mindlessgonzo
Joined 3rd Nov, 2013 ·
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- Michael Hudson · 2.7k words · 27 5 · 1.3k views
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is crazy I like it and are u the same gonzo from YouTube
3438673 Yeah, some people convinced me to post my stories here that I have on the side... Though, I'm still figuring out how the heck to work this site.
3438868
If you have any questions please, feel free to ask.
3438868 Yes, we will give tips, help out, and try to convince the site not to ban your fics since they seem to be turning into EqD
3439762 I'm relieved to hear that. Thanks.
3439905 You're welcome, also can't wait to see more of your works!
I thought in the little miss rarity series sweetie belle was twist to young marefriend
3438868 true I am still learning too but I like your crazy videos so I look forward on what you might write always leave me stunned good luck
The mixing of the past and present tense kills this. Try to pick one and stick to it throughout. The occasional error I don't mind, but stumbling over one every few lines spoils the mood.
3446022 I know. I'm still trying to force to stay in one pretense.
The concept is interesting, but as previously commented, the mixing of past tense and present tense -- sometimes shifting back and forth in a single sentence -- is very disorienting. I think I spotted some subject/verb disagreement, but it was mostly the shifting of tenses that kept me from enjoying it.
Also, the ending just seems kind of sudden and lacking in resolution. "Hey, you kidnapped and raped me, but I'm just gonna go home and go to bed now, okay? I'll call you." Maybe we could explore Apple Bloom's confusion and mixed feelings a little more?
3569991 Once I get some help, I plan to rewrite it or maybe get a sequel.
WOW! not many twist stories out there thank you for making this More lust based than obsession, in the sense that twist didn't go gorefest. that picture you used is kind of unsettling but, I loved this story. Though i'm curious since this is your story, what was the reason applebloom stopped hanging with twist, did she think that they wouldn't be compatible because twist had a cutiemark and AB didn't?
3577629 Remember "The Call of the Cutie"? Once Twist got her mark, Applebloom got sad and didn't even talk to her anymore. One would suggest that indeed AB cut ties with her since not having a cutie mark was the only reason they hanged out.
You should make a sequeal!
