Ok i know what your think. Slenderman the guy that kidnaps kids and there never heard from again? Surely not that slenderman! Well yes that slenderman is exactly who i'm talking about. Of course you and him aren't great friends like me and him i suppose.
Ok first let get to know each other ok? Good, I’m about 5’9 or so with brown hair, brown eyes, and I’m 18. Now first let me start off by saying I am in fact, a brony (the horror I know) second, and this is pretty important, I am most likely insane to some degree, for example this whole mess started when I went into my neighborhood forest to talk to slenderman. Ok seriously wipe that look of your face, I said I was some-what insane didn’t I?
So the whole thing started when I had the overwhelming desire (again) to live in (drum roll please) Equestria, so instead of trudging my way through the day in a mope I decided to go for a walk in the woods.
Lucky me these woods are right across the street in some old guy’s back yard, ignoring the private property signs I stumbled in, It wasn’t like this was the first time I had been here, my cousins and I used to play in the creek down there all the time when we were little. So while walking about I began to wonder how slenderman got around so fast (No I don’t know why I thought of this) so I came up with a hypothesis like this. Slenderman has NEVER been found, so, I deduced he must have some way of hiding, throw in the fact that he had multiple black arms and that he moved around the world very quickly, that I figured it might have something to do with shadows.
Shadow arms maybe? I don’t know but I figured hiding in the shadows and moving through them wasn’t too far fetch considering I was talking about the internet boogeyman. (Bet you’re wondering what this has to do with ponies aren’t you?).
Anyway I began to wonder if he was nearby, so I did the stupidest thing I could do. Yep, I started looking for him. At first out of curiosity, then I thought to myself; if slenderman could move through shadows on earth, maybe he could move through dimensions suddenly BOOM idea time. If I could find him and convince him to take me to equestria then I might have an answer to all my problems. Unless of course he just wanted to kill me….. Oh well, risk versus rewards I suppose.
Half way through my mad search for a supernatural killer I felt a pressure on the inside of my skull, I don’t know how, but in that instant I knew he was nearby. So I did another super smart thing talking to him. “I was wondering if you were going to show up” I murmured, I didn’t expect I response and didn’t get one.
” Not even wondering why I came to look for you?” I said aloud.
“Not even slightly interested why something you normally hunt is looking for you?” I said as I was met with silence.
‘Great I ‘m probably imagining all of this’ I thought, and I would have continued thinking this had he not stepped out from behind a tree, well more like out of the tree I suppose, which would have been pretty fucking amazing had I not been scared shitless.
First thought through my mind ‘shit, this actually worked, hope he’s not pissed’. He got closer and closer, and as he approached me it took every ounce of willpower not to run away in terror like a vegan at a steakhouse.
Finally he was right in front of me, by this point I was really hoping that they had good food in heaven, because I was 90% sure I was done on this world, and without warning he placed his hand on my chest. Immediately I thought he was going to rip my heart out and let me watch it stop beating all Indiana Jones style. Instead I heard something begin talking inside my head, so I did the only logically thing and flipped right the fuck out.
I was sooooooo ready to run like a five year old, but I couldn’t move when I heard him speak, almost I was entranced by the fact that I was talking to motherfucking slenderman, such thought were put to the back of my mind however as he said
“why do you seek me out?”. I have to admit, I was a little surprised that this is the first thing he said, I expected to hear something along the lines of “Hi I’m your worst fucking nightmare and will now rip your skin off and devour your very soul”.
“Well mister I was kind of hoping that you could send me to the land of equestria, or maybe just point me in the right direction” I told him. For whatever fucking reason he fucking laughed, not a fucked up ‘you are about to die laugh’ more like a ‘no fucking way’ laugh. While I pondered what the actual fuck that meant he spoke yet again,
“Let’s make a deal” he said, at this my ‘ABORT MAN ABORT’ sirens began screaming all kinds of hell-no to that, but I was intrigued, so I asked,
“What kind of deal?” as I said this there was no laughing, just a stone-cold silence in which he said,
“You must live with my demons”.
About this time my brain flat lined into a big pile of ‘what is this I don’t even…’
“What kind of demons are we talking about?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“The ones that give me my power, but make me do the things I’m known for doing” when he said that, I heard such deep, mournful sadness in his voice that I knew there was no way that he was lying, but even with that in mind, demons inside my head trying to control me were not exactly what I wanted at that moment.
“How many demons are we talking about here and what do they do?” I asked.
“Well about two hundred…”
“200!!! I can barely handle the voices I already have in my head and you wanted to throw in a couple hundred more?!? NOPE SORRY NO DEAL!”
“Well actually I only need you to take one” he said.
“Dear god I shouldn’t ask but what is so special about this one? Will he try to kill me in my sleep or just rape me?” I asked in a mock tone.
“No” he said quietly “he is the one that forces my hand, the one that makes me kill and destroy; I can barely hold him back as we speak”.
I pondered to myself if he was always so bright and happy or if I was just this lucky “Ok suppose I take this one demon, what do I get in return?” I asked
“Well for starters you can go to equestria and have full control over shadows and darkness, as well as being able to change your form entirely, but there are down sides” he replied.
“Such as…?”
“He will attempt to take hold of your body if you are feeling highly emotional, such as bouts of rage and anger, and while in control he will attempt kill those you hold dear, but a strong mind will could prevent such a thing from happening”.
I thought this over for quite some time, for instance, I had a load of pros such as going to ponyville, getting some kick-ass powers, and relieving slenderman of one of his burdens. But the cons were costly as well, the possibility of losing control and harming those I love was such a high risk that I almost said no right away.
I thought, and thought, and thought some more before I finally said “I accept these terms”
The relief coming off of him was palpable, and for once I was sure I had made the right choice, at least until I felt the demon enter my mind and body. The nicest way I can put it is I felt like I had been rolling in trash and then cleaned myself in a bath of acid, not a very pleasant feeling mind you.
[Well now, a new host? This should be interesting.] I sighed as I realized that I and it were going to be spending A LOT of time together.
Okay where was I? Oh, right, somewhere along the lines of demonic entity living in my body and fighting me for control. Did I mention the part that the whole demon part entering my body (no not like that sicko) felt like a acid shower because I feel that it deserves some going over I mean a long acid shower yeah not too enjoyable lemme tell ya.
So after that nice little sensation I began to black out the last thing I remember is slenderman pushing something into my hoodie pocket and saying “you’ll be needing this where your going” with a dry chuckle.
Next thing I know I’m in some kinda dank musky place that reminds me all too much a funeral home complete with creepy music and dead flowers. To top it all off there was a huge coffin right in the middle of the room. So in another of my brilliant display of my IQ I decide to go check out the creepy black coffin. The freakin thing was way old to boot I mean I could see the paint beginning to peel and dust settled all over it.
Of course by this time I was about a foot away from the thing when I heard the noises coming from it. Well now I’m no coward but hanging around the noise making coffin that was old enough to have Abraham Lincoln in did not seem like the best of plans. So I turned around and began walking away when, of course, it flung open. All my sense were screaming “DON’T LOOK YOU FUCKING JACKASS” so of course I looked.
I can now honestly say I listen to my sense a little bit more often because lo and behold in the coffin was my parent. My long dead parents who would have given ‘The Rake’ a run for his money in the ‘oh fuck run! It’s gonna kill me!’ department. Then they began to talk.
“Son it has been too long” crooned my father his voice was like sandpaper and gravel being rubbed together.
“You should have visited us more often” my mother cackled her voice sounding eerily similar too my fathers.
“NO” I said “you are FUCKING dead! You have been dead for a long time and I’ll be damned if that’s changed!”
“Haven’t you missed us?” they warbled
“Sure I would have if you had given two shits about me!” I shouted barely controlling my rage
“Oh but son the beatings always made you such a obeying and loyal son” said my father
“And you were so pudgy we simply couldn’t let you eat too much” laughed my corpse of a mother.
“And you didn’t really need a bed or blanket the cold built character” boomed my father joining my mother in laughing.
Every nerve in my body screamed for me to run and hide from my memories of that horrible time but my rage overcame them wanting nothing less than to destroy them and put them back into the ground. Then I remember the thing slenderman had pushed into my hoodie and reached for it. It was a big, pitch black revolver that looked more like a sawn-off shotgun and the power this thing gave off I felt I could take on the world.
So I did the next best thing I put on a warped smile and aimed. The laughter died out almost instantly.
“Son put that toy of yours away it won’t help” said my dad beginning to sound angry. I didn’t care what he said it was a lie; it was always a lie with him.
“Enjoy yourselves in hell” I said in low voice “because you sure as shit aren’t wanted here!”
With that I emptied the gun into the coffin and my now suddenly remorse-full parents who were screaming threats about as much as they were begging for there lives.
I had the familiar feeling of blacking out and woke back up in the forest.
Night had fallen since I had blacked out and I was still pretty shaken up about the dream I just had.
“I see you were able to face your own demons” said a voice
I whirled around to see slenderman still there leaning against a tree the very essence of calm.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” I screamed “Did you do that?!”
“No” he calmly replied “the demon within you did that as a test of your will”
“And what you thought it wasn’t important or anything to let me know that my abusive parents were going to come back and try to fuck me up!?” I was still enraged regardless that it wasn’t him.
“The demon was the one to choose what would it would show not I and is, in fact still influencing you” he said not even miffed that I was screaming at him.
“What?” suddenly I thought that this demon was going all inception on me and I was about to wake up again.
“Look at yourself” I did and what the fuck I was surrounded by an aura of black flames.
About this time I fell to the ground and began trying to roll the flames out. And dam if slenderman was about to die laughing.
“Stop” he said still laughing “that’s the power of the demon you now carry”
“Hold rewind there for a second you said that’s my power” what is this I don’t even……
[Yes I have so many powers little mortal]
Oh goody another voice in my head screaming for my attention. Suddenly I felt very tired and wanted to get this whole thing over with.
“Ok slender let’s pretend that you’re a noob that doesn’t know how to use or control his powers what do?”
“First off did you just call me slender? Secondly I think I have something that might help” and with that he pulled out a small journal sized book and handed it too me. After a quick flip through of the book I noticed it was mostly empty and the pages that weren’t were in some other language.
“Not to sound unappreciative but I can’t read a dam thing here” I grumbled
“Hmmm how about this?” he then snapped his fingers or tentacles. Whatever. The book began to shift and change color until it was a small sized book that now read ‘Unnatural powers and you for Dummies’
“Thanks I think” I deadpanned once again he burst into peels of laughter seeming a lot more relaxed since I took one of his demons hope he stops hurting people now.
“Not that this hasn’t been fun or anything but I must go others desire my attention as much as you do” he said seeming a little sad “Wait I still don’t even know how the buck to get to equestria and whether or not you are still going to go around hurting people” I said a little more that upset.
“To answer you question no I will be trying not to hurt people and as for equestria” he said and immediately wrapped his arm around me right as I began to black out again. My last thought was ‘I better not make a habit of this’. I came too with a start not knowing where I was or why the sun was shining in my face.
“Curse you sol” I muttered as I got up and brushed myself off. I looked around and realized I was in a forest still and began to walk towards where I thought my house was. I noticed the forest seemed more lively and colorful than usual I simply wrote it off as being the morning when I didn’t usually walk around there.
[Your going the wrong way
“Shut up you”
[You trust the other voices in my head why not me?] he said in a sweet manner
“Mostly because me and the other voice have been getting along for a while and didn’t revive my dead parents on the first date”
[Well you stuck with me now] and as he began to laugh evilly I began to imagine him sitting in a high back chair stroking a white cat and cracked up.
[You’ll pay for that]
“I doubt that killing your host is a good thing for parasites” he had no reply for that just some dark muttering involving piranhas.
After about 15 minutes of talking to myself I came out into a clearing and a small village on the horizon. “NO FUCKING WAY!!” I yelled overcome with joy. Even from this distance I could recognize Ponyville and began to haul balls that way. Oh hell this was going to awkward and awesome.
Authors note: feedback is welcome and appreciated hope you enjoyed
“Well fuck” I said as I had noticed the ever draining light from the sky as the sun set on the horizon “I suppose I could keep running through the night and scare the hell out them by suddenly having a unknown monster appear in the pitch-black night or make base and start tomorrow were the appearance of a unknown creature might be accepted better” I pondered for a moment
[You could always run in there and kill them all with your gun]
"Aren’t you just a little bundle of joy with all your happy thought it’s a wonder why slenderman wanted me to be your host” I wasn’t all that surprised though, I mean what did I expect from a ancient all powerful demon stuck living in my skull while I enjoyed myself in a happy place of ponies, though I did expect much worse too come. “But I agree with your decision”
[You do want to kill all the ponies?!!]
“Oh is that what you said? No, I thought you said let set-up base camp here, relax enjoy the new world I live in. I simply must get my hearing check” god I loved messing with this guy.
[I will feed you to a group of piranhas]
“Don’t get my hopes up with all your false lies”
[Did I mention the piranhas were rabid? Because they are]
I wasn’t even gonna tell him that would be the end of him too because he knows and doesn’t let me forget with all the ‘foolish mortal’ this and ‘how dare you degrade me that’ honestly it’s a good thing I’m a master of tuning people out. I thought about starting a fire and thought ‘a fire on the horizon that won’t attract any attention especially if the C.M.C is nearby’ god I would be screwed. So I found a comfy patch of grass and pullout the book slender gave me.
“Lets see what I can learn shall we?”
[I would rather play in traffic]
“I would also prefer you to go play in traffic, but lacking that I think we’ll stick with learning!”
[I really hate you, so, so much]
“Oh and here I was dieing without your affection woe is me. NOW TO BOOKS!”
Chapter one: so you have been possessed huh? Well now assuming you can read this you’re not batshit insane which already a reason to celebrate, however if you want to take it a step farther then you need to figure out what type of demons is inhabiting you and how best to use it or work with it too better use their powers and possibly change them for better or worse but these agreements often require compromises. You must also learn what type of demon it is common demons are fire, water, earth, air, luck, and speed. There are several rarer demons such shadow, light, and death. There are fabled demons with multiple powers but these are all but impossible.
‘Work with it? I don’t think I have anything it wants except the ability to kill which I plan on doing very little of’
[There are other things I want]
‘Huh learn something new everyday I suppose’
“And what would that be dear I ask?”
[Muffins]
“Wait! What muffins?! Not that I’m complaining I love muffins but why?”
[None of your damn business that’s why!]
“Riiigghhht demon inside my head wants muffins.” It’s beginning to look more and more likely that I fell in the woods and bashed my head in and now I’m in a coma in a hospital.
[Are you always this paranoid?]
“Why yes I’ am thank you”
[That’s not a compliment]
“Says who? The demon inside my head I never would have gotten if I hadn’t gone into the woods looking for slenderman so he could take me to a land filled with magical talking ponies? Face it bro that’s one of my better traits”
[How did you even know that would work?!]
“I didn’t just part of being insane I suppose, now back to muffins how many we talking here?”
[Three a day]
“Ok let’s begin with the problems here firstly I have a grand total on zero bits, secondly three? A day first we need a job, then we need a house then we concentrate on muffins. Plus hell no three muffins a day I say one at lunch”.
[I see your one at lunch and raise you to two one a breakfast and supper or some such variation after we have a home]
I considered my options on one hand I could just wing learning my power and end up hurting a lot of people or I could buy two muffins a day and have relative control over my powers.
“Deal but we have to be making good cash and have a decent place” come to think of it muffins were probably pretty cheap but never hurt to be caution.
[Deal]
“Ok so what kind of demon are you?”
[Shadow mostly] “Mostly?”
[I have tinkered in all the different types of demon magic but I have only mastered shadow]
“Well all in all, that’s pretty badass a jack of all trade I like it” now where’s the shadow section in this book? As if reading my mind the book flips open to a chapter on shadow demons.
Shadow demons: these being are strong and crafty while still maintaining the abilities to cloak in shadow as well as move through them. ‘May as well call them rogues’. Quiet you, if the shadow demon is strong enough he may also create objects out of shadows so long as the host allows him to create it. Okay now that was pretty badass I take back the rogue comment. all in all the shadow demon is a powerful ally and deadly enemy and is best not to be angered lest his wrath overtake his host and force him into unpleasant actions. Right don’t piss off the shadow demon
[Dam right]
“What’s that lassie little jimmy fell in the well?! Come on girl!”
[I will kill you]
“I wonder what I should name you. How about Roxy?
[And it won’t be a nice death either one of those painful ones that leave you dead in a ditch]
“You’re right you do look more like a Shelia”
[A fucking ditch in the woods lots of hungry animal in the woods]
“How about shadow?”
[Why the in fucks do I even need a name?!]
“I’m not just gonna keep calling you shadow demon plus that’s not exactly sane sounding I can see it now ‘hi my names Jake and I have a shadow demon living in my head how are you?’ i mean that just sounds crazy”
[yeah what was i thinking]
[I suppose if your gonna call me anything call me knight]
“Knight huh? I can work with that. Now back to spells! Or abilities whatever!”
[It’s gonna be a long-ass night]
“Yes it is gonna be a long night, knight” oh god I love this name already.
Fact of the matter is he was right, hell no I’m not telling him that, but he said that if we concentrated that we could probably start forming things from shadows. So he suggested something useful and practical, a Zippo. The thing was I really didn’t think we could make one that would actually light since neither of us knew the exact inner working of a Zippo. Turns out we didn’t need to we made the Zippo and when it didn’t light knight said I could just charge it with some magic and it would always light, which was pretty sweet all things considered. Of course then I said that was just beginners luck which prompted him to make a pitch black trench coat with a shit ton of pockets, which leads us back to the present.
(You win this round)
[What round didn’t I win?]
(The “don’t get trapped inside a human” round I’m pretty sure I won that round) he shots he scores!
[Fuck you]
(Now who’s dreaming?)
I pull out the lighter again and start playing around with it I never could resist a Zippo. The sweet thing about this one that since it my magic powering it the flame comes out black which I was pretty sure was impossible but then again. Magic how the fuck does it work? I got up, put the coat on and started trudging back towards town.
(Goddamn I’m fucking starving)
[cool story bro]
(First thing we do when we get to town is see where to get some grub)
[No bits remember?]
(Oh I remember alright but I’m sure I can scrounge up some food or bits or something)
[And how do you plan on doing that?]
(I don’t know maybe we’ll pull some magic tricks or scare the shit out of some ponies and suddenly have a angry mob chasing us) at least if I was getting chased out of town I could grab some food on the way out I mean they already want me dead right?
[I refuse to stoop to such levels]
(You’d be surprised what hunger can make you do)
[I doubt that very much]
(Well that’s because you just lie around in my head making sarcastic comments and being a downer while I carry us around and require substance)
[Big word there, don’t hurt yourself]
“Ingrate” I mumbled
We had been so busy arguing that I had failed to notice that we had stumbled into an orchard of apples.
(Oh brilliant not only did I fail to notice us getting off track I had been so busy arguing with myself that I didn’t notice the bounty of good food)
[Problem solved, grab some apples and let’s go!]
(Oh no no and no firstly because you have never read fanficts like I have you there a feisty little pony living here and rumor has it that if you some much as touch one of her apples then she know and you better start running, and secondly I can see a house and I think we can work out a deal)
[A deal with a pony?]
(Said the talking magic shadow demon living inside a human who had been transported to a magical land by slenderman)
[That sounded better inside my head]
Wait he had a head? So I have a head within my head? But what if he has voices in his head that have heads…… right too much inception I think I stop thinking now.
[So what’s the plan?]
Curse him I had been doing so well at not thinking!
(No clue I’m gonna wing it and hope for best results, who knows maybe they will invite me for dinner)
[Or they could dissect you for science]
(Nah the apples aren’t too big on science, that’s Twilight’s department, they prefer the simple life style)
[Oh so they’re more likely just to bash your head in?]
(Pretty much, here’s to hoping they don’t!)
And with that thought I knocked on the door. Please let applejack answer, oh please. I figured that if anypony was going to listen it would be Twilight or Applejack so lacking Twilight I hoped for the best. Unfortunately a huge red bulldozer of a pony opened the door. I got all of “hi my name is Jake could you tell me where...”out of my mouth before there was a flash of red and a burst of pain.
(Is one day black-out free to much to ask for?) I thought as I slid back into an inky world of muddled voices and feelings. ---------------------------------------------- [WAKE UP!]
“OH FUCK!!” I bolted up in bed. Wait bed when did that happen?
(WHAT!? WHAT HAPPENED!?)
[Nothing you just seemed to be at peace, while you were resting]
(FUCK YOU)
As I took note of my surrounding I noticed I was in some kind of hospital. I got up and went to the bathroom to look in the mirror and saw I had a large bandage wrapped around my head with the tell tale sign of recently being changed due to the lack in blood. I was glad to see that they had decide to let me keep my weapons and such or maybe just didn’t want to touch it I suppose.
(Well I suppose that’s some good news)
[Wouldn’t have mattered we could have always made more]
(Well I was more concerned for the ponies running around with a gun)
[That would have been hilarious I almost wished they had taken it now]
(You’re fucked up, you know that?)
[I blame today’s music]
I was barely able to keep from laughing at that which turned out to be a good thing considering the door opened at that moment. Yeah it would not have looked good for me if they had walked in to me giggling maniacally to myself after suffering head trauma but then again that has never stopped me before.
I looked up to see who had come into the room to see none other then Twilight Sparkle entering by herself. At first she seemed content to just stare at me and take note finally I decided if anyone was go do the talking it would be me.
“You know it’s incredibly rude to just come in to a room, stare at me like an experiment, and not even ask about the head trauma I mean if I walked into a room and you had a bandage wrap around your head I’d at least ask how you got it”
With that being said she let a small scream and bolted from the room.
[Smooth Romeo]
(You are obviously jealous of my language skill)
[I wouldn’t have made a pony run from the room simply by talking]
(Yeah you’ve got it down to a system of loud grunts, and unattractive gestures)
[Shut up]
I tallied up another point for me in ‘best comebacks’ section of my brain and moved on to my next thought ‘FOOOOOOD’. The door open and I saw Twilight peek her head around the corner
“Welcome back ready for round two?” “What are you?”
“I’m a human”
“A what?”
“A human you know tall bipedal creatures that are omnivores and have opposable thumbs’ at the last part I lift up my thumbs and wiggled them a bit.
“How did you get here?”
Oh boy I knew I would have to answer that magical question somewhere down the line but never really planned an answer. A new voice sprang up
“I would also like to know” and of course in walked Princess Celestia
(Oh goody not only do I get to explain a story that sounds insane to me but also to a Princess, and Unicorn all while on a empty stomach)
As if on queue my stomach grumbled loud enough to challenge a trombone. “Sorry it’s been about two days since I ate” I laughed weakly
“Oh well I’ll get you something to eat” twilight offered “are apples okay?”
My stomach all but sat up and begged grumbling all the while.
“Yes please” I laughed as Twilight left the room so now it was just me and Celestia I have always wondered something. I let my mind go blank no thoughts what so ever. Then with no warning I just thought
(BOOOOO!)
Celestia nearly jump a foot into the air me and knight were about to die laughing when I said “I KNEW YOU COULD READ MINDS! All the fanficts couldn’t have been wrong” and continued with my laughing. At first I made my peace with god because the fanficts normally varied whether she was nice or not so I was a little surprised when she joined in on the laughter.
“I suppose it’s what I deserve for spying on your thoughts”
That shocked me as nobody in positions of power ever does the following: admit they were wrong, apologize for spying, and say that they deserve it when something bad happens. Of course I suppose I’m thinking of all the terrible leaders out there some actually do fess up. I’m looking at you honest Abe.
When Twilight returned with some apples I dug into them with relish and can now honestly say BEST.APPLES.EVER. “Ok so where do you want me to start?” thinking that anyplace was as good as any.
“How about when you picked up that shadow demon?” Celestia countered
[How the fuck does she knows?!]
(No clue)
“Ok well it all starts when I went for a walk in the woods…..” I proceeded to tell my tale ignoring the strange look I received from them both I mean after all they asked for the truth and I gave it. ----------------------------------------------- “…. And then somepony decided it would be fun to kick me in the head and here I am.”
“That is a strange and outlandish tale you tell child” why I am I not surprised Celestia called me child even though I stood shoulder to eye with her. Oh well then again you tend not to argue with gods unless you want to be turned into a newt and I was perfectly happy as I was.
“Hey don’t look at me like I’m the crazy one here you’re the ones who asked to hear the truth!” “I believe you were telling the truth but all the same I must speak to my sister about what to do with you” “FYI not going back to earth” she shot me a dirty look when I said this but I didn’t care I had not come this far just to be turned back because my problems were too unique.
[Damn right were not going back]
“You best watch yourself knight”
(Oh shit she’s got your number dude!)
“You watch yourself too Jake”
(Did I say your? I meant our numbers apparently)
“Now I must return to canterlot and talk things over with my sister we will summon you if we have news” and with that she teleported back to canterlot I assume.
I glanced out the window and noticed that the sun was setting in the distance suddenly I felt exhausted. Twilight must have noticed because she said she would come back tomorrow too talk to me.
I crawled into bed and reflected on my day. I had got kick in the head by big Mac, meet Twilight Sparkle, managed to scare a leader of a nation that was a god and not even get a plague. Well good if I can keep this up I’ll be living the happy life in no time.
[Don’t count on it]
(Just a ray of sunshine aren’t you?) And with that I fell asleep.
Oh fuck yeah I was having that dream again. You know how you can have the same dream multiple times? Or is that just me? Anyway I was having my favorite dream again (no not that kind) it was the one were I had wings. It was night and the sky was a dark shade of purple with the exception of a full moon. I always start out looking down at people from a roof of a church and then I just jump.
The first time I had this dream I was sure that I would hit the ground and wake up but instead two massive wings unfurl from my back. The wings are pitch black and as long as my body. I smile because I know what’s coming next. I soar above the clouds and level out just happy to see the stars and moon with the cold wind rushing over my face. Sadly like all good things my dream is coming to an end.
I wake up with a sleepy smile on my face. I would have to figure out a way to fly like that. Maybe once I meet Pinkie Pie she’ll take me up in her hot air balloon. As I get out of bed I stretch out my back and officially decided that hospital beds were the most uncomfortable beds no matter what the dimension.
My entire back feels like it caved in on itself. I trudge to the bathroom and decide it would probably be best to take a shower and wash all the grime off me. Come to think of it I wonder what the princess thought of my looks, I was not in mint condition when she saw my.
Oh well first impressions already over and she hadn’t sent me to the moon so I suppose it wasn’t that bad. I decide to chance a look in the mirror. Ok face is still in one piece just a bit of dirt and grime. Hairs looking pretty greasy, chest is fine, legs are sore, back …….. WHAT THE FUCK!?
Wings, I have fucking wings, not just any fucking wings the exact same one from my dream.
{KNIGHT WAKE THE HELL UP!!}
[AHH! WHAT THE FUCK I WAS STILL SLEEPING?!]
{DID YOU DO THIS?!}
[What the wings?]
{No the fucking the color scheme OF COURSE THE FUCKING WINGS!}
[No clue]
{THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN NO CLUE? YES OR NO!}
[Well I specifically remember the dream of flying and how kickass it was and wish that I had some wings]
{That was my dream bro}
[We share the same body and I live in your mind, is it really that hard to believe that we shared a dream?]
{Okay pretending that we did share the dream still doesn’t answer how the fuck I got wings}
[I don't know]
{You are so useless}
[HEY! I make a mean Zippo]
{Zippo replica that works on magic ergo not a Zippo}
[Oh sure blame the demon for the wings sprouting from your back]
{Whatever, I have always wanted wings and these wings are pretty sweet}
[There you go situation settled quit bitching]
I took a quick shower, and threw my clothes back on. I couldn’t help but notice that my shirt was killing my wings. Note to self: get Rarity to make wing holes (sleeves?) for me when I meet her. I took off my shirt and trench coat and started looking for something I could put them in. Unfortunately I wasn’t lucky enough to find any backpacks just lying around and decided to just carry them till I got to….. Where was I even going I had only met Twilight and she said she would be back later today so that left me with a grand total of two people who I had met and I was pretty sure the princess wasn’t going to show up and just offer me a house.
[Would be pretty sweet if she had though]
{Damn straight}
Luckily I didn’t have to wait long as I heard somepony knocking on the door.
“Nobody’s home”
Of course that didn’t stop Twilight from coming in and giving me an annoyed stare.
{And wait for it….}
“Wait when did you get wings?!”
{Ha knew it I’m going to start betting on these things}
[With who? I don’t have anything of value left]
{Oh that’s right I already have your dignity}
[Oh sure make fun of the voices in your head that’s sane]
{Never stopped me before}
“This morning I think”
“You think?” she was giving me that look; you know the one that say’s ‘I do so hope you enjoy padded rooms and coloring for the rest of eternity’. Well padded rooms are pretty comfy but coloring? Please I am a master of MS paint and will not be thrown out in the gutter like a beggar.
Uh oh I spent too long talking to myself and she staring. Quick come up with something witty!
“Snausage” oh yeah king of witty right here.
“Ummm what?”
“Nothing anyway I woke up with them”
“You woke up with the wings?” the look was coming back
“Ok first for all you know I can do this at will, I am an alien, second I don’t know how it happened, third I think it’s pretty sweet to be honest, and fourth if you give me the ‘send him to the mental hospital’ look one more time I will ensure that there a good reason that I will be spending the rest of my life coloring with wax crayons, you got it?” maybe I came of a little harsh but I can’t stand new people giving me that look.
“Sorry” she sounded guilty; great now I feel guilty for making her feel guilty. Goddamn you feelings fucking with my evil plans! (Insert evil laugh here).
“Don’t worry about it I just get that look too often sorry about snapping at you”
“It’s fine its just I saw you yesterday and you didn’t have wings and *poof* all of a sudden you have wings”
“And a smart-ass mouth don’t forget the important things here” this time her look was like she was trying to pierce my body with evil thoughts yeah good luck with that. “Well I’m done here”
“What?!” she seemed more surprised that need be I mean, it not like I won the lottery or anything just leaving the hospital.
[Do they even have a lottery here?]
{Good question}
“Do you guys have lottery here?”
“WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!”
{Guess so}
[Sweet lets just spend all our money on the lottery]
{This conversation seems familiar…. oh wait that’s right we had it but it was about muffins last time which still leads us to the conclusion that we had no cash!}
[Good point]
“Oh you know just talking to myself anyway let’s go!”
I opened the door and headed in the hallway till I reached the cafeteria and look for an exit sign.
“Wrong way”
“I knew that I simply had to test you good job! You pass!”
By this time I’m pretty sure she just wishing I had been taken to prison which is a real shame considering I think see won’t hate me with such a burning passion once she gets to know me.
“Lead the way”
Hope she know the way out otherwise I’m going all horror movie on her saying I saw shit moving and weird noises. I wonder if ponies ever had really good horror movies probably not I’d have to change that…… then again maybe not I don’t think ponies would like scary movies as much as humans do. Maybe if I avoided making movies like SAW and Hostel I would get places.
“Ok you need to sign out” she handed me a quill
“Well the thing about that is I have all of no cash”
“Luckily for you Princess Celestia already took care of the bill since you new to Equestria” well great now I felt like a lazy mooch. After signing a half dozen various papers I calmly put down the quill turned around and ran straight out the doors screaming
“FREEEEEDOMMM!!!”
And of course I trip and fell flat on my face.
“Ground! Fancy meeting you here!” although I’m pretty sure it came out something like
“ARRRRRRRGGHHH” I got up and dusted myself of as Twilight came walking out the door.
“Are all humans like you?”
“Nah your just lucky I’m one of the more boring ones” oh god the look on her face.
“Kidding! I’m a bit strange all around” strange doesn’t even begin to describe my actions but it’s a good start.
“Ok so where are we going now?”
“I suppose I’ll show you around Ponyville and introduce you to my friends”
Sweet three days here and I’m being given a tour of Ponyville from Twilight herself. “Lead the way”
I said while executing a perfect gentleman’s bow. Hope they got good grub in Ponyville. Oh who am I kidding of course they will.
“And they couldn’t think of a better name than Ponyville?”
“I don’t know I wasn’t here when they started the town!”
“All I’m saying is they could have tried better to name it I mean there the forest right next to this town. Forestburg there you go much more creative than Ponyville”
I don’t know why I was bugging Twilight about Ponyville’s name maybe just boredom, I have been known for strange conversations when bored.
“Forestburg sounds like a name a five year old came up with”
“I’ll have you know that I’m a respectable eighteen year old with the attention span of a six year old thank you very much”
“Yes I’ve noticed”
Twilight already sounded exhausted and we hadn’t even made it too Ponyville yet. I wonder how the citizens will take a monster strolling down their streets. Hopefully they don’t have enough pitchforks to start an angry mob, normally you need at least six with five torches but hey what do I know about angry pony mobs. “How many pitchforks do you think the town has?”
“WHAT?! Where did that question even come from?!”
“Oh just wondering if they have enough to start an angry mob to chase me out of town”
“Why would they chase you out of town?” she seemed genuinely puzzled.
“Well I’m not a pony I walk on two legs, I have wings, I talk, and the fact the only pony, other then you and Princess Celestia, thought the best way to deal with me was a swift kick to the head”
“Well I’m sure Big Mac was just worried about his family”
“Which other ponies will also be worried about when I come into town ergo I’ll ask again how many pitchforks does the town have? And torches?”
“I don’t know but I’m sure they’ll welcome you”
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
When we came into town the everypony stopped what they and looked at me like, well like a monster had strolled into town threatening to poison the town’s waterhole, or tie somepony up on the railroad tracks which ever was more clichéd.
“Ummm hi”
I may as well have pulled out my gun and started screaming obscenities. I tell you what you have not seen fast till you see an entire town of ponies disappear into buildings in a mere two seconds.
“Glad to see such a big welcoming party”
“Shut up”
“Ahh don’t fret about it I’m sure they’ll warm up too me eventually” or they’ll buy more pitchforks and strike when I least expect it. Let’s hope for the first one.
“Anyway perhaps you should introduce me to your friend’s maybe ponies will calm down if they see I’m not a threat”
“I guess it couldn’t hurt” then a rather large apple slam into my head i need to tell Twilight to stop jinxing me.
“OWWW!”
“TWILIGHT RUN WHILE IT’S DISTRACTED!!!” somepony yelled as I was assault by a barrage of apple related pastries. I always wondered if this would work I began to matrix back and try to dodge most the incoming projectiles. For my efforts I got an apple in the family jewels.
“OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!” I drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes and began to roll around in a manly fashion while muttering words so fouls I won’t don’t have the will to tell you. About this time an orange pony wearing a cowboy hat ran up to me and proceeded to attempt to remove my head with a series of powerful kicks. Luckily for me I was better at dodging then I thought.
“TWILIGHT little help here!” I yelled as I dodge a particularly close call to my kneecap. Oh please don’t let her get me I don’t want to go back to the hospital.
“Applejack calm down!” And stop trying to pulverize my bones those are a necessary part of the human body! Finally she stopped taking kicks at me, thank the lord, and gave Twilight a confused look.
“But Twi he’s a monster” HA called it they thought I was a monster I mean I can’t blame them if I was a four legged pony and a bi-pedal creature started to strut through town like he owned the place I’d be nervous too.
“Correction I’m not a monster I’m a human named Jake”
“HE CAN TALK!?”
“No I just give the appearance of talking it’s actually Twilight practicing ventriloquism!”
“Sorry Applejack he’s a bit sarcastic”
“I noticed” she was giving me a glare that said ‘I’m watching you talking monkey’ I returned the glare with a well mannered sentence.
“Pleasure to meet you Applejack would I be correct to presume you have some relation to the pony that attempted to cave my skull in?” that caught her off guard.
“Wait you’re the creature that Big Mac kicked?”
“Yeah that’s me and please don’t call me creature I do have a name you know”
“Sorry why did you try to come to my farm though?”
“Well mostly since it was the first building I saw since I had gotten here”
“How did you get here?”
“I rather not have to repeat that story so how about we wait till we have everypony that wants to hear the story and then I’ll tell it, ok?”
“Alright I suppose”
“Ok Twilight what next on the agenda and don’t say you don’t know I saw you sneaking looks at the checklist in your bag” she blushed when I said this HA I knew she would have a check list.
“Next on the list is Rarity”
“Lead the way”
{Knight you ok? You’ve been quiet}
[Quiet I’m plotting]
{Plotting what dear I ask?}
[What we can do to make some cash]
{Any ideas?}
[Only one: blacksmith]
{They might already have one}
[I doubt it see the lack of smoke? And no smell of hot coals and metal? It's also pretty hard to blacksmith without thumbs I'll bet only certain ponies blacksmith and they live in bigger towns]
{Sweet blacksmithing is awesome I’ll make some daedric armor}
[Yeah that sounds sane]
{You started it!}
With an idea already forming in my head and two ponies by my side I headed towards the next objective: Don’t let Rarity ruin my trench coat!
“Why is it that every house here must have something odd about it?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh you just the house over there MADE OUT OF GINGERBREAD AND OTHER CANDY ACCESSORIES”
“Oh well that’s where Pinkie Pie lives and works”
Twilight said that like it explained everything I needed to know about the gingerbread house.
“Oh well that just explains everything doesn’t it?”
“Okay sugarcube the thing about Pinkie is that’s she’s a baker and a little bit hyper” well at least Applejack understood my confusion.
“Thank you AJ, the whole baker part makes sense and Twilight I thought you said we were going to meet Rarity next”
“Well Pinkie’s house was on the way”
Right, Ok preparing for massive brain overload due to quick talking.
[Oh how bad could it be?]
{Stop trying to jinx me!}
Twilight walked into the shop followed by Applejack I hesitated I mean look how every other pony reacted to me I really didn’t want to be attacked by pastries again. Oh well I’ve came this far might as well commit.
[Wait this is a pastry shop?! OH PLEASE HAVE MUFFINS!]
{That would be a pleasant surprise}
I walked into the shop preparing for nothing short of all-out war so you can understand that I was surprised when Pinkie didn’t scream and grab the nearest knife.
“Umm hi my names Jake I’m a human” I said extending my hand
I must have looked quite confused because Twilight giggled and tried to calm Pinkie down.
“Ok Pinkie slow it down I think you may have lost him there”
“Nonsense it’s a pleasure to meet you Pinkie Pie and yes I do like parties with cupcakes”
Pinkie ignored my hand and straight up tackle hugged me sending us both flying to the ground.
“YAY! I made a new friend that wants to party!” she jumped up and started bouncing up and down in blatant ‘fuck you physics I do what I want’ manner.
“We have to wait to have a party!” not wanting to hurt Pinkie’s feelings I told her it would have to wait till the townsfolk got used to me.
“Okey dokey lokie but then it will have to be a huge party, ok?”
“Sounds wonderful” I had always wanted to have a party hosted by the 4th wall breaking pony.
“Sorry Pinkie I told Jake we were going to go meet Rarity”
“Ok bye Applejack, bye Twilight, bye Jakey-wakey”
[Jakey-wakey? Lame]
“Well I like it!” Pinkie yelled as we headed out the door.
[Dude did she just….?]
{What is this I don’t even…?}
[WHY CAN THE PONIES READ OUR MIND!?]
{I DON’T KNOW ALSO, FUCK YEAH CAPSLOCK!}
We began to walk down the street again while I tried to take note of potential areas for a forge and building.
“Hey Twi does this town have a blacksmith?”
“No we just buy most of our metal stuff from traveling salesponies or Canterlot, why?”
“Oh just thinking of way I could make some cash”
“They’re called bits, but a blacksmith would probably make a lot out here since salesponies charge ridiculous prices and nopony has time to go to Canterlot”
“Cool I’ll just need to find a place to set up”
“Well there is some land for sale out towards the Everfree forest but it’s pretty dangerous out there”
“Oh I’m sure I’ll be fine” I smiled darkly thinking of the outcome of any Manticores trying to attack me. About this time I noticed a rather large building that was purple and white.
“Here we are welcome to Rarity’s Boutique” Twilight said with a little apprehension.
“You sound nervous”
“Well sugarcube the thing about Rarity is she might not appreciate the clothes you’re wearing” great AJ sounded nervous too.
“Well you two could head in there and explain the situation to her and I’ll wait out here” plus I was gonna take a quick fly around I had been itching to use my new wings.
“you sure?’ Twilight seemed too think I was helpless or something.
“Yeah I’ll be just fine”
“Ok we’ll come get you when we’re ready ok?”
I gave her a thumbs up as she and Applejack headed inside. They closed the door and I was off like a rocket. It felt just like my dreams I did a quick little air lap and landed back down in front of Rarity’s house. Too be quite honest everything was going better then I had planned I was still alive, had met three of the mane six, and had wings. Good days so far except for the whole Big Mac putting me in the hospital thing. Of course about this time I noticed that there were about a dozens ponies in light blue armor marching down the street.
“Well this is new” oh shit were they the police? Fuck that I was so not going to pony jail hell I wasn’t going to any jail. The ponies quickly surrounded me and a rather large pony stepped forward. He was wearing a blue cap with a shiny silver star on it and had an ‘I’m better than you and always get what I want’ smile on his face. I had the overpowering urge to slap his shit.
