After Twilight Sparkle's princess coronation the girls (except Twilight) got to continue on with their normal lives. But during a spa day with Rarity and Fluttershy, Rarity overheard some spa ponies talking about Twilight's coronation. Then Rarity brings up a point to Fluttershy... Why aren't THEY princesses?
Page generated in 0.075 seconds
Total duration
1,058 users online
1,418,981 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Umm why did you feel you needed to make each paragraph a chapter? Honestly I know it's a formatting complaint but I don't think you needed 6 separate documents these could have been one chapter.
The core question you're asking here is a powerful one, but the presentation isn't the greatest. These scenes have little or no conflict. Rarity asks if her friends agree with her, and her friends say yes, and everyone is always happy. It's repetitive, and there's no drama or struggle to draw in a reader.
I think the reasons why she became an Princess were:
1- She is the student of Princess Celestia and thus the Princess trusts her, that is not to say she distrusts the other elements, but she knows Twilight better.
2- Twilight has connections, her brother and her foalsitter are all very influential and powerful ponies, and there is the possibility that Twilight's family belongs to the nobility.
3-She was born and spent most of her life in Canterlot, so while she may not be the most sociable of ponies, she most likely knows how to behave in court already.
4-Twilight so far is the only one that would actually care about being an princess, Applejack loves applebucking and her family too much, Pinkie Pie would only care about partying, Rarity would care more about fashion and the fact that she can hang around nobles to care much about anything else, Rainbow Dash would just care about being awesome and her ideas of how to run Equestria would likely be impractical or worthless because she would only care about her ideas being "awesome", Fluttershy would spend more time caring about animals(something that she can already do as an pegasus) and she would probably be too kind by trying to please everypony and spending more money that she should by doing so.
5-Twilight is more knowledgeable that the other girls, meaning that she has probably studied various subjects that are very important to run Equestria, like economy,sociology,psychology(to try to figure out Pinkie Pie) and many other subjects, that is not to say the other girls are dumb, but Twilight has more knowledge and is smart with an good head on her shoulders...when she is not freaking out but that can dissapear with time.
6-Twilight is very organized, the life of an Princess is hectic and is probably organized by the minute,so organizational skills are probably very important and the only one of the girls that even has an schedule in her life is Rainbow Dash for her job, but even then her organization skills pale in comparison to Twilight's.
7-Twilight has the most important element of all,Magic(why else would the element of magic be the only one that is an crown), being the very embodiment of Friendship, and something that all ponies possess, meaning that her element is the ONE TRAIT that all of ponykind possesses(after all, not all ponies are generous,loyal,kind,honest or do not have an sense of humor)
There are probably more reasons,but those are the ones i remember.
Actually I've wondered why they aren't all princesses too.
ok....
I wish you would make them a bit longer, though I understand that it's you first story.
One comment. I seriously get the point you're putting across, just try not to draw it out. :3 I love the idea though. I hope they get what they want or at least some form of repayment. They do help Twilight a LOT and if I wasn't for RD and FS Twilight would be dead. Wait a second, Vinyl Scratch that. Without All of them Twilight would be dead by now. Dashie is Best Pony.
Germgod I am not trying to hate on the fact that Twilight is the princess. I do agree she will make a great princess I am just trying to show what her friends might feel if they weren't in the show.
Again not trying to hate.
2970411
Oh...sorry about that, i just do not think any of the mane six can make good princesses as they are now(Twilight needs to be a little calmer),especially Pinkie Pie, but i can see why they are a little jealous of Twilight, if i was in their situation, i would probably be even worse than Rarity.
i wondered 2 why thy arnt princesses 2 but this chapter is 2 short i hope the other 1s r longer
i think it might be weird to agree with the ponys but....................... i mean with out her friends she would be in carterlot with spike and no pony eles... they should be alacorns 2
I'll admit, this is an intriguing idea.
The only major issue I'm having is the pacing, and that there's a lot of telling going on, but not much showing. I'll send you a Private Message with some pointers for making your story more compelling; giving it that extra oomph for holding a reader's interest.
Just a little spelling errors.
"Except Fluttershy of COURSE."
"' We may have lost this round girls but we will convince her TO want to be a princess'"
Sorry about that I started to write on my kindle from the computer. Stupid spell check
strange, but is this the end? I can't tell!
Nope!
I still have to put Princess Twilight in the story!!!
Celestia should've reminded them all that they were immortalized in stain glass, twice over.
