The Mare Who Would Be Queen

by Enigmatic Insanity

Icarus

Once upon a time, there was a wine-purple unicorn. This unicorn was bubbly, kind, sweet -- traits which were frowned upon in her land, moreso because she was heir to the queen regent's throne.

Elsewhere, there was a white unicorn. This unicorn was much of the same, but her land revered traits like this, especially in a princess.

The two princesses were raised apart, despite their mothers being in almost constant contact with each other. It was not fitting for the daughter of a kirin and the daughter of an alicorn to be seen together, but the powers of each prevented any from commenting on their unique relationship.

It continued like this for years, the purple unicorn growing angrier and crueler by the day; the white going in the opposite direction all together. Slowly, even her appearance changed to reflect her corrupting personality.

This unicorn was named Divine Wine and this is where her story begins.

---

Six seconds. Seven, now. Eight.

Mother wasn't saying anything, just staring at the floor with the expression of a mourning wife. I sat patiently, waited for an answer. Anything to satisfy my curiosity. Why did she have wings, and I did not?

"Was I adopted? Is that why I don't look like you?" This made Mother laugh and ruffle my mane.

"You're my daughter, born and bred. The reason you don't look like me is because ... well, you have to fight to become like me. You have to defeat Galactia's daughter in fair combat." I had known she would say this, but I had hoped that it wouldn't have to be like this. "And by defeat, you know I mean kill." The word hung in the air like a bad smell; neither of us wanted to acknowledge the fact that, yes, this was how it ended. I would rise to power in a shower of blood.

---

Since that fateful declaration, the days have passed with the speed of a Wonderbolt. It seems like it's only been seconds,
but really, it's been months to reach this day. The mirror reflects my armor -- I am dragon and pony seamlessly blended, despite not being a full kirin. Metaphorically, I carry on the grandiose battle that has been raging for all time -- purebloods vs hybrids. Who would eventually win in the end was anyone's guess.

My mother comes to fetch me; she is clothed in ceremonial regalia reserved for crownings and debuts like my own. We travel to the median between Hajahact and Equestria. There are no witnesses, no yelling crowds to add pressure to the situation. Only two regents and their pawns.

Celestia is mocked up like myself; her golden armor shines in the brilliant light of the sun. We approach each other with the confidence born to every royal. I made the first move, but my spell misses, digging a deep trench inches from Celestia. She whimpers and returns fire, missing me by a mile.

It continues in this fashion for what seems to be an eternity, but finally, I find myself gaining the upper hand. Still, this feels wrong, despite the years of training leading up to this point. When I realize what I am standing over, my heart seizes. I look down at the white unicorn cringing in anticipation of her own death, tears running down her still-filly smooth cheeks, and lose my nerve.

There was no reason she needed to die. No reason for this fight. We were but political pawns, being used for a twisted aim. Whatever remained of my previous self retched at the very thought. We came to terms -- we would forfeit. Power was not worth it if it meant killing a child to obtain.

I walk away from the filly, my glare directed at my mother.

"I forfeit. Galactia, you win. Take your child and leave," I order, never looking away from my mother. At that moment, I feel like Icarus, if he had set his own wings ablaze. I would not be an alicorn. I would remain as a unicorn, by default. But there would be no death.

Mother gapes, her expression growing angrier and angrier with each second that ticks by.

"You what, you ungrateful little brat?!" she shrieks, slapping me across the face. I would not stand for such abuse. It was time for a death. One that was deserved.

"Do not lay a hoof on me!" I roar, letting loose a bolt of magic I didn't even know I possessed. She screams for a last time, her body being shredded as though by an astounding number of paper cuts. Blood drenches my fur, mats my mane.

Galactia only looks on in calm detachment, unfazed. Her daughter slowly rises in an aura of golden light, and white wings suddenly snap out from her back. Her once pink mane takes on all of the colors of the aurora. I am, for once, at a loss for words. Her mother only smiles and fades away, dissolving into a flock of grey and blue butterflies. Emblazoned on the filly's flank is the sun.

Tears well up in her eyes and she weeps, not knowing the least bit about how she was to get home. From that day forward, I decide, I will pay off this debt I owe. She saved me from my mother's destiny. I owe her everything.

---

From that day forward, I rejected the name my mother gave me and entitled myself Enigmatic Insanity, a tongue-in-cheek nod to my destroying of my own destiny. At the time of this writing, I have no cutie mark. I do not see myself getting one. It was supposed to be either her or I that day. I created another way.

Another fit of coughing seizes me. My death draws near. I can hear its fateful rattle in the coughs that wrack my form. I must go home, to the mare who loved me. Should she reject me, so will I die, forgotten and alone.

---

"That's where it ends, Twilight," Luna said, neatly re-stacking the manuscript. "She gave this to me to hold onto, just in case, but this is the first time I've actually read it."

Twilight only stared, chewing absently at her hoof and fluttering her wings. Luna shook her head. Children.

Author's Note:

Contest entry for OC Roleplay.