“Sir you are to lay down any weapons and come with us under order of the Ponyville mayor” the mayor? Oh hell no, I wasn’t going anywhere with these little pony fucks with anything less then a direct order from the Princesses themselves.
“And why does the mayor want me?”
“For creating chaos and scaring ponies in her town now you will accompany me to the jail”
“No I think I’d rather not” I said in my best posh accent. That startled them; apparently everypony had always done what the police had said. I wonder how they will try to deal with me? I hope violently, just give me an excuse to knock that jackass look of his face.
{Do you think we could make a police baton?}
[Hell yeah get me to a shadow and game on!]
{Done}
“If you continue to resist then we will be forced to use force”
“Come at me bro” with that I tackled the nearest pony and ran straight towards a nearby alley.
“Idiot now you’re trapped and surrounded” true that he had a good five Pegasus in the air above me and the rest watching the entrance to the alley. I didn’t care I just wanted to knock that goddamn smile of his face. I looked him in the eyes and started to smile without even looking down I shoved my hand elbow deep in the shadows there and pulled out a dark baton.
He wasn’t looking so confident now in fact he looked scared and the ponies behind him were shuffling nervously. “What’s the matter I’m surrounded and cornered what could possibly go wrong?” he ordered his ponies to pull out their tasers. They charged forward and I set into them with a fury.
I dropped two ponies with quick bashes to the head and dodge a third who took a swipe at me with his taser. I brought my arm back up hitting the pony’s arm and set the taser flying right into my palm. I quickly jabbed forward and gave the pony a good five second burst for his efforts.
A Pegasus flew in from behind and hit me square in the back, knocking me down the other ponies took advantage of this and quickly began tasing me repeatedly. Those tasers must have been low grade because all they did was piss me off. I swung my arm around and hit the nearest pony straight in the head with my baton while I brought my left arm up and tasered another. I got up while they had taken cover from my baton and planted a kick right in the chest of a nearby officer.
{Yeah this probably doing wonders for the scared citizens I’m sure they’ll love me after this}
[Less talky, more fighty]
There were only four ponies left, three Pegasus and their asshole boss. One of the Pegasus tried to rush me from behind I dodge to the left and grabbed their mane.
“Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” I said as I twisted to the side using the pony’s momentum against it to slam them into the brick wall. I wasted no time flying into the air and grabbing the other two ponies and slammed them into each other and threw them to the ground.
Now it was just me and the boss who now looked terrified and about to run for his life. I grabbed him by his neck and lifted him till we were eye to eye
“You dun goofed” with that I slammed him head first into the ground. I headed back over towards Rarity’s when I noticed Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity all running straight towards me.
“Jake what happened?!” Twilight didn’t seem to care about the cop ponies she just seemed more concerned that my bandage was quickly becoming soaked with blood again.
“Nothing someponies thought I needed to go see the mayor and I disagreed and we voiced our opinions with our fist or hooves I guess”
“YOU FOUGHT THE POLICE!?”
“It was more like a massacre of the police besides I didn’t care much for the attitude of the officer over there” I said pointing to the pony that had a now crumpled hat and rather large bump on his head.
“That doesn’t mean you can beat them up!”
“I know that but I wasn’t about to go to jail because nopony was listening to my story and thought I was a monster”
“So you beat them up?”
“Yep”
“NOW THEY HAVE A REASON TO ACTUALLY COME ARREST YOU! ” “I CAN YELL TOO! Plus I don’t think they’re gonna be trying to arrest me anytime soon especially considering I decide to use non-lethal force this time” I made sure I said that loud enough so any conscious ponies could hear me.
“Fine we’ll have to send a letter to Princess Celestia about this” she made it sound like it was her fault.
“Calm down Twilight I’m sure that she’ll understand that I had no desire to go to jail and that these ponies weren’t seeing reason she is very smart after all” ok so I was petting her ego, so sue me.
“Now are you going to introduce me to your friend” I asked looking at Rarity.
“Oh Rarity this is Jake, Jake this is Rarity”
“Charmed to meet you ma’am” I said giving a low bow.
“Like-wise now please follow me into my shop and away from all this dirt and blood”
“Applejack could you go get some doctors and get them up here?” twilight didn’t seem as keen on leaving the po-po here as I was.
“Sure thing sugarcube” Applejack ran back towards the hospital while I, Twilight, and Rarity all headed into the shop. Oh I hope she doesn’t take as long measuring people as everybody says she does.
Right ponies didn’t know what swanky was or maybe it was just Rarity, oh well I’ll have to bring them up to date on human lingo. Rarity’s Boutique was much bigger on the inside than I thought possible. Cartoon realities how the fuck do they work?
[Probably magic and bullshit]
{We use magic and bullshit}
[Yeah but we do it with style]
Couldn’t argue with him there. Anyway the main entrance was filled with dresses and other frou-frou things I don’t care to mention.
“Darling what is that thing your wearing?” I was beginning to wonder when Rarity would jump at my trench coat. “My good lady it’s called a trench coat and has many pockets and is quite useful” I was getting really good with this whole posh accent thing but Twilight kept looking at me weird. Meh what does she know about first impressions? “you call just call me Rarity darling, and as for that ‘trench coat’ why is it all black you simply must let me color it up!” nope, no way, not happening anytime soon
“Sorry Rarity but I have a rule about stuff I made it can be any color you want as long as it’s black”
“You made that?” shit I suppose I could just tell her I have a demon living in my body or just lie. HMMM I choose secret option C procrastination!
“Oh yes I’ll have too tell you later it’s quite the story” hope that’s enough to slate her insatiable appetite for fashion if not I could jump out a window and hope I land on one of the cops.
“Oh of course darling” BOOYAH! No glass shards in my gut today!
“Actually Twilight perhaps we should all set a time for me to tell my tale after I meet the rest of your friends”
“Okay how about tomorrow at Sugarcube Corner at about noon?”
“Works for me darling see you then”
Twilight, and I walked out of the Boutique while bidding Rarity a good day. I looked toward the alley way where I had put the hurt down on about a dozen police ponies.
[Good memories]
{Oh yeah}
I noticed that most of the ponies were being taken to the hospital on gurneys with various degrees of disgruntled groans and yelps. I noticed officer ‘asshat’, since he’s the only one with a hat, being escorted to the hospital quite quickly with several bandages on his head.
Guess I hurt him the most, good he was my least favorite assuming I don’t get sent directly to jail I’ll make sure his life is quite annoying. He’s going to be surprised how easy it’s for somepony to lose their keys when you can manipulate shadows
“So Twi who we going to go meet next?”
“Well since I don’t know where Rainbow Dash is, I suppose well go meet Flutttershy”
“INCOMING!”
Wait incoming? I’ve read enough fanficts to know where this is going. I twisted and dived to the side right before getting hit in the stomach with a small cyan-colored Pegasus which slammed me face first into the ground.
“Ground! We simply must stop meeting like this” but it may have sounded more like
“ARRRRRGGGHHHH” but what do I know I had a stomach for of Pegasus and face to the cobblestone.
“Oops sorry about that” Rainbow said chuckling
3...2...1.
“AHHHH MONSTER!” oh yeah I was getting good at guessing ponies reactions. What I wasn’t ready for is her taking a swing at me luckily for me Twilight stopped her hoof with her magic aura thing.
“Rainbow he’s a friend”
“What is he?”
“I’m a human you can call me Jake though”
[She going to yell ‘HE CAN TALK?’ any minute here]
“HE CAN TALK?!”
[You owe me a muffin!]
{Shut up you}
“Yes I can talk and I said my name is Jake”
“Well I’m Rainbow Dash, the fastest flier in all of Equestria, and I’ve got my eye on you!” then she flew up back towards a cloud and lay down.
{Wanna go freak her out?}
[You know it!]
“Twilight hold this” I said as I threw my coat to her and spread out my wings.
“Jake want are going to do?”
“Oh nothing just going to tell her goodbye” and then in a quieter voice “though she may not like the method”
“What was that!?”
[Shit! She heard us go go go!]
“Nothing Twi see you in a sec” I quickly zoomed up to the cloud and saw Rainbow sleeping on it. I wonder if I can even stand on clouds?
[GO FOR IT!]
I carefully hovered above the cloud and put my feet down to find that the cloud did in fact support my weight the only downside is that it felt like I was walking on sponges.
I quickly caught a glance of Rainbow sleeping in the middle of the cloud. Hmmm what’s he best way to wake up a sleeping Pegasus? Loudly of course! I quickly snuck over to Rainbow and yelled
“YOU HAVE A NICE DAY!” at the top of my lungs. She jumped a foot in the air and gave me a glare of death, yeah time to go.
“It’s been fun bye!” then I jumped of the cloud diving straight toward the ground when I heard her yell
“NO YOU DON’T!”
Shit she was chasing me, okay wings do your thing, and ha I rhymed. We flew straight towards the ground before I opened my wings and shot down the main road using gravity to help me go as fast as I could. I peeked back to see she was gaining on me I quickly veered out of town and kicked it in to overdrive.
Like hell I was letting Rainbow Dash get a hold of me. I was going insanely fast and decided I need to make some goggles for next time I flew. Then I heard a loud ‘BOOOM’ and looked behind me, shit she had broken the sound barrier already.
Ok she was gaining fast I need to pick-up the pace I put all I had into it and noticed a cone beginning to surround me. Great we still need to go faster or we’ll just get ripped to shreds by an angry Rainbow Dash.
[Allow me to help you bro]
{YOU HAVEN’T BEEN HELPING!?}
[BE THANKFUL I’M HELPING NOW!!]
And holy shit I got such an adrenaline rush that I screamed through the sonic barrier like tissue paper and then some. Unfortunately that didn’t last to long and I had to land since I was exhausted. Rainbow landed next to me and was looking surprised as I lay on the ground.
“Ok-pant-you win-pant-just-pant- not the –pant- face” there was no way I was standing up let alone fighting. Instead she just laughed and seemed genuinely happy.
“Finally someone to race!” me? Race? I think you have me confused for some kinda athlete person.
“Ok but not now I need sleep”
“Ok but I wouldn’t sleep here”
“Why?”
“You’re right next to the Everfree forest”
“Ok then not sleeping here” I got up rather slowly and saw a purple speck running towards us screaming
“JAKE DON’T KILL HER!”
“What does she mean don’t kill me?” I gave her a quick story of me fight the police which seemed to impress her.
“You took on a dozen police ponies?”
“About a dozen and they started it!”
“That’s so cool!” by this time Twilight was almost to us and was panting pretty hard.
“Jake-pant-don’t-pant-hurt…”
“Okay Twi calm down I’m not gonna hurt her so take a deep breath and relax” she collapsed to the ground breathing heavily.
“She gonna be alright?” I asked Rainbow
“Oh yeah she just need to work out more”
“Shut-pant-up”
“Ok well this has been fun but I’m going back to napping we should race sometime Jake” and she hoped into the air and flew off.
“You gonna live Twi?”
“Shut-up’
I chuckled as she lifted herself up on wobbling legs only to fall back down again.
“You really shouldn’t over do it like that Twi” I bent down and scooped her up she eep’d softly. Too much DA’WWW we need back up!
“Ok Twi where we going?”
“You see that cabin over there?” She said pointing towards a far off cabin “that’s where Flutttershy lives”
I began to march towards the cabin notice Twilight didn’t seem to mind being carried I’ll have to investigate that later. But for now Fluttershy’s Cabin!
As we got closer to Fluttershy’s cabin I put Twilight down and she started asking me about earth, oh joy.
“So how many humans live on ‘earth’?
“Oh you know last time I checked about seven billion or so”
“SEVEN BILLION!?”
“OR SO!”
“How do you manage to live like that?”
“Well I have to eat and breathe and normally I’m not allowed to play with matches”
Twilight gave me a look that could melt steel; I was still wishing I had some matches to play with. Wait seems like I made something similar to matches but much more badass….. What was it?
[Zippo dude]
Damn I love having a demon in my head it’s like having your own personal secretary!
{Cancel all my appointments today Miss Demon!}
[Firstly if you call me miss anything again I will end you, secondly I already canceled all your appointments]
{Jolly good then!}
Twilight was staring at me again.
“Sorry talking to the voices in my head”
“You know if I hadn’t heard your story with princess celestia I would think you completely insane”
“Sure you assume I was talking to the demon in my head I was actually talking to Phil” then I whispered “don’t worry Harry keeps him on a tight leash”
She gave me the look again while I silently laughed to myself. I already loved messing with her and I’ve known her for what? About a day I think. Yep this was the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
“Speaking of voices in your head how is the demon?”
“His name is Knight and he wants muffins! So do I! Does Pinkie sell muffins?”
“Yeah all kinds, what’s your favorite?”
[BLUEBERRY MOTHERFUCKER!]
{FUCK YEAH BLUEBERRY!}
“Definitely blueberry for me and Knight”
“Yeah blueberry is pretty good but I prefer banana nut”
[BLASPHEMY!]
{SHE OBVISOULY HAS BEEN POSSESSED BY A DEMON..... oh wait}
[DOESN’T MATTER STILL BLASPHEMY!]
{I CONCURE!}
“First off blueberry is much better than banana nut; trust me I’m a Doctor”
“You obviously not a doctor”
*sigh* my trolling wasted on ponies . “And even if you were you still wrong banana is much better than blueberry”
“NIEN you feeble banana nut will be crushed by the superior blueberry muffins!”
“Your blueberry muffins could take out a cupcake!” oh shit game on!
“Your pathetic banana nut muffins couldn’t take out a house fly!”
We had a heated debate over muffins for quite some time up until Twilight confused me with big words and I told her she would ruin the day she messed with blueberry muffins. By now we had finally made it too Fluttershy’s cabin.
“So you want to go in and explain what I am or should I just knock on the door and start singing showtunes when it opens?”
“Well while that would be interesting I don’t want to scare Fluttershy with your terrible singing”
Clever girl.
“BAHH! Your no fun in that case I will be waiting out here with zee animals!”
She knocked on the door while I hid in a tree, when she had successfully infiltrated the compound I jumped out of my tree and went to look and the animals. I wasn’t too interested in the chickens so I decided to take a look around her house. Incredibly rude and creepy? Yep, don’t care I’m an alien who has is new to this world to her. I headed around back and noticed she had some dog houses that set off alarms in my head.
My first thought was ‘well we’re next to the Everfree Forest where timber wolves live and she has dog houses’ followed by ‘OH SHIT WHATS THAT GROWLING NOISE?’. I slowly turned around and saw a very small rabbit? OH SHIT ITS ANGEL RUN LIKE A BITCH! I spun around and jumped over the fence like a goddamn deer unlike a deer however I got caught on the fence and went face first into a tree. Why does everything here hate my face, I mean I know it’s not perfect but it’s still my face dang it!
Twilight and Fluttershy came rushing out to see what the noise was. Why were they spinning so much I was already dizzy enough thank you.
“Stop the elevator I would like to get off”
“Jake what were you doing?!”
“Well first I was looking around then I heard a vicious growling and saw the bunny from Monty Python so I decide I liked life and jumped this here fence, luckily for me this tree here was kind enough to catch my face”
“Monty Python bunny? Fluttershy looked very confused
“Never mind my name is Jake pleasure to meet you …?”
Fluttershy hid behind her mane and squee’d. As cute as that was I decide I was going to be her friend whether she liked it or not. After all it would be hard to hold a conversation if she just squee’d all the time. I kneeled down and got eye to eye with her.
“Listen I’m really not going to hurt you or anything and even if I tried you could just sick that bunny or some trees on me and I’d be at your peril”
She and Twilight giggled a little at this
“My name’s Fluttershy it’s a pleasure to meet you Jake I mean i-if it’s ok with you”
“It’s quite alright with me and it’s a pleasure to meet you now might I ask what you’re doing so close to the Everfree?”
“Oh I take care of all the animals who need h-help” she’s so nervous I hope she got used to me soon enough.
“And the animals don’t try to hurt you or anything?”
“Oh no the animals only come here if they need help”
“That’s very kind of you to take care of others animals” she blushed and tried to hide behind her mane even more.
[You know even as a demon that is the cutest thing I have ever seen]
{Yeah, she’s Fluttershy no one is immune to her cuteness}
“So Jake how did you get here?” oh boy this again luckily for me Twilight interjected by saying that she should meet us at sugarcube corner tomorrow for the story so I would only have to tell it once. She promised she would be there and said she had to go feed the animals I bid her a good day and started heading back towards town. The sun was starting to set and I was getting tired racing Dash took a lot out of me.
“So Twi do you have any idea where I could stay till I can earn enough bits for a house?”
“I was thinking you could stay with me I have a couch” was she blushing? Nah must be a trick of the setting sun. But a couch? Sweet I prefer sleeping on a couch anyway.
“If you’re sure I won’t be a hassle or anything”
“Oh I’m sure you’ll be fine”
BHAHAHAHA how little she knew! I wonder how spike will take the news of an alien possessed by a demon sleeping down stairs? Regardless I can’t wait to see his reaction
“Twilight why did we have to visit Fluttershy, who lives the farthest away, last?”
“Because every other pony was on the way there”
“I suppose that makes sense in theory”
“Why wouldn’t it?”
“Its night and we’re just strolling by the Everfree Forest which if I remember correctly then it’s filled with, and I quote, ‘terrible monsters that don’t like ponies’ according to you” She started looking around really quickly. The forest had quieted down once the sun had set but I was still feeling uncomfortable this close to the forest.
“I don’t think they’ll come out here to attack”
*ROAR*
“You just had to say something didn’t you?” I spun to face the forest and shoved my hand into the nearest shadow and pulled out a midnight black katana.
“So what do you think it was?” Twilight was trying really hard not to run but was shaking like a leaf.
“S-sounded l-like a m-m-manticore”
“I don’t suppose we could just leave the area and start heading back towards town safely, could we?”
”N-no Manticores will keep stalking us till we’re dead”
“Or they are” she gave me a look like I was crazier than previously thought.
“Manticores have extremely thick skin and poison stingers our only chance is to try and get back to Fluttershy’s cabin and stay there for the night”
The bushes began to shake.
“For some reason I doubt we’re going to be making it back to the cabin” and out jumped two Manticores. My first impression was ‘oh wow that’s a big psychotic lion-bird’ followed by ‘I think it’s hungry’.
[Yeah we should probably kill the damn things, all in favor?]
{I}
[Motion carried kill the damned things]
Luckily for me the Manticores couldn’t decide who to eat first the new thing they had never seen before, or a unicorn. Unfortunately for them they decide to attack Twilight. That got my blood boiling. As the first Manticore lunged at Twi I jumped straight into its side and sent it tumbling to the ground.
I quickly turn to face the other manticore and saw it was almost on top of me I made a quick jab with my sword but only managed to cut its cheek which seemed to enrage it further. It swung at me and I ducked quickly only to be pounced on by the other Manticore. Its claw cut into my ribs I turned and buried my blade hilt deep into the eye socket of the manticore that had cut me.
That one was down for the count now where’s the other one? FUCK a lance of pain spread through my shoulder knocking me down, I turned and saw a rather large stinger imbedded in it. I grabbed my revolver, turned, and emptied the damn thing into its head.
Twilight sat there stunned the whole thing had lasted for about two minutes.
“Hey Twi little help here”
I still had the fucker’s stinger in my shoulder.
“JAKE!” she ran forward and quickly tugged the stinger out which sent another wave of pain through my arm. I bit down a rather large assortment of cuss words and started to stand back up. WOW that’s a lot of pain
“Twi you said these things were poisonous right?”
“Hold on Jake we just gotta get you back to the library” she was such a nice friend but there was no way I had enough time to make it back to the library.
“Jake I’m gonna need to trust me here, ok?” she was beginning to look frantic
“Ok” I mumbled why was it so hard to talk now? I don’t even want to move just sleep.
Twilight’s horn began to glow purple and suddenly it was surrounding me and Twilight. And then it felt like I was spinning around I landed on a hard wooden floor. What? Wooden floor? I wasn’t thinking well enough to relieve Twilight had teleported us back to the Library. I heard a few voices but I was floating in and out of consciousness.
“Twilight…..is he?”
“Spike I need …….. With the spell ……anti-venom”
I gratefully slipped into unconsciousness.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
When I woke up, wait I woke up HELL YEAH I’M ALIVE!
[WE LIVE TO ANNOY ANOTHER DAY!]
{DAMN RIGHT WE DO!}
I looked around to see where I was and noticed I was still in the library thank god I hate hospitals.
[Same here everything too sterile and white and creepy]
{Yeah too many fucked up stories take place in hospitals}
I noticed that my ribs were wrap as well as my shoulder I got up and immediately regretted it, wrapped or not they still hurt like a bitch. I began to look and found a shadow and pulled out a new black shirt since mine was ripped and covered with blood, I continued around the library not really wanting to go up the stairs and hoping Twi was downstairs somewhere. I checked a couple rooms to find a kitchen, bathroom, and more rooms filled with books.
With no where else to look I started to go up the stairs painfully, and slowly. I finally made it up the stairs and looked in a room up there to find Twilight sleeping in her bed and spike sleeping in a basket below her. I began to close the door when Twilight shot out of bed and started hugging me crying.
“Good morning to you too Twi”
She started mumbling something into my stomach.
“Sorry Twi what was that?”
“Don’t ever do something that dangerous again!’
“Sorry Twi I wasn’t about to let them hurt you by the way thanks for healing me”
“I couldn’t let you die” she still sounded upset . “Calm down Twi I’m still alive you’re still alive and now the forest is slightly safer”
“Don’t do something that stupid again!”
“Alright I’ll be more careful from now on” she still looked unhappy but seemed satisfied with that answer.
“Ok, how are you feeling?”
“Not bad just a little rough around the edges” LIES I WAS HURTING BAD!
“Ok then hurry up and get dressed it’s almost noon and we promised to meet the girls then”
Meeting was still on then? Not even a sick day after being attacked by two Manticores? She sure was a slave driver.
“Ok fine where’s my coat?
“Well about that it kinda was shredded”
Great shredded coat I’ll have to make another, oh shit what about the book I felt around my jean pockets and felt it in my back pocket thank god. Apparently all this new had woken spike up because he was up and staring at me.
“Hi my name Jake and you are?”
“I’m Spike what are you and what happened to your back?”
“Manticore attack”
“Ouch”
“Basically, thank god Twilight was able to teleport me here other wise we wouldn’t be having this conversation”
“She said you were protecting her”
“Yeah well they were trying to hurt her” ok I need my coat back and sword and gun. I picked out a shadow that’s was being cast by the bed reached in and pulled out a new trench coat.
“God I missed this thing”
“How did you do that?” Spike's eyes were as big as dinner plate.
“I’ll explain when we get to sugarcube Corner”
“Ok and Jake?”
“Hmmm?”
“Thanks for protecting Twilight” with that he left the room and I was left with my thoughts. Well then let’s get this show started and slowly headed down the stairs.
Twilight and I were walking towards Sugarcube Corner with spike in tow. I had been complaining about the lack of dubstep and avenged sevenfold, I NEED MY FIX!
{Knight please tell me there’s something we can do about this}
[I dunno ask the book]
I pulled out the little book slenderman had given me and wondered if it was just a guide to being possessed.
“OH GREAT AND POWERFUL BOOK TELL ME HOW TO GET MY MP3 HERE!”
“Jake why are you talking to the book?”
“Quiet you I need my music”
The book flew open and the ink began to bleed through the pages.
“OH SHIT IT WORKED!”
“Jake must you yell profanities in the middle of town?”
“Fine I’ll yell random things from now on things like: FIRE, or DRAGON, or SHENNANIGANS” Twilight didn’t seem to appreciate the humor as much as me and Spike, who were laughing like a madmen.
“Ok book tell me your secrets!”
So you want to bring something from your world to this one? Since you have the powers of a shadow demon this maybe done with small thing, but be warned overusing this power has been known to cause extreme tiredness and in some cases death use this power sparingly.
“Right use sparingly, but how do I use it? OH GREAT AND POWERFUL BOOK SHOW ME THE WAY!”
“why do you have to yell when asking it?!"
“It’s a book it has no ears so I have to be loud”
[Yeah fuck logic]
{Fuck logic, talk to books}
“How do you know the book isn’t responding to what you want and not what you ask?”
“Fine I’ll ask it a question: OH GREAT AND POWERFUL BOOK, WHAT IS THE AIRSPEED OF A UNLADDEN SWALLOW?”
African or European? Also you don’t have to yell.
“Oh we have a cheeky book here”
“Fine the book can hear you”
“NOW BOOK BACK TO MY MP3 PLEASE!”
What did I say about the yelling? Concentrate on the shadow of the object and imagine that it was falling into the shadow the go to the nearest shadow and imagine it had came out of it and voila MP3. You must have made contact with the before mentioned item for it to have any pull.
[Well shit I wanted to bring a SR-71 here and fly around like a boss]
{Dude we have wings you idiot}
[IT’S NOT THE SAME!]
{I DISAGREE LOUDLY AS WELL}
“Ok here we go” I concentrated very hard on where I had left my MP3 and what the shadow looked like. I went to the nearest shadow and reached into it I concentrated and felt something solid form and yanked it out. I looked down and saw I had done it only thing was now my MP3 was black. I would be surprised but, Meh, I just pulled a MP3 out of my world or dimension and into this one.
“God that’s better” I made my way back over to Twilight and spike with my music still blaring.
“Why do you listen to that kinda music? It sounds depressing” I decided I would give her the same answer I gave anybody else who asked why I liked the music I do.
“I dunno it just fits my tastes” honest enough I had some weird songs on my MP3. I would need to find a way to charge it. Oh well I figure it out another time we almost to Sugarcube Corner. I turned off my music and stepped into the shop. I wondered how the cakes would react considering I hadn’t met them yet.
“Hi Jakey-Wakey!” well thank goodness Pinkie didn’t seemed frightened by me. I noticed that the Cakes were staring but were kind enough to introduce themselves and say hello. I returned the favor and saw a table with the rest of the Mane six surrounding it. I walked over and took a seat on a stool much too small for someone like me.
“Ok if I’m gonna do this I’m doing it comfortably” with that I reached into a shadow and pulled out a regular sized chair, I was gonna have to slow down this whole conjure what I need thing I felt like I had just run a marathon after three things.
[It will get easier with practice]
{Thank god}
The girls were all staring at me like I was some kinda wizard. With the exception of Twilight, who had seen it before, and Pinkie, who broke the fourth wall all the time and didn’t give a fuck.
[ARE YOU A WIZARD.JPG]
{How do even know about that you were stuck in slenderman for a while and I don’t think he lurks the internet}
[Nah I just pick that up from your memories which are pretty fucked up by the way]
{COOL STORY BRO.JPG}
“Right your probably wondering how I did that, aren’t you?”
Pinkie pipe up with a
“No Jakey-Wakey that was Knighty using his powers!”
[GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR HEADS!]
{WHAT BLACK MAGIC IS SHE USING TO DO THIS?!}
[CAN ALL THE PONIES READ OUR MINDS OR JUST THE CRAZY ONES?!]
{HOW COULD SHE EVEN USE MAGIC SHE’S AN EARTH PONY!}
After I had my mini breakdown I calmly stated
“Pinkie that’s terrifying on so many levels, I can honestly say I would prefer to hear that you had been breaking into Princess Celestia’s bedroom and reading her diary than reading my mind” Pinkie just smiled and started humming.
“Ok now that I have that out of my system I think I should start of by saying that this is the truth and no I’m not pulling your leg please hold all questions till the end”
I went ahead and told them how I got here not specifically why I was out in the woods, I don’t want them freaking out about the show, but everything else was fair game.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“…. And here I am demon possessed living with talking, flying, magic ponies. Any questions or anything?” They all looked over to Applejack and asked if I was telling the truth. I would have been insulted but hey I was there and still think I’m in a hospital with a rather large head wound.
“He’s telling the truth y’all” thank you AJ now for the barrage of questions.
“But that’s impossible nopony has ever met Slendermane and lived to tell about it” RD seemed pretty adamant that I was not telling the truth.
“Rainbow I didn’t meet Slendermane” by the way Slendermane what the fuck? Alternative slenderman? I’ll need to consult THE GREAT AND POWERFUL BOOK about this “I met slenderman there is a difference you know”
“I still think you crazy” I reached into a shadow and pulled out a tiny bouncy ball and began playing with it.
“Insane? Yeah probably but I still have these powers and these voices in my head sorry but I can’t prove it” wait I just gave an opportunity for a possible crazy spell, god I’m normally not a praying man but please no.
“Well Jake I have been working on a spell to watch others memories” CURSE YOU I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE POSSIBLY!
“Ok and its not dangerous or going to cause indescribable pain right?”
”It should but well have to g back to the library and set up for it”
“Very well then lets be off” curse you Rarity I was hoping to get some muffins before we left. I followed the girls out of the shop being followed by Pinkie Pie who was still bouncing around in a bubbly manner.
“Hey Jakey?”
“Yeah Pinkie?”
“Here you go” she threw a box at me and ran to catch up with the rest of the girls.
I opened the box and found a Blueberry muffin.
[I’m not even question how she knew we liked blueberry I’m just gonna enjoy it]
{My brain hurts so I’ll just stop trying}
I bit into the muffin while mentally preparing for six more voices inside my head.
A/N: thanks for all the feedback I’ll be looking for an editor, thanks!
[Knight]
{Me}
“First off let’s set some ground rules about you guys playing around in my head.” I was starting to freak out a bit about the girls running around my mind with Knight in there and my memories. One of my worries was that the girls might find out about MLPFIM and then they won’t trust me for knowing all about them and not telling them and so on.
“What kinda rules are we talking about Jake?”
Twilight was busy setting up the spell but didn’t seem to stop her ability to carry on a conversation with creatures from another world.
“Firstly I have no idea how this will work so don’t touch a thing, got it?”
“Well Jake according to the book each set of memories will appear as a door, and then when we open it we’ll see all those memories in a flash.” I’m not sure whether to be impressed or worried about entire sections of my life compressed into minutes.
“Right well that’s interesting and all so don’t open any doors and watch out for Knight I have no clue whether he’ll be in here”
[I wouldn’t miss it for the world]
{Better be on your best behavior and no showing the girls anything that will scar them in fact just don’t open any doors at all}
[We’ll see]
“Okay Twi I’m as ready as I’ll ever be” Twilight and the rest of the girls were sitting in a circle and Twilight motioned for me to sit in the middle. Please don’t let them start chanting and pull out a dagger.
“Ready girls?” they all nodded and Twilight sent tendrils of magic into each one of then all six of them into me. It felt like my head was being filled with ice and was about to burst I shut my eyes and clenched my teeth. No pain my ass. The ice subsided and I opened my eyes to find the seven of us floating around in a white void. I swear any second now they’ll make a joke about my brain being empty.
“Wow seems pretty empty in here” Rainbow Dash was cracking up and the rest of the girls were joining in.
“Hahaha guess you were right” said a shadow as it detached from a wall.
“I fucking knew you would be here” Knight looked exactly how I had imagined him. Engulfed by black fire with piercing red eyes.
“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, now you gonna introduce me to your friends?” I stared at him he already knew all about them but I suppose they had no idea who he was and to be honest he looked kinda creepy.
“Yeah as soon as I can get us down”
“Just concentrate on being in a hallway filled with doors”
“Easier said then done” I had noticed that the girls were trying their damnedest to fly around or gain some kind of control but all they were managing to do was make me laugh. I imagine a long hall-way with lots of door and I slammed into the ground.
“WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE GROUND?!”
Knight just chuckled at this while the girls righted themselves and stood up as I lift myself off the ground.
“Ok girls first thing first, this is the demon Knight that lives in my mind”
“Pleasure to meet you” he did a little mock bow and stood back up.
“Ok you’ve seen the demon in my head let’s go”
“NO! I had to use a lot of magic to get us here and I want to learn more about humans.” Shocking Twilight wanting to learn more? Stop the presses.
“*sigh* fine but only open the doors I say you can, deal?” they all mumbled deal or something among that line. “Follow us I suppose.” Knight and I lead the way down the hall-way. As I passed some doors I noticed that some had key difference like some more unpleasant memories had padlocks on them while happier one were brightly colored and had a well-worn look about them. Twilight must have picked up on this too because she asked me about a certain memory in particular.
“Jake what is ‘Rex’?” she was looking at a door that was padlocked but brightly colored.
“Oh he was a dog I used to have.”
“Can we watch this memory?”
I thought about it and saw no harm in it so I opened the door. My head was flooded with memories of me finding a stray on the streets and taking him home. I was roughly 17 at the time and had just gotten a house of my own. I took him home and feed him. The memories jumped forward to Rex and I playing fetch in the yard. It skipped again to me standing in front of a tree putting a bowl and ball on a freshly dug grave. Damn I miss that dog. The girls looked a little broken up to have seen a life flash before their eyes.
“That was so sad” Twilight sounded like she was about to cry.
“Yeah but all good things come to an end Twi I was glad I was able to make him happy” god I sounded cheesy.
“Come on lets keep moving”
As we continued down the hall-way I showed the girls some stuff about technology, human history, I didn’t get into great detail with the wars, and what we’ve accomplished in the time on earth.
“I don’t understand if you have such great technology why is there so much pollution?” Twilight was genuinely confused.
“and why do you know so little about fashion the only fashion I’ve seen is somepony called Lady Gaga and her fashion is weird” Count on Rarity to nail down the major things.
“Well Twi I don’t really know other than lots of humans would rather take the easy way out which is polluting. And as for fashion I didn’t really follow it I just knew about Lady Gaga because she was so weird”
I looked down the hall-way and saw a door that was blood-red and was covered with chain and padlocks. I didn’t even have to read the tag on the door to know what it was. We passed the door and the girls slowed down a bit.
“Hey Jake what’s a ‘Butcher’?” of course they don’t know what a butcher is they don’t have any need to cut up meat. I stopped and turned around, Knight did the same but I could feel the hate coming off of him, I guess we both hate the butcher.
“Butchers were people who would prepare meat for consumption but occasionally murderers would be called butchers for the blood they spilled” I was barely containing my rage and malice I despised the butcher and what he had done.
“Well were you ever a butcher?” Applejack seemed concerned that she might be in the mind of a killer.
“No AJ I was never a butcher I just have some memories about them” that seemed to calm them down.
“Come on girls lets keep going” we continued down the hall-way with me pointing out some of the more interesting doors. What I didn’t notice was the cyan colored Pegasus that hung back.
“Let’s see what he’s trying to hide from us” and she began to reach for the doorknob.
“…. And that’s why Jim Carrey is the best actor to date.”
“I don’t understand what ‘The Mask’ is and why do you like it so much?”
“Trust me Twilight it’s an amazing movie, just you wait till I find the door for it” I was being to calm down after we had gone past the ‘Butcher’ door. We had passed a door called ‘DVDS’ which had aroused questions and lead me to explain Jim Carrey and his amazing movies.
A real shame that they don’t have anything as good as Jim Carrey, oh well they’ll just have to take me at my word. That’s when I felt a familiar tug in my gut signifying that a door had been open, only problem was I hadn’t opened any doors. Knight and I spun around in a flash.
Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, Applejack, and Fluttershy were just standing there looking confused. Rainbow Dash must have opened a door, but which one and where!? I ran down the hall-way with Knight Close on my heels.
“SHE OPENED THAT DAMNED DOOR!” I could see her now trying to open the blood red door.
“WE HAVE TO GET THAT DOOR SHUT NOW!” I was running as fast as I could when the chains began to give.
*CRACK*
*CRACK*
Shit she’s already broken two of them please let the last one hold, for all that is good and holy.
*CRACK*
“NOOOOOO!”
The door flew open sucking me and the girls into it. I began to remember it all, me sleeping on the porch after dad had thrown me out, waking up naked strapped to a table, him standing over me smiling as he began to carve up my chest, him sowing me back up and injecting me with something, waking up again in bandages chained to a bed, him coming back with needle nose pliers, a violent pain in my mouth, the police bursting through the door and double tapping him. It all came rushing back;
I couldn’t feel anything besides rage and the desire to kill. We were all back in the hall-way the girls looked horrified and near sickness I took little noticed. I need out and I need out right NOW! Dark mist began consuming everything. We were back inside Twilight’s house the girls were still to stunned to say anything, I didn’t care. I ran out the door and into the air breaking the sound barrier immediately.
[I NEED TO KILL SOMETHING!]
I felt the urge too I streamed into the Everfree forest as deep as I could and began to scream as loud as I could. Let the Manticores come I need to kill.
A few seconds later a pack of timber wolves bounded out of the woods, I didn’t care. I set into the wolves with a ferocity that cost half the pack their lives in mere moments. One of the wolves jumped at me, and with a quick flash of my sword, was cut down the middle.
The other wolves were being to retreat which was a bad idea considering I still wanted their lives. I pulled out my revolver and dropped each one of them. I was still pissed and jumped back into the air deciding to fly it off now that I was thinking rationally again. I blasted through the sound barrier again and kept going faster and faster.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I landed back outside the library and took note that I had been going fast enough for my clothes to begin to smolder. I quietly flew back in through a window to see that the girls had cleaned up the circle and were sitting quietly with some tea or something.
“I’m gonna need some of that” I said pointing at Twilight’s tea. They all jump at the sound of my voice and flew up the stairs and tackled-hugged me.
“Don’t do that again!” Twilight seemed close to tears.
“Sorry I was pretty enraged after having to relive that” all the girls shuddered at the memory
“How could that monster have done that to you?” Rarity was seething with rage.
“Every species has monsters” I really didn’t feel like talking about it, at least not now. Thankfully Applejack seemed to pick-up on that.
“Ah-right girls lets give him some breathing room” they all backed away and I noticed somepony was missing.
“Where’s Rainbow Dash?” the girls exchanged a quick glance they were obviously worried about their friends.
“well sugarcube after you took off she felt so bad that she flew home and wouldn’t come back out” I’d have to talk to her about this I set one rule and she broke it revealing the worst part of my life..
[Worst part of your life]
{Yeah probably}
[No probably]
Whatever fact of the matter was it had been a terrible part of my life that I hadn’t been to keen on reliving. And holy shit Fluttershy stepped up to the plate.
“W-what was that i-inside your h-head?” I can honestly say I didn’t expect Fluttershy to ask that question. I thought that Twilight or Applejack would have.
“Lemme go get Rainbow Dash and I’ll explain it too you all, deal?” the girls all nodded their head at this. I flew back out the window and headed toward a rather large floating cloud house.
{That’s weird and cool as shit}
[Seconded]
{Motion carried, weird cloud house is weird}
I flew up to the front door and knocked. Man this cloud was fluffy I needed to try sleeping on clouds sometime soon. I knocked on the door again and still got no answer. She has all of two seconds to open this door before I see how easy it is to kick in a cloud wall. No answer? Fine I’ll kick a hole in this wall!
[Or you could go in through the window right there]
{OH SURE MAKE THE SANE DECISIONS}
[ONE OF US HAS TOO!]
I crawled in through the window and began to look around for Rainbow.
{Oh wow I hope she isn’t in the shower or something, that would be awkward}
[Dude she just showed you and your friends a memory of you being tortured to the brink of death. If anything she deserves a little awkward]
{BUT THEN IT’S STILL AWKWARD FOR ME!}
[WHATEVER!]
I kept wandering around the house till I got too a closed door with the sound of crying coming from behind it.
{Knock or bust in?}
[Knock]
{That was not what I was expecting you to say, fuck it we’re busting in}
I threw the door open and yelled
“MORNING DASHIE!” she nearly shat bricks. As I walked further into the room I noticed that all the blinds were drawn and the walls were plastered in wonderbolt posters.
Dash was still lying in bed and crying I walked over to her and sat down on the edge of the bed. She started hugging my arm while saying “sorry” over and over. I just put my hand on her head and kept petting her eventually she calmed down.
“It’s okay Dashie I understand why you were suspicious, but please trust me when I say I have no intention of hurting your friends” she was still sniffling a little.
“Come on Dashie, I forgive you but now I have a story I have to tell the girls and you have to come.” I looked down and saw she had fallen asleep on my arm.
{Well that explains the quietness}
[I was beginning to wonder]
I slid out from underneath her and headed back out the window I had come in from. How long was I in there the sun had already sent and the moon was almost in the middle of the sky. I flew back to the library to find that the rest of the girls had gone home. Twilight had fallen asleep with her face in a book called ‘Ye Olde Species’. *sigh* I would love to be surprised but I saw it coming a picked her up and took her back to her room. I
placed her on the bed and threw a blanket overtop of her. Spike was sleeping contently in his basket-bed thing. Well that’s good because I was tired as a motherfucker and need to chill after today’s excitement. I went back downstairs and slumped on the couch.
A/N: Sorry I haven’t posted in a bit I was on vacation in Tennessee.
[Knight]
{Me}
“Urrgh”
“Wake up!”
“URRGH!”
No. I will not be awakened in such a manner. You must first attempted to bribe me with candy and then when I eat them and go right back to sleep you must pour water on me. Thus is the great cycle of awakening a teenager.
COLD! COLDCOLDCOLDCOLD! I jump off the couch and rolled onto the floor.
“Twilight! You completely ignored step one!”
“What?” Right Twi hadn’t heard my internal monologue. What a shame.
“Nevermind” I began to stumble towards the bathroom “taking a shower”
“Okay!”
