• Member Since 19th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen February 2nd

themouthofmush


life is a pile of good and bad. the good doesn’t always soften the bad, but vice versa the bad doen’t always spoil the good or make them unimportant.

E

Follow a day in the life of young stallion Gear Sprocket, known better as Gizmo, as he settles into his new life in Ponyville.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is just a foreword before you start reading, just so you can understand this story a bit more - I have no idea what I'm completely doing with this.

AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: Just thought I should let any reader know this, I tried to make this take place during "Look Before You Sleep."

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 13 )

I like it! I am glad you finally made a story.:pinkiehappy: But maybe the public would like it if it had a cover picture for it.:fluttershysad: There is a game called Pony Creator that you can create your own pony.:pinkiecrazy: When you do, save it to your file and upload it to your story cover.

NO!! Don't listen to Applejacklps321! On this site, stories with cover images made with Pony Creator are considered either a sign of laziness and low quality, or a trollfic. The thinking is that if the author couldn't be bothered to obtain a quality image, then that probably means he or she would also be too lazy to make sure his or her story was even presentable before posting it.

It's better to have no image at all than to have a Pony Creator image. The thinking regarding pictureless stories is that they simply haven't found one that's both relevant and good yet.

It doesn't even have to be anything special, as long as it isn't Pony Creator. For example, take a look at the cover image of my story, The Covenant. It took me less than five minutes to make that-- faster than it would've taken to make a Pony Creator image.

2892117 Shame on you for suggesting using Pony Creator. Are you TRYING to get this story swamped with downvotes?!

2893749 Excuse me, but this stallion is my friend! Besides, a lot of people have ponies and that is fine. What are YOU trying to do? Make me look bad? Because fan made is awesome. And, how the heck can you make your own fan art? What kinda time do you have?

2894865 Okay, judging by your reaction, I probably should've been a little less dramatic with my statement. I really need to keep my inner Rarity in check more...

As I explained to your friend, Pony Creator images are very unpopular on FiMFiction, and most people have a tendency to judge books by their covers instead of their content.

2895067 I know. But I am a terrible artist, so I had no other choice but to use Pony Creator for my Swords and Sprinkles: A Love Story. If you can see.

2895073 It's not on your list of stories.

2895082 Oh. I forgot. It is not quite 1000 words. Let me work on it. hang on.

2893735>>2892117since i'm lazy and would like to respond to both of you, i'll do this. i'd like to let you both know that i'm not thinking of giving this story of mine, or quite possibly any story of mine that i might or might not submit onto this site, any kind of story cover. the reason behind this is because of the whole "judging a book by it's cover" thing. i'd rather have readers like and find my stories because of the ideas/characters behind them than just the cover art. that doesn't mean that i wouldn't like any cover art at all. just too lazy.

2895543 ok, whatever you want to do Mush. Great story so far! Are you planning on having Ditzy in this story?

2895569alright. thanks for the words. to answer your question, let's just say...i have no idea of what i'm doing at all. this idea just randomly came to me. i know the main "cast" for it but not sure if ditzy will be included in more than just being mentioned or not.

I forgot to warn you; I'm a hard reviewer, so I'm very sorry if I'm too offensively truthful. :fluttershysad: There are many things I want to talk about here, but I don't want to overdo it. I'll just say the most important thing you'll want to address. You're story is suffering greatly from talking head syndrome. This is a situation where the writing is comprised mostly of dialogue and less of descriptions. The result hinders readers' ability to grasp the scene fully. Or causing them to see something else that wasn't intended.

For instance here:

The only thing that was amiss throughout the town was the town’s clock tower. Unlike most days, it wasn’t running at all. None of the ponies in town really looked or paid much attention to it unless they really have to, so it wasn’t really noticed by any pony, except for maybe a few.

“Come on. Just a bit more.”
“That’s it. Keep going.”

Two unknown voices are speaking and they are in the clock tower, but I don't know that because in the last paragraph the setting was somewhere in outdoors Ponyville. Since the clock tower is described second, I can only assume it is an object and not a place, so that means that these two ponies are somewhere outdoors. Then there is the dialogue. I understand what really happened... They're fixing gears in a clock... But... I see two stallions preforming anal sex.

Mmmm... Haven't read yaoi in a while... Anyways, I think you'll want to fix with using more descriptions. K, bye, hope I helped. :pinkiesmile:

3375837
nah, it's ok. give me all of the criticism. should help me become a better writer. i've noticed that problem of mine from the get-go, before i even posted it on here. i've always been better at making dialogue between characters than with scenery and things like that. i've been trying to work on that, but i think that i should keep the way i've done the parts of this story the way they are until it's over. otherwise, it will be a massive overhaul, which would be a pain.

as for the second part, i kind of did that on purpose. i did that just to see if i would get any reactions from it and just for the fact that i found it hilarious.

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