Shane was once dragged to Ponyville by Twilight Sparkle against his will. There he learned to view things from another perspective, but how will he act when his own reality his called into question? Against his will and his gut instincts, he must wage battle against a darkness that has been with him since the beginning in a process that now started cannot be stopped. It is kill or be killed against this dark entity. How will he survive and what will he discover on his unwanted adventure into his own psyche?
Chapters (1)
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3552736
Hmmm, I sense a pattern coming on...but I also sense my inner counter troll. The story is not finished my friend but you may see.
As for your comments, Well played for now, but when you slip in my comments section, I shall return the favor.
You really need to work on your writing and story-building if you're gonna work on these one-shots. Because as it stands, this was like a night in Vegas: Alarming, confusing, situationally nigh-indecipherable, and not at all unique.
3552756
This isn't a one shot. It isn't complete. That is but chapter one. I hope you actually do look forward to seeing this story completed. I would hate to think you are going to troll every story I post.
3552766 If I wanted to troll, I'd have given this thing an Iggy Review. Logically, your story's fine.I just don't expect to see it getting any better in the near (or far) future.
3552766 A troll says things to you in a deliberate attempt to piss you off.
If honest criticism of your story pisses you off, writing may not be the hobby for you.
3552766 Here, I think we're not being clear enough with this.
This isn't an attempt at trolling. This is a statement of fact.
You've put together every single godawful cliche and terrible character design choice short of making them a red and black alicorn, your grammar and formatting are awful, your spelling's barely passable, I've seen better plot ideas in the toilet bowl after eating alphabet soup, you're trying to be edgy and it's just coming off as painfully forced, the cover art is terrible and I'm not even sure you put thought into this beyond HEY GUISE I JUST THOUGHT UP THE COOLEST CHARACTER EVER LOOK HOW COOL HE IS.
I'm so fucking tired of seeing pony creator cover arts
They look so ugly.
3552794
*crack knuckles* You see, that is what I mean right at the tail end there. You start going into personal attacks as opposed to up building criticism on where I went wrong. As for spelling, I think you need to learn better English because there are no spelling errors. Did a triple check. Nice try though.
Look, you can say as you please and I wouldn't know cliches on this site because I haven't read an other Fimfics. I do what I want. You want to compare me to others, you just do that, see how much I take you seriously. You want to correct it on it's own merits then do so. Be specific.
3552812
Then we must make a new pony creator.
Make it not shit.
Also have options for putting horsecocks on everything. Yes, even mares.
And place a limit on color saturation...
I shall call it "Pony Maker".
3552788
I have no problem with honest criticism when it is delivered in an attempt to help the writer improve. I appreciate that. My problem is people rolling their eyes at things the show they haven't actually read by their comments. They refuse to believe the old can be given new life, instead expecting the endless stream of cliches that are the crutch of a bad writer. I may use a few here and there but I try and put a unique spin on them and all of it takes time. A good writer never rushes a point. They always allow the subtle things to build into something more than the sum of their parts.
3552787
I look forward to surprising you. If I don't, I can respect that. I am sorry if I seem on edge. It's just your comment on the previous story was so laced with sarcasm it immediately got on my nerves. I am sorry.
it's a really a great start!!
but did you explain what's happening in the story? maybe you did. and no more negative comments. I don't like it when somponie's feeling down
3552829
Perfect. I mean that literally. I get the strange feeling you and I will get along great.
3552825
No. God no.
>but how will he act when his own reality his called into question.
No question mark.
>the beginning in a process that now started cannot be stopped.
Missing an "and".
Just at a glance with very little effort being put into looking for more errors, those are two problems I found with the description alone without even looking into the fic.
"MY WRITING IS GOOD BECAUSE I SAID SO." - you.
People have varying degrees of literary understanding and writing composition. Only relying on yourself for editing is a very bad thing to do.
That OC makes my eyes cringe
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3552812
I could try and draw something myself but my scanner is borked and using paint without a tablet is just as crappy if not worse.
Question: WHY did you make an OC look like that?
3552846
I respect your opinion. The latter, though I knew when writing it was structurally flawed had a poetic property I believed to forgive the flaw. As for the first, I hadn't been proof-reading the description. I will hop on that right now. Thank you for calling attention to it for me.
I never said my writing was good, just that it should be taken on it's own merits and not compared to other works with similar ideas that I have never been exposed to before. I hope that is a fair point.
3552844
For further context on the story, read A Nopony in Ponyville, my other story.
This is a continuation of the story started there though that work is better left as is.XD
3552847
Please explain how so I can improve. Is it because of the generator?
3552829 That would be badass.
3552857
Which one?
3552857
You clearly do not understand the powers at work, mortal.
Sometimes I ask myself that same question...
3552868
Generally the colors themselves. The basic pony creator poses are a rather painful eyesore sometimes, though I know some people are left without other options.
Here.
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This helps if you don't yet know color theory. Avoid over saturated or 'neon' colors and black/ grey colors when designing an oc. See what colors compliment each other/ match up and go well with one another, and look nice at the same time.
3552880
Was never taught it so thank you. I will seek to make it look better in the future.
3552884
Color theory is a useful thing to know if you're getting into any kind of art/ fashion/ color design; knowing what clashes with what. I suggest looking into it sometime. It can be a rather helpful thing to know.
3552897
Again, thank you. I will handle it for any future OCs that enter the series. Sadly, Shane's alter-pony is stuck with the current color scheme. I guess the least I can do is re-do my current avatar.
It's not good but it doesn't make me want to kill myself. But that oc, it's eyes, It makes mine hurt. But I'm no troll so i am just going to say my thoughts and bid you fare well. And plus don't make your oc a Gary sue. If there is one thing i hate more than homework, it's a Gary sue.
3552955
I can understand and it will be explained as the story goes on. This is just chapter one. By the end, a lot of things will be explained, things will get very dark and at the very end, there will be a nice little curve ball to keep you on your hooves. Trust me, I have plans. I've said too much already. I'll just let you read.
Really interesting and needs a bit of work.
3553158
It's not finished by a long shot but I would appreciate any advice on just the opening.
Black and yellow must be the new black and red, I think.
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3553795
I GET IT! My OC colors suck. Get in the line. So much about color not about the story, the writing, or the character's personality.
Is it too much to ask on a site about fanfictions that people read the dang fics instead of commenting on the dang cover art?
3553166 now tell me what is your story about?
3554432
Well, as the description is the non-spoilerific version. In a very general way, it is a dive into the memories and motivations of a pony that chose self-inflicted exile over a much darker option.
3554412 See, the phrase "never judge a book by its cover" generally doesn't apply here. Your description and cover art have to sell your story well, otherwise no one's going to care. If your cover art is half-assed, what are people going to think of your story?
3555299
Then perhaps it falls back on the people that actual comment on fics to change that. The cover of a book could be poorly designed or a description that is trying not to be spoilerific could be questionably done, but if people comment on the content as opposed to the aesthetics and find it to be enjoyable than people can forgive the poor presentation.
IT'S GOT SHANE?!
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3555746
Nope. It's got Shane.
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3555754
Well, in that case
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