Ok shower here’s the deal you are pony sized. Fine not your fault, however you will be properly heated with an adjustable shower head or so help me god I will lay waste to you and all those you hold dear.
[Threatening a shower already? Great way to start off the day]
{I don’t recall asking your opinion Mr. Snarky demon}
[Too bad you’re stuck with me, till death do us part]
{Death do us part huh? Well at least now I have something to look forward too}
[Oh you’re soooooooo funny!]
{Thank you I’ll be here for the rest of my life!}
At least the shower was hot but it didn’t have an adjustable shower head I took a quick shower and made myself some new clean clothes (black t-shirt, black jeans) and waltzed back out into the main room of the library. I noticed that the rest of the mane six had arrived and were probably eager to hear my story. Didn’t care, need food. My stomach grumble in agreement.
{QUIET STOMACH DON’T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE!}
[YEAH YOU REMEMBER WHAT HE DID TO APPENDIX WHEN HE WOULDN’T SHUT-UP DON’T YOU?]
My stomach growled again obviously not phased at all by the fact I had just threatened to remove him.
{Stomach don’t give a fuck}
[Stomach best check himself before he wrecks himself]
I went into the kitchen and grabbed a couple apples and went back into the library and sat down next the girls.
“Morning everypony”
They all responded with various hellos I could tell them were all eager to hear my story so I decided to drag it out for a bit by cutting up my apples with an unnecessarily big hunting knife I made. This was going well for about ten minutes when Twilight finally snapped and asked.
“So are you going to tell us that story?”
“Oh I don’t know thought I might go for a stroll today” They looked crestfallen
“But if you want to hear it I suppose I could tell you.” They all looked excited again
“So it all started when I was fifteen and my dad kicked me out of my house….”
(OBVIOUS FLASHBACK IS OBVIOUS)
“….. FUCK HIM!” dad was still going on about how terrible I was a disappointment to the family. Frankly I didn’t give a damn about what he thought he was drunk or high most of the time and when he wasn’t then it was in my health’s best interest to avoid him. Same deal with my mother except she had my father do her beating, not that dad complained he was always looking for a reason to bloody my face.
The weird thing was that dad had skipped beating me today and skipped straight to telling me to sleep on the porch. Not that I was complaining just weird is all. I considered running away again but remembered that I would never get a job if I didn’t graduate high school. Fuck it I’ll stick around here till I graduate then I’ll be gone like a flash. I started to doze off last thing I remember thinking was how nice and warm it was for late October.
Next time I woke up I was strapped down to a table completely naked. I was in a sterile white room with way too bright fluorescent lights that’s about all I could see from where I was. ‘WHAT THE FUCK!’ I was freaking right the fuck out. I heard a door out of my view open.
“Oh good you’re awake! Now we can play!” I still couldn’t see who was talking but noticed he had a posh accent like someone that was used to getting everything they wanted and then some. “NO THANKS! I WOULD PREFER NOT TO PLAY WITH SOMEONE WHOSE IDEA OF FUN STARTS WITH STRAPPING ME TO A TABLE!” stressing situations bring out my inner smart-ass.
“Oh! And he has will! Oh you will be so fun to break!” that’s about the time I heard him sharpening knives. I began to struggle against the leather bonds holding me down with all my might. That’s when he stepped over and I got a good look at him. He was white about six’ three, blue eyes, white hair, looked to be about fifty or so, and was wearing a suit. That’s the part that freaked me out the most either he could afford to get suits like that covered in blood or this was a one-time thing and I would be dieing soon. That’s when he started cutting into my chest with a scalpel.
I began to scream as white hot pain tore through muscle and scraped bone. When he was satisfied with that cut I saw him reach behind me and grab something else a small box. He began to pour something into his hand and then he poured it into the cut.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
“Oh did you not like the salt? Don’t worry you’ll get used to it!” he grabbed a needle and thread and stitched the cut closed. Then he proceeded to grab a scalpel and began to cut into me more repeating the process of salt and sow. the last thing I remember is him saying.
“I think you need some sleep! Don’t worry we’ll play more later!” then I felt a sharp prick in my neck and I passed out.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I woke up covered in bandages and strapped down to a table again. This is bullshit on so many levels. Why couldn’t the psycho business man attack dickweeds who actually deserved it and not just unlucky kids sleeping on the front porch. That’s when I heard the door begin to open again.
“You’ve caused me quite a bit of trouble young man” he sounded pissed. Pissed off psycho killer, which had just carve my chest up for fun while calm, was a very bad thing.
He pulled out a pair of needle nose pliers and forced my mouth open.
“I’ll teach you to behave and obey me” he sounded so freaking calm. He pulled out some clamps and forced my mouth open as I pushed up against the restraints trying to get away from this maniac. He took the pliers and reached back into my mouth till he had a firm grip on one of my molars and began to pull. The pain I felt was the worst I had every experienced as my muscle and flesh began to tear apart from the tooth.
He yanked it out and began to go back in for another when the door bust in and two police officers ordered him to put his hands up. Instead he went for a scalpel and the officers opened fire. I was beginning to black out when the officers untied me. By the time I was on a stretcher I was welcoming the numbing blackness.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I woke up on a hospital bed. I looked at myself and noticed that I was in a hospital gown, my cuts had been cleaned out and stitched, and the pain in my mouth had been numbed. I counted that toward the IV in my arm I reached for the help buzzer and pressed down on it. I expected a nurse to come in but instead to my surprise a police officer walk in. he began to question me about the man and how I had got there I told him about how I had been forced to sleep outside and that next thing I know I’m strapped down. He nodded looking grim.
“Son I have some news that maybe hard to hear” “What’s that?”
“We not only thinking that parents knew he was coming for you, but we believe that they sold you to him”
“Why do you think that?” I was beginning to fill with rage.
The officer went on to explain that they had an officer trailing my father trying to bust him buying drugs, among other things, and noticed that he had met with this businessman several time. The man’s name was Allen Jones, I wondered how such an average sounding man could have been filled with so much malice. He went on to explain that a rather large sum of money had been transferred into my parents account shortly after my disappearance. When the police had confronted them about it my parents began to shoot at the officers and started a stand-off ending in their suicides.
I was numb I know my parent were evil but I had never thought they would sell me to a killer for some cash. The officer took his leave and I was left with my thoughts I slept fitfully through out the night. The next day a lawyer showed up he claimed to represent Mr. Jones, who the media had dubbed the butcher after they had found sixteen more defiled corpses buried in his yard. He said that he had stated in his will that all his money and worldly possessions were to be left to the family of his last victim. Since my family was dead that went to me. I was rich and unhappy I had a dentist replace my molar with a light-weight carbon model.
I had even convince a judge to allow me to live on my own till I was eighteen. More than once I remember playing Russian roulette with my father’ old revolver. I became a social pariah the boy who lived, I didn’t go out except when I was running low on food since I was doing my schooling online. I hate life and had nothing worth living for, no friends, no family, and no lovers. I’m pretty sure I was legally insane for a while.
The only thing that kept me going was the internet, nobody cared who I was on the internet I was just another person whose opinion was just as valued or despised as anyone else’s. That’s how I found MLPFIM and turned into a brony and that’s why I continued to live.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“….. And that’s the story behind the door girls.” They all had tears in their eyes which to be quite frank was a bit annoying I was pitied back in the human world and hated it. I sure as hell wasn’t about to let that happen in another world.
“Calm down girls I’ll be fine I survived it and live to tell the tale, plus I can’t stand being pitied about it.” The girls all seemed to calm down a bit after that.
“But why did you feel so alone?” Twilight still sounded pretty upset. Confound these ponies, they drive me to feel.
“Well after that everyone always remembered me as ‘the kid who was tortured by a killer’ and couldn’t act normal around me or the hung out with me for my money” it was starting to get late the story had taken longer than I had anticipated.
“Ok girls I think it’s about time for all of you to head home” the girls reluctantly began to leave with only Pinkie hanging back. “Sup Pinkie?” she threw a box and me and headed out the door. I opened the box and found a note that said
Sorry we skipped step one this morning
Enjoy
I looked inside the box to find it filled with candies and a blueberry muffin.
[Dude this is terrifying she wasn’t even here yet]
{Yeah, it’s terrifyingly delicious} I munch on the muffin while I thought about my new life.
“Going for a walk see you later Twi” Twilight was reading the myth book again and I’m not sure she heard me completely. I went outside and started flying and hoped tomorrow would be a better day.
Oh no not this again. I shall not be drenched again! I reached under the couch and quickly made a bowl and lifted it above my head just in time to catch the water. I quickly sealed the bowl.
“HA! No water for you!” I yelled and started going back to sleep.
*SMACK*
“OW!” I looked up to see Twilight holding the bowl with her telekinesis and smirking.
“Still pretty useful for waking you up” she put the bowl down and dragged the blanket I had been using off me.
“FINE! I’m awake master! Now what is it that you need?” I groggily got of the couch and headed towards the kitchen.
“Well I thought you might be interested in getting to know the rest of the town” I grabbed some apples; I really need to find some more food to eat here, and sat down at the table.
“Yeah cause we all saw how well that went last time, ponies just love strange creatures that beat up their police force” I pulled out my hunting knife and began to cut up the apples.
“Come on! It won’t be that bad I’ll even introduce you to some people” she was giving me the puppy dog eyes. Must resist! NOOOOO THE CUTENESS IS TOO STRONG!
“Fine you win we’ll go around town.” She smiled and started to get herself some breakfast.
“HOWEVER! I will also be looking for a job!’ she looked a little sad about that. Suspicions rising.
“Okay I think there may be some odd jobs on the town bulletin board” the hell? Did I just fall into a RPG?
[LEVEL UP! You are now an idiot level 10]
{LEVEL UP! You’re a level 90 Jackass!}
I finished off my apples and we headed out the door. Did I mention how brightly colored the town was? Because it is. Seriously like insanely brightly colored no shades of black, mostly yellows, blues, and pinks. I had to resist the urge to scream ‘MY EYES’ and start rolling around on the road. Maybe later.
“So Twilight do you ponies have alcohol?”
“Yes but we don’t drink it very often” what a shame I was really looking forward to a drunk Pinkie Pie.
“Duly noted now who did you want to introduce me too?”
“Well her name is Lyra but she might overreact to you”
“Why?”
“She always wanted to see a human and we said she was crazy”
“Kay possible crazy pony coming up I’ll roll with it”
We got to a smaller house that had white walls and was only one story high. Twilight lead me up the path while I tried to resist the urge to jump the fence. I failed.
I got a running start and jumped over the fence landing right in front of the door.
“TA-DA!”
*WHAM!*
“OWWW!” I rather large blunt object slammed into the back of my head and I stumbled forwards. I looked up and saw a cream colored pony with blue and pink hair holding a frying pan in her mouth. I was not amused. She started to lift the pan again getting ready to bash my head in I assume. I urged a black tendril from her shadow to grab the pan. The tendril shot out and grabbed the pan and sunk back into the shadow with the pan.
{Where’d the pan go?}
[Probably in storage]
{Storage?}
[Did you even read the book slenderman gave you?]
{I may have skimmed it}
[Idiot, if you had been reading it you would have known that we can store items, shadow or otherwise, in the shadows and conjure them back when we have need]
{That’s pretty sweet}
[Basically]
I looked back at the frightened pony that was now standing still and shaking. I rubbed the back of my head and was pleasantly surprised to not find blood on my hand. I turned back to Twilight.
“Go met the town she said, what could go wrong she said and suddenly there’s a pony attempting to bash my skull in with a frying pan!”
“IT CAN TALK!?” I turned back around.
“Quiet you I’m discussing the fact that you tried to kill me with a frying pan, now then Twilight rebuttal?”
“HEY! How was I supposed to know she would hit you with a frying pan?!”
“Doesn’t matter I blame you for my problems!” she began to glare at me with a subtle ‘I wish it was me that hit you with a frying pan’ vibe.
“you have too many problems for them to all be my fault” good point “ Bon-Bon you’re probably wondering why I brought him here, aren’t you?”
“Well no I think I know why he’s here” that makes two of us, now when do I get told?
“Yeah I don’t want to be in the loop or anything that’s too mainstream” I some frames for hipster glasses and put them on.
“Jake we’re here to see Lyra; I thought I told you that”
“Yeah but not why!” I turned to Bon-Bon “little help here?”
“You need more than a little help” Twilight muttered I turned around again, getting dizzy!
“HEY! I heard that” Twilight blushed a bit and I turned back around to Bon-Bon.
“Please continue pony that attempted to take my life in a bloody manner” she mixed a pout and glare.
“You scared me! And call me Bon-Bon not pony murderer” she stopped glaring and looked somewhat thoughtful “as for why you’re here I think it’s because Lyra is one of the few ponies that know about humans”
“Who said I’m human?”
“Well it’s a small town and word spreads fast”
“Not fast enough to stop a frying pan apparently”
”I told you I was scared!”
“Scared and just wandering around the house with a frying pan, SURE!”
“Fine so maybe I had a bit of a heads up” she grumbled looking at the ground.
[BOOOM! Hear that? That’s the sound of LOGIC!]
{We should use it more often}
[Nah that’s to easy]
{Dear god he’s right}
“Bon-Bon who are you talking to?” okay and here comes the crazy pony in theory.
{In b4 shitstorm}
[Bracing for more frying pans]
A mint green unicorn walked out from inside the house her and well, you already know her cutiemark is a lyre. “Oh hi Twilight and….” She was staring well she wasn’t holding a frying pan or any other dangerous kitchen utensil.
“Ummm hi” CURSE YOU AKWARD MOMENTS YOU SHALL RUIN THE DAY YOU MESSED WITH ME!
“So anyway my name’s Jake and I’m a human-OOOFFF!” either she just threw a kitchen sink at me or has give me a flying tackle that would rival Pinkies. Given the fact that there was a mint green unicorn attempting to squeeze the life out of me I’m guessing the latter.
"I KNEW HUMANS WERE REAL!!"
“YES WE ARE! AND WE TOO REQUIRE AIR!”
“Ooops sorry” she de-attach herself from my waist (get your mind out of the gutter) and stood back over by Bon-Bon.
“Sorry about that I was just so excited to see that I wasn’t crazy! There really are humans!” she started to giggle and jump around. Creepy levels rising.
“Ooooh what are those!?” she grabbed my hands
“Hands and fingers”
“They so cool I could use them for so much” she got this weird glint in her eye. Creepy levels rising.
“Hey could you come help me get something from the basement?” CREEPY LEVELS MAXED!
[FUCK THAT BAIL!]
{ROGER THAT DELTA-ONE WE ARE BAILING OUT}
“Sorry but I promised Twilight she could show me the rest of the town but maybe later” or maybe never yeah probably that one.
“But Jake if she needs help” I quickly covered her mouth and looked her in the eyes to indicate that there was no possible way that I was going to go into that basement with her at any point in my life.
“Fine I guess I’ll show you the rest of the town”
“Okay bye Lyra, bye Bon-Bon nice meeting you” hope we don’t meet again for a long, long time. Twilight and I walked away back towards the town square.
“What was that all about?” Twilight was looking at me worriedly.
“She was creepy, and trusts me I know creepy, you don’t just met slenderman and not know creepy. So what next on the agenda?”
“Well I was thinking we could go to Rarity’s and have her make you some new clothes” I was getting tired of all black, I mean I need to mix in some red, maybe some electric blue. I was not going Goth the whole time I was in Equestria.
“Sounds good”
When we got to Rarity’s I noticed that the place was more of a mess then normal and Rarity was running around the room like a tornado.
“Rarity what’s the matter?”
“Oh Twilight the worst thing has happened!” what I’m I chopped liver?
“What?”
“Sweetie Belle and her friends went into the Everfree!”
“So basically what you’re saying is that three young fillies decided to go into a deadly forest and to try and get their ‘Spelunking’ cutiemarks?”
“Yes!”
I sighed would a day without going into the Everfree be too much to ask for?
“Fine let’s go”
“Jake I couldn’t possibly ask you too help me we just met”
“Just try and stop me Rarity” three helpless fillies in a dangerous forest and you want me to sit it out. Right sure.
“So anywho let go.” I headed back outside followed by Twilight and Rarity.
“Hey Twi shouldn’t we get a search party or something going?”
“Ummm they might not be too eager too go into the woods with you” she was avoiding making eye contact.
“Now who said they would know I was in the woods?” I jumped in the air and hovered there for a bit.
“Go get all the help you can I’m gonna go look for them” I flew high into the air and spotted the tree line and flew towards it.
{Any idea how to find these girls?}
[Just one. They were going spelunking right?]
{Yeah}
[So they’ll be surrounded by shadows but also giving off light right?]
{Yeah the probably have a lantern or something}
[So if we can find some caves we can see if there any lights in there]
{How?}
[We feel how far the shadows go and see if anything causes the shadows to become longer or short like a light source]
{How will we even find the caves?}
[That’s up to you]
{Fine}
Ok I just gotta get lower and start looking for caves, I mean how many could there be?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Five caves later I was still having no luck. I was flying towards a mountain thinking that there was probably a large cave system there and they might be in it. I spotted a huge cave entrance toward the bottom of the mountain. I glided down and sent my feelers out. Several black tendrils flowed out of my shadow and into the cave. This cave felt different it was huge all the way through instead of narrowing and changing like the other caves. My tendrils shot back and I took in the information they brought.
There was definitely two light sources in there but and one was moving closer to the other. I figured the not moving one was a crack in the cave to the outside but the other….. Well hopefully it was the girls. I stepped into the cave and shadows began to swirl around me. They shot into my eye leaving me momentarily blind.
“The fuck..?” I cracked open my eyes and saw that I could see every detail of the cave as though the sun was shining all the way down here.
{Night vision sweet}
[Only bad news is your eyes are coated in shadows right now]
{So what I have pure black eyes?}
[Yep]
{That’s badassery straight out of anime right there}
[Badassery isn’t even a word]
{Yet}
I continued down the path till I started feeling a hot wind begin to blow around me. Must be the crack to the outside I figured. I continued down the path and entered a huge chamber I saw three little fillies holding a lantern around something glimmering. I also noticed a small jet of flames occasionally flowing in and out. Wait a sec, my brain struggling to put two and two together, flames, shiny things, hot wind, and caves. SHIT this is a dragon’s cave I need to get the girls out of here. I ran towards the girls who were trying to climb the mountain of gold. If I could just get them out of here without to much noise the dragon with stay asleep and we’ll be……..
*CLANG*
My train of thought was broken when one of the girls, Scootaloo I think, dropped a large golden goblet on the ground. I froze a loud rumbling sound came from behind me. I turned just in time to see a golden-colored dragon rising off the ground, its reptilian eyes darting toward the light source in the room. This guy was huge! He was easily two stories tall with a mouth-full of needle like teeth and a barbed tail. I turned and ran straight at the girls who had frozen as they were. I looked over my shoulder to see the dragon inhaling.
I jumped in front of the girls and summoned two balls of dark fire into my palms. The dragon breathed out fire straight at me and the girls. I put my hands up and sent out my own wall of fire. The fire met in the middle and held there I pulled my left hand back and concentrated on charging shadows into it. My fire was being pushed back slowly I lifted my hand again and unleashed the energy I had in it.
A black beam shot through the flames and straight into the roof of the dragon’s mouth knocking it over and causing it to stop breathing fire. I turned and scooped up the girls, who still weren’t moving, they screamed almost successfully deafening me but not stopping me. I got out of the main cavern and put them down.
“You girls get outside NOW!”
They didn’t even hesitant and ran straight towards the cave entrance. I turned around to see the dragon regaining its footing. A song went through my head made me smile a twisted smile. The dragon got up and growled at me like the devil himself. This was looking to be an interesting battle.
Where were they? We’ve been looking all over the forest!
Twilight and Rarity had run off to get search party together with only a little hesitation after Jake had left.
Jake….
Stop that! Thoughts like that won’t help me now! Besides he probably doesn't even like me like that and we have more important things to do. First find the girls, then chew Jake out for leaving on his own, and then figure out what she was feeling towards him.
But we’ve already check a half-dozen caves with no signs of the girls! Where could they be?
“Twi I found something!” Twilight broke out of her thoughts and looked over towards Applejack who was standing in front of a huge cave entrance.
“Do you think the girls are in there?” As if on cue three small fillies ran out of the cave and straight towards AJ. After calming them down a bit they managed to understand what they were trying to say.
“Sis there was a dragon down there! And then the dragon tried to hurt us but then a hairless monkey thing jumped in front of us and blocked the fire!” Oh no Jake!
“AJ we have to go help him!”
“Sugarpie I don’t know what we could do it’s a dragon” a loud roaring could be heard from the cave. Twilight decided that she was going down in that cave with or without Applejack. She started to run toward the entrance when she jerked back. AJ was holding her back by her tail.
“Twi you heard what he told the girls! He said wait out here he probably has a plan and doesn’t want anypony getting hurt!”
Twilight stopped trying to get out of Applejack’s grasp and sat down.
“Don’t worry Twi I’m sure he’ll be fine”
“He better be” she muttered.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jake’s POV
“THAT THE BEST YOU GOT?!” I yelled as I dodged to the side narrowly dodging the dragon’s tail. The dragon roared and anger and swung his claws towards me destroying a stalagmite behind me as I ducked under his swipe. I pulled out my revolver and put two well- placed shots into his gut. They didn’t seem to have too much of an effect. The dragon bellowed at me again and spewed fire straight towards me.
I rose and put my hands up blowing out my own dark fire. I was charging up energy in my hand again think that the dragon was stupid for trying the same trick twice. That’s when the dragon’s tail hit my right shoulder.
*THWACK*
I was sent into the wall of the cavern with a sickening crack and a sharp pain in my left arm. I quickly looked over at it and saw a bone sticking out.
{Oh that’s all kinds of bad}
[We need to hurry up and finish this guy off]
I got a crazy idea.
[It could work]
{Best I got}
I reignited my right hand and drew my sword which immediately became shrouded in black flames. I concentrated on the area above the dragon until a large black spike began to form. Ok here comes the hard part. I charged forward straight at the dragon who was inhaling for another bout of flames. He breathed out more flames which I dived under and pulled myself back up still running towards the dragon.
I was almost underneath the dragon when I lashed out my sword arm in the underside of the dragon’s front right arm cutting through muscle and tendon. I kept going till I was at the dragon’s back right leg and cut through it too. The dragon now fell to the side after losing the use of his legs. ‘All according to the plan’ I thought until the dragons tail connected with my gut and sent me flying into a pile of gold.
I screamed as I landed on my left arm I looked over toward the dragon who was attempting, and failing, to regain his footing. I looked back up toward the ceiling to see a massive dark spike positioned over the dragon. I lifted up my arm and saw the spike move as it began to respond to my commands. I looked back at the dragon that had begun to inhale again.
“ GO.TO.HELL!” I yelled as I brought the spike down on the dragon’s head with a sickening crunch. The dragon stopped moving and was being surrounded by a crimson pool of blood.
I stuck my sword in the cave floor and used it as a cane to get back up. I looked back over the piles of gold and loot behind me. ‘Fuck it’ I thought ‘that bastard put up one hell of a fight’. I began to surround the piles of loot with shadows till they were all coated in darkness, then I sent it into the storage.
I’ll count it later but first let’s get out of this damn cave. It was slow going I was sure that I had at least sprained my ankle and had to lean heavily on my sword. I looked over at my arm and saw that there was a lot of blood coming out along with an unsettling amount of bone.
{We better hope there’s a doctor nearby or we’re dead}
[Yeah we took way too much damage during that fight]
{Yeah but we killed a dragon who can say they honestly killed a dragon? Besides Skyrim which reminds me}
“FUS RO DAH!” nothing damn I was really hoping that would work. Oh well.
I stumbled out of the cave and was momentarily blinded by the sun. The shadows flew out of my eyes like steam returning my ability to see in the light. Just in time to see a purple blur flying right at me.
“JAKE!” well at least Twilight had found the girls. I yelped as she gave me a hug that squeezed my arm. Unfortunately the blood loss was staring to affect me.
“Ohhi Twilight whatareyou doing in the woods?” I was starting to slur my words together. Then she got a good look at my arm.
“Applejack come here we’ve got to get him to the hospital”
“Not the hospital” I groaned as I slumped over unconscious.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
*BEEP*
Shut up.
*BEEP*
I mean it!
*BEEP*
THAT’S IT!
My eyes shot open and turned towards the sound of the beeping. Goddamn heart monitor I focused on the shadow beneath it and summoned a dark hand to unplug it. With the beeping stopped I took notice of something on my chest. I wearily looked over and saw the CMC lying down on my chest sleeping.
{HNNNNNNNNNNNG}
[HOW CAN THEY BE THAT CUTE?! IT’S NOT RIGHT!]
I around the rest of the room and spotted Twilight asleep in a chair next to the bed. I also noticed that there was a bushel of apples next to her. I had a shadow arm throw me an apple which I munched on contentedly while preparing myself for a lecture from Twilight.
After I finished my apple I started to stroke Twilight’s mane she let out a contented sigh in her sleep. I took check of my body and noticed that besides my left arm it wasn’t all that bad. I had some gauze over my right shoulder and stomach where the dragon’s tail had hit me and it felt like I might a wrap on my foot but that was about it. Shit it was still probably enough to keep him in the hospital for a few days.
{NEW OBJECTIVE: Sneak right the fuck out of the hospital before anypony wakes up!}
[Roger that command sneaking out in progress]
I moved the shadows underneath the blankets to make a perfect mold of my chest and slowly began to slip out of the covers. Once I was out I made myself a cane and walked towards the door.
“Where do you think your going?” shit Twilight woke up.
“Oh you know out” I said and quickly lunged towards the door only to be enveloped in a purple aura and lifted in the air.
“Oh no you don’t doctor whooves said you have at least two more days before you can leave the hospital”
[MISSION FAILED]
{I demand a do-over!}
“But Twi I hate the hospital can’t I just heal in the library where I can read at least?” I was whining but I really hate the hospital and wasn’t going to pull any punches if it got me out of here early.
“Maybe but for now sleep”
“Yes master” I slide back under the covers and removed my shadow impression of my chest. Feeling the three little fillies land on my chest I began to doze off again. my last thought was 'Twilight looks cute when she's sleeping'.
A/N: OK guy lemme know what you think, especially about Twilight's part, Thanks. Rate and Comment please!
“FINE!” I cracked open my eye to see three fillies staring back.
“Umm good morning?” why are they staring at me like I’m an alien? Oh wait.
“GOOD MORNING MR.ALIEN!” AHHH MY POOR DEFENSELESS EARS! WHY!?
“Good morning! Who are you three?” I’m so full of shit.
“I’m Sweetie Belle!”
“I’m Applebloom!”
“And I’m Scootaloo!”
“AND TOGETHER WE ARE THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!” AGAIN WITH THE EARDRUMS!
“Alrighty then, got any food?” I need my muffin fix.
“Umm no sorry”
“Don’t sweat it Sweetie Belle, now then which way to the cafeteria” I got out of bed and followed the three crusaders out into the hall-way.
“FOOD” I groaned “need muffins” the girls giggled at my silliness.
[Silliness? I’m dead fucking serious we need some godamn muffins!]
{Damn right}
I entered the cafeteria and suddenly everything got quiet.
{Seriously there still scared of me?! I stuck my neck out for three fillies for Christ sake!}
“THERE HE IS!”
Wait WHAT?!
Suddenly I was being lifted off the ground by a group of ponies and carried towards a table overflowing in food.
{Or maybe they’re not so afraid anymore}
They set me down right in front of a pile of blueberry muffins.
“No words should have sent a poet” I whispered before setting into the muffins with a relish.
“Ok who told you what my favorite muffin was?” I asked a blue unicorn that had a paper and quill as his cutiemark. My money’s on Pinkie.
“It was Twilight that told us” well didn’t see that coming.
“Aww come on Jakey-wakey it can’t always be me”
{She right behind me isn’t she?}
[WHERE THE ACTUAL FUCK DID SHE COME FROM?!]
{Dude I gave up trying to figure Pinkie out a while ago}
“So Pinks do you know if I can leave yet?”
“Hmmm let’s go ask Doctor Whooves!"
“Yeah I need to ask him about the tardis anyway” I chuckled.
“OH! You mean that big blue box thing that goes WOOOAH-WOOOAH-WOOOAH?”
“Ummm yes that the one. How do you know about it?”
She mimed zipping her mouth, locking it, and burying the key.
“Right not gonna tell me alrighty then” I got up and followed Pinkie out of the room leaving the CMC to devour whatever food was left. Pinkie started leading back past my room when Twilight burst out of my room and right into me.
I looked up and saw purple eyes staring right back at me.
“Morning Twi”
“J-Jake! What are you doing wandering the halls!?” she got off of me blushing and I picked myself up with a little help from my cane.
“I was wondering the hall towards the cafeteria and more recently towards Doctor Whooves I think” I looked over and Pinkie hadn’t even stopped.
“PINKIE WAIT UP!” I limped my way towards her with Twilight in tow.
“Why were you looking for the Doctor?” ha Doctor.
“Cause I want out of this hospital!” Pinkie turned towards a door and knocked. A brown earth pony with an hourglass as his cutiemark opened the door.
“TARDIS!” He jumped in the air and turned to face me while I was grinning like the fool I was.
“Evening Doctor” I said as I walked to the storeroom he had been in.
“So tell me what caused you to change into a pony?”
“I-I’m quite sure I have no idea what it’s you’re talking about, I have always been a pony”
“Lies, you couldn’t have fought of the Daleks or Cybermen as a pony oh no you were a timelord! Although you did have a knack for having unique problems” his eyes narrowed.
“Friend or foe?” I definitely didn’t want to be on the Doctor’s bad side.
“Friend, I think” I stuck my hand out and he shook it.
“How do you know so much about me?” he was still glaring at me accusingly.
I tapped my head.
“I could tell you but you know how dangerous Spoilers can be don’t you” he grudging accepted that answer. Twilight who looked thoroughly confused by now finally spoke up with rapid fire questions.
“What are you two talking about?! How could you possibly know him?! What are Daleks?” I looked over at her.
“well you did better than I expected but ummm how do I say this, never ever telling you unless the situation is absolutely dire.” Yep fact of the matter, I’ll deal with the annoying questions later.
“So anyway Doc can I leave the hospital?” the Doctor looked back over at me
“Not a chance you’re nowhere near back at full strength you still have a few more days of recovery left” I bent down towards the Doctor and whispered
“Here’s the deal Doc either you let me out of here or I tell Twilight there just enough information about you to get her to bombard you with questions till it drives you to the utter brink of insanity”
“You wouldn’t”
“Hey Twi you were wondering what a Timelord was right?” Twilight perked up as if she was about to start writing down every word I said.
“On second thought Jake the fresh air might do you some good so you can leave whenever you’re ready”
“That’s what I thought thanks Doc” I chuckled as I left the room ignoring Twilight death stare. I headed back to my room and collected my sword and gun before heading back towards the front desk.
“Jake who is he?”
“He’s Doctor Whooves”
“No he’s not you were acting like you had met him before”
“I can personally assure you Twi we have never met until today”
[Yeah we just watched him travel through time and space to save the human race hundreds of time]
{When you say it like that it makes me sound like a stalker}
[You kinda were, hell you even blackmailed him]
{I wouldn’t give up his secret so easily but I really hate hospitals}
[Yeah I know]
When I got the front desk I went through the whole paper signing thing and Twilight started to get some bits from her saddlebag.
“Oh no you don’t Twi I can pay for myself now”
“What? Where did you get money?” I stuck my hand into the shadows and pulled out a bit that was silver and had a 50 stamped on it I flipped it too the nurse behind the counter and headed out the door.
“Well you know how dragons have hoards of treasure?” she nodded “well when I beat the dragon I moved all his treasure into the shadows and now I have plenty of bits, I could probably move out soon” she looked sad at the aspect of me leaving. “Don’t worry Twi I’ll still be around a lot since I love to read and need to catch up on Equestrian History” as well as some other reasons. She perked up a bit at that.
“Oh and we need to have a talk about you going off and fighting a dragon by yourself” I mentally groaned.
[Should have quit while you were ahead]
{Quiet you}
It was going to be a long walk back to the library.
“I said I was sorry Twi! What more could you want?!”
“I want you to stop trying to get yourself killed!”
[You two sound like a married couple]
{I know! Were not even dating yet!}
[Yet?]
{Shut-up}
“But it all worked out for the better!”
“You still could have died!”
“How was I supposed to know there was a dragon down there?!” it’s not like I went looking for trouble.
“You still fought the dragon!”
“Only to protect the fillies”
“You could have run away!”
“And lead the dragon straight to Ponyville? I think not!” She started to grumble knowing I had a point.
“Fine! But please be more careful in the future”
“Alright I’ll be more careful, worrywart. So what’s the plan for the day?” She looked at me peeved.
“YOU are not doing anything, the doctors said you need to rest” we’ll see how long that lasts.
“I” she continued “have some errands to run in town so you’ll have to stay in the library”
“And you expect me to stay in the library the whole time?”
“Yes”
I laughed evilly to myself no way I was staying the library the whole time. When we got back to town I was pleased to notice that the ponies weren’t running away from me screaming in terror. In fact some of them came up to me and shook my hand which honestly was a little bit embarrassing I wasn’t used to this much attention. When they ran away at least I could pretend they weren’t staring at me from behind closed shutters.
“So Twi who would I talk to about buying land?” my arm was starting to hurt after the 30th hoofshake.
“Oh you would probably have too talk to Mayor Mare about that” she looked sad again.
“And if I were say looking for a Mayor Mare where would I, per say find her?”
She turned too me and gave me an annoyed/angry look.
“Jake you better not leave the library today”
“Twilight I’m insulted you think so little of me” that didn’t stop the look.
“I’m insulted that you think I don’t know that you’re planning on leaving the library”
“Oh yeah? Well I’m insulted that you’re insulted about me leaving the library, I mean that’s just insulting!”
[Needs more insulting]
{I concur with your hypothesis}
“Jake I mean it if you leave the library I will ensure that you regret it” she was glaring at me with unhidden anger and …. Worry?
{WHY ARE WOMEN SO CONFUSING?!}
[Ha, I’ve been around for thousands of years and they still confuse me. Good luck you’ll need it]
“I’ll keep that under advisement”
“Jake…” she said warningly.
“Fine, fine I’ll stay in the library for now” I put my hands up in mock surrender.
“Pinkie promise?” damn it all she would make me Pinkie promise. I went through the motions and she seemed happy with it. After we arrived at the library she and Spike left to run errands apparently. And now I’m bored. I tried reading some books about Equestrian history but kept getting distracted and couldn’t concentrate.
[Why don’t we just leave?!]
{We Pinkie promised not too}
[SO WHAT!? Break the promise and leave!]
{GOOD GOD NO! you want a pissed of Pinkie Pie after us? Cause I don’t! And don’t even get me started on what Twilight would do to us!}
[Fine then at least use this time wisely and read the book about our powers]
{The GREAT AND POWERFUL book?}
[Must you call it that?]
{You have a better name?}
[The book of knowledge, the book of power, anything really]
{I denounce those names on account of sounding like them came from an Indiana Jones movie!}
[Whatever]
I dug around in the pocket of my trench coat till I found it and cracked it open.
“Ok book what all can you do?” spindly writing bled onto the page.
I can display all the known powers of demons as well as blueprints for certain items.
Blueprints huh? That could be useful maybe check it out later.
“Ok book show me some of my powers”
List of Powers for Shadow Demons: 1. Shadow Tendrils: the ability to call forth shadows to move items. 2. Shadow forming: create almost any item out of shadows. 3. Shadow Stalking: standing within a shadow and using it to conceal yourself.
Wait Shadow Stalking? That sounds sweet let’s test it out. I looked around the library until I noticed a relatively large shadow I walked into it and focused on moving the shadows. I felt them flow over me like water I looked around I could still see but according to the book I look just like a shadow. I heard hoovesteps and looked over towards the door, in walked Twilight with Spike on her back.
“JAKE! We’re back!”
“Ok” I replied Twilight jumped up, nearly knocking Spike off her back, she frantically began to look around for me.
“J-Jake where are you?”
“Right here” I said as I walked out of the shadow. Twilight yelp and jumped back.
“How did you do that!?”
“I covered myself in shadows and hid in shadow that was big enough” Now Twilight looked curious.
“Jake you never did tell me how your power worked” she was staring at me curiously.
“No I guess I didn’t” if she wants to know she gonna have to ask.
“Ok so how does it work?”
“Oh I don’t know magic or something”
“What do you mean you don’t know!?”
“Oh well its simple really I have this kickass power but I don’t know how it works” Twilight was glaring at me. My brain took the time to remind me of the episode where Twilight tried to figure out Pinkie’s ‘sense’ because she didn’t understand it.
“Well that tears it we’ll have to figure it out” Spike leaned up and whispered something in Twilight’s ear.
“Later I guess”
“Why later?” now I was curious about what Spike could have said to derail Twilight’s train of thought.
“Because we need your help in town”
“Why me?” she fumbled around for an answer for a bit.
“W-well you do you opposable thumbs” I pointed at Spike
“So does he”
“And you’re taller than most ponies” she laughed nervously with her eyes flicking back and forth. She such a terrible liar.
“Alright lead the way” Spike jumped back up on her back and we headed out the door. I couldn’t help but notice that the streets were empty.
{Maybe they decide being nice was too mainstream and went back too hiding from me}
[Or maybe the worms from tremors came and ate all the ponies]
{No I doubt that}
[You’re right it’s much more likely that there’s a plague turning ponies into zombies and now we are some of the few survivors!]
{OH of course what was I thinking, zombie ponies make much more sense than logic}
[Told you so]
Twilight was leading me towards Sugarcube Corner. ‘Ahh’ I thought ‘so Pinkies going to throw me a party hmmm? Alrighty then.’ I pulled some shadows away from the environment and slowly began to cover myself in them.
“Ok Jake in here” she opened the door to a dark room.
“Alrighty then” I walked in and stepped against the wall.
“SURPRISE!!” dozens of voice yelled as the lights flicked on. They looked around for me but didn’t see anything.
“Where’d he go?”
“Oh he’s right here silly” Pinkie said as she flying tackled me from behind.
[HOW DID SHE KNOW!?]
{DUDE WE WERE HIDING IN THE SHADOW OF A TABLE}
“Pinkie that’s terrifying.” She just giggled and bounced away.
“Good try Jake” I looked over my shoulder to see Twilight walking towards me.
“I try” I stood up and walked over towards the snack table. Cupcakes, cakes, pies, punch and MUFFINS! I dug into the muffins with gusto.
“Glad to see somepony else that likes muffins” somepony giggled. I turned around with half a muffin in my mouth. I saw a grey Pegasus pony with bubbles for a cutiemark hovering right behind me.
“Oh hello there my name’s Jake nice to meet you Miss…?’
“Oh my name’s Ditzy Doo but everypony calls me Derpy! Could you pass me a muffin?” I handed her a pumpkin muffin. She bit into it appreciatively as I finished off my muffin.
“Later Ditzy” I began to walk away as Ditzy waved too me. I saw Applejack moving a barrel of cider into the room.
“Hey AJ what you got there?”
“Some of my special cider” I like where this is going.
“It wouldn’t happen to be alcoholic would it?”
“Eeyup it sure is” BOO-YAH DRUNK PONY TIME ACTIVATE!
“Can I get some of it?”
“Alright but careful sugarcube it’s strong stuff.” She handed me a cup with her hoofs somehow. I took a sip this stuff taste like apple juice someone had mixed a bit of rubbing alcohol in.
“This is the strong stuff?”
“Yeah why?”
“It’s really weak compared to what I drank back home.” She did a double take.
“This is weak?!” she seemed a bit upset.
“Sorry to say yes” she looked a little down trodden at this.
“Don’t worry AJ I’ll make some heavy stuff later you can try.”
“Alright then” she still seemed upset.
“And maybe I can show you how to make your stuff stronger” she perked up at this.
I wandered over towards the DJ booth. There was a white unicorn with an electric blue mane DJing.
“Hi monkey thing”
“Hi unicorn thing you know you can call me Jake”
“Ok monkey thing you can call me Vinyl” right apparently my new name is monkey thing.
[Embrace the change!]
{Don’t make me come up there!}
“So I was wondering if you could play some of my music.” I pulled out my mp3 and handed it over too her. “I think I might be able to set it up” she plugged it into the speaker and I selected a song.
“Aww yeah!” the ponies looked up at the change of music but seemed to really enjoy it. I finished off my cup of cider and headed back over to the barrel to get another cup. I looked around and saw several tipsy ponies wandering around. ‘Lightweights’ I thought I looked over towards the snack table where I saw a very drunk Twilight attempting to stand up straight.
{Drunk Twilight, huh? Never thought I would she the day}
I walked over too her.
“Hey Twi you feeling ok?”
“JAKE!” she launched herself at me in a tackle hug that knocked me to the ground.
“Yes Twi?” she was nuzzling my chest and seemed content to just lay there.
“Jake I like you” yeah she was wasted.
“I like you too Twi” she looked up at me.
“No Jake I really like you” wait was she saying she wanted to go out with me? Why were these things so confusing?!
