• Published 29th Feb 2012
  • 8,066 Views, 785 Comments

when slenderman left me in paradise - Jimbob



slenderman isn't all that bad i suppose

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and we're running

[Knight]

{My responses}

A/N: feedback is welcome and helpful thanks!









“Swanky place you got here”

“Why thank you, I think”

Right ponies didn’t know what swanky was or maybe it was just Rarity, oh well I’ll have to bring them up to date on human lingo. Rarity’s Boutique was much bigger on the inside than I thought possible. Cartoon realities how the fuck do they work?

[Probably magic and bullshit]

{We use magic and bullshit}

[Yeah but we do it with style]

Couldn’t argue with him there. Anyway the main entrance was filled with dresses and other frou-frou things I don’t care to mention.


“Darling what is that thing your wearing?” I was beginning to wonder when Rarity would jump at my trench coat.
“My good lady it’s called a trench coat and has many pockets and is quite useful” I was getting really good with this whole posh accent thing but Twilight kept looking at me weird. Meh what does she know about first impressions?
“you call just call me Rarity darling, and as for that ‘trench coat’ why is it all black you simply must let me color it up!” nope, no way, not happening anytime soon

“Sorry Rarity but I have a rule about stuff I made it can be any color you want as long as it’s black”

“You made that?” shit I suppose I could just tell her I have a demon living in my body or just lie. HMMM I choose secret option C procrastination!

“Oh yes I’ll have too tell you later it’s quite the story” hope that’s enough to slate her insatiable appetite for fashion if not I could jump out a window and hope I land on one of the cops.

“Oh of course darling” BOOYAH! No glass shards in my gut today!

“Actually Twilight perhaps we should all set a time for me to tell my tale after I meet the rest of your friends”

“Okay how about tomorrow at Sugarcube Corner at about noon?”

“Works for me darling see you then”

Twilight, and I walked out of the Boutique while bidding Rarity a good day. I looked toward the alley way where I had put the hurt down on about a dozen police ponies.

[Good memories]

{Oh yeah}

I noticed that most of the ponies were being taken to the hospital on gurneys with various degrees of disgruntled groans and yelps. I noticed officer ‘asshat’, since he’s the only one with a hat, being escorted to the hospital quite quickly with several bandages on his head.

Guess I hurt him the most, good he was my least favorite assuming I don’t get sent directly to jail I’ll make sure his life is quite annoying. He’s going to be surprised how easy it’s for somepony to lose their keys when you can manipulate shadows

“So Twi who we going to go meet next?”

“Well since I don’t know where Rainbow Dash is, I suppose well go meet Flutttershy”

“INCOMING!”

Wait incoming? I’ve read enough fanficts to know where this is going. I twisted and dived to the side right before getting hit in the stomach with a small cyan-colored Pegasus which slammed me face first into the ground.

“Ground! We simply must stop meeting like this” but it may have sounded more like

“ARRRRRGGGHHHH” but what do I know I had a stomach for of Pegasus and face to the cobblestone.

“Oops sorry about that” Rainbow said chuckling

3...2...1.

“AHHHH MONSTER!” oh yeah I was getting good at guessing ponies reactions.
What I wasn’t ready for is her taking a swing at me luckily for me Twilight stopped her hoof with her magic aura thing.

“Rainbow he’s a friend”

“What is he?”

“I’m a human you can call me Jake though”

[She going to yell ‘HE CAN TALK?’ any minute here]

“HE CAN TALK?!”

[You owe me a muffin!]

{Shut up you}

“Yes I can talk and I said my name is Jake”

“Well I’m Rainbow Dash, the fastest flier in all of Equestria, and I’ve got my eye on you!” then she flew up back towards a cloud and lay down.

{Wanna go freak her out?}

[You know it!]

“Twilight hold this” I said as I threw my coat to her and spread out my wings.

“Jake want are going to do?”

“Oh nothing just going to tell her goodbye” and then in a quieter voice “though she may not like the method”

“What was that!?”

[Shit! She heard us go go go!]

“Nothing Twi see you in a sec” I quickly zoomed up to the cloud and saw Rainbow sleeping on it. I wonder if I can even stand on clouds?

[GO FOR IT!]

I carefully hovered above the cloud and put my feet down to find that the cloud did in fact support my weight the only downside is that it felt like I was walking on sponges.

I quickly caught a glance of Rainbow sleeping in the middle of the cloud. Hmmm what’s he best way to wake up a sleeping Pegasus? Loudly of course! I quickly snuck over to Rainbow and yelled

“YOU HAVE A NICE DAY!” at the top of my lungs. She jumped a foot in the air and gave me a glare of death, yeah time to go.

“It’s been fun bye!” then I jumped of the cloud diving straight toward the ground when I heard her yell

“NO YOU DON’T!”


Shit she was chasing me, okay wings do your thing, and ha I rhymed. We flew straight towards the ground before I opened my wings and shot down the main road using gravity to help me go as fast as I could. I peeked back to see she was gaining on me I quickly veered out of town and kicked it in to overdrive.

Like hell I was letting Rainbow Dash get a hold of me. I was going insanely fast and decided I need to make some goggles for next time I flew. Then I heard a loud ‘BOOOM’ and looked behind me, shit she had broken the sound barrier already.

Ok she was gaining fast I need to pick-up the pace I put all I had into it and noticed a cone beginning to surround me. Great we still need to go faster or we’ll just get ripped to shreds by an angry Rainbow Dash.

[Allow me to help you bro]

{YOU HAVEN’T BEEN HELPING!?}

[BE THANKFUL I’M HELPING NOW!!]

And holy shit I got such an adrenaline rush that I screamed through the sonic barrier like tissue paper and then some. Unfortunately that didn’t last to long and I had to land since I was exhausted. Rainbow landed next to me and was looking surprised as I lay on the ground.

“Ok-pant-you win-pant-just-pant- not the –pant- face” there was no way I was standing up let alone fighting. Instead she just laughed and seemed genuinely happy.

“Finally someone to race!” me? Race? I think you have me confused for some kinda athlete person.

“Ok but not now I need sleep”

“Ok but I wouldn’t sleep here”

“Why?”

“You’re right next to the Everfree forest”

“Ok then not sleeping here” I got up rather slowly and saw a purple speck running towards us screaming

“JAKE DON’T KILL HER!”

“What does she mean don’t kill me?” I gave her a quick story of me fight the police which seemed to impress her.

“You took on a dozen police ponies?”

“About a dozen and they started it!”

“That’s so cool!” by this time Twilight was almost to us and was panting pretty hard.

“Jake-pant-don’t-pant-hurt…”

“Okay Twi calm down I’m not gonna hurt her so take a deep breath and relax” she collapsed to the ground breathing heavily.

“She gonna be alright?” I asked Rainbow

“Oh yeah she just need to work out more”

“Shut-pant-up”

“Ok well this has been fun but I’m going back to napping we should race sometime Jake” and she hoped into the air and flew off.

“You gonna live Twi?”

“Shut-up’

I chuckled as she lifted herself up on wobbling legs only to fall back down again.

“You really shouldn’t over do it like that Twi” I bent down and scooped her up she eep’d softly. Too much DA’WWW we need back up!

“Ok Twi where we going?”

“You see that cabin over there?” She said pointing towards a far off cabin “that’s where Flutttershy lives”

I began to march towards the cabin notice Twilight didn’t seem to mind being carried I’ll have to investigate that later. But for now Fluttershy’s Cabin!

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