Beginning author for a line of fanfictions, an ametuer music producer, and a very sloppy artist. Is hoping to strive in all three areas.
Twilight Sparkle has been having to deal with an anonymous sentiment for quite sometime. She has done everything she can to find an answer to it, but it's been fruitless. Now, trapped within her place of residence, she awaits the conclusion of a terrible storm while at the same time, perplexed of what to do to find out what her heart has been telling her.
Luckily, the one thing she's needed for so long is about to knock on her front door.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Very good start. I normally stay away from anything with the dreaded tragedy tag, but I'll make an exception. Don't make me regret it.
@xSirius...
1. Technical critique... You "lost control" of your italics at the tail-end of your chapter (1), I advise correcting that ASAP.
2. Literary critique... You are indeed somewhat "off" for how the characters sound and "feel" of said characters towards the reader-audience, but it is within the forgivable/passable range (so far). Something you probably should work upon to refine as your fan-fiction progresses.
3. You are correct in taking things slow, both for writing out as well as storytelling. Any worthwhile Romance takes development and detail, especially in being vividly descriptive of both action(s) and emotion(s) in order to invest the reader-audience. An often-fatal literary error with Romance fan-fiction writing is "telling" rather than "painting" the scene to the reader-audience. Few things kill reader-interest quicker than a lazy Author shoving character nametags onto the literary stage and saying to the reader-audience, "...and then they kissed. And it was awesome, at least inside my head."
Hope this helps.
3610785
This helps very much ^.^ I'll be sure to make amends immediately.
3610785
Also, might I ask, how off do you think I may be? I don't want to over do it or...under do it.
3610825...
4. My best advice in finding the most accurate "voice" for both Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle is to go straight to the source materiel and (re-)watch the episodes where the characters are a consistent feature, but not necessarily the central focus. As an non-specific example: Feeling Pinkie Keen (S01, Ep15) is a good example of Twilight "nerding it up," and not just with Pinkie Pie, but with Spike playing lab assistant.
3610900
Right. Sounds like a plan. Thank you, Pendrake :)
The only think I'm a little hesitant of is the Tragedy tag, but that is no fault of yours.
I'm getting the "Tragedy" tag isn't a tag to just put down
I think you're doing a good job. I can't wait to see how you finish this.
3615807...
Tragedy, by definition & storytelling nature, means no happy ending. For anyone. Even the Bad Guy(s) get no happy ending in a Tragedy story.
If you want a "Bad Guys win" premise &/or ending, the Dark tag is the correct one to use. The Dark tag does NOT mean the Bad Guy(s) are "required" to win, or that the Good Guy(s) "have" to all die, it simply opens up the option(s) for either route(s).
The most famous Romantic Tragedy, Romeo & Juliet, is the obvious but prime example. Both protagonist lovers are torn apart from each other despite their passionate love, they both die (by their own hands at that), and both their once-noble families are gutted from their prideful feud and losses.
So remember these two simplified rules for a Tragedy...
~ 1. Everybody suffers.
~ 2. Nobody wins.
If this is your intended direction with your fan-fiction, then carry on. If you intend for your characters to suffer, but ultimately triumph over adversity &/or have a (relatively) happy ending, then the Dark tag might be more accurate/correct tag to use.
Hope this helps clarify things for you.
3620887
It does help, Pendrake. I appreciate your advice greatly. I will keep the Tragedy tag, however I just hope that I manage to touch at least one person with the story. Thank you, again, you've been tremendously helpful.
3622553...
Let me add an extra part for clarification of theme... Tragedy does NOT mean everyone (or even anyone) "has" to die, either. "No happy ending for anyone" does not mean the death of characters (protagonists or otherwise), it is just an easy method to use. The really good tragedies are rarely ever so simple as killing the characters...
The Dark King standing "triumphant" over the corpses of the Heroes, only to find he rules over a kingdom of dust & ash. No glory, no feared adulation, and not even an enemy or Hero to rail & rage against. And so he sits upon his cold and cracked throne, struggling to remember why he even started all this or what his end-goal was...
