when slenderman left me in paradise

by Jimbob

Hangovers suck

A/N: I lied I'll be doing a Q&A eventually

[Knight]

{Me}

"Ohhhh my fucking head" to say that it felt like somebody was taking a sledgehammer to it would be an understatement it felt more like a wrecking ball made out of speakers playing the song 'Friday' no really it was that painful. I slowly cracked my open only to be assaulted by some unholy hellspawn shine a light in my eyes, I carefully opened my eyes again and confirmed my theory that the hellspawn in question was in fact the sun.

I slowly took in my surroundings; I was in the library on the couch surrounded by a fort made of books. I assume that I made the fort of books even though the last thing I remember is falling asleep on the way here.

[Yeah that may have been me] and oh my god rusty nails being dragged through my head.

{SHHH!}

[But-]

{Quiet!}

[But I-]

{Silence!} I heard a loud hrmp-ing noise as I slowly got off the couch and saw a bottle of water lying on the ground with a note next to it, I picked up the note

Dear Jake

This will help with your hangover

Sincerely Drunk Jake

Drunk me was so cool, I cracked open the bottle and drank deeply before spitting it up all over myself. It was moonshine the bastard had put moonshine in there! I take it back drunk me sucks! I capped the bottle and threw it on the couch before I stumble towards the kitchen. After getting several glasses of water I began to look for the ultimate in hangover cures: greasy food! Unfortunately ponies lack McDonalds and many other greasy fatty foods, and the few that they might have Twilight didn't seem interested in having at her house. After failing to find any foods matching the grease required to cure a hangover I decided to crawl back onto the couch and die slowly.

"Somepony doesn't look so hot"

"I looked very hot, I just don't feel so good" Twilight rolled her eyes before she came downstairs and saw the book fort

"What's this?"

"I think they're books" she stared at me

"I meant why is there a fort of books in the middle of my house."

"I don't know I could drunk again and you could ask me then"

"No way I don't want you running around the town drunk during the day" her eyes widened in fear while I smiled at the thought of the chaos I could cause, I even considered drinking the rest of the water bottle until my pounding head made it clear that there would be no drinking for a while.

"Twilight don't you have any greasy foods?" she frowned

"Why would I have greasy foods they're unhealthy"

"Yeah but they're great for curing hangovers"

"I think there's a spell for that"

"Oh sweet mother of god please help me" I said while straining to reach her from the couch

"No because then you wouldn't learn your lesson!"

"Lesson? What lesson?"

"To never send three hyperactive fillies to 'help' a hungover pony" then the front door slammed open

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS BLACKSMITHS YAY!!"

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I continued to slam my head against the wall as the three fillies continued to try and make 'suits of armor so they could crusade in the forest' which meant that everything except for the fillies was covered in molten metal. Luckily for me my shadow hand seemed capable of easily ripping the metal they had decided to use off the walls. After the seventh failed attempt they decided that that Blacksmithing was in fact not any of their cutie marks. I walked them to the door and sent Cinisavis with them to make sure they got to town safely.

Then I promptly collapsed to the floor holding my head.

"Who did I kill in a past life to deserve this?"

[Lincoln]

{Quiet you}

Luckily for me my headache had quieted down to a mild throbbing sensation but still for the few hours I had to help the CMC it had seemed like a steamroller had been going over my head and I had to bite back angry remarks on more than one occasion. I probably would have stayed lying on the ground for the rest of the night if I hadn't noticed that the forge was still burning rather brightly.

I raised my hand and an inky black stream poured out and streamed into the fire turning it into black fire. I quickly absorbed the fire and exhaled a small amount of steam. It was a little trick I had been working on in case there was ever a serious fire nearby since Ponyville, well wood houses and straw roofs don't exactly scream 'fire-proof' now do they?

Well that and I got a reason to play with fire and lets be honest who doesn't like playing with fire, well beside Freddy Krueger

[Zing!]

{I wonder if there's an alternative reality where he's real and now he coming to kill me}

[Possibly, I mean this universe existed so why can't others?]

{Sometimes I wish I was a stoner because these conversations would be freaking intense}

[We could always get drunk again]

{Not on your life}

Cinisavis flew back into the house and perched himself on my shoulder.

"Sup?" he let out a squawk and began to preen himself

"Yeah, yeah you're a bird I get it" he pecked the side of my head right as someone knocked at the door.

"Sorry closed due to lack of sanity!" the knocking became more frantic as I walked towards. I noticed a purple light coming out from underneath the door

"All right hold on-

*BOOM*

The door flew off the hinges and slammed into me

"Jake! We have a problem!" I slid the door off of me and plugged my now bloody nose

"Yeah like why a purple pony just blew slammed a door into me." At least Twilight was able to look sorry for a moment before panic seized her face again

"Jake Princess Celestia sent a letter!"

"So? I've started making Molotov cocktails and you do see me busting down doors" okay so maybe I hadn't made Molotovs.... Yet

"Jake this is important" she said while shoving a scroll into my hand

"Alright Twilight calm down" I opened the scrolled

To my faithful student Twilight Sparkle

I regret to inform you that the Elements and Jake's presence are required in Canterlot immediately due to an incident involving Discord. A carriage will be there to pick you and everypony else within the hour.

Sincerely Princess Celestia

"Okay so this might be worse than I had thought."

A/N: Two chapters in a week? I might be spoiling you guys.

Comments

[joebomo11]

Yes yes you are but THIS PLEASES ME!!! And when is trixie making a return????

[Sean1471]

I LOVE IT

[bookworm917]

He needs to go back to his old home in the underground in Canterlot and find Trixie living there. Do it. Today.

[High_Wind]

Discord's lose?

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/27910990.jpg

[Mazamis]

1401967 i agree... make it like a shrine of memories that she had... i dont know...

[EvilEnchantress]

1402298 how'd you get into my hammerverse (think hammerspace except it's an universe)

[High_Wind]

1402693
Well, you see it's all really quite simple. First you find the 4th wall, then you take a brick and through it at it.
After that you can travel through the multiverse at your leisure, hilarity ensues.

angryzenmaster.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/deadpool.jpg

[EvilEnchantress]

1402735 ah ok please refrain from entering my hammerverse for that is where I slay and murder many manners of enemies and neutrals alike

[Soul Reaper]

why can't someone just once say no to celestia!?

[Jimbob]

1406243
All powerful being that raises the sun, you don't tell them no

[Soul Reaper]

1406253 i would laugh as i burnt to death.

[Tri-PonyTrouble]

HE'S JOHN WILKES BOOTH!!!!!!

[Jimbob]

1410983
Nah I'm Navy but CS training is at a army base

[Archmagejay]

Aww when this showed up in my inbox I thought that there was a new chapter but instead it's just fimfiction being glitchy.

[Primordial Deomontus]

1401967 Trixie lives with her aunt and uncle now, don't you remember that?