A bizarre incident involving an exploding pig at the Carousel Boutique leaves Rarity in shock and unable to work. Twilight keeps her nice and comfy at the library, but Rarity still has duties to fulfill. Somepony will have to take her place for a few days. Shenanigans ensue.
Also, obligatory author's note:
Good morrow, fellow FIM fictionwriters! This be my first pony-oriented fiction, so I sincerely hope you enjoy it. :D I've been a fan of FIM since July 2011, and I love a good bit of creative writing (and reading :P) - but only recently did I think that I needed to write a little something about our favorite pint-sized equines. Cheers to my brother for helping out with the ideas process, and proofreading it. He's got a fic of his own in the works, so look out for that one soonish, I guess. :P
Good going with the CMC! (Although there may be something wrong with me, because I keep wishing Nyx was still with them.)
If this is going where I think it is, I hope you don't overlook Fluttershy's freakish (and AFAIK never explained) knowledge of sewing. That could come in useful. Or not.
"Grey-Mane" = Skyrim referance?
If I could give anyone a single awesome reason to read this story it would be: "Exploding Pigs."
The CMC will be in huge trouble if Applejack finds out what they've done.
"SQUEEEEEEEE-!"
shoemoney.com/images/nuke.jpg
That about sums it up.
Hey,
This is good, and well written, but there's an unfortunate vein of fridge horror running right through it. If I recall correctly, in Equestria, Pigs, like Buffalo and sheep and cows and whatnot, are sentient. Apparently, they're kept for their truffle hunting skills. Anyway, recalling that this is an AU where pigs are just, y'know, regular pigs, I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.
Yours,
JMH
Definitely watching this, I loved all of it
I cannot wait for more chapters
"In exchange for not telling Miss Cheerilee who accidentally kicked her apple out of the window" - probably A Dash of Adventure reference?
"She sniffed, and swore she could smell the fabulousness burning away in amongst the rising clouds of smoke. All that escaped her was a simple whimper."
This really got me laughing. I have no idea why, probably the idea of smelling fabulousness.
Great start! I really like your writing style, and you captured the CMC (as well as Rarity) perfectly! I'm not exactly sure where to criticize, except to watch out for punctuation. I found a renegade colon right in the middle of this sentence:
"There was no other earthly explanation for: why the house had been so quiet"
And a few other minor errors. Other than that though, great job!
(And I somehow managed to go through this entire post without making a FullMetal Alchemist reference...)
And so, the CMC became notorious serial killers.
Anyone else suddenly hungry for bacon?
Huh. Who would've guessed the CMCs would wind up with 'butcher' cutie marks? Well, they wanted to accomplish something with their lives, and now they can say they've introduced Equestria to the awesome that is bacon.
This is pretty good, so far. Lots of great comedy. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what happens next.
Scootaloo: So are we still going to use this stuff on Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon?
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle:...
Scootaloo: wut?
Wow, great start. The CMC antics are fantastically written, and Rarity's reaction (and the bacon rain) was perfect. Keep writing buddy. I'm interested in where this goes.
Woo, thanks for the comments, everyone!
254732
Well, it miiiight do. Possibly. ;)
254764
I am one of the two or three people on the planet that hasn't played Skyrim. XD No direct reference there, I'm afraid.
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You're quite right to point this out. :P I was thinking this myself, although I think we have yet to see a truly sentient pig in Equestria so far. We saw a bunch of them behaving in a distinctly pig-like manner in the montage in "The Show Stoppers", I believe, hence they are merely simple animals within this story.
255417
Sadly no, haven't read that one yet. :P
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That's there for a reason - it's probably not the best possible use of grammar ever, but it's meant to start off the semicoloned list of reasons why the house is quiet. Heh, hope that explains it. :P
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257368 A Dash of Adventure is fan-made MLP game ;)
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Dagnabbit! XD
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Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of!
And as long as Rarity's stuck in the library, she might as well make sure everything's clean and tidy, right?
So, let's see...
Fluttershy is making dresses for Rarity,
Applejack is taking care of the animals for Fluttershy,
Rainbow Dash is bucking apples for Applejack,
Pinkie Pie is in charge of the weather team for Rainbow Dash,
Twilight Sparkle is making cakes for Pinkie Pie, which means
Rarity and Spike are watching over the library.
Combine that with the fact that we've already had Cutie Mark Crusader Alchemists and exploding pigs... I can already tell... we're in for some serious sh*t.
I love Twi's random squee-splosion at the thought of babysitting the Cakes' twins. XD
Spike alone. In the library. With Rarity.
Let it begin.