The Star-Crossed Lovers of different worlds (or dimensions) who meet by Cosmic Accident or by Dire Prophecy, struggling against malevolent forces threatening both their worlds. But in the Tragic end, the Lovers are separated by the very same forces that brought them together, in order to end the threat once-&-for-all, preserve their respective worlds, &/or heal/seal the breach that allowed them to meet. So the separated Lovers tearfully gaze at the cold & cruel stars, knowing that the other half of their broken heart is forever out of reach...
The Eternal Hero, blessed & cursed with true immortality (unable to die even if wanting to, even complete disintegration ultimately fails). Forever standing against the endless evils of the world that come again, and again, and again... Locked into purpose, and not even being able to take solace or refuge in insanity...
Get the idea(s)..? A Tragedy does often result in suffering & death, but only the former is a hard-requirement, the latter is more malleable.
3622845
I gotcha, but I knew that part already ;) Thank you again, you're advice will most definitely help me in the long run.
Rainbow's reasoning about how to approach Twilight was a nice touch.
Wow...I was not expecting that ending but that I found was really sad, I was hoping it could've been a little longer but the way you ended it was fine and yes I did cry a bit.
Is there going to be another chapter or something
Ya'll just Re-read that letter one more time, and you'll be burstin into tears. I did.
Ok, i'm really sorry about this but ONE heartstring?Just ONE??!?!
This is so sad! I cried reading the letter.
i was sad at the way you discribed the ending, but i just have one thing to say, how does rainbowdash die? and from a sonic rainboom? im not saying that this story is silly, im just give hope that dash is still alive
i was sad at the way you discribed the ending, but i just have one thing to say, how does rainbowdash die? and from a sonic rainboom? im not saying that this story is silly, im just give hope that dash is still alive
woops it came out twice... glitch?
3691756
The combined energy from the storm and the sonic rainboom merged together. The explosion from the rainboom was intensified to a level that was too much for her to bear, and thus, she was ultimately disintegrated.
>>xSirlus
There are no words
Also im sorta getting used to this website... so my reply didn't exatly have your link...
I was sorta trying to give rainbow hope, but it doesn't look like that helped much
I was hoping for a happy ending....*cries*
Saw an ending like that coming, but I still didn't want to accept it. Amazing story, I just wish it didn't have to end so quickly.
This has been on my Read Later List for quite some time, but getting to it at last...I'm not in the least let down!
I quite enjoyed the story you have shared so far, and I hope that it continues on it's lovely course. 
I have no words
Oh boy HERE COMES THE TRAGEDY!!!
3692129
Even though I doubt a response, seeing as you've been offline for 90+ weeks, I wanted to drop by a leave a comment on old stuff from my old account's, (this one,) history.
Again, I don't expect a response, but I just wanted to leave one anyway.
Also, a "thank you," for ye olden brony times sake.
Noo! Rainbow's dead!!!
But, can't argue if Rainbow keeps dying... yup...
I haven’t read any of this yet, but I am putting it on my read later list. I found this fic because of another fic (funny enough). Did someone say they wanted the long story of how I did find it? Well sure, here goes nothing. I was reading “A Bluebird’s Song” by Ardensfax (Super good Twidash fic btw, you should read it sometime) and I was on chapter 42 (minor spoilers inbound) and at the end of it, it shows a picture of Twi and Dash on the Canterlot Hospital rooftop. I looked closely and saw a watermark that NyuuChanDianePie created the picture and she even created it specifically for the fic. I went and checked out her deviant art and stumbled across your current title picture. I read the comments and you commented that you were creating this fic and wanted to use that piece of fan art for your story. I was intrigued so I looked it up and found this. Aaaaand that’s how I met your mother. Jk, but seriously, sorry for the wall of text (It’s has been 5 years and I still have the balls to comment so come at me).
And I thought Rarity was the drama queen.
Nuuuuuuu! Not Dashie! Nooooooo!