“I really like you too Twi but firstly you are drunk, secondly I’m pretty sure that I’m terrible handling these situations in public, and finally I think it time to head back to the library.” Twilight didn’t argue I looked down and saw she had fallen asleep on my chest.
{Well she probably didn’t even hear a word I said}
[Whatever tell her tomorrow or maybe in a few days considering the hangover she’s gonna have]
I chuckled and picked Twilight up. I went back over to the DJ booth and picked up my mp3 I said my goodbyes to the other ponies and found Spike asleep in the backroom of the bakery. I made some shadow arms from within my cloak and picked him up and headed back towards the library.
Twilight was nuzzling my chest the whole way home, not that I was complaining. When I got back to the library I took Twilight and Spike upstairs to their room I put Spike down in his basket and Twilight down in her bed. Although I did have some problems extracting my arms from her grasp. I smiled as I went downstairs tomorrow was promising to be interesting.
A/N: Updates may take a little while longer now that I’m working more sorry guys!
I really didn’t want to get up. I had woken up earlier than normal today to find Twilight and Spike still sleeping. I was trying, and failing, to go back to sleep. You know when you’re trying to sleep and your brain is trolling you with all the what-if scenarios? Yeah that’s me right now.
{FINE BRAIN! If you won’t shut-up I’ll go for a walk}
[Like you listen to your brain anyway]
{He has been known for some good advice, like don’t play with toasters and water}
I got up and grabbed my gear, I didn’t think I would need it but hey doesn’t hurt to be prepared. I snagged an apple from the kitchen and left a note for Twilight, she was gonna be pissed I was out walking in my state but then again I don’t care.
{So what should we do today?}
[I thought we said we would talk to the Mayor about buying land?]
{Oh yeah}
I walked outside while attempting to hide from sun. Too bright, must return to shade, *COUGH* *HACK* *DIE*.
[Quit being a baby]
{Fuck you its way too bright for whatever time it’s}
After I managed too adjust too the light difference I started to wander around town hoping to come across anything vaguely similar to a town hall. While I was walking around town I felt like I was being trailed I tuned it out for a while thinking it was some curious tourist or something.
After a few more minutes of this however I decided to confront them. I walked down an alleyway and walked out onto the next street and turned as if I was still walking down the street. I immediately hugged the wall and waited to see if anypony was gonna follow me through the alley. I noticed two small fillies walk out of the alley. It was Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.
“Girls why are you following me?” they jumped into the air and turned to face me looking at their hooves.
“Sorry Jake we were trying to get our ninja cutiemarks” Sweetie Belle trailed off still looking at her hooves like she was waiting to be scolded.
“Ah don’t worry about it Sweetie Belle ninja cutiemarks would be cool but you have to be born a ninja” or have your family killed off so you can find the inner willpower to train everyday till you’re about eighteen or so then go on a crazy suicidal quest for revenge. And normally there are chicks in latex, or maybe I watch too many movies.
[Nah that’s obviously how all ninjas are born]
{I thought so}
“By the way where’s Applebloom?” then I felt something jump on my back. I turned my head and saw Applebloom trying to hold on to my neck.
“And where were you?”
“Ah was listening from the roof” hmmm there might be hope for her yet.
“Alright well could you get off my back I’m still healing you know”
“Oh sorry” she hop off my back and stood by the rest of her friends. They were staring at me. WHY?
“Ummm do you need something?”
“How’d you beat the dragon?” the rest of the girls looked at me expectantly.
“Ummm I’ll tell you if you take me to the town hall, deal?” the girls all looked at each other; suddenly I had a bad feeling about this.
“CUTIEMARK CRUSADERS TOUR GUIDES!!!” MY EARS!! WHY GOD?!WHY!?
“Alright then I’ll take that as a yes” I was attempting to clean my ears out and possibly stop any permanent damage done. The girls started to head down the street while I followed in their wake. And boy was there a wake apparently everypony in town knew about their shenanigans and had no desire to be caught up in it. The girls were telling me about the town but I was mostly tuning it out.
We were passing by Sugarcube corner and I was praying that a certain pink party pony wasn’t getting ready to tackle me. The girls were leading me towards the center of town where a huge gazebo-ish building was.
{How the blue fuck did I miss that?!}
[You’re a jackass is the answer that comes to mind]
{Ahh it’s always the obvious answer}
“… And this is the town hall!” I tuned in just in time to hear Applebloom confirm my theory. All three fillies looked expectantly at their flanks, nothing happened, they looked sadly at the ground.
{Oh I have an evil idea}
“Sorry that didn’t work girls, but I have an idea” they all looked up at me happily.
“What?” Scootaloo’s wings were buzzing like hummingbirds.
{Too cute HHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG}
“Well girls I was thinking that you could help Twilight out at the library”
MUHAHAHAHAHA! Hung-over Twilight was in for a real treat. The fillies got huge smiles on their faces.
“CUTIEMARK CRUSADER LIBRARIANS!” MY EARS! WHY CRUEL GOD!?
[Probably because you just sent three loud fillies to drive a hung-over pony insane]
{I love my job}
The girls headed back towards the library and I headed into the town hall. There was a receptionist mare sitting behind a desk, she looked up not even startled by the fact I was a human. I looked around the room, there were some plotted plants and some couches.
“How can I help you?” I was having a hard time believing that she was taking the fact I was human so well.
“Yes I’m interested in buying some land”
“Ahh of course I’ll see if the Mayor is available” she walked back towards a door at the end of the room. I sat down on the couch until I heard it groan underneath me I quickly got up and decided that I would invest in heavy duty furniture when I got my house. The receptionist walked back in and sat back down behind the couch.
“She will see you now” she pointed back towards the door she came through. I ducked under the door frame and saw a large room with several bookcases and a desk. Behind the desk there was a brown earth pony with a grey mane.
“I heard you were interested in buying property.”
“Yes I am, can you show me what’s for sale?” she pulled out several file and handed them to me.
I flipped through them and noticed something weird. There was an empty lot of land that had 50 acres of land for 3,000 bits, but then there was a lot of land with 100 acres for 1,000 bits.
{Why is that one so low?}
[Probably an ancient Indian burial ground]
{I don’t think they have Indians, maybe a buffalo burial ground}
“Okay I’ll bite, why is this lot of land so cheap?” I handed her the folder. She suddenly looked nervous.
“Ummm this land is located on the edge of the Everfree and has had quite a few sightings of timber wolves.”
“Annnnnnnnnndddddddddd?”
“That’s it”
“Oh is that all? Timber Wolves? Deadly forest? Challenge accepted!” the mayor began to splutter some nonsense about me being more carefully and how I should take timber wolves more seriously. I tuned it out and reached into a nearby shadow and pulled out some bits and set them on her desk.
“So can I get the deed?” she hesitated and sighed.
“I’m not going to be able to talk you out of it, am I?”
“Nope, I know a deal when it slaps me in the face with a large trout”
“What?”
“Nevermind, so about the deed?” she proceeded to count out the bits and reach into her desk and pulled out a rather old paper.
“Sign here please” she pointed towards the bottom of the paper where I scribbled something that might be mistaken for writing.
“I know acknowledge you as the owner of the lot 263”
“You know for something as terrible as you said it was lot 263 is a less than terrifying name.”
“Regulation, someponies call it Timber Wolves plain”
“Timber Wolves plain, huh? I like it!” I grabbed the deed and headed back towards the door.
“Thanks Mayor”
“Don’t thank me yet.” I walked out the door and headed back out into the town square. The town was now bustling with business. I started heading back towards where I thought the library was. I saw it and heard a lot of banging coming from inside, so I just waltzed right in.
“Hey Twi I’m back” there was books everywhere and Twilight was almost buried in them. She looked up at me with murderous intent in her eyes and jumped out of the pile of book.
“JAKE!”
With that I turned around and booked it with Twilight close on my heels.
[What was the first clue? The crazy-angry pony chasing us?]
{That and the yelling}
“JAKE!” I glanced behind me Twilight was gaining.
{Damn you sprained ankle}
[You know you can fly right?]
{Oh yeah}
I dropped my trench coat into a shadow where it went into storage. I spread out my wings.
“JAKKKKEEE!” I looked behind me, Twilight all but had me.
“See’ya Twi!” I jumped into the air my wings beating furiously.
{FREEDOM!}
Then I was enveloped in a purple aura.
{Oh right the whole magic thing}
When Twilight lowered me to the ground I was attempting to swim out of her telekinesis, and failing miserably.
“Oh hi Twilight fancy meeting you here” she was not amused and continued to glare at me.
“You’re going to tell me why you sent those girls to my library RIGHT NOW!” I glanced around at the crowd gathering.
“For the lulz” I honest at least.
“The lulz?” she was confused and pissed, bad combo.
“I thought it would be funny.” Now she back to being pissed.
“Well I hope you thought it was funny because now you’re going to help me clean it up!” she looked like she was preparing for my argument.
“Ok, I’ll have it done in no time” that was hardly any punishment at all, hell I expected it. Twilight looked a little shocked at my answer.
“Come on lets get this show on the road” if I was going to clean up I want to get it over with. Twilight kept me in the aura and took us back too the library. When I went inside I noticed a dazed Spike sitting on the coach still surrounded by books. He glanced up at me.
“Do you hate me or something?” I chuckled.
“No Spike I don’t hate you turn off the lights real quick and I’ll have it fixed when the lights come back on” Twilight looked at me with speculation in her eyes, but set me down and turned the lights off none the less. I concentrated and dozens of dark hands shot out of the walls grabbing books and putting them where they belonged. The last of the books were put away in less than a minute.
“Okay Twi you can turn the lights back on” she did.
“Wha-but- how?” she looked around the room confused but Spike just looked happy that there wasn’t a mess.
“Magic I ain’t gotta explain shit” YES I FINALLY GOT TO SAY IT!
“Oh yes you do, you never explained how your power works.”
“Fine, it’s like I can make stuff but I have to understand how it works.” I pulled out my trench coat and pulled my book out of it and flipped it open, time to try something.
“Book could you show me the schematics for an L-96 Artic Warfare?” once again spindly designs flooded across the page. I quickly began to assemble the piece for the gun and began to put it together.
“So you have to understand something to make it, but how do you use fire?”
“I honestly don’t know, but I think it has something to do with the fact that Knight has been tinkering on learning different demon powers, so we just kinda create our own and roll with it.” I had finished putting together the L-96 and was about to make some bullets for it.
[Don’t bother with it]
{What, making bullets? I kinda need them if I want to shoot a gun}
[So long as the gun is one we made and we’re using it our magic will channel through it creating bullets as we need them]
{That’s so cool}
“Okay well Twi not that this hasn’t been fun but I bought some land I’m eager to check out, care to join me?” she looked up at me shocked.
“You bought land?” she looked sad.
“Twi it’s not like you’ll never see me again, I’ll probably be stopping by everyday or so to get some books to read.” She blushed and looked at the ground.
“O-Okay”
“Alright now let go!” I headed out the door and realized I had no clue where this place was.
“Ummm Twi do you have any idea where a place called Timberwolve's plain is?”
“Why?”
“It may be the land I purchased”
“WHAT?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DANGEROUS THAT PLACE IS?!”
“Nope, I also don’t care I already bought it.”
“JAKE PONIES HAVE BEEN SERVERELY HURT TRYING TO LIVE THERE!!”
“Ok stop yelling! I’ve already bought the land, now can you lead me too it?” She still looked unsure and worried, which made me feel guilty.
{DAMN YOU EMTIONS! Ruining all my plans}
[Your plans are terrible anyways]
{I KNOW BUT GOD HELP ME THEY WERE MY PLANS!}
“Listen Twi I promise you I can take care of myself, I mean I took on a full grown dragon and I’m still around, aren’t I?” she sighed.
“Fine Jake but you better not get hurt” she glanced at me accusingly, and started leading me past the library
{You were right we do sound like a married couple, which reminds me}
“Twi do you remember what you said last night when you were drunk?” she blushed furiously.
“I-I have n-no idea what your talking about”
“Well I do, you said you really like me Twi” I didn’t think it was possibly but she blushed harder.
“I-I was p-probably just drunk"
“Twi you’re a terrible liar, and well, I like you too.”
[For fucks sake this sounds like some elementary grade school crush]
{SHUT-UP!}
Twilight looked up at me.
“Y-you do?” I nodded.
“I guess what I’m saying is Twi, will you be my marefriend?” There out in the open finally. Twilight was silent for a moment, she gonna say no I know it, and then she jumped up and hugged me.
“Yesyesyesyesyesyes!” I was shocked I had honestly expected to be friendzoned. I hugged her back and kept walking down the path with Twilight Holding on to me tightly.
Today was a good day.
A/N: hope you like it, I'm not sure how good I am at writing romance scenes but I'm gonna give it a shot.
“Almost” she was still on my back hugging me around the neck. Every now and again she would nuzzle my neck sending shivers down my spine. We head been walking down towards the Everfree for a while now, I probably could have flown there by now but I was enjoy Twilight’s company too much. We had stumbled towards a track of land that was closed in with barbwire fences.
“Huh, I didn’t know you had barbed wire fences” I couldn’t see much use beyond prison security and there can’t be too much of a demand for that, what with the low levels of crime in Equestria.
“Yes well, it’s not used very often except to separate dangerous land from villages.” I couldn’t see her face but I could hear the worry in her tone. I shifted my wings to nuzzle her a bit.
“Don’t worry Twi I’ll be fine, I did take on a dragon didn’t I?” I felt Twilight nuzzle me in between my wings, which felt extremely good for some reason.
“So I assume this is the place?”
“Yes” Twilight squeaked out like Fluttershy. I reached back and ran my hand through her mane, she sighed contentedly. I took a look around the property, there were several trees as well as some rumble from what I assumed was the last attempt at residence, and that’s just what I could see! I had been told that my property extended in parts of the Everfree now, not really sure what I would do with it but I’ll figure something out.
“Oh yeah I can work with this” I would have to beef up security but after I killed some wolves I figured the rest would give me my space, or get shot from half a mile away. I wasn’t really too picky about which. I walked out into the fenced in area and dug some lines in the dirt, making a rough outline of where and how big I wanted my house too be.
“I’ll have to come back here at night”
“AT NIGHT?!” she was worried again, she does that too much.
“Yes Twi at night, how many times do I have to say don’t worry?” I would not be the reason Twilight got gray hair!
“Alright, I’ll try.” I turned around and started heading back to the library to kill some time till the sun goes down, then construction! We headed back towards the library; I was thinking about how I would go about creating my house, Twilight was probably thinking of ways to convince me not to move into my dangerous, potentially deadly, new home.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“… and that’s how we defeated discord.” Twilight had basically given me a quick run down of the history of the elements of harmony. It was nice since now I wouldn’t be lying when I said that Twilight had told me, not a child’s TV show.
“And you worry about me and Timberwolves, when you take on a chaotic god with the power to create exploding chocolate milk.”
“Yeah but we had the Elements of Harmony”
“And I have the power of shadows” as I said this I caused a tendril of shadow too jump in between my hands.
“The Elements of Harmony are stronger"
“And Timberwolves are weaker than a minor chaos god.”
[BOOOM! I love the smell of logic in the morning]
{Smells like victory}
“MINOR?!”
Whoops I may have forgotten to mention to Twi that basically all human religions have chaos gods, Nordic, Greek, hell even the flying spaghetti monster could be called chaotic. But all those gods play for keeps, not messing around with the world while there are still forces out there ready to kill them. That’s why I thought Discord was a minor chaos deity, I mean the worst he did was probably emotionally changing some ponies and they still bounced back. I mean at least Loki would have mentally scared them, not saying that’s a good thing but he is a Chaos GOD! Okay rant over.
“Umm where I come from there’s a couple hundred religions with Chaos Gods that make Discord look like a five year old with a lighter in a fireworks shop, chaotic? Sure, dangerous? Oh yeah, but stoppable? Well yeah you girl were able to stop him as soon as you were all back in your right mind you stopped him easy as pie. But my Chaos Gods often attempted to take over or do take over and kill hundreds in the process, not that this has happened yet.”
Twilight was looking at me with a strange mixture of dubious and you’re full of bullshit.
“Hey I just said it was some of our religions, they’re not always right, but the Nordic one were pretty cool, same with the Greek.”
[Greeks are badass]
{Definitely}
“Greek?” oh great I should have known she would ask about the Greeks. I glanced out the window the sun had set and I now had an excuse to leave without hurting Twi’s feelings.
“I’ll tell you later Twi for now I have to go set-up my house” she looked sad and worried.
“Can I go with you?” she mumbled. I weighed the odds: more time spent with Twilight, less time making my house. Meh I didn’t have to finish my house tonight.
“Sure Twi”
“Good can’t have you getting hurt” I sighed, see had either ignored or forgotten the entire ‘I have powers too’ conversation we had just had. We walked out of the library and back towards my fields, soon to be house, I hope.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Ok so how am I gonna do this?” it was a cloudy night and everything in the field was covered in shadows which was perfect for what I needed.
“Jake, what are you going to do?”
“Oh I’m just gonna make a house out of shadows”
“That’s crazy”
“Definitely, but I ain’t paying for some contractor to build a house when I can build a sturdier one.” Twilight looked at me like I was an idiot.
“Fine watch.” I imagined where I wanted my house to be and how I wanted it too be. It looked like a large two story house was emerging out of the shadows, it currently had no windows but I would change that when I was able to get some. When it was finished I felt like I had just run a marathon but when I looked at my house it was all worth it. There in front of me stood a huge house, two stories tall, with a wrap-around porch.
If the inside was anything like I had imagined there should be three bedrooms, and two bathrooms, as well as a living room, dining room, and kitchen. I would have too pay for someponies to come out and the piping and everything and I would have to buy some furniture but other than that I was golden.
“See I told you” I huffed while I looked back at Twi, who’s mouth was hanging open and eye’s were wide in awe.
[You hear that?]
{What?}
Then I heard it, it was faint but it was getting closer, it was howling.
“That is a LOT of wolves” I was staring past my fence and into the Everfree, where there was a solid two dozen sets of eyes staring back.
“I can’t see them” right Twi didn’t have night vision.
“I can and there are lots.”
[Yep lots lets kill’em]
{Yep kill’em}
I pulled out my L96 and took a kneeling position, prone would have been better but then I wouldn’t have been able to get up as quick.
“J-Jake! What are you doing!?”
“I’m going to shoot the life out of them”
“What!? Why!?” I gave her a droll stare.
“Well earlier if I recall, I was told how dangerous these Timberwolves were and how I shouldn’t move here because of how dangerous they are, so in a way I’m just solving a problem, with high caliber bullets!” she didn’t realize that this is how most of humanity’s problems are solved. At least I’m making the forest a safer place, not just killing for fun.
“But your arm is still hurt!” True, I looked at my left arm I figured I could still use it to prop up my rifle without too much pain.
“Meh, I’ll be fine” I began to aim down the sights again.
“Jake! They haven’t even tried to hurt us yet!” then I heard a chorus of howls and looked up to see the wolves bounding out of the Everfree towards my house.
“Twilight must you tempt the universe?” she wasn’t paying me too much attention as her attention was being held by a large amount of angry wolves. I turned and aim down range towards the leading wolf.
*BANG*
One
*BANG*
Two
*BANG*
Three
Some of the wolves were closing in awfully fast; I put my rifle down and pulled out my revolver. I aimed at a wolf and dropped it with a quick headshot. I noticed that a large tree casting a shadow that the wolves were approaching.
{Perfect}
I let a couple of wolves run by so I could get the majority then dozens of black spikes shot out of the shadow impaling dozens of wolves.
[Great that only leaves about five more right in front of us]
I holstered my revolver and unsheathed my katana the first wolf that jumped at me was beheading in a flash. The other wolves formed a circle around me and Twilight. I really wish I could use my arm I would just draw my revolver and shot them all, but if I put this sword down for and instance we’re dead.
{Wait a sec….. IDEA!}
A black hand crept out of my shadow towards my revolver; it quickly grabbed it and aimed at the nearest wolf.
*BANG BANG*
It missed the first shot but the second one plowed through its head resulting in a spray of tree sap all over the ground. I heard a snarl from behind me and turned to see a wolf jumping at Twilight, I spun on my heel and brought me sword around to catch the wolf in the chest. My sword cut through him like tissue paper, I heard another bang and whimper and turned to see another wolf drop.
The last wolf jumped towards me, I jerked my head back saving my throat from being ripped to shreds. The wolf landed on my chest, knocking me over, and went for my jugular. I raised my sword up and intercepted its jaws, but I was losing grip with only one hand on the blade. I heard a sickening crunch and the wolf toppled over on me covering me in sap. I looked at the wolf’s chest and saw the hand I had made earlier sticking out from the other side.
{That’s weird; did you tell it to do that?}
[Nope I thought it was you]
{This could be bad}
My shadows using themselves could be potentially deadly, hell they already had been just to a wolf this time, let’s just hope this is a self defense thing only. In other news
“AWW sick I’m covered in sap!” I hate sap! It’s sticky and generally unpleasant.
“Jake are you ok?” I looked over at Twi who seemed fine, just a little unnerved.
“Yeah I’m fine, how about you?”
“I’m ok you got the only wolf going for me” I was trying to scrape the sap off with a knife but this sap wasn’t having any of it and refused to get off my clothes.
“Good, sorry you saw that” I was now attempting to get my knife unstuck from my shirt.
“It’s fine Jake; they would have killed us if you hadn’t defended us” I could tell she was still shaken but I wasn’t going to push it. I had successfully got me knife unstuck but still had a large spot of bright green sap on me.
“GET OFF ME SAP!” maybe I should just burn the clothes, that would show the sap whose boss.
Twilight just sighed and my shirt was encased in a purple aura, the sap slowly separated from my shirt.
“HA that shows you sap!” Twilight just sighed again. I went over to her and picked her up in a hug.
“Thanks Twi now let’s get you home.” I put her on my back and sheathed my sword, I considered trying to get my cane out of storage, but I was drained I would be lucky to get Twilight home without incident.
“I can walk you know”
“So you don’t like being carried?”
“I-I didn’t say that” she was blushing I could just tell.
“I know, so do you know any uses for Timberwolves bone?”
“Well I’ve read that they could be used in certain potions, maybe Zecora would be interested in them.” Cool finally I get too meet Zecora, maybe she’ll have a potion to fix-up my arm, that’d be sweet. We had reached the library and I carried a now sleeping Twilight up to her bed. Spike was sleeping contentedly in his basket so I carefully tip-toed over him and attempted to extract myself from Twilight’s grasp.
After several minutes of Indiana Jones style switching I had finally been able to replace my neck with a plush bear I had found. Now just have to hope that there’s no giant boulder that want to make me into a pancake. I stumbled downstairs and collapse onto the couch.
{We need to get some furniture}
[We’ll ask Twilight tomorrow, after some bastard buys me some muffins because he forgot today]
“What strange creature is this that I see? Lying on a couch before me” Rhyming, WHY IS RHYMING WAKING ME UP!? I mumbled incoherently and swiped the air towards the voice.
“The creature must wish to sleep, but I have appointments I must keep.” THE RYHMING, WHY!?
I groaned and dragged myself off the couch; I looked down and saw a zebra with a Mohawk staring back.
“Morning zebra-pony, you can call me Jake.” I stretched my back and heard a loud series of cracking. I sighed contently until I saw the concerned look on Zecora face.
“Sorry human thing”
“Do not worry for my sake, Twilight said you had something to tell me Jake?”
[How the fuck does she some up with rhymes so fast?]
{I don’t know it’s kinda creepy, if she was chanting over a boiling cauldron I’d be running}
“Umm yeah I may have acquired a large amount of Timberwolves bones, and I was wondering if they could be put to use.”
“Those bones are hard to find, but the cost of them leaves me in quite the bind.”
“Right, so would I be correct to assume that mean you can’t afford to buy them?” she nodded.
“Luckily for you I don’t want bits, but I would like some potions to fix my arm.” She walked up to me and studied my arm.
“A potion for your arm I can make, but the pain you’ll feel is not fake.” THE RHYMING, HOW?!
“Pain I can deal with, but not using my arm is annoying as hell. Now I’ll take you to go get the bones for the potion, deal?”
“Those bones for a potion doesn’t not seem right, but if you insist I will not fight.”
“Well if you don’t use them than they’ll just rot away and I’d rather have them put to use.” She nodded knowingly.
“If you don’t want sacrifice to go to waste then we must leave now with great haste.”
{Great now no breakfast}
[I WAS PROMISED MUFFINS BITCH!]
{We’ll get them later}
“Okay I’ll meet you outside Miss…?”
“Oh how rude of me, my name is Zecora a zebra as you see.”
“Very well Zecora I’ll be out in a sec” she nodded and stepped outside. I stepped into the kitchen to find Twilight eating a bowl of oatmeal. Ugh oatmeal, all the discomfort of eating lumpy slime with none of the interesting tastes.
“Hey Twi I’m gonna take Zecora to go get the bones, I’ll be back hopefully around noon or so, except that I don’t have a watch….. Meh I’ll be back soon enough”
I reached over and gave Twilight a peck on the cheek she blushed, furiously I might add.
“You better come back Jake or I’ll come out there for you.” Yeah she probably would come out there to hunt me down, luckily I didn’t think I would have any wolves to worry about maybe some scavengers but that’s about it.
“Will do Twi” I grabbed an apple on my way out and hungrily chomped into it. The sun was still pretty low in the sky when I got outside.
{It must be six in the morning why am I awake so early? Hell, why is Twi awake so early?}
[Listen I know your stupid, but did you really forget the rhyming zebra already? Because trust me when I say that rhyming zebras are not an every day thing.]
{Touché}
“All right Zecora let’s roll” she looked at me strangely, shrugged and fell in line behind me. My house was probably a five minute walk from here and I enjoyed the comfortable silence between us. I have had enough rhyming for the day thank you very much.
When I got there I got my first good look at my house in the light. It looked like it could have easily withstood an air strike. I looked around the yard and saw dozens of vultures picking away at wolves carcasses. We walked over towards them and the vultures shot off in the air. The strange thing was Zecora didn’t even seem phased by the abundant amounts of death.
“Zecora I can’t help but notice you’re not freaking out about the dozens of dead Timberwolves”
“When you live in the Everfree, death is an everyday thing you see.”
“Ahh ok, well you point out the bones you want and I’ll get them for you” I unsheathed my sword and began to hack away at the limbs she pointed out. It was slow going but the plus side was all the sap appeared to have dried out and wasn’t getting all over me. The sun was nearly overhead by the time we finished and my stomach was beginning to growl again and we began to head back towards town.
“So Zecora what kinda potions can those be used for?”
“These bones can be used for many things, from kidney stone to bee stings.”
“So basically they’re a cure all when mixed with certain things?” She nodded.
[So why didn’t we just gnaw on the bones?]
{SUUURREEE that’s a great idea, gnaw on the bone that found on the ground, what could possibly go wrong?}
[Shut-up]
We had made it back to town and I was about to part ways with Zecora.
“Okay Zecora when can I stop by for this potions of yours?” she rubbed her chin with her hoof.
“This potion in not too strong, I don’t believe it will take me long.”
“Riiigghhht I’ll stop by tonight, okay?” she nodded and started heading down the road. I headed back towards the library to grab some lunch. I walked in and saw Twilight reading a book and Spike putting books back on shelves.
“Hey guys.” Twilight didn’t even look up from the book.
“Hey Jake.” At least Spike noticed me, sigh.
“Twilight” I was wiggling my fingers all but in front of her face. No reaction.
“Spike little help here.” He chuckled at my attempts to get Twi’s attention.
“When Twilight finds a good book you can forget about talking to her.” I have an idea, a evil brilliant idea.
“Tell me Spike is there a firework shop around here?” Spike grinned as he saw where I was going with this.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Spike and I were on our way back from the firework shop, ran by a surprisingly nice stallion known as Sky Flower, which had a large amount of explosive fireworks that made earth’s M-80 look like sparklers. I had basically bought anything that promised a boom and had a rather large bag, I wasn’t planning on using them all but I do so love explosives. We were passing Sugarcube corner when my stomach decide to remind me that I was an evil bastard that still refused to feed him.
“Hold up Spike let grab something to eat.” I figured the best way to get Twilight to forgive me after this was delicious baked goods.
“Ok” I wasn’t exactly expecting an argument from him. We walked in and I was assaulted by many wonderful smells.
“Oh hi Jakey!” Pinkie was standing behind the counter that was overflowing with cupcakes.
“Hey Pinkie, what you got in stock in the way of muffins?” she giggled and pulled out a box with a large amount of muffins in it.
“I suggest this it has lots of blueberry and banana nut muffins in it, I made it just for you so you can give Twilight the banana nut muffins so she’ll forgive you!”
[So fucking creepy]
{Yeah but hey muffins!}
“Sounds great Pinkie! Spike see anything you want?” he had and it was a rather large cupcake with enough sprinkles to block out the icing’s original color.
“Alright then Pinkie how much do I owe you?” Spike was drooling profusely while I was reaching into a nearby shadow.
“Twenty-eight bits please!” Pinkie was bouncing up and down and I was beginning to wonder just how many cupcakes she had eaten today.
“Oh Jakey I only had twelve so far!” Spike looked at me confused as I pulled out a fifty-bit piece.
“Twelve huh? I had you pegged for at least sixteen.” I handed her the bits and grabbed my box.
“Keep the change Pinkie; just make sure you save some blueberry muffins for me!”
“Okey dokey lokie!” Spike and I headed out the door with him already almost done with his cupcake. I bit into a muffin, this was going to be fun.
“Excellent” it wasn’t too hard to get everything in place. Twilight was so entranced by the book I could have rode up on an Ursula minor and she wouldn’t have noticed. So Spike and I had set up about 15 different kinds of explosive fireworks on the outside of the library. Then we rigged them all with extend wicks I had bought so they would go off at roughly the same time.
“Operation Wake-up call is a go!” Spike glanced at me.
“Wake-up call?”
“You got a better name? No? I didn’t think so.”
“Well we could’ve called it-”
“TOO LATE I LIT THE FUSE ITS OFFICIAL!” what followed was a series of loud bangs that would give the US. Army a run for its money. Twilight shot out of the library with a glowing horn looking for whatever monster had caused the explosions. I was barely able to hold in my laughter knowing I would be dead before I hit the ground if she heard me. Spike was not able to hold in his laughter.
“HAHAHAHA” Twilight’s head shot towards us.
“Ohhh we are so dead.” I grabbed Spike and threw him on my back.
“JAAAAAAAKKKKKEEEEE!”
“CHEESE IT!” I launched into the air in a flash and shot away from Twilight before she could surround me in her magic. I shot away nearly breaking the sound barrier with Spike holding on for dear life.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I landed on the other side of town with my hair blown backwards at a ninety degree angle.
{Fuck logic}
[Bet if you shake your head it will go back to normal]
I shook my head violently. It went back to normal.
{Holy shit it worked}
[Yeah if you got a fuck logic problem then you need a fuck logic answer]
I looked over at Spike who was wobbling around on his legs and trying not to throw up.
“You ok Spike?”
“O-oh yeah n-never b-better” I chuckled because he sounded drunk.
“Whatever you say Spike, come on while Twilight chills I’m gonna go look at furniture.” I started heading into to town when it struck me.
“Spike where’s the furniture shop?” Spike just sighed and rolled his eyes before taking the lead. He led me into town and towards a rather large shop named ‘Tables to Tools’.
We walked inside and I saw this was some kinda furniture/home repair shop which I found strange but figured I’d be stopping by here often enough. An old looking stallion was standing behind the counter. He was a dark yellow with a shaggy green mane, his cutiemark was a recliner. I was also pretty sure he was gonna freak out any second now.
“Well good even there sunny, can’t rightly say I’ve ever seen something like you before.” Or not.
“Yeah I’m kinda new to town, names Jake.”
“Jake huh? Interesting name, my names Table Top but you can call me Top for short. But I’m sure you didn’t come in here to shoot the breeze what can I do for you?”
[He’s taking this surprisingly well, the only logical answer is he’s part of a secret society that knows all about humans and has been preparing to meet one for ages now.]
{Or he heard about the whole dragon thing and figured he’d see me around}
[Pffft you’re crazy it’s obviously the secret society]
{Sometimes words can not express the hate I feel for you}
[Aww you know I’m your favorite demon living in your head]
{I don’t have too many options there do I?}
“Well yes I’m looking for some furniture for my new house.” He inspected me and motioned for me too follow him. He led Spike and I into a backroom.
[Secret society thing looking more and more likely]
{Seriously I’d have to create new words to express the hate, violent words}
He flicked on a set of light and a room filled with huge bed came into view.
“This is the area where we keep surplus, when we originally opened we bought some griffin sized furniture thinking that eventually some would move here, they didn’t. Now most of this stuff just collects dust.”
He led Spike and I around the room showing us everything from couches to recliners and their prices. In the end I picked out three king-sized beds for the bedrooms, some nice couches and recliners, a table big enough for an archduke and a couple of nightstands.
We haggled about the price a bit, just cus I’m loaded doesn’t mean I’m an idiot, and I eventually got him to go down to half price on the beds since nopony was buying them. The total cost of it was roughly 1,500 bits and he promised to have them delivered tomorrow. Spike and I walked back outside after successfully killing an hour.
“Well Spike wanna go get my potion from Zecora?” if Spike couldn’t get me too Zecora’s place then I’d have to ask Twilight which would lead to complications. Mostly her attempting to rearrange my face.
“Sure follow me.” Spike lead us back out of town with me trailing behind him. What I failed to notice was three ponies following us.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Ok so basically drink this and my arm will be fine right? No unwanted side effects?” I was looking at the vial Zecora had given me. It was filled with something that resembled blue sludge.
“For the last time Jake, this potion is safe for goodness sake.”
“Ok Zecora I’m trusting you here.” I uncorked the vial and downed the whole thing. I gagged as it went down it tasted like someone had mixed sweat and onions into a sludgy mess. I was, barely, able to keep it down and felt a tingling sensation in my arm and leg.
“Huh this isn’t so bad” then I felt the bones in my arm start moving under my skin. It felt like someone had taken my bone and replaced it with a piece of molten metal and was pushing it into the other bones. I barely held back a scream as my bones merged together, I can’t honestly say I know how long it took but it felt like hours. When it finally stopped I was coated in sweat, but I felt better than I had ever felt before.
“Well that was one of the most painful things in my life.”
“I did not lie when I said there would be pain, but on the bright side use of your arm you have regain.” I flexed my arm. It didn’t cause any pain what so ever.
“Well you got me there Zecora” I took a look out the window and saw that it was getting late out.
“Well Zecora hate to drink and run, but its getting late and I still have to make sure I survive Twilights wrath so See’ya.”
“Yes best be home before we lose the light, strange creature are known to come out at night.” She ushered Spike and I out the door and we began to head back towards Ponyville.
I felt uneasy on the way back like we were being watched. We were almost too the edge of the forest when it happened. Something flew out of the forest right towards me; I didn’t even have time to react.
“INCOMING” I yelled as I tackled Spike behind a tree. Another pie slammed into the ground where Spike had just been. Pies began slamming into the tree at an alarming rate; I glance out from behind it and saw three distinct ponies launching pies at me. It was Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight.
“I SUPPOSE THIS IS REVENGE FOR EARLIER?!”
“YEP!”
“GAME ON!” I opened all the nearby shadows to go straight to storage, slowly but surely I began to receive a steady supply of pies that hadn’t hit their target and hand landed in the shadows. I threw a pie back towards them; it landed right in between them.
“HA you’re a terrible thrower Jake!”
“Wasn’t aiming Dash!”
“What-”
*BOOM*
Amazing what you can do with a firework and some pie.
“I CALL IT THE BOOMBERRY PIE!” ha clever puns.
“That was terrible dude” I glared at Spike.
“Duly noted now where was I-” I turned back around the tree and got hit right in the face with a pie. I slumped back behind the tree.
“Spike go on without me aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh” and overly dramatic death scene, I could make this into a movie.
“Ok”
“Spike that was the part where you say something like no.”
“HAH GOT YOU” I looked up and saw Twilight staring down at me with a pie poised over head. In hindsight I probably should have been paying more attention to why the pies had stopped flying towards me. The only good news was it appeared my Boomberry had been successful because she was covered in various chunks of pie.
“Ummm truce?” the pie flew straight down into my face while Pinkie pied Spike.
“I’ll take that as a no then.” The girls were too busy giggling to have answered me anyways. I pulled out some black cloths for Spike and I and we wiped our faces of to the best of our abilities.
“We even now?” I looked over at Twi who was still giggling.
“Y-yes we’re even now”
“Well that’s good because-”
*SCRAWW*
I looked towards where the sound had come from, now normally strange sounds in the nights lead me to prepare for a zombie attack. But this sound had been filled with pain and sorrow, without even consciously thinking about it I was up and running towards the sound. I burst out into a clearing with the girls, and Spike close behind me. I quickly surveyed the scene but didn’t see any immediate threats. In fact the only thing I did see was a small dark creature huddled in a ball towards the edge of the clearing.
“Oh I’m so going to regret this” I muttered as I walked toward the creature. I got closer and saw that it was actually a small Phoenix, it had its head hidden underneath its arm and was shaking noticeably.
“Hey there little guy” I was trying my best to get it too calm down. It peered out from under its wing, saw me and instantly hid again while shaking even harder.
[Man you really are that ugly]
{Quiet you}
I took a good look at the phoenix; it looked just like the phoenixes had in the show except he was black and had green eyes.
{Weird looking bird}
[For all you know this is a normal phoenix]
{Good point}
*ROOOOOAAAARRRRR*
I froze and looked behind me. There was a manticore standing there looking at us like a dog at a steak. The girls froze not moving a muscle as I began to try and figure out how to escape. The phoenix squawked and somehow s began to shake even harder.
{Options?}
[Kill him, try and escape, distract him, or something stupid. Knowing you it’s probably gonna be the stupid one]
{Eeyup}
I reached into the shadow of my trench coat and carefully pulled out a pie.
“Jake you’re not going to do what I think you’re going to do, are you?” Twilight was whispering and glancing over at me worriedly.
“Twilight where would I even get a bulldozer?” I slammed the pie into the Manticore’s face.
*ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAR*
I bent over and scooped up the phoenix, who was biting my hand pretty hard, and ran towards Twilight.
“Teleportation spell NOW!” I looked back over my shoulder and saw an angry manticore charging us. I whipped out my revolver and aimed right at its face. Suddenly I was engulfed by a flash of purple and the sensation of pins and needles in my stomach. I quickly looked around and saw we were back in the library.
{Cool, didn’t want to kill in front of ponies might just cracked their little minds}
[You killed in front of Twilight before]
{Yeah well I didn’t have a lot of choices and she doesn’t seem depressed or anything}
Somepony cleared their throat; I looked up and saw that I was now aiming my revolver at Rarity.
“Oops sorry.” I quickly holstered it and looked behind me to make sure everypony was there. They all appeared to be fine with the exception of Twilight who was swaying on her hooves.
“You ok Twi?” she looked over towards me in a stupor.
“Yeah sure never better.” Then she fell to the face ground. I rushed over to her and gave her a quick once over. She didn’t appear to have any wounds but just seemed to be sleeping.
“She probably just over did it with the teleport spell.” I glanced back over at Spike.
“She do that often?” he shrugged
“Only when she stays up too late studying and doesn’t get enough sleep.” I nodded and carried Twilight to her bedroom. I put her into her bed and tucked her in. she sighed blissfully as I headed back down stairs and saw the girls surrounding something on the ground.
I glanced over them and saw the Phoenix trying to hide under his wing; he had a bit of blood on his beak. I looked at my hand, it was a pretty deep cut but I didn’t think it was gonna do any damage. Unless it got infected in which case I was screwed. I need to see Fluttershy to get my arm patched up and see if there was anything she could do with this phoenix since it didn’t seem to like me.
“Sorry girls I’m gonna take this little fella to Fluttershy’s place and hopeful have her patch me up.” I raised my hand while saying that. They gasped and Spike threw me a rag which I thankfully wrapped around the cut. I was about to make some gloves for the phoenix when the little guy hopped on to my shoe.
{What the hell? He just bit me a minute ago!}
[Maybe he’s planning on finishing you off]
I looked down at the phoenix, who was looking at my shoe and shaking. I bent down and carefully picked him up. He made no attempt to bite me but was shaking in my hand. I brought him up to my eye level, he seem to glance at my eyes before looking down again.
{Maybe he feels guilty}
[He’s a bird how can he feel guilty?!]
{Dude we live in a world of talking ponies}
[Fair point]
I carefully placed the little guy on my shoulder, he looked over me confused I guess he had been expecting me to extract my revenge, which I had considered. I headed over to the door.
“See’ya girls, and Spike, I’m heading to Fluttershy’s place to get this looked at.” They all shouted their various goodbyes as I headed out. What I failed to hear was a weak sounding Twilight come out of her room and say
A/N: DEDS TO LEGO2112 FOR THE NAME! Thanks everyone else for the submissions i had a hard time choosing!
[Knight]
{Me}
“And that’s how I ended up with this cut.” I was chilling in Fluttershy’s cabin as she stitched the cut on my hand. The phoenix, it was a he I think, was resting on my shoulder contentedly. I had originally tried to pass the bird on to Fluttershy. But he would only stay over with her for a second before flying back over to my shoulder which confused me too no end considering that he had bitten me.