I like where this is going, keep it up please
A piece of awesome story! But please, please, please, please, please, please don't rush with it. Don't make stupid deadlines like Twilight in Lesson Zero - write new chapters slowly and only if you are in proper mood. Don't write shorts, don't write flashback fillers like the recent part of My Little Dashie Threequel. Write just the good stories, like these two first episodes.
Ah, what a set up! Twilight's motivation doesn't seem the most believable, admittedly, but it's adorable nonetheless (and I can already think of great ways you can take that idea). Regardless, keep it up!
If the CMC ever get cutiemarks, they will be .gif's of Discord.
Looks like
still needs to work on her detective skills...
And the hilarity continues. Can't wait to see how epic the fail gets in the next chapter. Pinkie vs. weather duty should be particularly fun.
Damn jimmy,
Best thing you've done since your recent mod 6axis!
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No worries, I'm gonna take a quick break from it and then start off on the next chapter. ;)
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A lot of that last section was thought up as I wrote it, which might explain its brevity and the fact that it's almost entirely dialogue. :P
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Rest assured, the fail will be abundant, if I go through with the majority of what I have planned. :P
266420
Heh, thanks, buddy - but I don't think a MLP fiction can really be compared with a modification for Doom. XD (Also... that one is definitely not my best... but I'm glad you liked it. :P)
Yeah, it's defintiely still enjoyable. I wouldn't say you ruined the flow, at all. Really, I prefer stories that take it slow like this, gradually building things up and giving the events time to breathe. I've seen a few other comedy stories like this fail (IMO, at least) because the authors tried to do too much too fast. What you're doing here is working, though. A good balance of comedy and actual story.
Highlights of this chapter:
- The Pinkiecopter! Sweet. I was hoping she'd use that thing.
- The CMCs actually deciding to do the right thing. Good for them. Now the question is whether this will blow up in their faces again, or they'll be the ones to rescue the Mane Six when they inevitably screw up their own jobs.
- Rarity scheduled to be trapped in the library with Spike for three days. This'll be fun.
I don't think CMCs will own up just like that.
This story has made it clearer than ever that the CMC need their own spin-off show.
Ooh, this one was long! Me gusta!
Yeah, good chapter. I don't really have much to say on this one, so uh... good job!
All right! Another good chapter. I don't really have a comment. Just letting you know I'm still reading, so you don't get the impression nobody cares.
Hey jimmy! I can see that the CMC is just one thing
goinglikesixty.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/screwed1.jpg
I'm still liking. I love you complicate the situation by adding Twilight's little freakout. Things just keep getting better for the CMC, don't they?
"Oh my Celestia... it's full of clouds!" You're a genius.
Fun chapter! The entire Pinkie Pie section had me rolling. Well worth the wait, I say!
Eeyup, definitely still liking it. Highlights:
- Dash's attempt to hold a conversation with Mac. Hilarious, and is probably what it's like for people to talk to me. I tend to do the whole monosyllabic 'yes/no' thing, too.
- Drill Sergeant Applejack vs. the animals. The 'exactly the same level of respect you have for Fluttershy' loophole was especially funny.
- The Pinkiecopter blowing Cloudsdale's buildings apart. That's gonna end well, I'm sure.
And now the CMCs are going to Carousel Boutique. Poor Fluttershy...
"Yes." "No." "Maybe!" - I think everyone agrees that first one has been spoken by Sweetie Belle, second by Scootaloo and third by Apple Bloom.
Woho!
New chapter!
This will make me LOL for quite a while
.
How many chapters do you plan for anyway?
Why is it so much fun to watch these ponies lose their tiny little pastel-colored minds?
tl;dr
Maybe tomorrow. Today I managed to only get past "Applejack and bear" part.
fantastic
Load up th minecarts because you sir, have struck GOLD.
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Unsure at the moment - the story is kind of writing itself as I go along. I'm thinking (and sorta hoping) I won't go past 12, for my own sanity's sake.
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Because it's totes adorbs.
349896
Yeah, I had a lot planned for this chapter and I ended up really blowing it up. Whoopsie.
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352948 Thanks!
Best chapter yet. I'd list my favorite parts, but that would involve copying most of the chapter down here, so...yeah. Wall-to-wall hilarity, pretty much.
Dat alliteration...
Well, the size of this chapter was pretty threatening at first, but I got through it, and enjoyed every second of it! Great job, I'm scared to see what happens next!
It's great to really see the chaos rolling
My favorite part was seeing Twilight go crazy over the babies. And RD trying to buck apples.
STAR FOX!!!
nice! I actually thought you abandoned this.
one of the best reads I've had so far