• Published 29th Feb 2012
  • 7,795 Views, 784 Comments

when slenderman left me in paradise - Jimbob



slenderman isn't all that bad i suppose

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day out

[Knight]

{Me}

“WAKE UP!”

Oh no not this again. I shall not be drenched again! I reached under the couch and quickly made a bowl and lifted it above my head just in time to catch the water. I quickly sealed the bowl.

“HA! No water for you!” I yelled and started going back to sleep.

*SMACK*

“OW!” I looked up to see Twilight holding the bowl with her telekinesis and smirking.

“Still pretty useful for waking you up” she put the bowl down and dragged the blanket I had been using off me.

“FINE! I’m awake master! Now what is it that you need?” I groggily got of the couch and headed towards the kitchen.

“Well I thought you might be interested in getting to know the rest of the town” I grabbed some apples; I really need to find some more food to eat here, and sat down at the table.

“Yeah cause we all saw how well that went last time, ponies just love strange creatures that beat up their police force” I pulled out my hunting knife and began to cut up the apples.

“Come on! It won’t be that bad I’ll even introduce you to some people” she was giving me the puppy dog eyes. Must resist! NOOOOO THE CUTENESS IS TOO STRONG!

“Fine you win we’ll go around town.” She smiled and started to get herself some breakfast.

“HOWEVER! I will also be looking for a job!’ she looked a little sad about that. Suspicions rising.

“Okay I think there may be some odd jobs on the town bulletin board” the hell? Did I just fall into a RPG?

[LEVEL UP! You are now an idiot level 10]

{LEVEL UP! You’re a level 90 Jackass!}

I finished off my apples and we headed out the door. Did I mention how brightly colored the town was? Because it is. Seriously like insanely brightly colored no shades of black, mostly yellows, blues, and pinks. I had to resist the urge to scream ‘MY EYES’ and start rolling around on the road. Maybe later.

“So Twilight do you ponies have alcohol?”

“Yes but we don’t drink it very often” what a shame I was really looking forward to a drunk Pinkie Pie.

“Duly noted now who did you want to introduce me too?”

“Well her name is Lyra but she might overreact to you”

“Why?”

“She always wanted to see a human and we said she was crazy”

“Kay possible crazy pony coming up I’ll roll with it”

We got to a smaller house that had white walls and was only one story high. Twilight lead me up the path while I tried to resist the urge to jump the fence. I failed.

I got a running start and jumped over the fence landing right in front of the door.

“TA-DA!”

*WHAM!*

“OWWW!” I rather large blunt object slammed into the back of my head and I stumbled forwards. I looked up and saw a cream colored pony with blue and pink hair holding a frying pan in her mouth. I was not amused. She started to lift the pan again getting ready to bash my head in I assume. I urged a black tendril from her shadow to grab the pan.
The tendril shot out and grabbed the pan and sunk back into the shadow with the pan.

{Where’d the pan go?}

[Probably in storage]

{Storage?}

[Did you even read the book slenderman gave you?]

{I may have skimmed it}

[Idiot, if you had been reading it you would have known that we can store items, shadow or otherwise, in the shadows and conjure them back when we have need]

{That’s pretty sweet}

[Basically]

I looked back at the frightened pony that was now standing still and shaking. I rubbed the back of my head and was pleasantly surprised to not find blood on my hand. I turned back to Twilight.

“Go met the town she said, what could go wrong she said and suddenly there’s a pony attempting to bash my skull in with a frying pan!”

“IT CAN TALK!?” I turned back around.

“Quiet you I’m discussing the fact that you tried to kill me with a frying pan, now then Twilight rebuttal?”

“HEY! How was I supposed to know she would hit you with a frying pan?!”

“Doesn’t matter I blame you for my problems!” she began to glare at me with a subtle ‘I wish it was me that hit you with a frying pan’ vibe.

“you have too many problems for them to all be my fault” good point “ Bon-Bon you’re probably wondering why I brought him here, aren’t you?”