“Oh you poor dear” I tuned back into reality just as Fluttershy finished stitching; thank Celestia for that salve stuff she put on it. I can’t feel my hand!
“I’ve had worse, but now about this bird” I said glancing over at him “I have no idea what to do with him.” He left out a pitiful squawk.
“Well you could adopt him.” When Fluttershy said this he crooned happily.
“You want to live with me?” he crooned again.
“Fine but lets get a few things straight, first no more biting! Second ummm that’s actually all I got just be a good bird, kay?” he squawked happily again.
“Oh and your new name is Cinisavis” he bobbed his head up and down.
“Cinisavis?” I look over toward Fluttershy.
“Well if I remember my Latin correctly, and that’s not a promise that I do, but it means ash bird. Which fits a phoenix perfectly!” never thought I would have an actual use for Latin, my teacher would be proud!
“Oh t-that’s a nice name for a p-phoenix.” Great now that I wasn’t injured she was quickly becoming shy again.
“Well he seems to like it” I said as I looked at the phoenix bobbing up and down on my shoulder.
“Oh and by the way what do these guys eat?”
“Well phoenixes can eat many fruits and vegetables but they prefer seed or mice.” Mice? Wait, why is she taking this so well?
“And the fact that they eat mice doesn’t bother you at all?” she cringed a little.
“Well I don’t like it but I can’t follow them everywhere! I have other animals to take care of!” geez sore topic I guess.
“Calm down Fluttershy I’m not blaming you, it’s a natural thing.” She visibly calmed down but seemed a little down about it.
[Imagine how bad she would freak if she knew you were a omnivore]
{She does, remember? I told Twilight!}
[And that means?]
{UMMMMMMMM}
I felt like an idiot. Had Twilight told them about me eating meat? Oh boy here come the awkwardness.
“Umm Fluttershy did Twilight mention my eating habits?”
“Oh! Umm yes s-she said you w-were an o-omnivore”
“Oh thank god!” I didn’t need her to be completely terrified of me. She still looked nervous but nervous I could work with.
“Don’t worry Fluttershy I’m not planning on hurting anypony, but I would like to know where I could get my hands on some bird seed.”
“Oh I have some spare seed in the basement.”
“You sure?” she nodded
“Ok well if you insist, but at least let me get it.” I followed Fluttershy outside and to the doors to her cellar.
“Be glad you’re not Lyra” I muttered
“What?”
“Nothing!” I began to look around the basement, which was filled with enough pet food to feed a zoo, and finally spotted a bag with a picture of a bird on it. I lifted it and carried it back outside.
“This it?” I said as I put the bag back down.
“Yes”
“Good” I made the bag fall into its shadow and into storage. Fluttershy eep’d at this.
{HHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNGGGG}
[IT’S NOT RIGHT! NOTHING SHOULD BE THIS CUTE!]
{AGREED}
“Well thanks Fluttershy I hate to leave so abruptly but I really need to get some sleep.” I was worn-out by today’s activities.
“Oh o-ok bye Jake”
“See’ya Fluttershy” as I walked away I couldn’t help but wondering what they were up to at the library.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
MEANWHILE AT THE LEGION OF DOOM, ERRR I MEAN THE LIBRARY:
“And then he asked me to be his marefriend.” Twilight wasn’t comfortable talking about her social life, even with her best friends; it could just get plain embarrassing especially when it was about Jake and her being a couple. It wasn’t as if there weren’t other inter-specie couples but Jake was the first of his kind and she wanted her friends input on it.
“Well darling I think it’s simply marvelous that you found somepony to be with, and I must say he seems like quite the gentlecolt.” That got a snort from Rainbow Dash.
“Heh, you weren’t there when we had the pie fight Rarity.” She began to snicker as she remembered the exploding pie.
“Well I think he fun pony to be around!” exclaimed Pinkie as she bounced up and down.
“Darling we told you his kind are called humans, remember?” Pinkie got a questioning look on her face and curtly replied
“Nope!”
“Rainbow what do you think” Twilight was glad to hear that Rarity, and Pinkie were ok with it, but she wanted all her friends to be ok with it. Rainbow shrugged her shoulders.
“He seems cool enough to me.” Coming from Rainbow Dash that was pretty high praise. Twilight breathed out a sigh of relief; so far all of her friends were ok with her dating Jake! That was a load of her chest; she was just hoping the rest of them were ok with it.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
MEANWHILE JAKES BORING WALK HOME
“And that’s how I saved Christmas” Cinisavis looked at me skeptically.
“FINE! Maybe I didn’t save Christmas! But if I had saved Christmas it would involve a LOT more tacos!” Cinisavis just crooned and leaned against me lazily.
“Why do I even bother talking to you? You don’t believe a word I say! WELL I’LL SHOW YOU! I’LL SHOW THEM ALL! AHAHAHAHAH!”
it felt good to have the crazy out of my system, even if Cinisavis looked at me weirdly. He might as well get used to me I do weird stuff a lot. When I got back to the library the girls had cleared out and I heard a distinctly loud snoring from the upstairs that signaled that Spike had passed out.
I am ok with this so I went over to the couch and lay down. Cinisavis perched on the arm of the couch, I was wondering if phoenixes slept standing up or if I would have to get him a bed when I dozed off.
“Twilight why in all that is holy, did you wake me up?” she looked at me incredulously.
“It’s already mid-day!”
“Oh really? In that case I should get some more sleep.” I lay back down on the couch and started drifting back to sleep.
Then I felt myself being lifted up.
“I’ll fall asleep in your telekinesis”
“Oh no you won’t” she giggled and dropped me onto the ground.
“OWWWWW! TWILIGHT Y U DO DIS!?” I rubbed the back of my head and pulled myself into a sitting position. Cinisavis squawked and hopped on to shoulder.
“Good morning Cinisavis, now Twilight why did you wake me?”
“Because you can’t waste the day” she said in sing-song voice.
{Oh yes I can! There’s just different ways for me do waste it!}
[You are like some kinda ninja master when it comes to wasting time]
{I can waste time at a college level!}
[You know most kids at college study, right?]
{Not the ones I’d go too}
[You’re such an idiot]
“Equestria to Jake! Come in Jake~!” Twilight was standing over me.
“Sorry zoned out a bit. Demons in the head tend to distract you”
“Ahh how’s knight been?”
[Ahh she cares]
{What a shame I don’t care}
[WELL FUCK YOU TOO!]
“He’s moody, like a pregnant woman.”
[FUCK YOU!!!]
“Really moody” Twilight giggled at my silliness, which was a good thing because I thought she might take offence to that.
“So what’s on the agenda today?” I was planning on running back home and setting up my furniture, and maybe running by the mayor too need to get water and sewer installed. I think. Not too sure how ponies manage that kinda stuff.
“Well Spike and I are re-shelving the books today! Would you like to join us?” no thanks I would rather watch paint dry while listening to elevator music all day.
“Sorry Twi I gotta run by the mayor and have them set up my water and stuff.”
“Ok, will you be back for dinner?”
“Eeyup. See’ya tonight Twi.” Probably wont be romantic with Spike here and all but hey, a brony has too dream, right?
I scooped Twilight up in a quick hug/neck nuzzle and headed out the door leaving a blushing Twilight in my wake.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I had once again failed to eat breakfast, or lunch, or whatever you want to call it. After a quick chat with the mayor, who promised too have my water set-up by sunset, my stomach decided to see if it could cause a earthquake and destroy the world! Luckily it didn’t, it did however remind me too get some food. Plus Knights a whiny bitch.
[YOU PROMISED MUFFINS!]
{YOU KNOW I WASN’T KIDDING WHEN I SAID YOU’RE LIKE A PREGNANT WOMAN! I SUPPOSE NEXT YOU’LL WANT PICKLES AND ICE CREAM, RIGHT?}
[I do like pickles]
{All the fucks I give are just falling from the sky! Oh wait nothing happen!}
I was laughing to myself as I entered Sugarcube corner, Pinkie was strangely enough not behind the counter, but there were several tables filled with ponies. I looked down in the counter and saw several different kinds of pastries.
“Cinisavis what do you want?” he crowed and flew onto the counter picking up a donut.
“OHH A BIRD!” AND GEEZUS CHRIST PINKIES ON MY BACK!
“AHHHH! Jesus Pinkie where did you come from?!”
“Oh you silly, I work here!” ERROR 404 LOGIC NOT FOUND. After a few spark shot out of my head I just stopped caring about it before my head exploded.
“OKAY THEN! The bird is Cinisavis he decided he wanted to live with me I guess.” He crooned happily behind me and flew onto Pinkies head.
“Ohhh fancy Latin name” MY BRAIN HURTS AGAIN.
“Riiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhhtttt, in other news Pinkie can I get two blueberry muffins and the donut he ate?” I said while I pointed to the bird on her head.
“Okay dokey lokie!” and now she behind the counter and Cinisavis is on my shoulder looking confused.
“Don’t even try to comprehend it; it just hurts your head.” He squawked unhappily. As Pinkie handed me a bag as I handed her the necessary bit.
“Darling! There you are!” Wait that voice. I turned around and saw Rarity walking towards me.
“Oh, hi Rarity how it going?” please don’t offer to make me clothes, please don’t offer to make me clothes.
“Fabulous darling! I have been looking all over town for you!”
“Oh really why?”
“I have been craving a challenge and making your clothes would be just that!” FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
“Oh I would love to but, ummm” COME ON BRAIN MAKE ME AND EXCUSE!
“I wont take no for an answer just come with me to the shop.” And then I was surrounded by a pearlescent aura and forcefully dragged out of the shop.
“PINKIE IF I’M NOT BACK IN A DAY SEND BACK UP!” pinkie just giggled at me.
“Bye Jakey-Wakey!” and then the door closed and I was back in the streets of Ponyville with Cinisavis flying right by me. He looked at me smugly.
“Sure make fun of your master being dragged against his will to certain fashion doom.” Probably a good thing that Rarity didn’t hear me or I’d be screwed. Cinisavis just crooned at me. I shot him a look that said ‘I shall have my revenge and destroy everything you hold dear.’ He just looked like ‘come at me bro.’
“We’re here darling!”
“Oh that’s wonderful, now may I ask just what kind of clothing you will be preparing for me?” please normal!
“I was thinking of making some suits, and party going clothing.” NO I SAID NORMAL!
“How about some clothes for work, yeah?”
“Well I suppose I could make some clothing more suited for a work environment. Tell me what will you be doing?” umm I’m sticking with the whole blacksmithing thing.
“Blacksmithing!”
“Oh you are just full of surprises! You will be quite the challenge!” gods help me why?!
WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY!?
Cinisavis just looked at me and seemed to say ‘you mad?’
“Oh hush daring I’m quite the professional you know.” No I didn’t and honestly I was terrified.
I had been holding still for the past two hours as Rarity began to sow a suit. Around me, I mean at first I had stripped do to my boxers and after a brief and embarrassing explanation as too why I wore boxers she began to sow a suit. Then I had the ‘great honor’ apparently to try it on, only to have it not fit right. That is when she decides I need to be a mannequin and began to sow the suit around me.
Needless to say the lightning quick needle flashing right by some of my more important extremities was quite unsettling. On the plus side I got to watch Cinisavis and opalescence have a stare down worthy of an anime. My money was on Cinisavis because he could breathe fire and shit, I mean come on! What’s a cat even gonna do about it? At least I think Phoenixes can breathe fire….. Regardless! He would still win!
“Aannnddd finished!” wut.
“That’s it?” she nodded
“FFFFFFFRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEDDDDDOOOOOOMMMM!” I charged towards the door, I grabbed the doorknob and threw the door open when a white blur tackled me back inside.
“Owwww” I looked on my chest to see what foul creature had attacked me and found a little filly.
“Sweetie Belle! What have I told you about running through the door?” Sweetie Belle looked down at the ground which was awkward considering that she was still on my chest.
“That it’s very un-lady like.” BAH to hell with manners! I don’t use them and look where I am today!
[YEAH! He has a demon living in his head and lives in a world of magic talking ponies!]
{Dude some people would kill for where I am today!}
[Bronies are crazy yo!]
{You’re just jealous of our love and tolerance!}
“Ahh don’t pout Sweetie Belle. No harm, no foul besides I think I have a way to help you and the rest of the cutie mark crusaders.” I am so going to regret this, but gods help me I can’t stand to see ponies pout it’s one of my weakness. Luckily she instantly perked up.
“What?!” she asked bouncing on my stomach.
“Well I have to move into my house and I could use some help.”
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MOVING CREW!” well that wasn’t nearly as bad with just one of them.
“Yeah, okay so why don’t you go get Applebloom and Scootaloo and then you can help me move in, deal?”
“Deal!” she hopped off my chest and back out the door.
“Jake do you have any idea what you just got yourself into?”
“Nope! I’ll deal with it. Oh and by the way could you make me some, you know more work-worthy clothes than a suit?”
“Well of course I can darling. But I still think that you should reconsider letting the girls help you.”
“Oh come on Rarity, I think I can handle them.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“I gotta be honest I have no clue how you managed to catch that on fire.” I was staring at my kitchen sink which was burning quite brightly.
“I mean to be honest that’s just impressive, you three managed to catch metal on fire, and then just to show it what’s, what it’s the freakin sink.” Maybe their cutie marks would be fire. Oh if that’s their cutie marks I’m having Rarity make them all TF2 Pyro suits for Halloween. That’d be sweet.
“Well I should probably stop that shouldn’t I?”
a large ball of shadow engulfed the flames and cut off the oxygen. I looked over at the girls; everything had been going so well for them today. We had set up my bedroom, living room, and just about everything else when they came in here to check out my fridge, I had been upstairs adjusting my bed when I heard a yelp and rushed downstairs.
“Ok so I think that’s enough building for the day.”
“SORRY!” AHH! How do the three of them manage to hurt my ears so much!?
“Uhh don’t worry about it.” I looked around for Cinisavis; damn lazy bird had disappeared at the first sign of hard labor.
“B-but we caught your sink on fire.” Ahh! pouting ponies must stop!
“Yeah but I put it out and I can easily fix it! So don’t worry about it.”
“You can fix it?”
“Yeah I did kinda make this house overnight you know.” And here I thought their eyes couldn’t get any bigger.
“You made this house?!”
“Umm yes”
“That’s so cool!” YAY! I got Scootaloo's approval.
“Well thanks, but seriously I need to get you girls home.” I walked outside with the girls in tow. I heard a loud squawk and Cinisavis landed on my shoulder.
“Bout time you showed up” he squawked indignantly.
“Yeah whatever. Come on girls lets get going.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“… and that’s how I built a flamethrower!” flamethrower are so cool, so many uses!
“Ah don’t get it, what’s gasoline?”
“And squirt guns?”
“And why did you need one of those anyway?”
“I don’t have to explain my needs to you! But honestly I freakin love flamethrowers, so cool.” I didn’t explain to the girls why flamethrowers had been invented just what they did.
“If you say so.” Well at least we had made it back too Ponyville.
“Ok, girls here comes the part where you lead me to your houses, because I have no clue where I’m going.”
“Oh I’ll head home while you take Sweetie Belle and Applebloom.” Scootaloo was looking sad.
“You sure Scoots? I can run you home.”
“I’m sure.”
“Well, alright thanks for helping with my house Scoots sorry you didn’t get you cutiemarks.” I’m having that feely feel that feels suspicious.
“its ok, bye guys!” she ran-off further into Ponyville before I could say another word.
“Hmmm” I pondered while Cinisavis stroked his beak with his claw.
“I’ll figure it out later” I mumbled “Now where am I taking you girls?” then the colors of Ponyville began to blur as I tried to keep up with the two extremely fast fillies.
The first stop was Rarity’s who assured me that my clothing would be ready the next day. Then I just had to follow Applebloom to Applejack’s apple stall. My brain fizzed out there for a bit with all the apple based words but I’ll cope. After dropping her off, and explaining to Applejack that yes my house was still standing and no I hadn’t been injured, I was exhausted, hungry, but in a surprisingly cheerful moody
. Must be these ponies rubbing off on me, not sure if want. Whatever I checked the position of the sun and guess estimated that it was about seven or so.
“Hope Twilights a good cook.” I muttered as I started heading towards the library.
“Honey I’m home!” no answer. Damn it Twilight stick to the script! I looked around the library, the lights were on, no mess, no screaming rampaging monstrosities. Where was she?! I walked towards the kitchen.
“- no good stinking, the least he could have done is told me he was getting married!” say what now?
“Evening Twi” man I hope she’s not pissed.
“Oh hi Jake.” Now she just sounds depressed, that’s even worse!
[Well not if she had been angry at you]
{Nope I would take a angry pony over a sad one any day}
[Yeah you’re crazy]
{Like a fox!}
“What’s wrong Twi? You sound mopey.” And you were just talking to yourself, there’s only enough room for one crazy person in this town and I gladly hold that title! She ground her teeth together and glared at a letter on the table.
“My brother decided to get married!”
“Ummm Yay?”
“NO! Not yay! He sent me a letter too invite me and has never introduced me too her!” oh ye gods of luck help me in me hour of need.
“Oh well will you be attending this wedding?”
“YES! Somepony needs to teach him some manner!”
“Well when is this wedding?” come on lets move away from the drama packed topics and onto safer ones like dinner.
“And that’s another thing! And scheduled it for two days from now! That means we have too ride to canterlot tomorrow and make all the preparations that night!”
“Umm we?” she blushed a little.
“Well yes he asked for all my friends too come participate in the wedding and Princess Celestia has personally requested your attendance.” NO I hate weddings!
“Well while I would be honored to attend I’m afraid my strange appearance may take some of the attention from the bride and groom which is not something I wish too do.” Fuck yeah makes me look selfless for my own selfish reasons!
“Oh no you don’t when the Princess of the country asks for your attendance than you will attend, besides I’m sure she can figure some way out too hide you.”
“But I-”
“No buts!” why sweet baby Jesus? WHY?! I slumped my shoulders in defeat and Cinisavis crooned lowly. Guess he didn’t like wedding either or he was picking up on my mood.
“Alright fine I’ll go to the wedding.”
“Good” at least she seemed happy now.
“Now come on I made us some dinner”
“I can’t wait to try it!” please be tasty!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It was not tasty.
She had attempted to make some kind of hay casserole, now forgetting the fact that I don’t eat hay, she some how managed to make the outside burnt to a crisp with the inside still cold and raw. I was able to get about one bite down when Twilight tried a bite. She jumped up and ran to the sink for some water. I was trying my best not to laugh. She grabbed the casserole and chucked it into the trash.
“Sorry I made a terrible dinner” she said dejectedly looking at the ground.
“Don’t worry about it Twilight, god knows I couldn’t cook for the longest time but you’ll pick it up eventually” she perked up a bit.
“Now let me make us some salads.” I hopped out of my seat and dug around in the fridge until I had gathered the necessary ingredients. I whipped up a salad with fresh apple, strawberries, and some kind of nuts I had found. It actually wasn’t that bad and Twilight seemed to enjoy it so win-win.
After that we just talked about different kinds of books we like, then music, then movies. This surprised me since I hadn’t seen a single TV since I had gotten here. By this time it was getting pretty late and Twilight said she need a good nights rest if she wanted to be ready for the wedding tomorrow. I kissed her on the cheek and headed home, it had been a good day.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I woke up to somepony knocking on the door. I threw on some fresh clothes and headed downstairs where the knocking had become more and more frantic.
“Keep your pants on! I’m coming” I opened the door and was assaulted by a bright ray of sunshine.
[No bad sun go away!]
{I like being able to see!}
I looked to see who had been knocking at my door and saw Twilight and the rest of the girls standing on my porch.
“Wow Jakey-Wakey this sure is a nice house” Pinkie was somehow in my kitchen cupboard. I was too sleepily to take the proper steps to freak out and opted to just accept it.
“Thanks Pinkie, now how can I help you girls in this very, very early morning?”
“Shoot sugarcube this ain’t early, why I used too wake up before the sun was up so I could start bucking early!” I looked at AJ like she had just suggested that I go fornicate with a cactus.
“Well that’s terrifying and everything but that doesn’t answer my question.” I saw that Pinkie was now standing with the rest of the girls except she had somehow gotten Cinisavis on her head. He was still sleeping soundly and I figured he would not be too happy to find that Pinkie had whisked him away from his chair.
“Well Jake I figured that we should get going early so we have plenty of time to work this evening.” Twilight was sounding nervous again but I wasn’t really picking up on it during this ungodly hour.
“Oh so I guess that means it’s time to go, doesn’t it?” She nodded I wandered back to my kitchen and grabbed my trench coat and a muffin.
“Let’s roll”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It had been a very long and sleepless ride. Every time I drifted off to sleep Pinkie would exclaim about how excited so was to be cantering the reception, or Cinisavis would peck me. He seems upset that I let him get dragged into this. Luckily Canterlot was in view, but I noticed that something seemed off.
“Hey Twilight was there always a Pink bubble around Canterlot?”Twilight looked up from the book she had been reading.
“No, I have no idea what that could be.” Great mystery bubble. I don’t get paid enough too deal with mystery triangles let alone bubbles. However the train barely slowed as we got closer so I assumed that either death would be quick or that the bubble wasn’t solid.
Turns out I was kinda right. The train and the girls went thought the bubble no problem, but when I reached the bubble I was slammed back like I had just ran it a brick wall.
Thankfully the train had slowed down some otherwise I would have broken my nose. Twilight was trying to tell me something but I couldn’t hear her from the outside of the bubble. I had too made a decision to either get off the train or get squished between the train’s walls and the bubble.
I chose to get off the train. I ran out the door of the train and towards the caboose I leapt off the back of the train with Cinisavis close on my tail. I landed not so gracefully on my stomach and lay there for a moment groaning. I heard the clacking of metal and looked up to see myself surrounded by several Pegasus ponies with spears pointed at my face.
“Top of the morning gents’ now if you’ll excuse me I seemed to be surround and I LOOK OVER THERE!”
they swiveled their heads like tops. I jumped into the air laughing, the oldest trick in the book and they fell for it. Before I was even a foot away I was engulfed in a bright yellow aura. I looked over my shoulder to see Princess Celestia staring daggers at me through narrowed eyes.
“So you’re the threat I was told about”
Wut.
A/N: this chapter feels a little rushed but I think you'll like where it's going
“Don’t worry Twi I’m sure the Princess will figure out how to get him in here” Applejack was probably right. After all we had seen the Princess land right next to Jake after the guards showed up, but she still had a bad feeling.
“I know AJ I just have a bad feeling is all.”
“Oh darling you’re probably just nervous because you’re seeing your brother again after so long.”
“You’re probably right Rarity, I’m sure Jake will be fine.” She trotted towards the castle with her friends in tow.
Jake’s POV
“WHY DO YOU THREATEN EQUESTRIA!?” stars flashed as the interrogator punched me again. I was floating in a room with lights instead of walls. Guess the Princess had made me a special room with no shadows, lucky me. After the Princess had showed up, she cast some kind of spell on me and I blacked out. When I woke up I was naked and floating in this room with a pissed off interrogator staring at me. The interrogator in question was a dark grey earth pony with a question mark for his cutie mark.
“I’M TELLING YOU I HAVEN’T THREATENED EQUESTRIA!” the interrogator and I had been at this for a while now. He kept saying I had threatened the Princess and I kept saying he was full of it.
“If you weren’t a threat to Equestria then why did the shield knock you back?” he growled in a low voice.
“HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW?! MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE I’M A HUMAN! MAYBE BECAUSE I HAVE A DEMON LIVING IN ME! THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM TO FIGURE OUT!” I was getting pissed off and was really wishing I had my trench coat back, or the rest of my clothes. Guess the Princess didn’t want to take any chances with me.
“Fine if that the way you want it you’ll get it. Lets see how a few days without food improve your attitude.” My anger was bubbling over and I had the urge to impale this pony on a pike.
“Now if you’ll excuse me I have a wedding to attend” he snickered as he walked out the door. The second he was out of the door I slammed to the ground. I was seething with anger. I cupped my hands together creating a small shadow in the palms of my hands. I made a lock pick and some other necessary items.
Well actually just a shiv. I walked over to the door and looked through the lock. I didn’t see much beside a dark passageway. I began to attempt to pick the lock, turns out it was much harder to do when you had no experience.
[You know that the lock is filled shadows, right?]
I slammed my hand to the lock blocking all the light from this side. The shadows began to probe the lock and forming around the hard parts. I twisted my hand and the door slid open. I stepped outside into a swirl of shadows that began to cover y body until I couldn’t even see my skin.
I had never felt this good so much raw power to work with. I had also never felt this dark. The torches were snuffed out in moments as I walked down the hallway. I was seething with a rage I hadn’t felt in a while. Part of me greeted it as an old friend, ready to burn and destroy those who opposed me. The rest of me was disgusted that I would so readily accept the rage.
[Let’s kill them all shall we?]
I nodded numbly while part of me screamed that I would never do this. I felt darkness smother over that voice. I headed out of the hallway and saw that I was right out side the castle with the sun shining brightly over me. The sun did nothing to stop shadows from flowing to me like a river.
I extended my wings, which had taken on a more bat-like appearance, and flew towards the castle. I noticed that the bubble was down but thought nothing of it. Strange black ponies began to fly towards me, I got a bad taste in my mouth and somewhere in my mind Knight muttered.
[Lower level scum]
I thought nothing of it; I simply want to test the limits of my new powers. A dark tendril shot out of my back and impaled the nearest pony, while I caused the shadows in the stomach of another to rupture and blow him in half. I cackled madly, I was more powerful than I had ever been.
[Feels good doesn’t it?]
{Better than I have ever felt before}
I flew towards the castle ignoring the chaos unfolding below me; these strange black ponies were chasing the other ponies. I didn’t care I had murder on my mind, specifically the murder of a Princess. I slammed through the stained glass window of the throne room. I looked around the room and saw more of those black pony things, and then I saw the one I was looking for.
“Princess, how honored I am too see you again.” she was laying on the ground with a strange pitch-black Alicorn standing over her. The Alicorn looked up at me startled.
“And who are you to upset the court of the queen of changelings?” changelings huh? If they bleed I’ll kill them.
“Me? Oh I’m just a shadow passing through, now if you’ll move away from the Princess” I said as I pulled a wickedly sharp katana from a shadow.
“I’ll do no such thing I beat her fair and square, now she will be a testament to all those who defy me.” She said as she loaded Celestia into some kind of cocoon.
“I think you should reconsider your opinions before I get angrier.” I would kill the Princess and gods help those who got in my way.
“Guards take him away!” she turned her back to me as a dozen of these changelings rushed me. Hundreds of piano wire thin shadows shot across the room stopping the guards in the tracks. The Queen turned around just in time to see the guards fall too bits.
“Wrong answer” I chuckled as I threw myself at her.
“Come on QUEEN! Surely you can do better than this!” she had sent a wave of changeling to attempt to stop me from reaching her. Now I was just covered in a sickly green blood that flowed from over half a dozen impaled changelings. I jumped towards her again as she sent a blasted of magic into my chest. I shot backwards and into the stone wall cracking it.
“THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!” I laughed as I charged her again. She sent a blast of magic at me, which I dodged and brought my sword up in an uppercut swing. She jumped to the side almost dodging my blade.
“AAAAAAHHHHHH” she screamed out in pain as I cut off one of her wings. The insect-like wing crumbled into dust as I ground my heel into it.
“GUARDS SEIZE HIM!” I looked up and saw dozens of ponies of multiple colors charging me. I hesitated for a split second as part of me tried to stop me from harming innocent ponies. The lead pony jumped and my and latched its fangs into my arm, rekindling my anger. Dozens of dark blades shot out of shadows impaling anything in front of me. Some of the changelings took to the air just in time to dodge my blades.
I flew up to meet them. I swung my talon like hands at the nearest one and cut through his ribcage. Changelings kept pouring into the room but now I had a plan. Hands began to appear from shadows; they clawed at the ground and pulled themselves out. When they were all the way they were bipedal creatures that were hunched over with long talons for hands. They charged into the changelings leave carnage in their wake.
“Now then where were we Queen?” I turned around and was hit with another bolt of magic. I flew into the wall causing some of the walls too fall out besides me. I threw a hunk of wall at her which she destroyed with a blast of magic. She peered through the dust looking for me. I slammed into her from the side driving my hunting knife deep into her side. She bucked me into the air where I quickly recovered. The queen was lying on the ground attempting to get up.
“You disappoint me Queen; you couldn’t even fight me on your own. You simply wasted my time. Enjoy the afterlife you’ve earned” at this I summoned dozens of dark barbwire tendrils that latched too her legs. I turned towards Celestia, as I tuned out the screams coming from behind me.
“Now then Celestia I think it’s quite time for me to end you. Quite ironic really if you hadn’t taken me to the dungeon none of this would be happening.” As I walked towards her I couldn’t help but notice the fear growing in her eyes, like a lamb to the slaughter. I was nearly next to her now I raised my sword planning on beheading her.
*CRACK*
Pain. It felt like my head was splitting in half I collapsed to the ground holding my head screaming. Voices screamed inside my head. One was telling me to kill everything regardless of the consequence; the other was saying that I was not myself and would never hurt innocent ponies. I focused on both these voices and they began to fade away. Slowly the shadows flowed off of me and into my shadow.
I looked down at myself I was back to normal. I looked behind me. Carnage, utter carnage the shadows were still standing there as if waiting for my order to continue the slaughter, except there was nothing left to slaughter blood covered everything.
You could barely make out any signs that there had been opposing force just bits of black flesh sticking to the walls. I waved my hand at the shadows which folded in on themselves and flew towards nearby shadows. I looked back at Celestia who was now struggling to get out of her cocoon. She caught me looking at her and she stopped her struggles.
“What stop you from killing me?”
“Concern yourself with your own problems” I walked towards the window with the intention to jump out and fly away. Except half-way there I stumbled; I was feeling so weak and drain. I fell to my knees and tried to get back up. I guess that’s what did it because then I blacked out falling face first into a puddle of blood.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I was floating around in a sea of whiteness. I had no idea where I was or how I had gotten there.
“HELLO?” my voice echoed around the whiteness. And too my surprise a loud voice boomed back.
“Ahh you have awaken” maybe I don’t really know.
“I guess, umm where am I exactly?”
“You’re in your subconscious” okay so I’m not dead yay~
“Ok so what does that make you? My inner angel or some such bullshit?” to my surprise he chuckled.
“I am none of these thing and it would be best if didn’t concern yourself with who I am yet.”
“Said the voice talking to me in my subconscious” he chuckled again.
“Just trust me for the time being; now there is a reason for me contacting you.”
“And pray tell what would your great news be oh wise and powerful voice in my head?” at least my inner smartass was still coming back.
“You have been chosen for a great task.”
“Nah my plate is kinda full with the whole Princess thinks I’m a threat to Equestria.” And I’m lazy. He chuckled again, why is my life so damn funny to him.
“Don’t worry about the Princess being upset with you we’ll take care of that. But as for your task you have been chosen to defend Equestria from those who wish too do it harm.” Wait WHAT?!
“I’m sorry I must have lost my mind there for a second, could you run that by me again?”
“You, Jake, have been chosen, or selected, to be the defender, or protector if you prefer, of Equestria.”
“No, thanks for the offer though.”
A/N: Two chapter in one day?! well alrighty then, and don't think Jake is over the carnage he caused yet.He still doesn't know exactly what he slaughtered or why
“Yeah because I do, you can’t just say ‘hey buddy guess what? It’s your turn to guard the country, good luck!’ and expect me to jump at the chance.”
“I don’t care if you want it or not the fates said it was your destiny.”
“Right, fates, destiny, so let’s pretend that I go along with this plan, why me? All I’ve managed to do in this world is kill things; Manticores, dragons, timber wolves, and what ever those black things were.”
“You seem to forget that in most of those instances you were only killing to defend those who needed it.”
“And the time I wasn’t? When I killed those wolves in the forest? Or how about all the ponies I just killed out of anger just a few minutes ago?”
“Those wolves would have threatened the innocent eventually. And what you call ponies were actually changelings, tell me do you know what a changeling is?” my silence served as answer enough.
“A changeling is a parasite of the worst kind; they take the form of a loved one and slowly change their partner to become a hermit, all the while they’re feeding off the love from the relationship. Then once their partner is as low as they can get, they leave them to hunt for a new meal.
By this time the partner has isolated themselves and broken all contact with friends and family, normally violently at the changeling’s desire, they fall into a deep spiral of depression normally leading to a life alone or even suicide. So tell me do you still regret their deaths? Even knowing the lives you have saved?”
“I didn’t know they were changelings at the time and still willing attacked them. Nah I wouldn’t be a good defender of Equestria you should go ask captain planet! He would protect the shit out of this place.”
“Let me put this simply for you shall I? If you don’t step up to the plate and defend Equestria ponies will die and I guarantee you that Twilight will be one of the first.” My blood went cold when he said that.
“Is that a threat?” voice in my head or not no one threats my friends.
“No it is a fact, you know as well as I do that if an apocalyptic event were to take place that the elements of Harmony would be the first line of defense and you also know that they will die trying to defend their home. So now make the choice; defend Equestria or let your friends die, which is it?” I stared darkly at the whiteness, this hadn’t been a fair choice from the beginning and it knew it.
“Fine I’ll take your deal” but I wouldn’t be happy about it.
“Good because it’s time for you too wake up” then the whiteness began to fade away; just before the last of the whiteness disappeared I felt a burning sensation on my hand. I looked down at my hand and saw a strange design that looked like it had been tattooed there in black ink.
“What the fuck?’
“My mark you’ll need it.” Before I could ask why I slipped back to sleep or out of coconsciousness or whatever the fuck that was.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
*BEEP*
Oh god not again.
*BEEP*
So we met again heart monitor! Tell me are you here to avenge you fallen brother?!
I lurched up and looked around. Let’s see we got a room to myself, annoying white everything and a sleeping Twilight on my chest. Wait what? I looked down and sure enough there was Twilight sleeping on my chest and drooling slightly.
I considered going back to sleep but I decided that I didn't want any more weird dreams so instead I began to stroke Twilight’s mane which got me a blissful sign from her. Well at least she’s resting peacefully with no bright white rooms and voice blackmailing you into being a guardian or whatever. I checked my hand slowly, please just have been a realistic dream, please! I looked at my hand; nope the same design was still there.
“Buck it all.” Great and now I was picking up the local curses. I went back to stroking Twilights mane content not to do anything at the moment. Of course the universe wasn’t happy enough to let that happen instead two Alicorn Princess Burst through the door waking up a drowsy Twilight.
“Huh whasit?” aww sleep deprived Twilight is best pony. I kept stroking her mane as she looked towards me.
“Morning Twi” instead of answering she tackle-hugged me back against the bed. Well good at least she didn’t want to kill me. I returned the hug and stroked her mane, until the Celestia cleared her throat earning a blushed smile from Twilight.
“My dearest Twilight if you could give my sister and I a moment to speak with Jake.” All of my NOPE. I have all of no desire to speak with her under any circumstance, not even if she’s gonna tell me that I won the lottery.
I may have not hurt her but it was still awkward as hell that I had been mere inches from ending her life and I got the feeling that she may not have appreciated that. Twilight looked up at me, as much as I didn’t want to talk to the Princess I really didn’t want Twilight to have to choice between me and them.
“I’ll be fine Twi, now shoo off with you then!” I said in a mock English voice. She smiled and gave me one last hug before she hopped off the bed.
“Behave yourself Jake!” she said giving me a stern look. I gave her a thumbs up and turned my attention back too the Princess.
“Now then how can I help you?” Luna was staring liquid death at me while Celestia was looking at me curiously.
“I came here to ask you again why didn’t you kill me?” my head turned to Celestia and I thought about it.
“I suppose it was because I didn’t want to doom world to endless day or night, and because I knew how much you meant to Twilight. Other than that I have no idea why” I said as I shrugged my shoulder with an open palm gesture.
Suddenly my right hand was engulf in a midnight blue aura and forced open and brought out in front of me. Luna stared at me with a skeptical yet nervous glance.
“So do tell Jake, why are you marked by Hades?”
“Say what now?”
A/N: Three Chapters in one day? Well I suppose this makes up for me being gone for a week right?
“So basically what you’re telling me is that all the Greek gods are real?”
“Why do you keep calling them ‘Greek’ gods?”
“Elementary my dear Luna because they’re from Greece next question please!” she shot me a look that said ‘and just HOW many times were you dropped on your head?’ simple answer is lots!
“What’s this Greece you speak of?” GAAH I don’t have the patience’s too play twenty questions, especially when I wasn’t getting any of my answers.
“The place where Greek mythology began, now if I can ask a question-”
“Mythology?! The gods shall smite those who insult them!” and then she skittered backwards from me, obviously waiting for impending lightning bolt demise. After a few seconds of lighting freeness I continued on with my ramble.
“Right, so anyway first question; how do you know about Zeus and Poseidon and the rest of the gang.” Now if I was a god getting called a gang was a pretty quick way for them to earn some horrible demise, like falling down the up escalator or something. Yes, yes I know my evil knows no bounds. Celestia just giggled leaving me a bit confused until I remembered the whole mind reading thing.
{I still haven’t forgiven you~}
[Huh?]
{You and I will be having words at a later date about the whole ‘Trust me bro, killing the Princess is a great idea’ thing}
[It’s your fault too, you know]
{How so?}
[Well we live in the same body and mind, so when you get pissed I get pissed the only thing is I tend to take things a little too far]
{You don’t say?}
[Shut up that’s as close as I’m getting to apologizing]
{What’s that? You’re terribly sorry? I suppose if the Princess is willing to forgive you I can find it in my heart to forgive you, what do you say Princess?} I looked over towards Celestia who gave an almost invisible nod.
{Congrats! Princess of the sun forgives you for saving the kingdom and almost killing her}
[I really do hate you]
{Mutual feeling! Remember? Same mind, same feelings! Mostly, I normally don’t have an overbearing desire to kill everything}
“Hello~? You still in there?” Luna said while knocking on my head with a hoof.
“Nobodies home! We don’t want any!” this got a giggle out of both of them. Score one for the home team!
“Anyway to answer your question, well EquestriawasmadebyPoseidon.” She just spat out the last part at a speed that would make a minigun blush.
“But, but-” IMPOSSIBRU! This went against every fan fiction I had ever read. But wait, in Greek mythology Poseidon had created horses. Did he create ponies? If so why create a whole other world when they were already on earth? GAAHHH the questions!
“JAKE! Slow down!” Celestia was holding her head in her hooves, which was impressive since she was still standing normally, what black magic is this!?
“Ok too answer your questions 1: yes Poseidon created ponies 2: yes they were on earth first, but Poseidon was not happy with the way the humans treated them, thus with the help of the other gods he created a whole new world for us too live peacefully on.” ARGH my brain can’t handle the levels of wut!
[How did you not know this stuff?]
{YOU KNEW?}
[Well, yeah I’m a demon I do have some history of life in the underworld.]
{AND YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO TELL ME?}
[WELL YOU NEVER ASKED!]
I slammed my head into my pillow continuously. Luna made a move to stop me but Celestia put a hoof and gave me a look like ‘Come on man! It’s not that hard to accept that mythological gods created a bunch of sentient ponies, oh and then made a TV show about them’. Fuck that yes it was. After a few more minutes of forehead versus pillow action I finally stopped and turned back to Celestia.
“So Poseidon created Equestria, to keep his little ponies safe,” I can honestly say I never thought I would arrange those words together in a paragraph let alone a sentence, let alone one that makes sense! “And they were originally from earth?”
“Yes that about sums it up” HOW IS THIS SO NORMAL?
“Yeah, but then my brain started hurting and I realized that I was still dreaming and woke up still face down in a puddle of blood, RIGHT?” Celestia gave me that same look.
“No not right, now answer my question why were you marked by Hades?” my brain still being jumbled by my recent revelations let loose a terribly simple answer.
“Oh I don’t know something about Defender of Equestria.”
“WHAT!?” my brain rebooted and then said ‘you’re on your own buddy’ when he saw the mess I made.
“Well fine fuck you too brain” I muttered darkly then I faced the shocked Princess who seemed to being flipping between ‘are you insane?’ and ‘oh gods help us” looks.
“Yep long story short, I had a dream-talk with Hades, I guess, and basically defend Equestria or your friend’s die, so I accepted begrudgingly.”
“But what could possibly force us to require your help?” Queen of the changelings! Celestia shot me a dirty look while I chuckled.
“He didn’t say, but I mean I figure it can’t be too hard to figure out.” Or it could be I have all of no idea.
“Jake the least you could do is not lie to us.”
“CELESTIA! I am insulted that you would assume I’m lying! I am simply stretching the truth to fit my needs!”
“Or lying”
“Or that” I chuckled.
“So does being the Defender of Equestria get me any perks?” come on mansion, daddy needs a new mansion!
“I suppose I could forgive you for attempting to kill me.” And I lost it all, shouldn’t have bet it all on black.
“Fine I’ll settle for that, for now” I mumbled and then my stomach groaned loudly announcing its desire for nourishment. The Princess giggled at my, BAH! Disregard wrenches, acquire pastries! I began to get out of the bed when a bright yellow aura forced me back down.