Comments

[Enigmatic Insanity]

3376777
Did I put this in Protect Celestia?! This is why you do not categorize while sleepy. How do I go about removing it?

[Zervziel]

3376780 Already did it.

EDIT: Goddamn Fimfiction could you suck less?! I only meant to delete the duplicate post, not both. Also I know that feel. Never, NEVER title a story at four in the morning.

[Enigmatic Insanity]

3376783
Alrighty. My mistake, sorry :c

[Dark Avenger]

This review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews

This particular edition of “Critics with a Ripped-Off Review Style Heap Abuse on Shitty Fanfics” is going to be relatively short, at least regarding the parts about the fic itself, mostly due to the fact that the story in question is barely longer than the minimum required word count on FimFiction. This means it should take the average reader about as much time to breeze through it as the average bowel movement, a motion otherwise known as “the writing process behind the script of ‘Pan’s Labirynth’.” Fuck that movie.

Anyway… while a longer tale does mean a longer ride (preferably one that is good as well), “short” doesn’t necessarily equal “less fun” in comparison. Very few people seem to realize this, however, as I keep coming across the scenario where an otherwise good fic is trapped by the stupid word count minimum, which forces the authors to pad them out to the point that the stories go from “sublime” to “forced” and “I’m falling asleep” territory. Fortunately for me, this particular story was not such a case. In fact, it was both a pleasant and a nostalgic experience for me, since this wasn’t the first time the author and I have crossed paths.

Oh, my dear, blessed EnigmaticInsanity… just when I thought the group’s story collection had no real treats to offer, your fic “Sins of the Past” came crashing down on top of me like a collapsing tower of dildo-shaped sticks of dynamite, then proceeded to chuck them all at me two or three at a time, barely giving me a moment to comprehend one ridiculous new element before it introduced the next one. Though ultimately the explosive display did little to stop me thinking the story was a poorly written and chaotic mess, it was bad in such an interesting way that I couldn’t help but admire it. The experience was sort of like a strange food or drink that you don’t want to stop ingesting, even though every mouthful tastes like giving Satan a rimjob. It was a sad day when I learned that the fic has been removed since my review of it, no doubt after the author’s decade-long drug trip has finally worn off, and they gave their story a sober read this time.

With that bit of dick-licking out of the way, I expected more or less the same kind of content as I jumped into this fic, especially with all the warning signs already present: multiple dislikes, the weird and pretentious name of the main character, and the somewhat crappy short description, which makes very little sense unless you happen to be familiar with the rest of the author’s works (some of which no longer exist, mind you). Then again, the small word count and the fact that the story is a one-shot kinda threw me off, since little more than a thousand words are hardly enough to experience the same “roller coaster of (enigmatic) insanity.” It was hardly a good sign, by the way, since a self-contained and cohesive short story in EnigmaticInsanity's universe seemed about as likely as us getting to see an episode where Rainbow Dash breaks the fourth wall and kicks every shipfic writer in the balls for perpetuating the idea that Equestria is one giant fucking lesbian orgy.

Imagine my surprise when the story went against all of my expectations and decided to kick me in the bollocks instead. As a matter of fact, I’m not even going to give away a single word of the plot in this review, because it deserves to be discovered by each and every single one of you on your own. I’m serious, stop wasting your time here. Go and fucking read this thing!

If the premise of “Sins of the Past” was nothing more than a disjointed story built around a ridiculous self-insert, then “The Mare Who Would Be Queen” is taking that same premise and turning it into something infinitely more promising. It’s the fucking Tooth Fairy coming to tell you that Jesus will bake you the cookies you need to leave on the fireplace for Santa Claus. We get characters and events, both of these things have depth, they are clear enough to not be confusing, yet enough details are omitted to give it a mysterious feel as well, the writing is expressive, immersive, and doesn’t waste your time for one second, and even though there are a few missteps here and there (the silly name, the events near the end that seem to come out of nowhere, etc.), the fact that EnigmaticInsanity achieves all of this in so few words just blows my mind.

Why the fuck does this story have any dislikes at all? I mean, I’m not saying it’s literary genius or anything, but for fuck’s sake… yes, it is, at heart, a crappy self-insert for a Mary Sue-ish OC (or at least it definitely seems like it). As a short story, however, it more than makes the grade, and when compared to the other works of the author, it’s a goddamn masterpiece. Dear author, in case you still intend to weave your little tales about your OC and whatnot, then I can’t think of a better introduction to its universe than this fic. Just make sure you make the rest of them just as good, otherwise it will be little more than a lovely red ribbon tied around an empty gift box that someone farted into.

In conclusion, I give this fic a giant thumbs up, and I recommend to any poor sod who ever treads out here to give it a read. It’s not perfect, but it’s definitely a surprising and pleasant experience if you happen to be familiar with the author’s other works, and in general is a good example of how one should employ terse yet effective writing.

Oh yeah, that reminds me: in retrospect, this review wasn’t that short after all. Then again, it’s still shorter than what your mum takes on between her legs every night when you think she’s sleeping.