We ... uh ... we're kind of disconcerted by the way you're looking at this sentence. Your reading face is all sorts of jacked up. Sorry.
Enigmatic Insanity's past was ... well, enigmatic to everyone except for Celestia and Luna. What was her original name and what did its change have to do with Celestia? Why was she so willing to die for the Solar princess? All of these questions ran through Twilight's mind when Luna finally explained the queen's life and death to her. The implications were unexpected.
Like always, there's a song to go with this fic > Monster You Made Me
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3376777
Did I put this in Protect Celestia?! This is why you do not categorize while sleepy. How do I go about removing it?
3376780 Already did it.
EDIT: Goddamn Fimfiction could you suck less?! I only meant to delete the duplicate post, not both. Also I know that feel. Never, NEVER title a story at four in the morning.
3376783
Alrighty. My mistake, sorry :c
This review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews
This particular edition of “Critics with a Ripped-Off Review Style Heap Abuse on Shitty Fanfics” is going to be relatively short, at least regarding the parts about the fic itself, mostly due to the fact that the story in question is barely longer than the minimum required word count on FimFiction. This means it should take the average reader about as much time to breeze through it as the average bowel movement, a motion otherwise known as “the writing process behind the script of ‘Pan’s Labirynth’.” Fuck that movie.
Anyway… while a longer tale does mean a longer ride (preferably one that is good as well), “short” doesn’t necessarily equal “less fun” in comparison. Very few people seem to realize this, however, as I keep coming across the scenario where an otherwise good fic is trapped by the stupid word count minimum, which forces the authors to pad them out to the point that the stories go from “sublime” to “forced” and “I’m falling asleep” territory. Fortunately for me, this particular story was not such a case. In fact, it was both a pleasant and a nostalgic experience for me, since this wasn’t the first time the author and I have crossed paths.
Oh, my dear, blessed EnigmaticInsanity… just when I thought the group’s story collection had no real treats to offer, your fic “Sins of the Past” came crashing down on top of me like a collapsing tower of dildo-shaped sticks of dynamite, then proceeded to chuck them all at me two or three at a time, barely giving me a moment to comprehend one ridiculous new element before it introduced the next one. Though ultimately the explosive display did little to stop me thinking the story was a poorly written and chaotic mess, it was bad in such an interesting way that I couldn’t help but admire it. The experience was sort of like a strange food or drink that you don’t want to stop ingesting, even though every mouthful tastes like giving Satan a rimjob. It was a sad day when I learned that the fic has been removed since my review of it, no doubt after the author’s decade-long drug trip has finally worn off, and they gave their story a sober read this time.
With that bit of dick-licking out of the way, I expected more or less the same kind of content as I jumped into this fic, especially with all the warning signs already present: multiple dislikes, the weird and pretentious name of the main character, and the somewhat crappy short description, which makes very little sense unless you happen to be familiar with the rest of the author’s works (some of which no longer exist, mind you). Then again, the small word count and the fact that the story is a one-shot kinda threw me off, since little more than a thousand words are hardly enough to experience the same “roller coaster of (enigmatic) insanity.” It was hardly a good sign, by the way, since a self-contained and cohesive short story in EnigmaticInsanity's universe seemed about as likely as us getting to see an episode where Rainbow Dash breaks the fourth wall and kicks every shipfic writer in the balls for perpetuating the idea that Equestria is one giant fucking lesbian orgy.
Imagine my surprise when the story went against all of my expectations and decided to kick me in the bollocks instead. As a matter of fact, I’m not even going to give away a single word of the plot in this review, because it deserves to be discovered by each and every single one of you on your own. I’m serious, stop wasting your time here. Go and fucking read this thing!
If the premise of “Sins of the Past” was nothing more than a disjointed story built around a ridiculous self-insert, then “The Mare Who Would Be Queen” is taking that same premise and turning it into something infinitely more promising. It’s the fucking Tooth Fairy coming to tell you that Jesus will bake you the cookies you need to leave on the fireplace for Santa Claus. We get characters and events, both of these things have depth, they are clear enough to not be confusing, yet enough details are omitted to give it a mysterious feel as well, the writing is expressive, immersive, and doesn’t waste your time for one second, and even though there are a few missteps here and there (the silly name, the events near the end that seem to come out of nowhere, etc.), the fact that EnigmaticInsanity achieves all of this in so few words just blows my mind.
Why the fuck does this story have any dislikes at all? I mean, I’m not saying it’s literary genius or anything, but for fuck’s sake… yes, it is, at heart, a crappy self-insert for a Mary Sue-ish OC (or at least it definitely seems like it). As a short story, however, it more than makes the grade, and when compared to the other works of the author, it’s a goddamn masterpiece. Dear author, in case you still intend to weave your little tales about your OC and whatnot, then I can’t think of a better introduction to its universe than this fic. Just make sure you make the rest of them just as good, otherwise it will be little more than a lovely red ribbon tied around an empty gift box that someone farted into.
In conclusion, I give this fic a giant thumbs up, and I recommend to any poor sod who ever treads out here to give it a read. It’s not perfect, but it’s definitely a surprising and pleasant experience if you happen to be familiar with the author’s other works, and in general is a good example of how one should employ terse yet effective writing.
Oh yeah, that reminds me: in retrospect, this review wasn’t that short after all. Then again, it’s still shorter than what your mum takes on between her legs every night when you think she’s sleeping.