“Oh no you don’t! You’re still healing!” Healing from what!? I don’t recall taking too many hits from changelings, than again that whole thing was basically blood and guts in my memory.
“You’re in the hospital because you went into a coma for about two days.” WHAT? TWO DAYS? WHY WAS I IN A COMA?
“JAKE! Calm down you were in a coma because you spent way too much energy well, killing things.” But …… well fuck.
“Fine but if I stay here then I demand muffins!”
“Fine, fine.” Celestia giggled “come on Luna” she said as she led her little sister out of the room.
“Hey doc what’s up?” the doctor was walking towards me as I munched on a muffin. The Princess had made some excuse about ‘cleaning up the throne room’ for a wedding or something. I wasn’t paying attention I had been a little preoccupied with the platter of food they had brought back.
Two days in some kinda coma really works up an appetite. The Doctor, or Doctor Whooves or whatever he prefers to go by, was walking towards me with a long face.
[Heh long face]
{We’re so witty}
“Jake I’m afraid I have some bad news.” Hmmm if I recall correctly bad news is normally unpleasant, but I have been wrong before.
“Give it too me straight doc I have less than a day don’t I?” he looked confused.
“What? No when we were scanning you while you were in the coma we noticed some abnormal brain waves. While some of the ponies were unsure of what to make of it I noticed it was quite similar to the Multiple Personality disorder. Tell me do you often hear voices in your head?” instead of answering like a normal person I just began to laugh like a lunatic.
“Doc don’t tell me that I never told you” I panted in between laughs.
“Told me what!?” he shouted with exasperation.
“The demon living in my skull!” I cackled manically. He stared at me and reached up and tapped my head.
“Strange there were no signs of brain damage.” He muttered to himself. What he didn’t notice was a tendril of shadow reach out and tap him on the shoulder.
“Yes?” he said as he turned around. He froze when he saw the tendril, when the tendril made no move towards him he carefully reached into his pocket and pulled out something shiny. And holy shit that’s his sonic screwdriver DO WANT! He began to scan the tendril.
“Incredible it so shows no signs of life yet moves around so naturally.”
“Eeyup that’s demon magic for you” he stared at me.
“No, there is no way that you have a demon inside your head letting you do this.”
“Sure I do!”
“Prove it! Make a something else appear!” I focused and the tendril slowly wrapped around the doctor’s head.
“Really?!”
“Come on Doctor the mares love a fez!” I howled with laughter as the Doctor inspected his new headpiece. He sighed and didn’t even bother removing the fez.
“So I suppose this means you really do have a demon living in you.”
“Eeyup, by the way Doc are we back in Ponyville or what?” I didn’t think we were back in Ponyville but that’s were he worked.
“Well actually we I found out about the whole ‘coma after defending the Princess thing’ I step forward claiming to be somewhat of an expert on primate physiology and the Princess request me to help heal you.” Defending the Princess? What new level of bullshittery is this? If I recall correctly I very angrily attempt to take her life. Note to self: Ask Princess why she lied.
“So you lied to the Princess of the sun just to get closer to me? I’m honored really but I’m already in a relationship.”
“Not lying, I know plenty about primates and what’s this about a relationship?”
“Oh nothing you need to worry about” moving on.
“Oh but I think I will worry about it, you have plenty of dirt on me somehow and now you owe me some answers! Staring with this mysterious relationship.” Really? Out of all the questions he could have asked he asked about my love life? Fine, at least I don’t have to explain the whole ‘you’re a TV show’ thing.
“Fine, you ever met Rarity?”
“Really? I never thought she’d be your type”
“Oh she not I just wanted to set you off in the wrong direction, I’m really dating Twilight”
“Ahh now she does seem more like your type.”
“How so?”
“well for starters you’re something completely new to this world, that’s what piqued her interest, then you go around acting loud, brash, and funny but still willing to throw you life in the wind for a couple of fillies you never met might have started to make her like you more intimately. The fact that you seemed to get along with most ponies and those fillies without even being angry that they went into the forest will also help, shows you could be a good father, and finally when you saved her from the Manticores and nearly getting yourself killed was something nopony had ever done for her showed her you cared about her.” Holy shit.
“That’s, deep man. How long have you had to think about this, and how did you know about the Manticores?” “well it’s a small town word travels fast, and to be quite honest I just made the deductions based on what I’ve heard about you and Twilight’s less than social behavior, to be honest you’ve probably had a huge impact on her life you being her first coltfriend.”
“Technically boyfriend, I’m not a pony.”
“Yeah whatever, now how do you know about me and the Tardis?”
“Ummm you know I really think I should be hitting the hay you know still recovering from coma and all that jazz.”
“Oh no you don’t! I will get my answers!”
“Listen Doc trust me when I say that some things are probably better off not knowing.”
“Jake I’m the Doctor I think I can handle it.”
“Doc seriously if I tell you then you might have a mental breakdown.”
“I’ll deal with it! Now explain yourself!” I sighed
“Fine, alright Doc here's the deal; where I’m from you’re a TV show.”
“A what?”
“A TV show Doc people from all around the world watch you and your companions travel through time and space to save the universe time and time again.”
“You mean there’s people out there watching me? Me save the humans from Cybermen? And me stopping plagues from destroying everything?”
“Well, yes most people are sure it’s just a thing of fiction but I guess you’re quite real.” He looked indifferent.
“You okay Doc?”
“I’m not sure, I mean this is quite shocking and everything but I’m also kinda proud that there’s people out there who saw what good I’ve done for the universe and are cheering me on.”
“Sorry Doc I tried to warn you but I’m glad you found a silver lining to it all.” He smiled ruefully.
“I’m a timelord Jake if you think that finding out my adventures were being recorded is the most shocking thing to happen to me then that show is dead wrong.” I chuckled a bit.
“I suppose so.” The Doctor Head towards the door.
“Do try and get some sleep Jake I’m sure there’s a certain mare coming to visit you tomorrow.” He chuckled.
“Whatever you say Doc.” I said as I lay down and let sleep take hold.
A/N: Wasn't sure whether or not to fill The Doctor lemme know what you think.
“Jake! Come on wake up!” I begrudgingly opened my eyes. What I saw was NOT what I expected; in front of me was Twilight in a nurse outfit with her mane pulled back in a bun.
“Oh man I love this dream” she glared at me.
“You’re not dreaming I’ve been helping heal ponies that got injured when the changelings attacked.”
“Cool, stay right here while I go get a camera” she glared liquid death at me.
“You are never gonna tell anypony about this! You got it?!” but, but, I NEED SOMETHING TO BRAG ABOUT!
[Who would you brag too?]
{Fuck if I know, probably you}
[Right, we need to make more guy friends] I huffed noisily.
“FINE! If you didn’t wake me up to show off your skimpy uniform then why am I awake?” she glared at me when I said skimpy.
“Because according to Doctor Whooves you should be healed enough to leave.”
“WOOOT!” I hoped out of bed, my hospital gown barely reaching my knees.
“Well come on lets go!” I began to leave the room, when Twilight grabbed me and dragged me back.
“Firstly here” she handed me the clothes I had been wearing before the Princess had decided to interrogate me. They looked like they had been washed and pressed. I went into the bathroom and quickly got dressed, pleased to note that my book and revolver were untouched.
“Ok now let’s go!” I walked towards the door only to be dragged back again.
“Sorry Jake the doctors need our help”
“But I’m not a doctor, nor do I have any experience healing ponies, your argument is invalid.” Again with the glaring! Mix it up here Twi!
“No, you’re going to be my assistant for the day!”
“Isn’t that Spikes job?”
“Rarity needed his help something about ‘fixing the clothing for the wedding’”
“Wait, I didn’t miss the wedding?”
“Nope! The Princesses said something about cleaning up the throne room. Now come on we have too get started!” I considered my opinions I could A: Run out of the room and attempt to escape the hospital bringing Twilight’s Wrath down upon me. Or B: stay and help the sexy nurse Twilight with nurse-stuff and not have her pissed at me. Yeah I’m going with opinion B mostly because the whole sexy nurse thing she has going for her.
“Alright fine then!” I trudge along behind her. It actually wasn’t that bad, I mean yeah I was stuck in a hospital but other than that it was fine. Mostly I just got Twilight bandages or suckers, guess the changelings prefer their meals alive. I did notice The Doctor running around the hospital while arguing with a white earth pony who was saying something about ‘fezzes not being appropriate hospital wear’ which made me laugh.
I had also noticed ponies whispering around me I had only caught little snippets of the conversation mostly something about ‘Hero of Equestria’ I figured they must be talking about Twilight since she had helped save Equestria twice now. When we had finally finished we started heading towards the front desk just as Twilight finished telling me about what I had missed during my fight and coma.
“and then Celestia told us too go get the elements! We almost got there when we were overpowered by changelings; they took us back to the throne room only to find you face down in a puddle of blood and Celestia standing over you. The changelings freaked out and ran off, then Celestia took you to the hospital while we began to rebuild.”
“and you’re not freaked out in the slightest that I killed changelings?” she looked at little nervous.
“well Jake to be honest it is a little scary but I know that you wouldn’t harm anypony that didn’t deserve it and protecting the Princess was a big help.” I would really need to speak with Celestia about the whole protecting the Princess thing, I mean come on not that I was proud of trying to kill her but I don’t like lying to everypony.
I walked towards the front desk to pay when the nurse waved me off saying that my volunteer work was more than enough to pay for my treatment. Sadly when I got back to Twilight she had changed out of her uniform, sigh.
[yeah, yeah, not like anything would have happened even if she was still in uniform]
{well I would have enjoyed it}
“Jake~ come on time to go~”
“Huh? Where are we going?”
“The Princesses want to talk to you”
“But I just saw them the other day! what could they possible have to talk to me about?”
“They didn’t say just that it was important” right Princesses just get to say it’s important and boom suddenly it’s my problem. We need to switch them to democracy.
[and fuck up the sun and moon cycles? No thanks]
{Fine! Maybe appoint them to all-time raiser of sun and moon and I will run for President!}
[if you’re the President than I get the feeling the country is going to have more problems than ever before!]
{HEY! I can lead! Remember all those strategy games I used to play?}
[I particularly remember that you couldn’t beat most of them]
{THE A.I.’S RUSHED ME!}
[you keep telling yourself that] I sighed in defeat.
“Alright Twi lead the way” she smiled happily as she trotted out the door with me in tow. I ignored all the looks I got from ponies, I was a weird ape thing to them, and followed Twilight to the castle in comfortable silence. When we got there a guards instructed me to the throne room and informed Twilight that Princess Cadence had been looking for her.
“See’ya Twi!” I yelled as she headed down one of the offshoot hallways. She waved back and I continued towards the throne room. I got to the door, hmmm knock or bust in? Before I could decide the door swung open a bit.
“Come on in Jake!” how the fuck did Celestia know I was here?
“I was reading your mind!” I fucking hate that trick.
“Celly you really shouldn’t read other people’s mind without permission.” I didn’t recognize that voice.
As I walked in I noticed a few things; first there was a Alicorn in the room that I didn’t recognize, second I was hit with a distinct smell of salt water, and finally I felt like I was being put under a microscope. I looked over the new Alicorn he was very light blue, taller than Celestia, but had a flowing mane like her but it was blue and had white foam at the end.
“A pleasure to finally meet you Jake.” He said with a nod in my direction.
A/N: Okay if you don't know much about Greek Mythology you may want to brush up a bit or get confused, also the next couple chapters may be info chapters
[Knight]
{Me}
“Poseidon? As in the Greek God Poseidon?” all of my wut.
“Jake it’s impolite to refer to them as ‘Greek’ Gods.” No Celestia it’s rude to call me in for a meeting and throw a God at me straight from the get go. Poseidon just chuckled at our antics.
“It’s quite all right Celly that’s how his people know us, I’m not angry if that’s how he wishes to address us.” I’m beginning to think we might just get along.
“So if you don’t mind me asking why exactly are you here? I mean Hades already told me about the whole protect Equestria deal.”
“what? I can’t come examine my investment?” investment? I AM NOT A BUSINESS!
“well I must have done something right to get Hades approval, do you not trust his judgment?” he scowled at me and Celestia look terrified that I had just questioned him. Frankly I didn’t care; if I was getting shoved into the role of Defender then I’ll be the most annoying Defender ever, cant exactly kill something you need.
“I thoroughly trust his judgment I just wished to see the boy who threatened my daughter’s life.” BOY?! I’M NO- did he just say daughter?
“DADDY!” I spun around to see Luna running into the room and launch herself towards Poseidon was caught her smiling.
“Wow Lulu you’ve grown since I last saw you” he said while hugging her tightly.
“It’s been so long…” she trailed off sounding close to tears. Oh god do I feel awkward I was never good with the whole touching reunion thing.
“I’m sorry that I gave into my negative emotions so easily daddy.” She said as she hugged his neck.
“it’s okay Lulu we all have our bad centuries.” Well, not me I wasn’t even two decades old. They continued to hug making me more and more awkward.
While I considered jumping out the window and escaping I felt an aura engulf me. I was surrounded in light blue magic and brought over to Poseidon.
“Now lets see what I have to work with” he then began to prod and poke me while making various ‘hmmm’ and ‘huh’ noises. Not being the one to let conversation die I decided to ask about his kids.
“So Luna and Celestia are your kids huh?” he didn’t stop the examination.
“They are some of my children, I also have some on earth attempting to stop the Titans at the moment, but that’s not what you want to hear about is it?”
“Well actually-”
“Yes Luna and Celestia are my children, however they aren’t normal ponies” I gave him my best ‘you don’t say?’ face.
“Well besides the obvious fact that they’re Alicorns! When they were first born I took them to Olympus to raise them. Their mother had passed away and they need somepony to watch over them, that and I could sense that they would be the ones to lead this country. They spent a long time in Olympus, long enough for the power that flows there to make them immortal. But that was not all they learned there, Apollo took Celestia under his wing and trained her how to raise the sun and the secrets behind a perfect sunset, while Artemis trained Luna how to raise the moon and make constellations.” My brain is literally fizzing out. They had been trained by gods? I nodded my head dumbly.
“Once the other gods and I had created this world and it’s inhabitants we prepared to send the Princesses there but something went wrong. The Titans had sent one of their most powerful minions to the world to kill and destroy everything here.”
“Wait, wait, wait, I thought that Titans were dead” he looked at me ominously.
“you can never truly kill something as powerful as the Titans, banish them to Tartarus for a while but not kill them, that’s a harsh lesson my son Percy is learning.”
“Right and who is this Percy?”
“Not important to your situation, now the Titans sent Discord to Equestria out of spite, my girls fought hard against him but in the end we had to intervene, Hephaestus and began to forge six great weapons that could only be activated by those who use them for good.”
“The elements of Harmony.”
“Precisely, we sent them to the girls in their time of need and they were able to stop Discord, however the cost of such pure power is that the Element couldn’t be used to kill him only imprison him in stone.”
“and this is where I come in isn’t it? You need someone to handle the God’s dirty work?” I was angry, I wasn’t some killer the Gods could use simply because it conveniences them.
“you wouldn’t be a killer Jake. We’re not just gonna send you out to kill ponies preaching against the Gods. You will only be contacted if lives are at stake and you will only kill to save.”
“but I would still be doing the Gods dirty work, wouldn’t I?” he looked at me with old sad eyes.
“it’s only because of the Gods that these ponies are put in danger that’s why we want you to be the protector from the Gods to show them that they are not abandoned.” I thought about it; it did make sense to want to defend innocents, but I didn’t want to be a mindless drone.
“I’ll make you a deal Poseidon, I’ll examine whatever problem you guys send to me and I’ll fix it, BUT in the end I get the say in whether or not I kill them, deal?” he didn’t look happy but he also didn’t look upset.
“I suppose that these terms are acceptable.” Cool. Then the whole thing really hit me hard; I had just made a deal with a God! I was batting in the big leagues now! Hell maybe I could talk Bill Gates out of his fortune.
“so you never told me what or who I’d be fighting.” He looked at me solemnly.
“Remember how I mentioned my son fight the Titans?” I nodded, how could I forget all the ominous hints he been dropping about him?
“Well not all the Titans are heading for earth.”
A/N: Also considering Jake being able to change into a pony, but i want some feedback about it!
“So let me get this straight.” I said while pacing back and forth.
“You want me, your average somewhat-powerful demon-possessed young lad, to fight off Titans?”
“Yep”
“And not just Titans but also their minions.”
“Yep”
“And we’re talking about the Titans that rivaled the Gods in power?”
“That about sums it up.” I raised my hand; Poseidon looked around the room before finally pointing at me.
“Yes, you in the trench coat”
“Can I have some of what you’re smoking?” "No it would kill you"
“Oh well in that case; HOW THE BLOODY HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO BEAT TITANS BY MYSELF!?”
[Yeah we’re so fucked]
{I KNOW I’M WORKING ON THE PROBLEM!}
“Well you’ll also have the Elements of Harmony.”
“Oh great the same Elements that Discord stole with absolutely no problem? Yeah I’m reassured now, oh and if you gods have an all powerful army just lying around feel free to forward it to my new address.”
“I wish we did have an all-powerful army lying around right now Jake but we don’t and with Titans invading earth we have to spread our forces thin, I’m sorry to ask so much from you.” Apology or not he just told me that I was the only thing standing between the Titans and innocent lives, and to be honest I was lacking in the self-confidence sections.
“Well what about an all-powerful weapon? I could settle for one of those.” He shook his head.
“I’m afraid not, you wont be alone in this Jake I promise you that, we’ll get you whatever supplies we can when we can but sadly our main focus must be Earth where our thrones are.”
“ALRIGHTY-THEN! I’M THE CRAZY HUMAN FOR THE JOB!” I got the feeling that no matter how hard I argued I would not be receiving back-up anytime soon. I smiled crazily; I mean hey if you’re gonna accept a suicidal job do it smiling. Poseidon smiled back.
“Glad to hear it, now come on I have to upgrade your firepower.” I’m listening
“While you’re pretty strong you’ve got nothing that Titans haven’t seen before.” And I’m back to being doomed.
“But I plan on changing that, now Jake could you light some fire in your hands please?” I opened my palms and dark fire engulfed them.
“Ok and here we go.” Poseidon sent out a tendril of magic into the fire burning in my palms, suddenly the fire felt a lot thicker and heavier not in size but in density. Before I could even ask what he did the tendril shot into my chest leaving me gasping. I stumbled back gasping for breath; I couldn’t get a breath of air! Suddenly as quick as it came the feeling left.
“What the hell…” was all I managed to gasp out before Celestia put her hoof on my shoulder to steady me.
“Sorry about that, minor inconvenience of alter your lungs.”
“You altered my lungs?”
“And a few other things that you’ll have to figure out later, but of course you’re wondering about the alterations aren’t you? Yes rather fancy if I do say so myself, I took a little smidge of my aura and implanted it inside you, now don’t be getting any ideas that you’re invincible or something because you’re not. When I said small I meant small, you’ll have the ability to heal quicker and breathe underwater but that’s about it, for now” he muttered
“Come again?”
“Oh nothing, now what I did with your fire aura is really beefed it up. Ever heard of Greek fire?” I shook my head
“Of course not, honestly what do they teach you kids these days? Greek fire is some of the meanest stuff on the market only being trumped by hellfire, and soulfire unfortunately for you that stuff is strictly reserved for Gods, and minor deities. Now Greek fire can burn at temperatures hot enough to melt metal, plus it sticks to everything. Seriously like superglue kinda sticky so don’t go throwing it around for no reason it really volatile. And that about sums up what I altered so what do you think?”
I caught my hand on fire it felt normal, then I concentrated on it getting thicker and suddenly it felt like it had before, heavier and thicker. I kept doing this till I could do it with almost no effort, I looked back up at Poseidon.
“I like it” he nodded smiling.
“thought you might, now you’ll need more than Greek fire to stop Titans which is why while we’ve been talking I sent Hephaestus too your house to install a forge and hook you up to the Royal Supply line.”
“Okay forgetting that there a god in my house, what the hell is a Royal Supply line? Oh and WHY IS THERE A GOD IN MY HOUSE!?” he chuckled
“Well Hephaestus is the God of Forging, only made sense to get him to set you up with a great forge, oh and the Royal Supply lines can only be installed by him.”
“And the Royal Supply line is?”
“Oh that’s a hook up with his forges, well kinda, you see he loves to forge things, right? But he despises mining for the ores! I mean come on he is a god right? So any way he got the brilliant idea one day, why not get Hades to streamline him the metals? And that he did, after a hundred different kinds of favors and other nonsense, now all he has to do is place a request in the supply line and poof! There’s the metal he wants ready to be formed into a work of art. Now for you I’m sure there will be some exception, like for instance some countermeasures have already been installed, the first being no precious metal! That’s right no free gold, silver, or platinum. You’ll only have access to limited amount of steel, copper, iron, and celestial bronze or any other basic metal you can think of.” I raised my hand.
“Yes?”
“What’s celestial bronze?” he gave me a dumfounded look.
“Seriously get this kid to a real school stat! ok Celestial bronze is a special kind of bronze that, oh how should I put this, can kill immortals, well not ‘kill’ kill but send them back to the underworld to be chained up again.” my head was spinning this was all too much information to take in.
A God installing a forge in my home? A supply line of metals that could injure immortals? Hell if I had known all this I might not have been so depressed about the job, I mean I thought they were going to just throw me at the Titans and say ‘Good luck and all that jazz’ and walk away. Guess they did plan on backing me up a little.
“OK any more questions?”
“Well yes actually-“
“Too bad! Being a God does not have a lot of spare time! Now come on we have some news to break!”
“News?”
“Why yes of course! We have to go tell the Elements about the Show!”
“POSEIDON STOP!” I yelled as I made, another, tackling dive towards him.
“Nah I’m good” he teleported out of in front of me and continued down the hallway with the Princesses in tow. I fell to the ground, again.
“THEY’LL NEVER TRUST ME AGAIN!” I shouted
“Of course they will Jake ponies and humans are very different, though they might be a smidge more suspicious of you in the future.” I got up and ran towards him again; planning on stopping him at any costs when I was engulfed in light blue magic.
“Let me go!” I yelled as I struggled against his magic.
“Sorry Jake can’t have you interfering right now; this is going to be pretty difficult you know, so see you later!” I felt a tug at the base of my spine and then nothing but pins and needles. I opened my eyes and found myself in an alleyway.
“FUCK!” he teleported me out of the castle!
“Nonononono” I muttered as I ran out of the alley looking for the castle, I saw it way off in the distance. How the fuck did he manage to teleport me way out here?
[He’s a god! Now get moving!]
I ran out of the alley way and jumped into the about to fly towards the castle, only to have my wings fail to open. I looked at my back; they were covered in his magic still!
“FFUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!” I yelled as I ran down the street jumping over ponies and carts all the same. I was running as fast as my legs would take me and the castle didn’t look any closer, I sighed there was no way I would make it there in time, best case scenario was that he would explain why I had lied to them and they would hopefully forgive me.
Worst case was that none of them want to see me again and I live the rest of my days defending ponies that don’t trust me. Although I find it hard to believe that Pinkie would hate me, she seems to break the fourth wall too often to not have noticed someone watching them. I resigned myself to my fate, and decided to walk towards the castle at a slower place.
[Well to be honest it probably would've be a bad idea to take on a God you just met]
{Yeah plus that would look bad on a résumé}
[I don’t know shows a lot of incentive to get a job done]
I chuckled to myself. Ok what could I do before I possibly lost my friends? Get drunk is pretty high on the list but I have no idea where the nearest bar is and doubt they have anything strong enough to get me drunk. So I guess I could go get some food I hadn’t eaten anything in a while. At the thought of food my stomach growled loudly making my decision that much easier.
I walked down the street and froze when I saw a large sign proclaiming ‘BEST DOUGHNUTS IN CANTERLOT!’ right under a smaller sign saying ‘PONY JOE’S’. I had too think about it for all of a second I mean these doughnuts were good enough to be known through-out two universe that’s good enough for me.
I walked in, ignoring the strange looks I got, like a boss and swaggered up to the counter. The pony behind the counter looking behind him in glass cases. I cleared my throat.
“Oh! Sorry about that.” He turned around and his eyes got wide. Before I could even explain that no in fact I was not planning on eat him he yelled.
“Hey you’re the guy that saved the Princess!” wait what? I thought that was between the Elements and me.
“Umm yeah, how did you know?” he smiled and handed me a newspaper that I eagerly scanned.
New Creature Saves Equestria? As many of you are aware there was an attack on Princess Celestia recently. What many of you are not aware of is the strange creature that she claims to have saved. She said it had been found in the Everfree forest recently and had been deemed ‘safe to Ponykind’ and allowed it to stay in the rural town of Ponyville where it was being kept under the watchful eyes of the Elements of Harmony. Once the Elements received summons to a royal wedding the creature was taken with them to ensure its safety, when the changelings appeared and began to attack Canterlot the creature flew to the throne room and began to protect the Princess from the self proclaimed Queen of the Changelings and eventually slew her. The creature in question has been described as ‘very tall while walking on two legs’ as well as having no fur except a brown mane if you should see this creature do not be alarmed he doesn’t wish to harm anypony.
{Oh you’ve got to be shitting me}
[Hey look we’re heroes!]
{Shut-up! We were trying to kill the Princess remember?}
[We still technically defend her]
{Just cause we wanted to be the one to kill her!}
I growled at my interior monologue and returned the newspaper.
“Yeah that was me.” I said gruffly
“Well I doubt you came in here to talk about that, so what can I get ya?” I picked out two donuts with sprinkles (sprinkles are awesome yo) and adamantly ensured that I would pay for them and not just take them for ‘Saving all of Equestria’ as he put it. I wandered over to a table, cursing the shortness of pony chairs, and made myself a chair, to gasps of a half-dozen ponies, and preceded to eat my donuts.
“Hey Jakey! What you doing?” my donut stopped in mid-air.
[It’s her, isn’t it?]
{Yep}
“Pinkie, how did you find me?” I replied as calmly as I could.
“Oh silly Poseidon sent me to find you!”
“Oh so he teleported you to me?”
“Nope I just found you!” that’s terrifying how can she just find me like that?
“And how did you find me?”
“Oh! I asked anypony if they had seen a big hairless monkey and they said you were in here!” well that sounds more sane than I had anticipated, maybe Pinkie wasn’t as crazy as I thought. Then as if just to contradict me Pinkie began to eat a caramel apple that seemed to come from nowhere.
“Pinkie where did you get that?”
“I have caramel apple stash all over Canterlot, in case of caramel apple emergencies!” right and back to crazy.
“Alright Pinkie let’s go before my head explodes or something.”
“Okie Dokie Lokie” she hopped up and led me out of the shop, wondering how bad this was gonna be.
I could handle yelling, screaming, insulting, and any mix of the three but the silent glaring I was receiving from the girls was unnerving. Well that’s not completely true, Pinkie wasn’t glaring she was bouncing up and down with a happy go-lucky smile on her face, and Fluttershy was trying to hid behind her mane.
But everypony else was glaring like there was no tomorrow. The Princesses were off to the side with a bored look on their faces. Poseidon was no where to be found, well at least Pinkie and I hadn’t seen him on the way here and he wasn’t here so I guess he went back to Olympus. Which is a real shame cause I get the feeling I’m gonna need some back-up here, right I suppose I should attempt to disarm this situation.
“Listen girls I know you must be upset-”
“UPSET?!” I flinched as Twilight yelled.
“Upset doesn’t even begin to describe it! You waltz in here and don’t bother to tell us that we’re a show were you’re from and then you pretend to not know who we are!” she fumed while staring at me. The other girls didn’t say anything but then again Twilight had said everything that needed to be said. I took a deep breath to calm myself.
“Would you have believed me?”
“W-what?” she seemed startled by the calmness of my answer.
“Would you have believed me if I told you I had seen you all before?”
“W-well I mean I might have...”
“No you wouldn’t have you need proof of things; I saw that much when you tried to figure out Pinkie’s special sense.” They let out a gasp.
“You saw that too?”
“Yes, it nearly drove you insane when you couldn’t find any logical explanation for it, and believe me if I had told you that I had watch all of your adventures and had no way to explain, it would have drove you insane.” Too right she would've tried to figure out how we were able to watch them. Which raised other questions; I pointed my finger at Celestia.
“How did you know about the show?”
“Well Poseidon told us of course.”
“Uhuh, and pray tell how is this even possible?”
“Poseidon said it was a coincidence.”
“I don’t tend to believe in coincidences everything happens for a reason.” She shrugged.
“That’s what we were told.” Twilight cleared her throat; I looked back over towards her.
“While I’d normally be happy about discuss inter-dimension theory I’m afraid that I’m still caught up on the fact that Jake lied to us and wasn’t planning on telling us!” the rest of the girls nodded their agreement.
“Listen I’m sorry girls, really I am but what would you have done in my position? Imagine you get sent to a world that you’ve always wanted to live in, a place where you know so much about the inhabitants, how do you explain to them that where you’re from their all fiction?” none of the girls responded.
“Exactly there is no easy way to do it, you simply go about as if you didn’t know them and hope that at some point you can use all the information you have without looking suspicious.” I glared at them unsure of how to continue, I wasn’t happy that they had been so willing to make accusations and not put themselves in my spot, but I also couldn’t be angry at them because I would have felt the same way. I settled for being mildly perturbed and waited for the girls to make the next move.
“You still could have told us.” Twilight muttered
“I’ll say it again, girls I am really, really, really, sorry for lying to you but please believe me when I say that I did what I thought was best at the time, I didn’t see any other way to approach the situation.” The girls huddled close together and began to talk about something.
{Just when I thought I was in the clear!}
[You’ll never be in the clear; they’ll just keep bringing this up to guilt you]
{Oh come on I’m sure they’re better than that}
[We’ll see]
The girls exited the huddle and turned back to me.
“We’ve decided to forgive you on one condition.” I hate conditions there always so unfair
“We want to see the show.” I turned to Celestia.
“May I have a glass of water.” She looked at me questionably and levitated a glass of water to me. I took a drink and proceeded to spit it out.
“WHAT!?” Celestia looked down at the water on the carpet and back at me.
“Was that really necessary?” I ignored her.
“Girls I really think this is a bad idea.” I was going to say that watching themselves might put everything in a harsh light and complete alter the way they act, plus some of the episodes might show some secrets that were better left that way, like when Rarity kept bailing on Twilight’s party to go to the fancy party. Some of these things could drive wedges in their friendship which I had no intention of doing.
“Too bad Jake those are our terms take them or leave them.” I had no intention of doing either.
“I’ll make you a deal; we can watch the episodes I deem okay to watch.” Please agree. Then Celestia spoke up.
“I believe that Jake should have a say in what we view, after all we remember what happened last time somepony opened a door in his mind that they shouldn’t have.”
Rainbow Dash had the decency to blush and rubbed the back of her head. I had almost forgotten that Celestia could read mind, and slightly thanks her. She smiled slightly and gave an almost invisible nod in my direction. Twilight scowled
“Fine! We’ll only watch the episodes that Jake says we can.” I wonder if I can say ‘no episodes’? Nah they’d probably raise hell about it and to be honest I was already in enough trouble with them, better not to risk it.
“Deal! So when will we do this?” The Princesses and the girls began towards me; Celestia had a smile on her face.
“Well right now of course!”
Goddamn Trollestia.
A/N: I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter so sorry if it's sub-par
“Don’t care~” Not nice Celestia, I mean you’re not the one that’s about to have what, eight? Yeah eight sentient minds running around in your head! Two of which were demigods and able to raise the sun and moon! For all I know the power you galls are packing will burn my body to a crisp.
“Oh Jake we’ll be on our best behavior!” Celestia had a smug little smile on her face that sent a chill through me. It must have shown because Twilight spoke up.
“Don’t worry Jake we’ve done this before remember?”
[Yes we do and if I recall correctly the end result of that was a dozen dead Timberwolves]
{That day sucked}
[Yeah it did]
While I was talking to myself the rest of the girls had sat around me in a circle and Celestia was sending out a tendril of magic to each girl. I am not okay with this. Tendrils of magic shot from each one of them into my skull, making my brain feel like it had frozen and shattered. Suddenly we were floating in a white space again. Quick must make room before joke is made!
“Wow Jake sure is empty in here” DAMN YOU CELESTIA! I grumbled silently under my breath as I imagined a room to take form. Ever so slowly a room began to take place, couches, recliners, a huge television, an entertainment center and snacks!
“Why the hell do we need snacks?” asked a dark humanoid shaped figure as it pulled itself off a recliner. Instead of answering I simply pointed at Pinkie Pie who had launched herself at the bowl of popcorn and began to eat contentedly.
“Right good point” I stuck my hand out.
“Good to see you again Knight” he took my hand and shook it.
“Likewise” sure I talk to him daily but it’s not often I actually get to meet him. I turned around to face the girls.
“Girls meet Knight, again, Knight meet girls, again.” Knight gave them a mock salute, glaring at Celestia for a second before moving on. I looked around the room, seemed like a small room with only a single door leading out. The door in question was more like a massive vault I looked it over and saw a hand scanner. Huh guess my mind had upgraded its security since last time, well alright then.
“Girls take a seat while I check something” I said as I moved to the door.
“Don’t take too long sugarcube.”
“Applejack you can’t rush perfection!”
“I’m not trying to rush perfection, I’m trying to rush you.” This got a giggle from the girls around the room, and a chuckle from Knight.
I put my hand in the scanner, but it felt more like my entire being was being scanned. After a second the door hissed and opened slightly leaving just enough room for me to get through, I turned back to Knight.
“Watch the girls, don’t let them touch ANYTHING!” I pointed at him as he saluted.
“Whatever you say boyo!” I ignored his implied sarcasm and continued into the room. And man was that room packed, hundreds upon hundreds of shelves with everything from books to board games on them. I was stunned for a minute, how the blue hell was I supposed to find anything in here.
“Try imagining the thing you want in front of you!” right cause he has so much practice in this field doesn’t he? Fuck it I’ll try anything once; I imagined anything MLP related appearing in front of me. I heard the sounds of cogs grinding and saw an entire shelf moving forwards. I looked on the shelf; Fan fictions, Artwork, Rule 34 (never showing them that), and finally the show.
I grabbed the case and momentarily wondered why the case was blank before a deep thrum of bass rattled my skull. If I didn’t like this song so much I would have destroyed him and all he stood for. I walked back towards the door I came into; I would be lying if I said I took no pleasure in seeing most of the ponies covering their ears.
The only ones not covering their ears were; Knight who was bobbing his head back and forth laughing at the girls covering their ears, Pinkie who was bouncing up and down in rhythm with the music, and Princess Luna who was smiling and tapping her hooves in time with the beat. I cackled maniacally and walked over to the radio and hit the power button.
“Aww why did you do that?” Luna pouted. I nearly died of diabetes right then, I also noticed Knight making a grab for his chest.
“Sorry Luna I found the show and figured that you would want to watch it now.” She immediately brightened up.
“Oh ok” oh thank god I don’t think I could handle another DAWW moment of that magnitude. I looked around at the ponies who were rubbing their heads and regaining their footing.
“What terribly unsophisticated music!” thanks for the vote of confidence there Rarity.
“What you call unsophisticated I call ‘Satisfaction’” that got a chuckle out of me, Luna and Pinkie, and a confused look from the rest who had been so busy trying to block out the music that they had missed the words in the song. Before I could say anything else Twilight spoke up.
“What kind of music was that?” I pondered for a moment
“I suppose that it would be called Techno or something along those lines.” Before I could continue she spoke up again.
“Are there a lot of ‘Techno’ songs?” I sighed
“Please hold all questions till the end of the tour” I said as I moved towards the DVD player ignoring the look I got from Twilight. I popped in the disc and sat down in the recliner grabbing the nearest remote.
“Mares and Demons I present to you My Little Pony.” I pressed the play button and a song drifted through the speakers.
The girls were staring at the TV dumfounded, we had just reach the part where Pinkie was throwing a party for Twilight and none of them had made a sound, well that’s not entirely true but I don’t count Fluttershy’s eep as a noise. I consider it as a weaponized version if cuteness and is potentially deadly in her hooves.
All in all this is the most uncomfortable yet awesome thing in my life, I mean come on! I’m watching MLP with the mane six! My life is complete, Beam me up Jesus! Well I guess technically its Hades and more of a down direction, but you get the point! Now where were we? Ahh yes let’s see okay, Mayor Mare announcing Celestia arrival, Nightmare showing up, and ominous lightning, yep first episode down. I paused the show and stood up
“Well what do you think?” Rarity was the first to answer
“Well it’s true that the camera adds ten pounds!” she huffed.
“Really?”
“I work rather hard to maintain this figure and the camera puts it too shame.” Knight and I looked at each. We burst out laughing and fell to the ground.
“What's so funny?” she asked with a glare
“I-I can’t believe that t-there’s thousands of people watching you and you’re worried about your weight!” I howled, the rest of the girls seemed to be trying to hide smiles and even the Princesses seemed to be trying not to laugh. After a few seconds of Rarity pouting I managed to recover and sit back up.
“Any other questions?” and BOOM up went Twilight’s hoof, I wish I could say I’m shocked. I pointed at her.
“Yes?”
“How are we speaking the same language?” I thought about for a second and then gave my brilliant answer.
“I dunno, next!” I said pointing at Rainbow Dash who had raised her hoof.
“How come I’m not as awesome as I am in real life?”
“You’ll get even more awesome later, next!” I pointed at Fluttershy who had timidly raised her hoof.
“Why did the s-show start then?” I was startled; I had expected some animal related question from her.
“Well” I began slowly “most likely because this is when you all first met and began to form a friendship, which is my educated guess.” Otherwise known as a guesstimation! Pinkie raised her hoof.
“Ohhh! Pick me! Pick me!”
“Hmm, how about Pinkie!”
“YES! Okay, my question is do we have a party after this?” I blanched as did Twilight.
“Pinkie we lived this don’t you remember?” Twilight asked while looking at Pinkie incredulously.
“HMMM NOPE!” she giggled, the way I saw it; when you throw as many parties as Pinkie does they all begin to blur together.
“Right any other Questions?” Twilight raised her hoof
“Besides how this entire thing is possible and other such questions I can’t answer.” She slowly lowered her hoof.
“No? Alright then let the show continue!” I hit the play button and sat back down while Knight hoped into a hammock that he had made.
I wont bore you with the entire details of the episode (you’re bronies how could you not know?) and simply touch on the highlights which include; Rainbow Dash repeating the story that she repeated in the show even though we all said we had seen it, some rather embarrassed looks from someponies when they realized that that Fluttershy had been talking and then had ignored her, me promising to get Fluttershy a megaphone, Rarity detesting the state of her tail, and Celestia hugging a ashamed looking Luna.
But then things got weird, ok well admittedly they were already pretty weird but somehow they got weirder. You know the part at the end where Pinkie pops out of the blackness? Yeah well instead of talking about the whole *GASP* thing she stuck her head out and looked directly at our Pinkie. Our Pinkie looked back and giggled, she then began to make faces at TV Pinkie who replicated the faces in time with her. The other girls were looking at the TV confused probably thinking that the ending was quite strange, while I on the other hand was freaking out.
In fact I was on the verge of going to get the Doctor because I thought I had just created some kinda of time paradox and now the planet would implode or something. Instead both Pinkies giggled, the TV Pinkie letting the blackness come back and our Pinkie sitting back down. At that point the radio sparked and caught fire as my brain tried to comprehend what had just happened. Knight walked up to me.
“Don’t even try man, you’ll just hurt yourself.” I nodded dumbly and the fire went out. The girls, to their credit, didn’t freak out when the fire started they simply looked at it with a confused face except for Pinkie who was smiling a smile that seemed to large for her face.
I sighed and face palmed and began to play the next episode. Well actually I gave them a quick summary of the episode and they decided that they would skip that one, same with Applebuck Season. We watched ‘Griffon the Brush Off’ and I somehow managed to control my rage when Fluttershy cried, and Pinkie received many apologizes from Twilight. Next we watch ‘Boast Busters’ Celestia congratulated Twilight on how well she had handled the problem, while Rainbow Dash said she could have taken the Ursula with one wing tied behind her back. Next up was ‘DragonShy’ in which I was forced to explain why I kept DAWW’ing and what it meant. At this point I had a major headache and wanted to go to sleep.
“Alright girls I think that’s enough for the time being” a series of ‘awwws’ reached my ears as well as several pairs of begging eyes, luckily Celestia had my back.
“He’s right girls, it’s not very easy too have eight new minds in here when he already has two.” Many dejected OKs later and I was sitting back in the throne room. Luna looked outside at the moonless night.
“OmigoshIhavetogoraisethemoon!” she bolted out of the room, I chuckled a little before I stood up.
“Here Jake follow the girls and they’ll lead you to your room.” I mumbled my thanks and headed out the door. The girls lead me down a maze of hallways I only partially remembered before showing me into a large room.
“Goodnight” I groaned as they each went into their separate rooms. I did a quick survey of the room and saw that somepony had been kind enough to make me some pajamas, which made it a real shame that I fell asleep before I could change.
I woke up to a loud grumbling sound originating from my gut and a pounding headache.
