Story Of An Alicorn

by Applepip

Forgiveness

I have no idea how long i was out, But when i finally awoke, I felt alive but more than that i felt nothing, The feeling of something in my head was gone, For the first time i felt whole, Then something flashed in my mind, It was a memory through somepony else's eye's, I thought what is this?, Then a foal came to view, I instantly recognised a baby Luna, At that moment i cried, It was the most beautiful sight i have ever seen, Tears start to fall around my face, Then after a few more minutes the memory changed, And now a baby Celestia moves into view, My emotions boil over as i realise what this memory is, It's Darksides memories of the princessess birth, After the memories wash away my vision settles on the real world, I look around and notice it's dark outside and the rain has stopped, I focus on other things in the room, I see various dressers and a few bookselves, Then as i move my vision across the room i spot a familier shape asleep on a chair, I smile as i see it's Twilight with a bandage around her waist, I stare at the bandage and the attack at the castle flashes before my eye's and i look away, Just as i do, Twilight wakes up,

Twilight opens her eye's and looks towards me, "Valder, Your awake," She quickly jumps down and runs across giving me a big hug, Which causes both of us to wince, "Sorry, We all thought you wouldn't wake up!"

"How....How long have i been out?" Twilight smiles before answering,

"Four days,"

"Four days!?" My eye's widen,

Twilight nods, "We had to keep you out, The procedure was....Complicated," I look at her,

"Procedure?" Twilight then turns red,

"Oh, Right, Yeah, After my brother brought you back, We found a spell in the castles library that could completely remove what was left of Darkside from your mind," She looks closer at me, "Did it work,?" I reach forward and kiss her, "I take that as a yes then," We both kiss again, Until a cough is heard,

"I'm sorry to interrupt," We both look behind, Celestia stands in the doorway, "I see you have awoken, Prince Valder," I nod but the image of her being born is still strong in my mind,

"Princess, What i did to you was unforgivable, I will take any punishment you deem fit to give me,"

"Punishment?" Celestia looks at me, "You misunderstand the reason for my visit," Me and Twilight both look at each other, "I came here to see how the procedure went, But judging by your embrace, It went well?" I look at her and smile,

"Yes, But it also unlocked the memories i had hidden," Celestia nods,

"I thought that would happen, Did you remember anything important," I cry,

"Yes, You and Luna's birth," Celestia blushes, "It was wonderful to experiance that emotion," I look to Twilight, "And i will again," Me and Twilight touch noses,

"Then i hope you two will have a wonderful family," Celestia goes to turn away,

"Wait!" I call after her, "You are still my daughter Celestia, And i will never forget that!" Celestia looks back a small tear at her eye,

"I hope you don't," Then she leaves,

Twilight hugs me again, "I wish Luna could be here," Twilight starts to cry,

"Where is she?" I ask,

Twilight stops the tears long enough to tell me what happened, "The doctors can't do anything to help," My face fills with sorrow,

"I have to help her," I say, "But in my current condition, I'm no help to anypony," I bang my head on the beds headboard, "Dammit, I feel so useless,"

"Your not useless!" Twilight shouts, "You never have been, You've got to stop thinking like that!" I sigh,

"I know, But everytime somepony needs my help, I'm always like this," I point a hoof at my body, My wing still heavily bandaged, "I need to help her, It was my fault she got hit," The tears now rolling of my face again,

"It was not your fault! Luna made a decision, It was a bad one but it wasn't your fault," She hugs me and kisses me again, "but your here now, safe!" We kiss again, This time it lasts,

"I missed you so much, Twilight......," I couldn't finish my sentence,

"It's ok," Twilight puts a hoof on my mouth, "My brother told me what you said in the cave,"

"He did?"

"Yes, Do you really love me that much, That you would die so i couldn't get hurt again?" I nod,

"And i meant every word," Twilights face beams as she hugs me closer, "I will never endanger you or the baby again, I promise," Twilight looks into my eye's,

"I'll hold you to that," We both kiss, And slowly we sink into the bed,

Author's Note:

Well thats the last chapter of this story, My thanks goes out to the pony's that liked and commented on my story, However it's not the end of this story arc, As the end of the bond films say,

Valder will return in - Story of an alicorn: Luna's Nightmare

But i have another story to finnish, Once that is done i'll get on with the second story, And again thank you all!