“Well no I think I know why he’s here” that makes two of us, now when do I get told?

“Yeah I don’t want to be in the loop or anything that’s too mainstream” I some frames for hipster glasses and put them on.

“Jake we’re here to see Lyra; I thought I told you that”

“Yeah but not why!” I turned to Bon-Bon “little help here?”

“You need more than a little help” Twilight muttered I turned around again, getting dizzy!

“HEY! I heard that” Twilight blushed a bit and I turned back around to Bon-Bon.

“Please continue pony that attempted to take my life in a bloody manner” she mixed a pout and glare.

“You scared me! And call me Bon-Bon not pony murderer” she stopped glaring and looked somewhat thoughtful “as for why you’re here I think it’s because Lyra is one of the few ponies that know about humans”

“Who said I’m human?”

“Well it’s a small town and word spreads fast”

“Not fast enough to stop a frying pan apparently”

”I told you I was scared!”

“Scared and just wandering around the house with a frying pan, SURE!”

“Fine so maybe I had a bit of a heads up” she grumbled looking at the ground.

[BOOOM! Hear that? That’s the sound of LOGIC!]

{We should use it more often}

[Nah that’s to easy]

{Dear god he’s right}

“Bon-Bon who are you talking to?” okay and here comes the crazy pony in theory.

{In b4 shitstorm}

[Bracing for more frying pans]

A mint green unicorn walked out from inside the house her and well, you already know her cutiemark is a lyre.
“Oh hi Twilight and….” She was staring well she wasn’t holding a frying pan or any other dangerous kitchen utensil.

“Ummm hi” CURSE YOU AKWARD MOMENTS YOU SHALL RUIN THE DAY YOU MESSED WITH ME!

“So anyway my name’s Jake and I’m a human-OOOFFF!” either she just threw a kitchen sink at me or has give me a flying tackle that would rival Pinkies. Given the fact that there was a mint green unicorn attempting to squeeze the life out of me I’m guessing the latter.

"I KNEW HUMANS WERE REAL!!"

“YES WE ARE! AND WE TOO REQUIRE AIR!”

“Ooops sorry” she de-attach herself from my waist (get your mind out of the gutter) and stood back over by Bon-Bon.

“Sorry about that I was just so excited to see that I wasn’t crazy! There really are humans!” she started to giggle and jump around. Creepy levels rising.

“Ooooh what are those!?” she grabbed my hands

“Hands and fingers”

“They so cool I could use them for so much” she got this weird glint in her eye. Creepy levels rising.

“Hey could you come help me get something from the basement?” CREEPY LEVELS MAXED!

[FUCK THAT BAIL!]

{ROGER THAT DELTA-ONE WE ARE BAILING OUT}

“Sorry but I promised Twilight she could show me the rest of the town but maybe later” or maybe never yeah probably that one.

“But Jake if she needs help” I quickly covered her mouth and looked her in the eyes to indicate that there was no possible way that I was going to go into that basement with her at any point in my life.

“Fine I guess I’ll show you the rest of the town”

“Okay bye Lyra, bye Bon-Bon nice meeting you” hope we don’t meet again for a long, long time. Twilight and I walked away back towards the town square.

“What was that all about?” Twilight was looking at me worriedly.

“She was creepy, and trusts me I know creepy, you don’t just met slenderman and not know creepy. So what next on the agenda?”

“Well I was thinking we could go to Rarity’s and have her make you some new clothes” I was getting tired of all black, I mean I need to mix in some red, maybe some electric blue. I was not going Goth the whole time I was in Equestria.

“Sounds good”

When we got to Rarity’s I noticed that the place was more of a mess then normal and Rarity was running around the room like a tornado.

“Rarity what’s the matter?”

“Oh Twilight the worst thing has happened!” what I’m I chopped liver?

“What?”

“Sweetie Belle and her friends went into the Everfree!”



A/N: feedback is appreciated thanks!

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