“Shut the hell up its too early for this” unfortunately my stomach seem to disagree and continued to grumble until I crawled out of bed.
I took a quick peek in the closet for clothes and was not surprised when I didn’t find any. I could always wear the pajamas, but then again running around a castle in pajamas doesn’t exactly scream manly. I opted not to change and went into the hallway. I went in the direction I thought the kitchen was and found myself in the courtyard.
[Strike one!]
{Let’s try that again}
I headed back into the castle and headed in the opposite direction this time. After a bit of a walk I was in the Royal Library.
[Strike two!]
{Shut-up and help me find the kitchen!}
This time I just ran out of the library and began randomly running around the castle till I was out of breath. I ended up in a dead-end hall-way with no indication as to where the kitchen was.
[Strike three! You’re out!]
{Great now I’m gonna starve to death}
[Or you could ask her]
I looked up and saw a light green mare with a feather duster walking by. I jumped up and ran over to her
“Excuse me do you know where the kitchen is?” for a creature walking up to her and asking for directions she took it very well.
“Follow me” I followed her back down the hall-way and took a right and suddenly we were in the kitchen. I looked back at the servant
“Are you a wizard?” she smirked and walked away leaving me feeling confused and hungry. I turned back to the kitchen and watched the pony chefs running around like little ants. I slinked towards the refrigerator with plans to eat anything in sight when a voiced yelled at me
“AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY KITCHEN?!” I froze at the French accented voice I turned to face a white unicorn with black hair and a stereotypical French mustache.
[If ponies are covered in hair how do they grow mustaches?]
{Well Twilight knew that one spell but otherwise I have no fucking idea}
“I believe I asked you a question monsieur” I focused back on the pony chef guy.
“I m here to eat!” I said as a reached for the fridge. Then a knife slammed in between my hand and the fridge handle.
“You are not kitchen staff monsieur”
“No but I am hungry” I said risking another go at the fridge, this time the knife pinned my coat to the fridge.
“HEY! This was my favorite coat!”
“Then you shouldn’t be trying to take my food.”
“BAH! I’m hungry! And I don’t eat pony food!”
“I have yet to meet creature that doesn’t like my food!”
“I don’t even know who you are!” I pulled the knife out of my coat and began to throw it in the air and catching it.
“I am the world renowned Pierre Flambé, I have mastered all the styles of cooking known to Ponykind.”
“You have a weird name.” he looked at me like he was considering whether or not to throw another knife.
“If you won’t let me make some food then how about you make me some food.”
“No, breakfast is over I’m afraid.”
“Right then only logical answer is LOOK OVER THERE!” he swiveled around while I opened the fridge and grabbed some various fruits. I turned and ran out the door hearing several distinct ‘Thwack’s as knives imbedded themselves in the door.
Laughing like a madman I ran back down the hall-way jumping over maids and nobles without so much as a second glance. At some point I particularly remember hearing somepony yell my name but I was too busy putting some distance in between me and the crazy knife toting chef to stop. I finally ran out of breath and came to a stop in the castle gardens, where I contently began to munch on a banana I had grabbed.
{We need to ask about some pineapples, pineapple is best fruit}
[Naw blueberry is best fruit]
{Lies}
I heard some hoof steps behind me and turned to see Celestia walking towards me.
“So you’re the ‘crazy monkey’ that stole Pierre’s foods.”
“I prefer ‘Insane primate’ myself” she laughed while I moved on to an apple.
“Well I can see were you got the insane part from.” She said while laughing
“Princess you flatter me, but I don’t suppose that why you hunted me down now.”
“No quite right, I am here to inform you that a chariot has been arranged to take you back to Ponyville.”
“I thought we were going to finish watching the show.” I was slightly confused.
“Jake surely you don’t believe that the beings that raise the sun and moon have that much free time?”
“Fair point”
“We shall watch them at a later time when we are more available, now hurry up the chariot is waiting!” she poked me with her horn towards the courtyard.
“Alright, alright I m going. Just stop-OW- poking me!” I made a mad dash towards the courtyard leaving Celestia poking dust. I saw a golden chariot and made a flying leap into the back for that extra dramatic feel, unfortunately the girls didn’t seem to appreciate it.
“Jake what are you doing?” Twilight was face-hoofing while I continued to lie on the ground.
“My dear Twilight I am showing showmanship!” she just sighed and told the driver to go. Rainbow looked bored
“So now what?” I got a devilish look in my eye.
“Hey Pinkie” she turned to look at me “ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer~” Pinkies eyes got huge and the rest of the girl’s pupils narrowed.
“I LOVE THAT SONG! You take one down pass it around ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall!” The rest of the girls screamed
“NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO” I laughed like an evil genius and sat down for a long ride.
“… One bottle of beer on the wall!” I had stopped laughing like a maniac and had simply enjoyed the angry looks I had received from the rest of the girls. The chariot landed in Ponyville square and we hopped off, the guards left without even saying goodbye which Rarity took notice of.
“How rude”
“Yeah, well I’ll see you girls later.” I was planning on playing around with my forge a bit, I mean I have Titans to fight! I think I’ll need more than a sniper, a revolver, and a katana to take down all-powerful beings that rival gods.
“Well actually Jake Ah was hoping you would come to the farm.”
“You seem to have me confused for a person willing to actually work hard.” She rolled her eyes
“Not to work, Ah figured it’s about time for Big Mac to apologize for kicking you up side the head.”
“Oh well that sounds much more pleasant than working.” Twilight looked at me
“You are the laziest person I know.”
“I am also the only person you know, and therefore your favorite.” She smiled and rolled her eyes, but didn’t deny it.
“Alright come on lover boy.” Applejack bumped her head against my leg pushing me towards the farm. On the way there I couldn’t help but feel that I was forgetting something. I heard a loud crooning come from above me, I looked up and saw Cinisavis flying right towards me looking rather angry.
[How can a bird look angry?]
{He found a way that’s for damn sure} He landed on my shoulder
“Hey Cinisavis long time no see” instead of an answer he began pecking my head, hard.
“Alright, alright I’m sorry! Jeez.” He stopped pecking me and huffed
“You know if anyone should be angry it should be me at you, I mean I went off to fight the Queen of the freakin changelings! And you were off doing….. Whatever it was you do in you spare time.” He crooned angrily and began preening his feathers, I didn’t know whether or not that meant he preens in his off time or he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Either way I stopped trying to talk to him since he is a bird and people already think I’m crazy enough as it is. I looked back up to see that we were outside the farmhouse with Granny Smith sitting on the porch.
“You’re one strange looking pony” she said as she looked me up and down.
“Granny that’s rude, sorry Jake she doesn’t mean to be rude it just kinda comes out.” I ignored Applejack
“Why, yes ma’am I am an oddity that’s something we can seem to agree upon.” She snorted
“I like your friend Applejack, but he’s too skinny” she said and poked me in the ribs
“OW!”
“Oh hush, if I was trying to hurt you I would’ve” old people are so funny. Cinisavis flew into a nearby tree and laid down on a branch, fine see if I help you when old mares start poking YOU!
“Granny have you seen Big Mac?”
“I think he’s in the fields.” She went back to poking me in the ribs ignoring my yelps.
“Jake you stay here while I go find him.” I saluted
“Aye-Aye ma-OW would you quit poking me?!”
“No! You need more to eat! Come on I’ll bulk you up” she began to push me into the house, I looked at Applejack
“Help me” she chuckled and looked at me with a mixture of amusement and pity before trotting off towards the fields.
Granny, as she insisted on being called, pushed me into the kitchen and sat me down at the table, well she tried to in the end I had to pull one of my chairs out of storage and sit down. Granny went over to the stove and began to cook… something, point was it smelled delicious. I heard hoovesteps in the hall-way and thought that AJ might have found Big Mac already but instead Applebloom walked in.
“Jake what are you doing here?”
“I’ve been kidnapped, send for help.” She looked at me confused
“You mean foalnapped?”
“Sure let’s go with that.” She smiled
“Hey Granny can Jake help me with the clubhouse while you cook dinner?”
“Hmm? Sure just be quick!” Applebloom began to push me out the door.
“Wait, do I get a say in this?” she looked up at me and turned on the puppy eyes
“Pllleeeeaasssee?”
[Oh gods please make it stop]
{I think I’m about to die of cuteness overload}
“Okay”
“Yay! Come on!” she began to push me with her head again
“I can walk you know”
“Well hurry up!” she began to run in front of me and I had to jog to keep up. We ran through the apple trees until we came out into a clearing with the crusaders clubhouse in the middle.
“So what is it that you want me to do?”
“I need help fixing the clubhouse’s floor.”
“Why do you need me for that?”
“You have those” she said and pointed at my hands
“Thumbs?”
“Yeah those.”
“Fine I’ll try, put I’m not much of a handy-man”
“Ok follow me” she began trotting up the ramp to the clubhouse with me, carefully, following her. I stooped inside and looked around; there were several chests, a table, and some posters up which lead me to wonder how a pony went about setting posters up without thumbs. I relied on my all-time favorite answer: magic!
“See these boards are rotting out.” I looked back over to where Applebloom was pointing
“Yep those look rotted, do you have some boards?” she was already holding a hammer and some nails
“Okay hold on a sec” I went over and began to push a chest off of the rotted board. Unfortunately the board was more rotted than I had expected and my foot went straight through it. I heard a loud groaning noise
“Oh this is bad” the rest of the board cracked apart and I fell through and hit the grass with a thud. I sat up and rubbed my head.
“Well that wasn’t as bad as I expected.” I heard another loud groaning and looked up just in time to see a chest falling towards my face.
I shut my eyes as the chest slow motion fell towards me. I threw my hands up to shield my head and waited for the impact. It never came; I looked up and saw several black tendrils surrounding the box inches away from my face. I blanched, I hadn’t ordered them to stop it not that I was complaining but still the idea of my powers taking on a life of their own was worrying to say the least. I had the tendrils put the chest next to me when a concerned looking Applebloom jumped through the hole and landed on my gut.
“OOF!”
“Jake! Are you okay?” I began to rub my stomach which I was pretty sure had imploded from the impact.
“Why would you jump on me? Do I look like a mattress?” she jumped off me and kicked some dirt around
“Sorry I just thought you might be hurt.”
“I’ll live” I stood up ignoring the groaning coming from my stomach
“Come on, I may have told Applejack I was planning on staying at the farm.” We walked back towards the farm house at a quicker pace. I stepped onto the porch and was assaulted by a barrage of smells. My mouth began to water even though I knew there would be no meat. I walked inside and headed towards where the kitchen was when I heard some voices.
“Well just hope he don’t turn on you like he did the Queen of the Changelings” Applejack said in a half joking tone. I walked into the kitchen with Applebloom in tow; Applejack turned towards me and gave me a scowl
“Ah thought Ah said to stay here”
“I’m easily distracted” I shrugged and gave her my best ‘deal with it’ look
“Ah can tell” she rolled her eyes and nudged Big Mac
“Sorry Mr. Jake I wasn’t thinking clearly when I hit you; I was just concerned about family.” That is probably the most I have ever heard Big Mac say
“No prob, but I advise not doing it again” he gulped while I chuckled on the inside.
“Foods done!” I looked over at Granny who was bringing several large plates filled with apple related foods. If my mouth had been watering before now it was full on waterfall; there were pies, fritters, and best of all muffins! And oh my god it was AWESOME! I ate and ate and ate until my stomach felt like it was going to explode and then I ate some more because you gotta show the food what's what. After I stopped inhaling the food I looked up and saw everypony staring at me.
“Is there something on my face?” Applebloom spoke up
“You ate as much as Big Mac”
“Ooookkkkaaaayy”
“Nopony could ever eat as much as Big Mac, not even Applejack!”
“Yes well humans tend to eat, a lot” I rubbed my stomach contentedly and looked out the window and holy shit it’s night time. I looked over at Applebloom who was attempting to stay awake; I chuckled lightly and stood up.
“Well thank you for the great meal Granny but it’s getting late and I’m need to get back home” she smiled and nodded
“Feel free to drop by anytime you want, I still need to fatten you up a bit.”
“I might take you up on that” I said my goodbyes to Big Mac and AJ while Granny took Applebloom to her bed. I head out into the chilly night while wondering what season it was when Cinisavis landed on my shoulder.
“You missed a helluva meal my friend.” He crowed curiously
“Of course I saved you some” I pulled out a fritter I had saved and handed it over to him. He dug in greedily and I wiped some crumbs of my coat. I eventually reached my house, FYI walking through a dead silent Ponyville is creepy, and went inside to warm up a bit. Well actually I just caught my hands on fire and rubbed my feet, slowly I began to make my way upstairs and I finally collapsed in bed with Cinisavis not far behind me.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I woke up too birds chirping, then I decided I hate birds and chirping. I groggily stumbled out of bed and towards the bathroom. A quick shower later I was in the kitchen making some toast and eggs well until I heard the frantic knock on the front door. I sighed
{Is one normal day to much to ask for?}
[You have shadow powers and have been appointed Equestrian protector by the Greek Gods, so yes]
I walked over to the door
“ALRIGHT! I’m coming! Jeez” I opened the door and saw a frantic Doctor standing there
“Oh morning Doc, what's up?” instead of answering me he began pushing me out the door while yelling something
“Ditzy! Cybermen! TARDIS NOW!” I was so confused I almost didn’t register when Cinisavis landed on my shoulder
“Doc calm down and talk to me.”
“No time! We have to go help Ditzy now!” he continued pushing me towards a familiar looking blue box.
“No way” I muttered to myself as he pushed me inside. I looked over the tardis in all her glory; everything seemed exactly how it had in the show. Well a ponyfied doctor operating the thing was new but you get the idea.
“DOC! What the hell are we doing?” he didn’t bother looking up as he continued to play around with levers and buttons.
“Short version; Ditzy and I were trying to go back and watch a lunar eclipse, very rare here apparently, but something went wrong somehow we only went back fifteen years and so. But that’s not the worst of it, somehow Cybermen followed me here and they managed to capture Ditzy, that’s why I need you!”
“What good will I be?”
“Shadow powers and all that other nonsense now come on we’re off!” he threw down a large lever and suddenly the whole room began to shake, and then it hit me; I was time traveling with the Doctor! My life is win, I mean sure I’m only going to save somepony else but hey I guess that means the Doctor needs me. Strangely the last thought going through my mind before the box completely disappeared was; I hope I turned the stove off.’
A/N: not sure if I'm gonna stick with this arc or I might delay it......... lemme know what you think
“I am still very confused here Doc” he was zipping around the control room of the TARDIS like nobodies business
“Oh you humans can be so incredibly thick!” well excuse my species for being confused by time travel
“Let me put it simply; Cybermen follow Doctor, Doctor ends up investigating, Doctor’s girlfriend is kidnapped, Doctor recruits Jake to annihilate any Cybermen dumb enough to anger Doctor. You get it now?”
“I think I might have gotten slightly dumber actually, care to act it out with dolls?” he growled and went back to work; what can I say? Sarcasm is my stress reliever. Cinisavis squawked loudly and pecked at the wall of the TARDIS, I pushed his beak away from it
“Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know what time stream it’s been in.” the Doctor pop out from under some grating
“I’ll have you know my TARDIS is perfectly clean!” I leaned over to Cinisavis and stage whispered
“Rule one: the Doctor lies.” He let out another audible growl and the TARDIS began to jerk sporadically
“Ok hot landing, hold on Jake!” I was already holding on to the railing for dear life. The TARDIS stopped with a rather large jerk that left me lying on the ground with Cinisavis perched on my head.
“Come on Jake! We don’t have time for sleep!” I groggily lifted myself of the ground and Cinisavis hoped to my shoulder. I looked over and saw the Doctor motioning for me too hurry up, I jogged over.
“Cinisavis stay here” he crowed indignantly
“I know but seriously; stay here!” he flew off into the TARDIS
“So Doc how do you plan on explaining me too the locals?”
“I don’t, we’re going to the sewers!”
“I vote nay!”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
After several close calls and one knocked out guards we were in the sewers, and I gotta say for pony sewers they were pretty big.
“Hey Doc why are the sewers so big?” he was scanning the area with his sonic screwdriver, he didn’t bother looking up.
“I believe Ditzy said they were made by Diamond Dogs as part of some trade or something.” I suppose that makes sense, suddenly his screwdriver began to beep loudly
“Come on Jake!” he shouted as he ran down the tunnel while I attempted to stay with him, running ponies are fast. After a few turns into the tunnel we came into a huge chamber with a large metal door in the wall. I took a closer look; the door had the Cybermen emblem engraved on it.
“So this the place?” I asked jokingly
“Yes it would appear so” neither of us moved
“So how we gonna get inside?”
“We could always knock”
“And let them prepare for us? Nah I have a better idea, I’d step back” I knew Cyber-metal was strong, but I was think the metal I could make was stronger. Several hooked tendrils shot out of the ground and began to tear into the metal; slowly at first and then like it was paper.
The room was filled with metallic shrieks as I tore the metal of the hinges. It was music to my ears, I was right my metal was stronger. I grinned wolfishly as I imagined tearing through the Cybermen. The smoke around the hole slowly began to clear and metallic voices flowed out.
“Intruders! Intruders! They will be deleted” two tendrils of shadows shot through the dust and found their targets as I heard two distinct clunks and fizzing noises coming from the room I turned to the Doctor.
“Lets go” he was staring at me
“What?”
“You just tore through Cyber-metal like it was tissue paper, and then killed two Cybermen without blinking.”
“That is why you brought me right?”
“Well yes but I didn’t expect you too be so” he searched for words “good at it”
“Listen Doc, I. have. A. Demon. Inside of my skull powering me, so let’s stop pretending I’m like every other human you’ve met because I’m something completely new” I smirked
“Now come on, we have Cyber-bitches to kill” I walked through the dust and saw I was now in a shiny metal hall-way, the Doc pulled out his screwdriver and began to scan again.
“This way!” we ran down the hall-way and took a left I saw two Cybermen walking towards us.
“You will be deleted”
“No, I think not”
I launched myself into the air and ignited my hands with Greek fire; I grasped both of their heads and slammed them to the ground. One of their hands shot out, I barely managed to dodge it as some unknown energy crackled from its palm, I turned up the heat on my flames and soon enough there was nothing left but a silvery puddle.
I kept running, following the Doctor who had barely stopped, we took another left but this time there were no Cybermen in the hall-way instead the Doctor ran into a nearby door. I followed him and was shocked at what I saw; ponies shackled to the walls. They seemed to be a mix of old and young, unicorn and pegasi, although there was a distinct lack of males. I turned to the Doctor who was standing near a grey mare that I quickly recognized as Ditzy. She looked startled to see me
“Jake? What are you doing here?”
“I’m the Doc’s backup, right Doc?"
“Jake we need to get these ponies out of here”
“Right, anything special about those chains?” he pointed his screwdriver at the shackles and they all fell off.
“No, now then” he stepped into the middle of the group
“You all need to follow me! I promise we’re going to get you out of here safely!” they look at me hesitantly, luckily the Doc caught onto this
“Don’t worry about him he’s my pet ape” only a Ditzy’s hoof block my mouth from saying what I thought about being his pet.
Reluctantly the ponies stopped staring at me, and then the door behind me slide open. I spun around ready to burn any Cybermen dumb enough to get in my way, what I saw startled me. They slowly walked towards me
“You will be deleted” righteous anger flooded through me as I looked at them and the Doctor breathed out in shock
“GO GO GO!” I screamed at the ponies as the Cyberponies looked at me
the unicorn Cyberpony threw a ball of fire at me which I met with my own fire. The earth one charged me and tried to kick me, only a quick dive to the side saved me. I looked at the wall where the kick had landed and saw that it had crumpled a good five feet of solid metal. The Doctor was leading the ponies out of the room since both Cyberponies were distracted. I pulled out my revolver and aimed at the unicorn.
“Goodbye!”
*BANG*
I heard a metallic ping and saw the unicorn’s head jerk back and then come right back up.
[They must have stronger metal!]
{I noticed!}
A silvery magic aura enveloped me and slammed me into the wall, hard. I slid to the floor and looked up to see the earth one charging me. I tried dodging to the side again but I wasn’t fast enough as I felt a hoof connecting with my hand completely shattering my bones. I yelled in pain and the room became a whirlwind of shadows.
I can’t honestly say I know what happened next but what I do know is; Cyberponies can feel pain, Cyberponies can scream loudly, and that there’s a lot of oil in Cyberponies. When the shadows stopped swirling I looked around; hunks of metal and oil covered everything.
I quickly examined my blood and oil covered hand and saw that there were several small shards of bone sticking through it. I stood up slowly and began to walk towards where I thought we came from, clutching my hand to my chest. You don’t realize how much your hands are in motions until one of them is in searing pain, I was praying that the Doctor had some way to fix this because honestly I’m beginning to think it’s beyond a ‘heal with magic’ area.
“Jake!” I turned around and saw the Doctor running down the hall-way, he ran over too me looking at my hand.
“What the hell happened?” he pulled a syringe out of somewhere and injected it into my hand
“Turns out that strong Cyberponies with hard metal shells bucking you hand is quite painful.”
“Well that will help with the pain for a bit” I heard him murmur something about nanobots and I felt a small flame of hope, slowly a warm numbness filled my hand and the blood stopped coming out
“We’ll deal with it on the TARDIS but first we have some problems”
“Problems?”
“Yes first we need to get rid of everything in this base and I mean everything, second there’s a problem with the TARDIS”
“What kind of problem?” he turned and began to run down the hall-way with me running right behind him.
“The kind that makes the TARDIS try to leave the area immediately” he saw the confused looked on my face
“It appears that there are several fixed points in time coming up, if I were to make even the smallest mistake I could end up smashing all of time together.”
“Yeah that does sound like a problem.”
“Yes so we need to hurry, I showed Ditzy how to hold the TARDIS in this time zone but it wont last long.” We ran into a smaller room that had several computers and boiler-like objects on the far wall.
“So how we getting rid of this place Doc?” he pointed his screwdriver at the computers
“Simple; we’re blowing it up!” the computers exploded in a shower of sparks and glass. Alarms began to ring all through the complex
“Come on we have too go!” I didn’t argue with him as we both head out of the room, we ran down a corridor I was sure we hadn’t been in before. That’s when I heard it, a filly crying, the Doctor stopped only because I had then he heard it he looked at me
“Jake we have to go.” Inside my head a war was being waged on one hand I could; ignore the filly and run to safety and live the rest of my life not knowing I could have saved her or not or I could go find the filly and possibly die in a time zone I don’t even belong in on a world that I don’t belong in.
“Godamn it” I ran down the hall-way towards the crying, I looked over my shoulder
“Doc if you leave without me I’m kicking your ass!” I turned and continued running down the hall-way, I ran past a door when Knight spoke up
[She’s in there]
I didn’t bother questioning him I just turned around and slammed through the door, at first I didn’t see anything but boxes but I heard that crying coming from a corner and headed that way. Behind one of the larger boxes I saw an azure unicorn filly curled into a blue crying in her tail, I approached slowly and tried to talk softly
“Hey we have to go now, ok?” she opened her eyes and looked up at me and her eyes got wide with fear
“Calm down I’m not going to hurt you, but we have to leave now” her eyes went back to their normal size and I noticed how bloodshot they were
“I-I want my m-mommy” she broke down crying again
“Ok I’ll help you look for your mommy, but everypony else left so we have to go find them ok?” she nodded and I gently scooped her up in my good arm. She wrapped her hooves around my arm as I began to run out of the room and backtracked through the various hall-ways. Soon the hall-ways were beginning to fill with smoke and the alarms had become quicker and louder.
I burst through the smoke and found myself back in the sewers, I bolted down the path the Doctor and I had taken earlier I turned a corner to where the TARDIS was waiting. Except it wasn’t instead there was a white sheet of paper, I carefully put the filly down and picked up the paper
Jake, I’m sorry we tried holding the TARDIS here, really we did but it was giving out and I couldn’t risk destroying time to save you. I’m sorry, I am so so sorry but I promise you Jake we will be back. Hold on Jake because we WILL BE BACK!
As I read it the reality of the whole thing slammed into me; I was stuck here for an unknown amount of time in a place where if I was found I could potentially stopped a fixed point in time and destroy everything. I sighed wearily and sank down to the floor figuring that I might as well get comfortable; a loud boom from down the tunnel interrupted my thought
[At least we stopped the Cybermen]
{Yeah I suppose}
The filly was looking at me like I was a monster; I patted the floor next to me
“Come on I don’t bite” she slowly walked over and lay down next to me I wrapped her up in some of my trench coat when it occurred to me that I didn’t even know her name.
“What’s your name Hon?” she replied in a slightly trembling voice.
“Trixie.”
A/N: Might be publishing another story soon, Keyword: Might
“Hey Trixie why don’t you run to town and grab some more apples?” It had been about two days since I had gotten stuck here and to be quite honest I would like to think I had adjusted rather well. I was still living in the sewers, which I found out was under Manehattan, and I found that I still had access to my storage and everything in it. So I had been sending Trixie out to buy foods and such.
“But Jake! Trixie just got supplies yesterday!” I glared at her
“What did I say about talking in third person?” she looked down at the ground and kicked some dirt
“That’s its annoying and everypony else talks in first person.” I smiled
“Too true but today I have something special for you to do, can you do it?” she smiled excitedly
“Yes!”
“I knew you could; now I need you too go out and buy some games and spend the day having fun okay?”
“I can do that!” I smiled ruefully and handed her a rather large sack of bits
“Alright so go have some fun, and remember bring back some apples.” She trotted down the tunnel smiling. When she was out of sight my smile slipped of my face and I sighed heavily.
[You sure about this?]
{No, but we don’t have too many options}
I looked down at my left hand again; the bleeding had stopped and there were still shards of bones sticking out but the worst part was the discoloration and the numbness. Now I don’t claim to be any kind of doctor, but I had read enough civil war books to know the signs of gangrene. The numbness had started early this morning and Knight said we needed to amputate it or risk losing my entire arm, which is why I had sent Trixie out for the day. I had her get me most of the stuff I needed the day before except we couldn’t find any pain medication. I was trying to ignoring that last part as I set out my supplies; bone-saw, thread, needles, scalpel, peroxide, and lots of bandages.
I didn’t know exactly what I was doing but Knight seemed to have some kind of idea, guess living as long as he does you pick up on some things. I lined my supplies up and sat back against the wall, several hands shot out of the shadows, one of them shoving a piece of leather towards my face.
[You’ll want to bite down on that]
And then one of the hands picked up the saw.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
He was right, if I hadn’t bit down on that thing I think I would’ve bit through my tongue. The pain was awful to say the least, I couldn’t feel anything in my hand but the wrist sure as hell had feeling. Even now every beat of my heart sent pain through my wrist.
I looked down at the stub where my hand used to be and I was reminded that I needed to kick Doc’s ass, hard. Like needs to regenerate hard, my evil plotting was interrupted by the sounds of hooves trotting down the tunnel. But it sounded like multiple ponies, now I had told Trixie that she cant tell anypony about me so that leaves a few options either; Trixie had mentioned me and now some ponies were investigating, the Doctor was back or Trixie was in trouble.
I tried to stand up but the pain overwhelmed me, luckily Trixie ran down into our little dead end hall-way and hid in my discarded trench coat. Three dark shapes followed her down the hall-way and I did not like the looks of them; all of them were stallion’s one orange unicorn and two dark brown earth ponies. The orange one yelled out
“Stupid filly you should’ve give us the cash but no! You had to run off and now we have you cornered.” They moved towards the trench coat oblivious to my presence. The anger I felt about losing my hand suddenly had a new target; these would be thugs. Darkness began too pool around me, tendrils shooting out from every nearby shadow. That familiar power I had felt in the castle came floating back engulfing me. But that’s ok I had targets this time and they had incurred my wrath. Dark fire engulfed me and I felt the feathers on my back stitch together to form leathery bat wings.
[Jake we could seriously fuck up the future here]
I looked up at the stallions; the orange one spoke up again
“Don’t hurt her too much boys, I know some gentlestallions who’ll pay good bits to have some fun with her.”
{I don’t care}
I felt a deep bass growl emerge from my chest and the stallions turned to look at me as I stood. I wish I could have seen it through their eyes; a dark flickering figure with bat wings leering at them. They all took a step back, I jumped forward and threw the unicorn down the hall-way where another hand grabbed him and slammed him to the ground.
The earth ponies charged me; I grabbed one of them and threw him on top of the unicorn, the other one bucked my left wrist. I screamed in pain and slammed him into the wall hard enough to crack it. Dark hands swarmed over him and his companions dragging them towards the area where the Cybermen had been. I followed them keen on finishing the job personally.
“J-Jake?” my anger dimmed, I didn’t want to scare Trixie. Slowly the dark fire peeled itself off my face I crouched down next to my trench coat where Trixe’s face was barely peeking out.
“Yeah Trixie?” she trembled slightly
“P-please don’t kill them” I leaned back taken back by her request.
“Trixie these are bad ponies.” She looked at me sadly
“Everypony deserves a second chance”
I wanted to tell her that no not everypony deserves a second chance and ponies like them sure as hell didn’t. I sighed to myself there was no winning this battle I could kill them and make the world a better place or let them live and Trixie would think that all ponies can be good. I didn’t respond to her and walked down the hall-way where three stallions were sobbing and begging for their lives.
I growled I hated people that picked on weaker people and then begged for their lives. I made a small motion with my hand and the dark hands lifted their heads to look me in the eyes.
“Here’s the deal” I said gruffly
“If it were up to me I would slaughter you like pigs and leave your corpses to rot” they all flinched
“But that little filly that you were trying to hurt says everypony deserves a second chance” hopeful smiles played across their faces, I smiled cruelly
“I disagree” my smile got larger as they went back to cowering
“However I’m willing to make a deal, I want you to swear on your lives that you will live a good life from now on” they all began to swear about how they would be perfect, I smiled and tendrils formed a band around each of their hooves
“Good know if you break these swears this band will tell me and I will personally hunt you down like the vermin you are.” The all gulped and looked down at the bands, a small white lie on my part but I could live with it
“Now goodbye!” several dark hands slammed their heads together and the collapsed unconscious, hands began to drag them out of the sewers and would place them right outside of the sewers.
I walked back too my wall and slid down as tiredness caught up with me. Last thing I remember before I fell asleep was Trixie coming over and laying against my arm.
How long has it been since I’ve been down in these sewers? I was thinking that we’ve been here about two weeks but I couldn’t be sure, time is a tricky business when you’re stuck underground with no day and no night. Luckily for me Trixie has been a real help, I thought I would be the one trying to keep her from going insane, but she could go outside and socialize, unlike me who was stuck in these freaking tunnels. I was trying to figure out where Trixie’s parents where, but once I had convinced her to tell her story I lost what little hope I had left. Apparently she and her parents had been traveling to the city to visit family when the Cybermen had showed up. They didn’t put up much of a fight, how could they even try? Most ponies never have to defend themselves for their entire lives. When Trixie woke up they were in a room with lots of other ponies, she said The Cybermen started taking ponies away, Trixie said she didn’t know why but I did, Conversion. Then one day they came for her and her family, apparently her parents were one of the few who put up a fight against the Cybermen and their sacrifice bought Trixie just enough time to escape. She ran and ran until she found an abandoned room and hid there, she stayed there for the next few days until I found her, and that brings us up to speed on current events, I’m your local news anchor, Jake, and have a good night.
“Jake?” Trixie’s voice snapped me out of my flashback.
“Yes?” I said as I bit into an apple.
“What happened to your hand?” I coughed and nearly spit out my apple, I looked down at my wrist.
“I broke it”
“Couldn’t you have healed it?”
“Not this time, it was too far broken” she huffed.
“Magic could have fixed it”
“No it couldn’t have.”
“Yes it could have!” oh so you want to start one of these arguments, well game on sister!
“Nope”
“Yuhuh!”
“Nope!”
“Yuhuh!” I blew a raspberry at her and blew away her carefully constructed argument as she started giggling. At least I could lighten her day a little. I finished eating my apple and afterwards Trixie challenged me to a game of ‘Ponyopoly’. How a filly of her age knew how to manage property that well was beyond me, but she wiped the floor with me, spilled some milk, and wiped it with me again. I taught her how to play Blackjack and finally won a game, but then again winning a card game against a foal isn’t something you would go bragging to your drinking buddies. By that time it was getting late (I think) and Trixie nuzzled against me and fell asleep almost instantly. I was still wide awake and decided to play around with an idea I had. The way me and Knight saw it was that I made my wings so why couldn’t I make myself a new hand? As I concentrated Darkness began to swirl around my left wrist forming a raptor-like hand. After a few seconds of focusing on moving the hand it responded, albeit very slowly. I concentrated even harder and more shadow from the tunnel swirled into my new hand after which I tried getting it to move again, but this it responded in time with my thoughts, just like my real hand. I tried moving it out of the shadows and was relieved that the hand didn’t immediately dissolve, but instead only needed the occasional boost of shadow.
[Congratulations on buying our newest product, hands 2.0. as I’m sure you noticed it has some very useful features, including a tower shield, grappling claw, and vorpal talons]
{Yeah, and a constant drain on my power}
[We here at hand tech would like to point out that all the features of your new hand is the reason why it drains the battery so quickly]
{I am not a phone!} I carefully began to focus my hand around as I tried out some of things that knight said my hand could do; my hand snapped out into a shield that was big enough for my entire body if I bent my knees a little, I then tried to extend my hand and was pleased to see that it snaked out for a good 20 or so feet. I finally focused on what knight called vorpal talon, and was shocked to see my hand morph into a, very long, and very sharp blade. I tried scratching it against the wall and was amazed when I saw a gouge down the concrete that would make wolverine proud. As my hand returned to normal size my fatigue caused me to lie down, it took a hell of a lot power for my hand to morph through those forms so quickly.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Jake wake up!” someone was shoving my arm roughly.
“Mrghph... 5 more minutes…”
“Come on Jake wake up!” I grumbled as I opened my eyes and saw Trixie more excited then she had ever been.
“Okay I’m awake, what's up?”
“I remembered!”
“You remembered what?”
“I remembered where my aunt and uncle live!” I smiled bitter-sweetly, YAY I can take Trixie to her family, but no YAY I won’t be able to see Trixie again.
“How did you remember?”
“I saw it in my dream!”
“Oh so where do you live? ” “I’ll show you!” she started trotting down the tunnel and motioned for me to follow. We headed down the tunnel and out onto the nearby street, well she went out on the street I jumped on a nearby roof and followed her like a mother fucking ninja. After about twenty minutes of walking and a half dozen turns we came to a quieter part of town with a park in the central square. Luckily it was still pretty early in the morning so I could jump down on the street and into the park without being seen by any wandering eyes. Trixie had stopped in front of a rather large cottage and I headed over to her
“This place” she nodded her affirmation.
“This is where my uncle and aunt live”
“Will they take care of you?”
“Yeah they’re the best.” I smiled sadly.
“Trixie, be a good filly for your aunt ok?” she gave my leg a hug.
“You could stay here Jake I’m sure they won’t mind once I explain.”
“I can’t Hon” she pouted.
“Why can’t you?” I had avoided telling her about how I had got here, that I wasn’t supposed to be in this time.
“I just can’t” I kneeled down and gave her a hug. “You behave yourself Trixie”
“O-ok, I’ll come visit you”
“I might not be here for too much longer”
“I’ll still come and visit you.” I smiled at her stubbornness.
“Alright, now go on and shoo” I made a shooing motion and she rolled her eyes.
“Bye Jake.”
“Goodbye Trixie.” She began to trot towards the house and receded to the shadows. I watched her knock on the door and a bleary eyed teal unicorn opened the door. When she saw Trixie she became ecstatic and swept her up in a hug and retreated back into the house, but not before Trixie gave me one finally wave goodbye. I began my walk back to the sewers as the sun began to rise.
*BOOM*
And sweet Jesus what was that? I looked up towards the sky and saw a barrage of colors painting the sky. It took me a moment to recognize it as a Sonic Rainboom; I had just witnessed Rainbow Dash’s first Sonic Rainboom. Then it clicked in my head; fixed points, points in time that must happen, rainbow dash’s Sonic Rainboom is a fixed point because without it the girls wouldn’t get their cutie marks! Which means that the rainboom must have affected Trixie as well in someone way, making this a fixed point in time as well! And since the fixed point just passed that means the doctor can interfere with this timeline now! Which means I better get my ass back to the sewers before the tardis gets back!
I thought to myself, there’s my ride, as I flat out bolted to the sewers screaming “Doc I am still kicking your ass!”
A/N: special thanks to Lego2112 for proofreading and editing chapters! but also some bad news, I might have to stop writing for a while because i have decided to join the U.S. Navvy and i leave for bootcamp on the 26th of June. However I promise you one thing, even when i leave i will not allow this story to die even if my updates are months apart.
"How about no?" I said as I threw a fireball at the Doctor's head. We had been playing this game for a while now he would duck behind a pillar in the TARDIS and I would make some attempt to maim him with fire. It was a good deal except he didn't seem all that interested in being maimed which is a shame considering that i was really in the mood to dish out some pain.
[bring the pain!]
{quiet you}
"I told you to get in the TARDIS!" he yelled from behind a support
"Yeah but there was a pony trapped in there!" he popped his head out
"there was?"
*FWOOSH*
"yes there was"
"I think you singed my mane!"
"Good!" a light grey mare was suddenly in my face
"Jake! You aren't trying to hurt the doctor, right?" Ditzy was glaring at me like there was no tomorrow
"Me hurt someone? Never" her glare intensified
"well maybe a little" I said while rubbing the back of my head
[activate the puppy dog eyes!]
{we don't have those, we're part demon remember?}
[right the demon part, because i always forget that I'm a demonic entity from the bowels of hell]
{maybe you have alzheimer's}
[you are so very stupid]
"fine I'll stop" I huffed as I let the flame wither in my palm
"But he owes me a new hand" then again shadow hands are pretty sweet
"I'll see what I can do" he said as he walked out from behind a pillar and towards the control panels.
"So Doc just how long have I been gone?" what if I've been gone for weeks? how will I explain that to Twilight?
"oh you've only been gone for a few hours" sweet no crazy lies or stories
"Now then Jake lets get you back home" the sound of the TARDIS departing filled my ears as I lay back for the ride.
Grim here! It's good to be back sorry for the short chapter but I am currently writing in the time where i should be sleeping so hopefully i'll have some free time soon. but i have been have a internet problems so we will have to wait and see
A/N:Special thanks to lego2112 for editing my terrible grammar!
[Knight]
{Me}
"And here you are!" I looked outside at the border of ponyville and saw my house sitting there as if nothing had ever happened, I turned to the Doctor.
"That's it?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I just fought a horde of cyber-pony things and now you're just going to drop me off here like nothing happened?"
"uhhh…. Yep!" Ditzy said as she not so subtlety nudged the Doctor with her shoulder. He sighed exasperatedly,
"Fine, I suppose I'll owe you one so bye, you, uh, brilliant human! Completely brilliant you are, yep!!" I was then none too gently pushed out of the TARDIS, and by the time I turned around to complain it was already gone,
{Freakin’ timelords always running around like their almost out of time. They have freakin time machines!}
[yes but time is all wibbly-wobbly and you know what? I dont think you would understand]
{great now the voice in my head thinks he knows more than me}
[what part of thousands of years old don't you understand?]
{Your face!} I began to trudge back towards my house when a rather excitable pink pony tackled me.
[We really shouldn't haven't expected an easy day]
{All I wanted to do was sleep in a bed! Was that too much to ask for?!} I was about to say hello to pinkie when a cupcake was forcefully shoved down my gullet. After a few minutes of coughing I was able to breathe,
"Pinkie what the fuck?!"
"My Pinkie sense said that you haven't had any sweets in a while" I stared at her like a dumbass while my brain tried to explain that fact,
"You have a sense for that!?"
"Yep!" she threw another cupcake at me, which my hand whipped upwards to catch, Which was probably a bad thing since now she was staring at my shadow hand like she had found a new toy, a very interesting toy at that, and idea that was unfortunately PROVEN true as she leapt forward and grabbed my hand in her hooves.
"Umm could you let my hand go pinky? I need that for things that involve hands, which is pretty much everything"
"What is it?"
"My, um, hand" She gave me a scrutinizing glance at me while I played dumb.
"well, Why doesn't it look like your other one?"
"Well-" I stopped when I felt a wet sensation on my hand,
"PINKY, ARE YOU EATING MY HAND?!" at least she had the grace to look guilty,
"But it tasted like black licorice!"
"So you decided to eat it?! Do you even know where I've been? I mean come on, That's just not sanitary!"
[To be fair I'm sure we taste delicious]
{But it's my fucking hand!}
[I'd eat it]
{that's it, the voice inside my head is completely insane, I am going to go see a specialist}
After I carefully extracted my hand from Pinkie's hooves, I was less than pleased to see a bite had been taken out of it. As I ruminated on how I was going to explain the gaping hole in my hand to everypony Shadows flowed off the ground and filled in the hole. I flexed my hand and was happy that I had could feel no pain, which raised the question as to why I didn't feel her take a chunk out of me in the first place.