Comments

[Patience]

Ok so I'm going to be blunt, so I will aplogise in advance.
I read some of chapter 1 and the went straight to chapter 16 and found myself very, very dismayed when I found no improvements when it came to style and grammar. I could nit-pick and point out everything or even suggest taking some reinforcing English classes, because, quite frankly, it seems to me that English is your second language, but I'm not, instead I'm going to simply proof read these, and edit them for you. I don't know if it is a matter of pride or simply misunderstanding the idea of an editor, but you need one. I wil be back, probably in a couple of hours with a link to an edited version of this story, you can decide if you want my help from there.

[Applepip]

>>Patience

ok first of all it's not my grammer it's microsoft words grammer as every, chapter has been run throught it apart from chapters 7 and 15 as i checked through them myself and found no need, so any grammer errors thats MS fault not mine, I admit some words i couldn't spell so i used google to help me correct them and if some dialogue or punctuation was not placed i'm sorry, but i have read some storys on this site and many have more mistakes and errors than mine has yet no-one has berated them as much as my story has, some have not even noticed, i know this is my first Fan fic for this site but i have spent 30 mins correcting each chapter after writing them, Only to be told it's still bad, On the far edge of things i find it quite insulting, Also i was born in the uk with english parents and my primary language is english however i am also cornish so maybe my writing is thrown off by that, but i have read through every chapter after completeing the stroy and i have found no evidence that it is as bad as you say, but please go ahead and edit it, but bewarned that some parts are written a specific way for a reason and not because i was crap at writing.

[Applepip]

and just to add to my comment, I didn't use an editor because sometimes an editor can ruin the feel of a story by changing certain aspects, for example on the last chapter the first few sentences are written that way, Because the main character has just woken up after trama and his thoughts are racing through his head so the sentences are written short and fast, also i have found writing emotions can be difficult but i feel i have pulled it off quite well.

[Twist of fate]

I really liked this fic and i hope it never ends so make more please pritty please.

[Patience]

Right well I finished the first chapter. I did it in three ways the first I edited it while I commented on each edit. Second will be that edit without the comments so you can copy and paste it. Finally the third edit is a complete modification. I used the most basic form of my own style to write it, but it's completely different. The third is an example. It's not perfect, no one can be perfect. Nor is it 'better' than what you wrote. It is different.

Background Pony
Sins of the Past
Anything by Wander-D
Anything by AthesteticB
All these fics have one thing in common, editors, some have more than one because it is important to see the story from n outsiders perspective.
Finally the editors purpose is simple: they edit. Usually they work in tandem with the writer to understand whats going on in their mind to help make the story more presentable and to fix errors and sew up inconsistancies and flaws of logic.

[Patience]

I am writing this on my phone so my aplogies for multiposting. Now you've mentioned that you haven't seen much bashing of other stories with grammar issues... be proud. I don't have many stories, and only one is on par with this story and I hate writing it. The people of this site have decided that your story is worth glazing past the errors and incontinentce (yes I did mean that word). They think it is a good story. Finally allof this is not in an effort to insult you. It is constructive take it in stride, I means people actually give a shit

[Applepip]

thanks patience

yeah sorry about that i just have a bit of a wierd streak when it comes to writing, i kind of see it as a personal experince to entertain and when someone says it's bad i just slightly flip, but i would like to see your changes and see what you've done and maybe in the future you can edit other stories of mine, but yeah a second pair of eye's would be great.

[ButterflyCrossing]

I want to make a fan art for this piece, but I still don't know Valder's normal mane and tail colors/style. I would really be happy if you could tell us. I know he is white with no cutie mark, but the mane and tail are a mystery, on Valder's side. I know what Darkside looks like, so that will be fine.

[Applepip]

3213364

if you mean the story itself then no as there will be two more stories based on this one, one will be a sequel and one will be a prequel.

so the story has a way to go yet before it's fully concluded

[DayDrifter75]

Dude, you have grammar issues. You need an editor, and stat.

[Applepip]

3314052

if you want to use Valder you might have to wait until both Luna's nightmare and My next prequel to it are finished(name not giving as spoiler).

after that you can use him in a story if you wish as long as you acknowledge him as my creation.

if you do that then you have my consent.

[TBS AlexDK]

fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/357/a/1/2_hoofs_up_by_comeha-d6z0lto.png

[Theresa]

Personally I don't see why Luna telling the truth is wrong. If anything as soon as he was better then they should have told him. Instead it looks like Celestia is playing games with him and making her sister go along with her ideas.