Zero, a being of no positive emotion whatsoever, was killed once again by a certain pink puffball by the name of Kirby. However, fate wishes to continue his suffering, so he is sent to the sickly sweet world of Equestria, where he assumes he must start anew. With the prospect of new people to share his suffering, will he make friends HIS way? Or will the Mane Six finally show him real happiness, and maybe the magic of friendship?
I do not own Zero or anything belonging to HAL Laboratories Inc. Nor do I own (or want to own) MLP:FiM.
Chapters (5)
3278813
Call me brony again and I will Strangle you with your own spine and skull-fuck your corpse.
3278871 Alright, sorry. I just now noticed the.
3279038
It's fine, just don't call me brony. I get violent when people do that.
3279083 ....Violent kind of seems like an understatement. But still good job.
3279156
Thank you!
*Painfully tries to smile*
3279169 Haha. Sorry, but you remind me of someone from school.
3313729
Excellent!
A couple things:
First, while the story is fantastic, you need to have paragraphs. As in, space out the story. Don't just do one 'Enter' command. For example,
Should be:
Admittedly, I'm not fantastic with grammar, but this should be correct enough to make it easier to read.
Also, using the above quote, "All six there, they began to discuss why they were here, and what they should do...", actually give us what they were saying. "They did X" Doesn't quite work with dialogue.
Congrats on taking the initiative to write a Kirby fic, though. The plot (of the story, get your mind out of the gutter) is really where it shines. I applaud you!
Also, is the adorable pink fluffy ball of Eldritch death going to appear anytime during the story?
3338700
Thank you, this will help. as for if kirby's going to appear, I sincerely hope not.
3338793 You hope not? Why?
3338831
Because I agree with Zero when I say...
I HATE THAT PUFFBALL!!!
Again, a problem you have is your tendency to state things, instead of showing them. "The fight lasted for a good hour." Isn't a good substitute. Show us that. The character's reactions, the actual tricks Zero pulls off, Ect.
Two, paragraphs, please. It's like a blob when you read it over.
Three, there's a specific tool you can use in the toolbar. The Horizontal Rule. It draws a light grey, but still noticeable line across the page to show when there are transitions.
Four, congratulations! You have successful made Nightmare Fuel into a frickin' Nightmare Nuclear Reactor. Seriously, insane Zero? That's terrifying.
What's he called now? Negative Zero? Zero Cubed?
And don't hate on the eldritch puffball of death. It's never a good idea to hate on the eldritch puffball of death.
Poor Zero.
He has always been my favorite Kirby character and its sad that he has had to come to this.
Stupid ponies, stupid puffball, stupid princess.
...to put it bluntly, they are f
ed.
Rooting for Zero all the way.
Equestria shall bathe in blood.
Damn it, Damn it, Damn it! Why won't this story update?!
3279169
story is ded, not big surprise
3279169
Holy shoot that cliffhanger! I wont be able to sleep!