[Oh that was me, I just turned off the neural pathways between your hand and brain]
{You can do that?}
[Only because it was made out of shadows]
{Makes sense}
Suddenly I had the desire to drink, a lot. . "hey pinkie, Follow me ." I said when I walked into my backyard. I carefully began making pipes and a rather large vat. After a few minutes of just watching me Pinkie finally spoke up
"Sooooo… what ya buildin?"
"A still" Pinkie looked puzzled for a second then realized what I meant,
"Like the one Applejack has?" I stopped for second,
"Yes I suppose but I plan on having better drinks" she snorted,
"Better than Applejack's? I doubt it."
"Than you'll have to wait and see because I plan on making some rather soon, but first I need apples and some other ingredients"
"Well come on silly! Let’s go to town!" she began to bounce away in the direction of ponyville as she pulled me along behind her,
{I could have had a easy day! But no! The Doctor needed help in the past and I got dragged into a two week problem}
[But time travel was pretty cool, most people would give a arm and a leg to travel in time. All you had to give was a hand!]
{Note to self, ask Twilight if there are spells that allow me to hurt voices inside my head} which just raised another problem; how would Twilight reacted to my new hand? I doubted that it would be as easy as Pinkie's reaction. She would probably want to know how I lost it and I can't really tell her about time travel because that will just raise more problems. I'll make it up as I go.
[Because that always works so well for you]
{There's a first time for everything}
I sighed and considered beating my head in on the nearest wall, but that would mean going to town and past the library, and if I was that far then I would have already made it past Twilight. So I mentally prepared myself for war. As we walked towards the library I saw the purple mare in question walking right towards us.
"Hey Twilight what's up?" she seemed a bit surprised to see me, guess she was lost in thought.
"Oh hi Jake and.... What's wrong with your hand?" I gave her my best smile,
"Well it's a funny story actually" Twilight glared at me
"Jake… what’s wrong with your hand?" oh boy, this was not going to be pleasant.
"Hey Twilight, i have an idea, let just put the human down." I said as I struggled to escape the purple field of magic surrounding me. In retrospect I probably should've just told her how I lost my hand instead of asking if she had seen any good movies recently. Because now she was dragging (well I guess technically it's hovering) me towards the library with a VERY pissed of look on her face. I stopped struggling and watched Pinkie bouncing along behind us.
[How the fuck does she do it?]
{Don't ask, you'll just hurt my head}
"Now Jake, are you going to tell me how you lost your hand, or am I going to have to interrogate you?"
"Well the interrogation does sound more kinky soooo....." at the mention of this Pinkie immediately tried stop her giggles by covering her mouth while Twilight started blushing furiously.
"Pinkie could you go home I need to speak to Jake. Privately." her words were laced with determination, which honestly scared me a bit.
"Okie dokie lokie! Bye Twilight bye Jakey!" I tried to tell her to get back here and save my ass when my mouth closed, actually it didn't close, but they literally zipped together, almost like they were sealed together with gorilla glue. Twilight marched us into the library's main room and put me down on the couch and then stuck me to it with some sort of binding spell.
"So Jake, what happened to your hand?"
"Mmmmmh mmmh mmmph!" I sounded amazingly like the Pyro. I need a flamethrower, and a axe. Axes are cool.
"Ohh, sorry Jake!" Twilight chortled while my mouth unzipped.
"Could you please never do that again?"
"Could you please stop getting hurt, I mean in one night you lost a hand!" she said, angry and sad at the same time, which was ...... Confusing to say the least.
"It's not like I was trying to lose a hand!"
"What did you even do?!"
"I was errrr- "
[Tell her you were making bombs!]
{Why would I say that? That would probably piss her off even more!}
"Well I'm waiting" SUDDENLY, scary Twilight face of female rage!
"I was making bombs."
"Why would you be making bombs!?"
"For a holiday" she looked at me skeptically.
"What holiday?"
"All Bombers eve" yeah that sounds real enough
"All Bombers eve huh? What's the history behind that?"
"Uuuhhhh humans like blowing stuff up?" I tried hiding my lie by smiling weakly, but it looked like twilight wasnt buying it.
"If thats the case then I am sure you wouldn't mind helping me write down the history of all Bombers eve, would you?" I huffed in defeat.
"So maybe it wasn't a bomb, but it definetly didn't have anything to do with time travel and cyber-ponies, thats for sure." I smiled pretty convincingly, well in my opinion it was convicning but apparently Twilight didn't agree.
"Thats it!" she snarled while her horn lit up and my vision went black.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX "Hey boss you might want to get up, your girlfriend over there is trying to break into you mind" I sat up and noticed several things, the first being the shadow demon standing over me, who happened to be pointing towards a certain purple unicorn that was blasting away at a vault door. The interior of my mind looked the exacted same as before, which was good, I guess. maybe that mean my mind is becoming stable.
"The day your mind becomes stable I'll find myself a new host!" I glared at him before turning towards Twilight who was still trying to get into my vault of memories.
"Can't we just throw her out or something?"
"Boss, she's inside your head fucking with your memories, if you want to trying and remove the PMS'ing unicorn girl, be my guest."
"I thought demons were supposed to be brave."
"Hey, you tell me how brave you feel facing down the wrath of a female who happens to be a fucking level 100 wizard." "errr good point." I turned to Twilight
"Hey Twi, how about we stop trying to shatter my fragile psyche?" she either didn't hear me or ingored me. I was a little on edge since she looked a lot like how she had looked during 'Lesson Zero'.
"Right let try somethig else." I cleared my throat
"TWILIGHT! KNIGHT WANTS TO EXPLAIN HIS ENTIRE LIFE TOO YOU IN GREAT DETAIL!!" Knight looked up in alarm while Twilight turned to face him.
"Oh shit..." said knight, and I swear I have never seen a demon run so fast in my life, well hes the only demon ive seen in my life, but thats besides the point, the point is he was a black blur followed by a raging unicorn .
"I FUCKING HATE YOU JAKE!" I chuckled to myself "Next time you should try and help me." as the duo ran down one of the many twisting paths in my head I was suddenly hit by the fact that I had just released a demon and crazy unicorn to run rampant in my head.
"Well whats the worst that can happen?" as I said that I felt a sudden chill course through me and I reconsidered what I had just said
"Yeah I should probably stop them from killing each other. or me." I quickly followed the path they had taken and was none too pleased to see scorch marks on the walls
{I am going to have such a headache when I get out of here} I kept going down the hall-way until till I heard someone muttering to themselve.
{Great, maybe Twilight lost him or maybe she's gone insane, either way this should be interesting.} As I rounded the corner I slammed into a black wall that Twilight was desperatley trying to break through.
"Uhhh Twi you feeling better yet?" the "im going to murder your family" smile she gave was not very comforting in the very least, and did not make me feel any better about my decision about finding looking for her.
"NO IM NOT BUCKING OK! My coltfriend won't tell me whats wrong with him, and he's always disappearing and coming back hurt and acting like there nothing I can do to help him!" ouch, I mean techincally she was right but still, ouch.
"Twilight, I just don't want you too get hurt" She literally tackled me and was staring at me an inch away from my face
"Jake, I am the Element of Magic! I have dealt with dragons, Ursa minors, Nightmare Moon, Discord, and on more then one occasion Pinkie Pie, so please, tell me what it is I can't handle?"
"Okay, okay, you win Twilight, Next time something happens that could be dangerous I'll take you with me."she kept glaring at me for a second.
"Pinkie Pie promise?" I went through the motions and she smiled.
"Feel better now?" she nodded
"Well great because I don't" as i said this, her eyes got a sort of half lidded look to them.
"~well don't worry about that Jake, I think i have a idea that will make you very happy~" she said in a sultry voice as the world turned black.
A/N: Sup guys! Sorry the chapter times are random but I just moved onto a army base and I'm about to start my school so I don't know how often I'll be able to write but I'll try to as often as I can! Thanks!
"Twilight you are a liar and a tease" she looked over at me confused
"What do you mean?"
"Re-shelving books is not fun!" I could be building freakin weapons of mass destruction or convincing Pinkie to go to the dark side and use her powers for evil
[Hate to ruin your perfect plan there Vader but I am pretty sure Pinkie's brand of evil would just involve throwing pastries at ponies]
{Muhahahaha my glorious plan!}
[How would that be effective at all?]
{The better question is how wouldn't it?!} A image of a war-torn battlefield with pastry covered ponies dragging themselves around popped up making me laugh
"Jake you feeling okay"
"Not now Twilight you're interrupting my schemes to conquer the world with pastry based weapons" she gave me a look that said 'not sure if trolling or just stupid'.
[Just stupid]
{Well you're inside my head so that means if I am stupid then you are to so ha!} I heard him sigh and mumble something about wishing he was possessing a dog, meh his loss.
"Right so I am done now" I said as I threw a book over my shoulder
"But we just finished the first shelf"
"Yep you know what they say 'quit when you're ahead' and by that logic I shouldn't have even started!" I started moving towards the door
"Feel free to come with me Twi I'm just going to do a bit of shopping"
"Well I could use some more ink... Ok lets go" good because I need some apples and sugar and shit. We stepped outside and were assaulted by a sudden gust of wind making me shiver a bit though Twilight didn't seem bothered.
[What month is it?]
{Fuck if I know}
"Twilight what month is it?" she looked slightly confused
"Whats a month?" I felt only slightly perturbed by this I mean our world already share so much I guess it would be weird if everything was the same.
"Okay what season is it?"
"Oh it's the beginning of Autumn" well fuck I suppose that means winter is coming soon, I don't like the cold or the heat for that matter in fact I am a very picky person temperature wise. Maybe I should start burning things and speed global warming up..... Nah Celestia would probably get pissed that I was slowly killing the world and all that other bullshit and the that Zeus would most likely smite me or something. Twilight interrupted the barrage of ways I would most likely get smitten
"So what is a month?" which lead to a very lengthy discussion of different measurements of time as used by humans, turns out we share the same number of days in a year (except they don't have leap years) but other than that they simply divide the year into the four seasons.
By the time we reached the market place Twilight had a pretty good understanding of human holidays and months
"Well then I guess by human time we would be close to the holiday 'Hall-o-ween'" she stressed out each little part like they were their own words and not just one big mess of a word. She continued on
"But here it's known as Nightmare Night" yeah I kinda already knew that but hey whatever. Twilight looked over at one of the stalls that had a rather large selection of quills and inks.
"Jake I'll be right back" she went to the stand while I made my way towards a certain orange mare wearing a Stetson.
"Howdy Jake"
"Hey AJ how's it going?" she shrugged
"Not bad I suppose, we'll be harvesting the last of the apples soon and then cinder season begins" she said with a smile
"Sounds good" I'll be honest I have been looking forward to trying the inter-dimesionally famous apple cider unless it was the same cider she had served at the party which had nowhere near enough alcohol for me to actually get drunk. Which reminds me
"AJ I need to buy four barrels or sacks or whatever it is you sell apples in"
"You mean a bushel" I waved her away
"Let's not complicate this with fancy terms like 'bushel'" She rolled her eyes and set for bushels on the counter, while I counted out the necessary bits.
"What are ya planning on doing with all these apples?" I smiled like a madman
"Alcohol and lots of it!" she frowned a little
"You're gonna be responsible with it right?" I thought for a second I could either A: Lie to the element of honesty or B:
"See'ya AJ have a nice day!" I yelled while scooping up my apples and running down the street while the element of honesty shook her head worriedly.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
After picking up several other supplies I met Twilight back where we had originally started and we began to head back towards the library. Apparently there had been a special on quills or something which meant I was carrying several large and heavy bags.
[Whipped]
{Bah! I disagree with your inclinations that I have in any way been tamed!}
[Sure you keep telling yourself that]
{It's common courtesy for a guy to carry the ladies heavy bag especially when they lack fingers or more basically hands}
[Whatever you helps you fall asleep at night]
I ignored Knights prattling and concentrated more on how I would go about making myself some more weapons. I am sure you're thinking 'why could I possibly need more weapons?' the better questions is why do I lack a rocket launcher? Or any explosive based weapon like grenades.
"Yeah I could really go for some grenades right about now" wait did I say that out-loud?
"What's a grenade?" Yeah guess I did
"Umm don't worry about it" we were already at the library I ran inside and dropped the stuff off.
"See'ya tomorrow Twi" I said as I leaned down and kissed her she flushed a deep red but returned the kiss
"Be on your best behavior Jake I don't want you too come back missing another arm" I gave her a mock salute as I headed towards my house, after all I had alcohol and explosives to make.
[I see no possible way for this to go wrong]
{Oh come on it will be fun}
A/N: Sorry but I cranked this chapter out before the server switching so it is still waiting to be edited so you'll just have to deal with my crappy grammar. Also sorry for not writing as much military training takes a lot out of a guy luckily I'll have some free time on the weekends and weekday nights so hopefully I'll be able to update weekly or bi-weekly but I promise NOTHING! THANKS FOR READING!
A/N: FOUR DAY WEEKENDS ROCK! Thinking about doing a blog about an average day here, also the next chapter is gonna be a Q&A session so if you have questions just leave them in the comments! Thanks peace out!
[Knight]
{Me}
"Note to self rocket launcher need to be able to launch rockets" I said as I patted out a fire on my sleeve
Rocket testing was not going well and by that I mean this was the second time a rocket had exploded and only a wall of shadow had saved me from becoming a bit more hole-y.
[Maybe we should just stick with grenades...]
{I have not failed 1,000 times. I have successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a rocket. Thomas Edison said that}
[*Sigh* No he didn't]
{How would you know you're not Thomas Edison!} at this point I'm pretty sure he started beating his head against something, which would have been funny except I was pretty sure that he was hitting part of my brain which was probably a bad thing.
[I need a drink]
{Demons can't drink}
[Fine you need a drink, so we both can get drunk!]
{What about the rockets?}
[What about them?]
{I dunno shouldn't we make them or something?}
[Why do we even need rockets?]
{Uhhhh...}
[See no need for rockets! Let's go get drunk!] well can't argue with that logic plus it was getting kinda late and I could use a drink, hopefully the moonshine was done.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Let me start by saying I originally had no notions of getting shit-faced it was just one of those things that happens like earthquakes or playing Pokemon for the first time and buying a Magikarp completely unexpected and unwanted.
Which leads to me being in the middle of Ponyville at 2:00 AM-ish singing
Not one of my better moments. As I wandered down the street I came across Sugarcube Corner and I had one of those brilliant moments only drunks can have.
"Ohmygod izz a house made outta food!" I don't really know why but I instead of trying to eat it like any other drunk would, I gave the house a hug and petted it saying 'good house'. I'm not sure if I was trying to compliment the house or tell it that I was proud of it for being made out of food.
I continued to wander around Ponyville completely oblivious to the fact that several ponies were following me.
TWILIGHT'S POV
Twilight had originally been rather confused as to why somepony was knocking on her door so early in the morning and was prepared to give them a piece of her mind well until she saw it was Pinkie Pie.
"Pinkie what are you doing here so early in the morning?!" she stage whispered to her hyperactive friend.
"Jake just petted my house"
"What?"
"He said something about 'a house made of food' and then he petted my house" Even Pinkie looked somewhat confused about the actions of the young man. Twilight, having no idea of the inner workings of a drunk human's mind, simply sighed
"Take me too him."
DRUNK JAKE'S POV
I was mumbling something incoherently was two ponies came up from behind me
"Jake?"
"Whoys wasit?" I turned around and saw Twilight and the pony my drunk subconscious dubbed 'the pink destroyer of worlds' don't really know why.....
"Oh hi'ya Twilight" I said as I waved to her, sniffed and glared at me
"Jake are you drunk?"
[No]
"Yesh" my brain loaded "No" she just glared some more
The pink destroyer seemed to think that this was hilarious and somehow got on top of my head and began to try to steer me around saying something about 'drunken adventures'
"No I don't wanna have drunken adventures!" I yelled while trying to get the pink one off my head unfortunately in my drunken state I lack the balance require to remain vertical and soon found myself lying at the hooves of Twilight.
"Twilight save me from the Pink one!" I said while trying and failing to regain my footing, gravity is a real bitch like that always picking on the drunks. Pinkie seemed to think was hilarious and fell to the ground giggling
"Jake why did you drink so much?"
"Knight challenged me to a drink contest" Twilight's eyebrow twitched a bit
"And you thought that the voice in your head would be able to drink?"
"I had to defend my honor!"
[And you still lost!]
"No you lost!"
[No you did!]
"NO I WON!" I probably would have continued arguing like this if I hadn't been picked up in a purple-ish aura by a rather amused/annoyed unicorn
"Good night Pinkie" She stopped laughing and pouted
"Awww where are you taking him? We still need to have drunken adventures!."
"No Pink destroyer I don't want to have drunk adventure!" she looked only slightly confused at the name I had given her as Twilight continued to levitate me away, then she giggled
"Bye Jakey Bye Twilight!" she began to bounce away while I mumbled something about ruing the day I went on drunken adventures with her.
"Jake what am I going to do with you?" I lazily floated in somersaults
"Love me and then we'll buy some cake and go visit Denmark!"
"What's a Denmark?"
"It's a place with water and beaches and flowers and house and other stuff!"
"Equestria has beaches and flowers"
"Oh we should go there then"
"We are there"
"That was quick, wait there's no water! Twilight did you lie to me?" I'm pretty sure Twilight was ready to use a sleep spell on me or something however my sleep deprived body beat her to the punch as I drifted to sleep in her telekinesis grip.
A/N: A goofy chapter before things get serious lemme know what you think
"Ohhhh my fucking head" to say that it felt like somebody was taking a sledgehammer to it would be an understatement it felt more like a wrecking ball made out of speakers playing the song 'Friday' no really it was that painful. I slowly cracked my open only to be assaulted by some unholy hellspawn shine a light in my eyes, I carefully opened my eyes again and confirmed my theory that the hellspawn in question was in fact the sun.
I slowly took in my surroundings; I was in the library on the couch surrounded by a fort made of books. I assume that I made the fort of books even though the last thing I remember is falling asleep on the way here.
[Yeah that may have been me] and oh my god rusty nails being dragged through my head.
{SHHH!}
[But-]
{Quiet!}
[But I-]
{Silence!} I heard a loud hrmp-ing noise as I slowly got off the couch and saw a bottle of water lying on the ground with a note next to it, I picked up the note
Dear Jake
This will help with your hangover
Sincerely Drunk Jake
Drunk me was so cool, I cracked open the bottle and drank deeply before spitting it up all over myself. It was moonshine the bastard had put moonshine in there! I take it back drunk me sucks! I capped the bottle and threw it on the couch before I stumble towards the kitchen. After getting several glasses of water I began to look for the ultimate in hangover cures: greasy food! Unfortunately ponies lack McDonalds and many other greasy fatty foods, and the few that they might have Twilight didn't seem interested in having at her house. After failing to find any foods matching the grease required to cure a hangover I decided to crawl back onto the couch and die slowly.
"Somepony doesn't look so hot"
"I looked very hot, I just don't feel so good" Twilight rolled her eyes before she came downstairs and saw the book fort
"What's this?"
"I think they're books" she stared at me
"I meant why is there a fort of books in the middle of my house."
"I don't know I could drunk again and you could ask me then"
"No way I don't want you running around the town drunk during the day" her eyes widened in fear while I smiled at the thought of the chaos I could cause, I even considered drinking the rest of the water bottle until my pounding head made it clear that there would be no drinking for a while.
"Twilight don't you have any greasy foods?" she frowned
"Why would I have greasy foods they're unhealthy"
"Yeah but they're great for curing hangovers"
"I think there's a spell for that"
"Oh sweet mother of god please help me" I said while straining to reach her from the couch
"No because then you wouldn't learn your lesson!"
"Lesson? What lesson?"
"To never send three hyperactive fillies to 'help' a hungover pony" then the front door slammed open
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS BLACKSMITHS YAY!!"
"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I continued to slam my head against the wall as the three fillies continued to try and make 'suits of armor so they could crusade in the forest' which meant that everything except for the fillies was covered in molten metal. Luckily for me my shadow hand seemed capable of easily ripping the metal they had decided to use off the walls. After the seventh failed attempt they decided that that Blacksmithing was in fact not any of their cutie marks. I walked them to the door and sent Cinisavis with them to make sure they got to town safely.
Then I promptly collapsed to the floor holding my head.
"Who did I kill in a past life to deserve this?"
[Lincoln]
{Quiet you}
Luckily for me my headache had quieted down to a mild throbbing sensation but still for the few hours I had to help the CMC it had seemed like a steamroller had been going over my head and I had to bite back angry remarks on more than one occasion. I probably would have stayed lying on the ground for the rest of the night if I hadn't noticed that the forge was still burning rather brightly.
I raised my hand and an inky black stream poured out and streamed into the fire turning it into black fire. I quickly absorbed the fire and exhaled a small amount of steam. It was a little trick I had been working on in case there was ever a serious fire nearby since Ponyville, well wood houses and straw roofs don't exactly scream 'fire-proof' now do they?
Well that and I got a reason to play with fire and lets be honest who doesn't like playing with fire, well beside Freddy Krueger
[Zing!]
{I wonder if there's an alternative reality where he's real and now he coming to kill me}
[Possibly, I mean this universe existed so why can't others?]
{Sometimes I wish I was a stoner because these conversations would be freaking intense}
[We could always get drunk again]
{Not on your life}
Cinisavis flew back into the house and perched himself on my shoulder.
"Sup?" he let out a squawk and began to preen himself
"Yeah, yeah you're a bird I get it" he pecked the side of my head right as someone knocked at the door.
"Sorry closed due to lack of sanity!" the knocking became more frantic as I walked towards. I noticed a purple light coming out from underneath the door
"All right hold on-
*BOOM*
The door flew off the hinges and slammed into me
"Jake! We have a problem!" I slid the door off of me and plugged my now bloody nose
"Yeah like why a purple pony just blew slammed a door into me." At least Twilight was able to look sorry for a moment before panic seized her face again
"Jake Princess Celestia sent a letter!"
"So? I've started making Molotov cocktails and you do see me busting down doors" okay so maybe I hadn't made Molotovs.... Yet
"Jake this is important" she said while shoving a scroll into my hand
"Alright Twilight calm down" I opened the scrolled
To my faithful student Twilight Sparkle
I regret to inform you that the Elements and Jake's presence are required in Canterlot immediately due to an incident involving Discord. A carriage will be there to pick you and everypony else within the hour.
Sincerely Princess Celestia
"Okay so this might be worse than I had thought."
A/N: Two chapters in a week? I might be spoiling you guys.
"Still looks like a statue to me" I was in the royal gardens standing in front of the statue of Discord who was still very much a statue and you know generally statue-y.
"Tis a replica" I stared at Luna
"A replica?"
"Yes"
"Why? You can't really think that he adds to the value of the garden because lemme tell that this guy is definitely not raise the castle's value any time soon." Luna glared at me while I shrugged.
It was just Me and Luna in the gardens while Celestia and the girls went to get the elements of harmony, hopefully before Discord got at the this time. I had been told that it was my job to investigate the 'crime scene' not really sure what kind of crime this would be classified as jailbreak or some shit.
"We had a replica made so ponies would not panic if he were to somehow escape again."
"Yeah everything would be great until he showed up and fuck everything over." again with the glaring it's like ponies don't appreciate my sarcasm or something
[Yeah I can only imagine why they would be annoyed by it]
{I know right?}
"So what exactly am I looking for here?"
"Err anything that could point to where Discord went and what he's up too" right because that narrows it down
"Shouldn't you ponies have a spell for this by now?" I sighed
"Oh yes let me just scan the entire world and everything in it and tell you where Discord is because it is so easy to scan every blade of grass and rock to see if they have been altered by chaos magic" Fine I get it ponies can be sarcastic too jeez.
"Well can't you just look for Discord?"
"I'm afraid not even if we could scan the entire world areas like the Everfree would cause too much interference for us to know where he's at"
"Soo what you're saying is I should just Napalm strike the entire Everfree forest? Will do!"
"What is Napalm?"
"Napalm is a magical substance that hunts down your enemy." and by hunt I mean burn and by your enemy I mean everything in a few miles radius. Ahhh the glory that is Napalm
"Hmm sounds like something worthy of investigation, I shall speak with my sister about this" ha! I would pay money to see that conversation
[Napalm later, find evil chaos god now]
{Alright mother!}
I began to walk around the statue looking for anything out of place but the only strange thing was the slightly burned grass near the pedestal but I mean how the hell was that suppose to help me? Talk to the fucking grass? I don't think so!
"Well I'm out of ideas" I shrugged as I walked back towards Luna when I saw something glint in the grass. I bent down and picked up a small green scale.
"Hey Luna does Discord have scales?" she looked at me confused
"He does"
"What color are they?"
"Normally they are green"
"I am success!" Luna just looked confused which was just as well I suppose. I took the scale over to Luna
"Here you go now you can find him right?" she looked at the scale for a moment before picking it up in her magical grip and scanning it
"Tis Discord's scale however the spell needed to track him will take time and energy." great cause I have nothing I need to do with my free time or anything.
[We could try making rockets again]
{Later I'm bitching right now}
"Right sooo now what?"
"Well we shall inform our sister of the scale and we shall prepare the spell" doesn't really answer what I am supposed to do
"Okay then...... I guess I will go raise havoc in town....... bye." I began to walk towards Canterlot
"Thou shalt do no such thing!"
"But- But..... I wanna cause havoc!" I tried making a puppy dog face but I guess human puppy dog faces are nothing in comparison to pony puppy dog faces.
"Thou art to remain in the castle until such time as Discord may be located."
"I don't wanna" I whined in my best Rarity voice
"Too bad" It's not very effective.....
"Well I guess thats fair" I jumped into the air and began flying towards the city, until a dark blue aura engulfed me
"Cheating! That is totally cheating!" I continued to rant, which may have included several words that would have made a sailor blush, until I finally burned myself out.
"Better?" I continued to glare at Luna
"No" I was pretty sure that if I was in a anime I would have those angry line scribbles above my head you know the ones I am talking about. Anyway I'm sure I can find something 'fun' to do in the castle. I wonder how they feel about fire and explosives
[Don't forget the Napalm]
{Of course how could I forget about the Napalm?}
My mind was wandering on the practical daily applications of napalm (Pest Control) when the girls joined us. Twilight saw me floating in the air surrounded in magic
"So what did he do?" she asked with a flat look
"I am completely innocent I just wanted to have some fun!"
"I believe his exact words were 'I guess I will go raise havoc in town' and began to head towards Canterlot" Gee thanks for the knife in the back Luna
"Jake.." that is the patented 'Jake what drug were you using when this thought went through your head?' tone that Twilight was using
"It wasn't going to be the bad kind of havoc it was going to be the fun kind of havoc with you know cakes n' stuff" stuff may include but is not limited too: Bombs, explosive pies, Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie covered in explosive pies, pies covered in explosive Pinkie Pies, me wearing a tuxedo with a tophat and monocle, a large black van, the 'A-Team' theme song, a pony with a afro, the letter T and much, much more.
Apparently giggling to yourself after prolonged silence in something that will get you stared at
"What?" they continued to stare
"Oh come on we all know that I am in fact that crazy already" this did not seem to put them at ease
"I see no possible way that this could end badly" I stared a now sickly black gem that was vibrating in my hands
"Don't worry Jake! I'm sure everything will be fine!" Twilight seems pretty confident however......
"Then why are you the one behind a blast shield?!" I stared at Twilight, who was at least twenty feet away, writing down notes as I pumped more and more shadow into the gem. It had all started a few days ago when Twilight had been in the library reading a book on gems, I on the other hand had been in my dank room plotting various schemes of revenge against Blueblood, which may or may not have been funded by Rarity, when Twilight had begun to wonder what would happen if I began charging crystals with shadows.
I for one am against it..... Mostly because the last gem exploded........ Twice. I mean really it was more impressive than anything I mean it exploded and then as I walked towards it the shards exploded again.
Anyway now I was charging another gem because Twilight was sure she had figured out how much power it could hold, but then again she had said that last time.
"Annnnddd stop!" I cut off the flow of shadows and carefully put down the now all black gem and made a dash for the blast shield
"So will it work now?"
"I don't know try putting it in the machine" I carefully lifted the gem into a nearby machine, it looked like a oversized microscope, we had been using. According to Twilight this thing would scan the gem and tell you approximately how much magic was in it. They even had a funny name to measure the amount of magic they called them 'swirlies' after the creator of the scale Star Swirl the Bearded. Twilight had told me more about it but do you know how hard it was to pay attention when she kept saying swirlies? Cuz it's hard.
"And there we go" there was a clicking noise as the gem was locked into place. This was the make it or break it part all the other gems had imploded at this point shortly followed by exploded, in some cases twice...... I mean really twice?! That just seems impos-
"It worked!" my internal monologue was cut short as Twilight ran over to the machine and began to look at the gems on the side apparently the represent how much magic is actually in the gem. 1 lit up gem is equal to 10 swirlies.
[*Snort*]
{I know man, I just..... I mean swirlies?}
[*Snort* haha *snort]
"B-But that's impossible" I looked over at Twilight who was staring at the gems, which had all turned a black and were slowly being covered in a thin layer of frost.
"So does that mean I'm a badass?" She was still staring at the gems
[I think our badassery broke her]
{Maybe}
I poked her in the side of the head.
Nothing
[Umm maybe trying-]
{Operation flying tackle is a go!}
I jumped towards her yelling like a madman. Unfortunately I may have startled her as a purple bubble quickly surrounded her, the same purple bubble I smash face first into.
"Ow" I slid down the bubble in cartoon fashion. Twilight however was running over towards the gem
"I don't get it Twi what's so special about the gem?" she stopped right in front of the gem and turned to face me
"Jake the gems turned black"
"Yes and my magic is black ergo black magic is still black"
"But it measures any magic and lits up in fact the only way that it could turn black was if it....."
"It?"
"Didn't have any magic in it"
"Kay' I mean there are just shadows, not too sure if shadows are magical or just you know shadows." My money was on them being just shadows. Twilight picked the gem and began to inspect it
"Here Twi lemme see tha-"
*CRACK*
A large crack split down the side of the gem. Alarm bells started going off in my head
"Twilight put the gem do-"
*BOOM*
Inky blackness flowed out of the gem and into Twilight's aura but it didn't just float or explode or fall. It fucking spread
Ever seen a puddle of gasoline have a match thrown on it? Imagine that but with blackness spreading across magic. But it didn't stop there it traced the magic back to the source and surrounded Twilight and well this where I lost track of things. Mostly because the strange tingling sensation in my gut that quickly morph into a blinding pain.
I fell to the ground writhing in pain and I'm about ninety percent sure I was screaming. The pain in question felt like someone had taken a lightning bolt and shoved it into my stomach and occasionally decided to kick me for fun. I don't know how long I was there but I do know that there was dew on the grass when Celestia finally found us there. Me writhing in pain and Twilight laying there unconscious. I raised a hand towards her
"Please h-help" my hand fell back to my gut try to stop the spasms.
"Hold on Jake it will be ready in a moment" I looked back up and saw she was charging some kinda of spell. She kneeled down and aimed her horn at me, a lazy tendril of magic began to move towards me. It hit my temple and I was swallowed by darkness.
A/N: Sup guys? Sorry it took so long, I just moved bases and my new barrack didn't have wifi and I had to get comcast to come set it up and then it didn't save the chapter I had begun so I had to re-type it all and then I had to work still to I've just been a bit busy on a completely unrelated note OH MY GOD SEASON THREE FINALLY!
I was floating around in darkness, which was something relatively new for me since normally when I blackout I just wake up in a hospital bed..... Unless I'm dead.
Oh god what if I'm dead? I talk a big game and everything but dying while experimenting with shadows? Not how I want to go, I would prefer to die at the ripe old age of immortal with lots of kids causing chaos. But if I'm dead then I can nev-
"OH SHUT UP! You're not dead you idiot!" I looked behind me and saw a pair of red glowing eyes staring back at me
"Knight! I'm not dead! Or were both in hell...... Well at least you have to suffer with me." he let out an annoyed growl
"Glad to see you care."
"So if I'm not dead there where are we?"
"In surgery I think"
"What!? Why?! How?!" he looked at me, obviously annoyed
"Remember what happened with Twilight" I thought back, my memory seemed fuzzy. Like the actually memories were trying to elude me all I remember was that something bad had happened
"I-I can't remember" I griped the side of my head
"Why can't I remember?" Knight quickly stepped forward
"Calm down it's probably the anesthetic they're using muddling your thoughts" I nodded numbly not entire calmed down
"The reason you're in surgery is well because you were dying."
"What?!" he scowled again
"Interrupted me one more time and I'm not saying a word, got it?"
"Umm sure"
"Now then let me refresh your memory, you and Twilight were experimenting with shadow magic and gems unfortunately something happened. You see one of the gems you had filled with shadows crack while Twilight was holding it in her magic this resulted in something we couldn't have anticipated." I opened my mouth and he glared at me till I slowly closed it
"You see I have never had a chance to experiment with shadows and magic before, since actual magic is so rare in our world, so imagine my surprise when we find out that shadows act like a sponge with magic." He noticed my confused look
"Remember the pain in your stomach earlier?" I nodded
"That was Twilight's raw magic being pumped into you, since your body was never designed to have magic in it there were no outlets for it so the magic did the next best thing; it found somewhere that it could store itself AKA your stomach. Be happy Celestia found us when she because you were about to burst open" A thought swirled in my head
"But I use shadow magic all the time"
"True but none of that comes from you, you just manipulated the shadows around you to do your will, even that hand there" he pointed at my shadow hand
"Doesn't go inside of you it simply has a more intimate subconscious connection with your brain, and your wings are made of shadows and simply respond to your commands. Why did you think you found flying so easy? There was nothing to learn you simply told them to fly and they did."
"So the surgery is to remove the magic in my body?"
"Well while you were out I took control of your hearing and heard that it's more of a magical transfer"
"Transfer to...?"
"Back to Twilight I assume you probably left her very weak after draining her of most of her magic?" and now I feel like a shit-bag.
"Well what can I do?"
"Nothing I woke your subconscious up to basically give you a sit-rep, I could send you back if you want"
"Yeah let do that" not that hanging around in floaty darkness land doesn't sound fun but I need to make sure Twilight alright.
"Alright, see you on the other side" my vision slowly faded
"Oh and Jake?"
"Huh?" He punched me in the arm
"Ow"
"Thats for being happy that we would both be in hell" before I make a sarcastic quip my vision faded entirely.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
*BEEP*
Oh hear that? It's my friend the annoying ass heart monitor
*BEEP*
All young children gather round and hear his magnificent tales
*BEEP*
And be quick about it because I'm about to kill this motherfucker.
I groggily open my eyes, I was in your standard hospital room. You know white, covered window, white, bathroom, medical equipment, white, did I mention that it's white?
More concerning was the tube going down my throat, I instinctively began to gag and pull the tube out
"ACK!" my mouth taste like peroxide and plastic
I felt wrong. There was pain and hunger mixing in my stomach telling me to eat and begging me not to. My muscles felt weak and the simple beeping of the heart monitor grated against my ears like nails to a chalkboard.
{First things first}
My shadow hand elongated into a whip as a swung it towards the monitor shattering it into a million little pieces. Now about my stomach, I slowly pushed the hospital gown aside and was less than happy with what I saw. Knight was wrong when he said about to burst I had already started to. There were four sets of stitching running across the sides of my stomach.
"Because more scars are just what I needed..." I slowly tried to get out of the bed only to find myself unable to balance while standing and leaning against everything. I heard the door open but was too busy trying to keep upright to take any notice of who had opened it.
"Sir you need to return to your bed" I haphazardly continued to try and make my way across the room ignoring who ever had told me to return to bed. I felt something twist in my gut it was a new experience for me like my stomach was trying to get away.
"Jake?" Twilight or at least I think it was Twilight it was getting hard to tell my vision was somewhat blurry but there was a distinctive purple blob over there. A purple haze engulfed me and sent shards of white hot pain into my stomach. I let out sudden scream and the purple haze disappeared and I dropped to the ground. I'm pretty sure someone was apologizing to me when I blacked out again.
"Well this is a nice change of pace" I was floating around in the ethereal mindspace again but this time it was a nice cream color and pretty relaxing.
"Gross it's all peaceful and shit" I looked over at Knight who was floating upside down next to me
"I don't know it's a nice change of pace from you know all the shadows and shit"
"Shadow-hater"
"Although I will say that this place is definetly lacking a raging inferno." Knight nodded his agreement
"And corpses hanging from the ceiling" I stared at him
"You fucked up guy"
"It's a sign of respect in demon culture"
"Yeah and so are blood rituals"
"No actually blood rituals are just blood rituals, you know we demon love to roll around in blood"
"Yeah roll around like dogs." he glared at me
"Fine don't laugh at my wonderfully in-taste jokes." someone cleared their throats behind me.
"Hold on voice I'm arguing with the demon" I said while waving my hand behind me
"Huh the other gods said you were indifferent to the fact that they were gods, but waving off the Goddess of Love is just rude." I'm pretty sure a small eep escaped me while Knight smiled a shit-eating grin.
"Errr sorry about that" I said while trying to turn around " I'm used to ignoring the other voices in my head" I completely flipped around and oh my god she hot. Now before you all go hating on me for thinking she hot with a capital H lemme explain something too you; Freakin Aprhodite for fuck sake she has that kinda effect on people.
"Fuckin mortals" Knight reached over and pinched me
"Ow! Fucker!" his talon like finger make for a mean pinch
"Finished?" She asked. My smart-ass side wanted to tell her to wait while I fought with Knight, but my 'Oh shit is that a god? Oh fuck behave yourself for fuck sake' side kicked in and saved my sorry ass.
"Yes"
"I Suppose"
"So you are the one they chose to protect Equestria" She began to float around me observing me.
"Thats what they tell me"
"You don't look like much"
"Thanks for the vote of confidence"
"Aww poor Jake got his confidence hurt" I was prepaing to scream 'Banzi!' and tackle him but Aprhodite spoke up
"Enough banter we have limited time and important matters too discuss"
"Okay..... like the Superbowl important or the 'oh my god there a giant spider on your face' important?" she looked unamused at my examples
"More important then either of those" this is most likely a lie, spiders are creepy
"So what is it then?"
"We the Gods have come to a decision."
"Annnddd?"
"We believe that you will require some allies" all of my WOOT
"Yes, I concure with this hypothesis" Allies! What if there humans like me? Oh shit what if their from like vidoe game universes and are really OP. That be sweet
"Yeah I think I could use the following; Jackie Estacdo, The Entire TF2 red team, Spartan-117, Issac Clarke, Cricken, and Alex Mercer" She stared at me drolly
"That will not be happening."
"B-But allies!"
"You will have to make allies in this world, bringing any other outsiders could potentially harm the universe their in and cause issuses here."
"Issuses?"
"Is there any way you can gurantee me that you can get these people to even work for you?"
"Well I mean...... Well I could...... Not exactly" She glared at me
"Alright fine! I can't! Happy now?"
"Believe me when I say that I wish that they would be willing to help you, but would you leave this realm to help someone you didn't know?"
"No" I had no plans for leaving this universe anytime soon.
"So why would they leave their realms to help you?" fine so she had a point
"So then who should I talk too?"
"Well after much debating we have decided that the Changelings would be a useful ally." I floated there with my mouth hanging open
"Yeah might be a problem with that since, well you know we mercilessly slaughter their leader in a rather gruesome method."
"And how would they be of any use? They failed to even overthrow Canterlot." She looked thoughtful for a moment
"Yes killing their leader maybe a problem, however we are quite confindent in your ablility to convince their new leader to help you in task. Still I think that you'll find this will be of use." She threw a small pendant at me. I caught it and looked at it; it was a simple gold heart in-laid with pink gems.
"Cute, but seriously I couldn't talk my way out of a box let alone convince a pissed off horde of changelings to help me."
"Yeah were not so good at ass kissing but if you need sarcasm just say the word." I nodded my agreement
"Sarcasm is one of the many talents I have honed to perfection." she rolled her eyes
"Changelings could provided a large and helpful network of informants and spies" I looked at her puzzled
"Why the hell would I need informants?" I mean there's only one Discord, well and titans but still I'm pretty sure it a close knit group
"Did you think you were the only one gatherng allies?"
"Oh" Then I fully registered what she said
"OH. Thats bad, like really really super bad."
"Yes it is, now Jake I want you to prepare yourself."
"For what?"
"I'm sending you back and well how do I put this?"
"Bluntly"
"A changeling is about to try and kill you."
"SEE! I don't make friends with killers! Well except me and the demon there."
"Yo"
"Get Over it oh and good luck Jake you'll need it."
"Yeah I know deadly changelings, god of chaos, blah blah blah me dying."
"Thats not what I was talking about"
"Then what were you talking about?"
"Goddess of Love remember?" She said with a smirk
"Oh fuck this"
A/N: I live on! Sorry it took so long hope you enjoyed!
Okay guy I'll level with you, I'm having serious trouble deciding where I want to go with this story or even if I want to continue with it so here's the options
1: Blank Slate: New story with a non-brony Jake joining the mane six in season 1 with no powers
2: Update when I can: Whenever I have a good idea for a chapter I'll update the story
3: Your choice: you have a better idea? please let me know!
alright sorry guys in somewhat good news I've had an inkling of an idea for a Far Cry 3 story