3029749 Probably more than twice. Funny how Spitfire was on hoof though.
3030579 As of right now, it's only twice over.
....
.....
......
Oooooookay. Um.
This is a good... concept. This is a great concept. But you haven't... dug in deeply enough. What you've got is basically a lot of "Why am I not a princess?" Followed by a brief "This is why," a conciliatory prize, and then a meet up with friends. Grammatically you're... mostly okay, but a bit... stale. It's talking head syndrome; you don't describe anything around the characters, you just have them talk. You rarely even give them inflection. Usually when they do anything other then talk it's to move them over to the next scene. And the characters themselves seem like childish puppets, with barely a hint of their show characterization. Honestly, from the writing... I'd peg your age in the single digits.
BUT!
There is a lot of potential here. Like I said, you're grammatically stable and that's something that surprisingly few newcomer authors have. You just need to spice up your sentences a bit. Your characters are... shallow, but then again, you were trying for a specific situation. What you should do is let the characters express more openly; if Applejack is annoyed, have her glare, if Twilight is sad or embarrassed let her ears flick back. Once they start reacting naturally, they'll begin to walk themselves and you might find they head off in directions you don't expect; you should ALWAYS let them do this, though you should use the setting to nudge them back if they start messing up the plot. And speaking of the environment, take a moment or two to stop and smell the roses! If the characters are running from a dragon, then it's okay to ignore the world around them, but otherwise describe where they are standing with something a bit less generic then "Twilight's Library."
I'm going to fave this and follow you because you have quite a bit of potential. But I expect you to use it. This is Masterweaver, Teller of Tales and Bard of Awesomeness, signing off!
2969656 I find that very logical.
Spitefire?
Um, just so you know, it's Spitfire.
Simple and good
3034953
, i myself was trying to find reasons for why Twilight was turned into an Princess since i did not believe(and i guess i still do not) she deserved to be an Princess, after all this is an mare that has been spoiled rotten since becoming the student of Princess Celestia, having most of her wishes granted by servants and guards to the point that i half believe that the reason she turned Spike into an slave is because she subconsciously already expected almost everpony to do what she wants(granted, it is also disturbing that Celestia did not do anything about this, after all with the amount of respect that Twilight has for Celestia, if Celestia demanded, Twilight would gladly even become an sex slave for Spike or more like an mother to him but i guess Celestia is also kind of an bitch), and after becoming nicer she still can only get five friends in an friendly town, trough what was probably habit and the fact that she is spoiled she still treats Spike terribly, is an crazy mare with serious mental issues because her actions in "Lesson Zero" should have led her into an asylum, and the fact that she can get away with anything probably just made her even more spoiled because she now knows she can commit crimes and get away with it.
Thank you
And i guess there are more reasons for why she should not be an Princess, not to say she is an absolutely bad pony(moments like the hydra one in "Feeling Pinkie Keen" where she offers to stay behind and deal with the hydra so that the other could escape when it is shown that at some point she does not believe she will escape uninjured show that there is some good in her), i think for her to be ready to be an Princess she needs to suffer an little, take Spike away from her and forbid everypony from helping her until she becomes an mare that can survive on her own without help from Spike(hell, why not go ahead and make her become an assistant to an ungrateful noble so that she learns how Spike feels), get her an shrÃnk to solve her problems, have everypony tell her where she has wronged them(for example, most of her behaviour towards Spike so that she finnaly realizes how spoiled she has been, or the ponies from Canterlot reclaiming about her bad attitude and the lack of interest she had about them) so that she realizes her problems and works on them while trying to make amends on the wrongs she did no matter how long it takes, if she commits an crime like brainwashing fillies again she should go to jail(if she is going to become an Princess and thus immortal, an few years will not make an difference) and only then she may be able to become an Princess.
I also thought of two more reasons of why she should be an Princess:
1- She is used to having assistants or other ponies doing things for her- Presumably while she lived in Canterlot, she had more servants and assistants than Spike so she should adapt just fine to having others do things for her, sad that she is like most nobles in Canterlot and are not grateful towards their work(if her attitude towards Spike is anything to go by)
2- She probably is an hard worker, she has been shown to study very hard and try more magic that most unicorns will ever learn, which involves lots of trials and study of theory so she does do some work, granted this is an headcanon of mine based on the story Twilight Sparkle hates books. (an story where Twilight studied magic and read so much so hard, that she has become to hate books and wishes to never read again in her life, and only reads because Celestia expects her to)