not use large numbers within your chapter at all and what numbers you do use at the end are in word from / very small. Need of consistency.
"there parents" to "their parents'"
Add "the" between "Then grass"
Also I do not think the semicolon is needed here. It can be just as easily have been comma + "and"
Edit: Actually never mind on this section.
And it feels as if a word is missing between "her slow down." It feels like a location has to be given. It doesn't have to be, but it feels like it flows better if "against her back slow down."Add "had" between "I some"
"bought" to "brought"
Change "insides" to "inside" and "are" to "is" Actually I never could tell which tense is right to use in this situation.
Another way to go about it, add "its" between "around insides." The problem of tenses is still present though.
Other than that, what deep thoughts you have Celestria. What will you do ... because even we (readers or more specifically I) don't know. Also, perfectly done with the dreams/subconscious interacting with Celestria, showing what is being thought of the situation. Definitely getting into some psychology here.
I have to ask, how is Celestria tickling Luna?
Is Celestria holding the daisy with her magic, mouth, hoof, wing tip, or (possibly) tail? Or do you leave this to the reader's imagination/assumption?
Man was that a fast update.
Happy holidays, again!
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!
-Sky66
Ok I get that this is supposed to be something of a joke, but it seems really odd that the pony Celestia's grooming for eventual alicornhood and becoming a princess ISN'T learning about the laws of the land.
Moar. This is so good
Oh, Celestia. Poor, genre blind, Celestia. If only you could see the tag and rating to the story, you'd realize what a foolish way to end the chapter that was.
REM Sleep
Rapid Eye Movement Sleep
Unless there has been some discovery that REM sleep is not rem sleep that paragraph was contradicting itself
3780272
I... horse-apples! A thousand curses upon my idiocy!
You're entirely right. I meant SWS (slow wave sleep) instead of that last REM. I'll change that... glad that was spotted, that could have caused problems.
Thanks for pointing it out.
3780804 Np
3799912
... Thanks for catching that.
I like where this is going, keep up the good work.
This is an interesting way to segue into the events of the show, if that's actually what is going to happen. Celestia forcing Twilight to "study friendship" by moving to Ponyville, in order to try to cure her mental disorder.
Though I'm pretty sure that psychopathy/sociopathy doesn't develop just from a child leading a sheltered life, as Dr. Forensics seemed to imply.
3949682
The idea of the psychosis behind that is that it's not so much that Celestia caused Twilight's disorder, it's that she exemplified it. A sheltered childhood doesn't cause Psychotic behavior, you're right - but being raised away from pretty much any interaction would likely cause the effects to worsen or become unavoidable.
It's nice to see another chapter from one of my favourite grim/dark fics, and it is quite an interesting one. I love where this is going and I hope to see more.
Whelp, Celestia's starting to lose it.
Well, that's not a good sign.
B-but Twilight would never do something like this right, right?
Up until now Twilight's been sitting on a dry slope. She had traction and could stay at her current level of messed-up forever.
But now the slope is covered in ice and she's going to start sliding down.
Morbidly curious to see how she's going to handle a live subject.
I'm really looking forward to what's going to happen next!
...I can't help but wonder if this isn't some kind of test from Celestia. After all, what was really the point of telling her about the criminal if she's not supposed to do anything or tell anyone about him? She wasn't even given any details about what his crime was exactly.
Now with 80% more slippery slope fun!
An interesting turn of events... I'm eager to see how this goes.
If only he knew euphemisms would be his undoing.
Everyone is insane, it's just that we all have our own definition of 'normal'.
3580246 Yeah, a really good TWIST.
4926923
Hm ... (chuckling) I didn't notice that I made that pun there until you pointed it out.
-Sky66
Oh boy, he's getting turned on.
If the lungs are in a glass vacuum chamber, how is he still breathing? For that matter, how have his lungs not exploded from the air pressure inside them?
4946377
I am no doctor. I knew the lungs were kept at a different pressure (we don't actually take in air, air enters our lungs through pressure difference) but don't know if keeping the area around the lungs would actually make a difference; so I went with being entirely wrong rather than ill-informed.
EDIT: I changed it. It was bugging me.
Oh dear. Surely, Celestia can no longer turn a blind eye to Twilight's behavior?
Oh, Twilight, how could you make such a grave mistake‽ Those results aren't that valuable.
You of all ponies should know that N of 1 isn't statistically significant. Why, you'd have to do this to many different subjects before you can be sure of the validity of your results…
Mayhap you should consult Celestia's "High Priority" list?
i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--WmNb3ClX--/691910602160022853.jpg
I will be eternally amused if Twilight's tendency to take 'things' apart can be traced directly back to Celestia scooping her up as a protege and separating her from her family. I expect the look on Tia's face would be hilarious.
So there is hope for Twi, good
3597152
Gimme a second...I've got a theory. Yep. All you have to do is downvote it again, and you'll go back to being neutral. This has been a public service announcement from the fine people over here at The Real McCoy, who want you to remember to laugh.