• Published 16th Jul 2013
  • 10,187 Views, 1,161 Comments

Ethanol, Elements, and Estrogen - KiltedKey



What happens when you Seth Rogen the Mane Six, give them alcohol, weed, make them randy, and love struck? Have Rainbow wanting a lover, Twilight to lose her virginity, Rarity plan the personal lives of everyone, and nearly no moral compass? This.

  • ...
74
 1,161
 10,187

Epic... Epilogue? Part Two: Countdown To Insanity

Invictus was truly a marvelous place.

It was part casino, night club, pub, and adult hotel. It had hundreds of years of history, sword fights, and drug raids behind it. And yet it still stood the test of time.

It now had the honor of being the place where the Elements of Harmony had given the hoof to personal purity.

It was an overrated virtue to begin with, so they really didn't mind shrugging it off. It whined about every little thing they did wrong; it complained they weren't staying true to their younger selves; it pleaded for them to be the sparkling bastions of excellence to Equestria that they were supposed to be.

That had changed.

Change livened up things a bit. The annoying bastard known as Virtue thought it could stop nineteen and twenty year old mares from enjoying life. Virtue complained to Fate about the Elements no longer following it, and Fate had told Virtue to shove it up it's puffy pucker. It was destined for the Elements to become the utterly unknown concept known as Normal. To have the basic desire to swear, drink, and have sex. Normal gave wonderful oral. Virtue didn't swallow. It was jealous of Normal. It was why Fate wanted and got it's divorce, and married Normal. Virtue committed suicide later that year.

The Elements of Harmony had relocated themselves to Twilight's and Fluttershy's room, laying down where they were questionably eager to begin their first therapy session about the life changing events that had just preceded them. It was also the only room that didn't smell like a mare musk grenade had been dropped inside of it. Thankfully, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash had the courtesy to bathe and to use mouth wash. The smell was going to take an awful lot of steam cleaning to get out of the floor of their rooms.

It had been a day of change and chaos, and it was only early afternoon, just like the day preceding it. They were all just getting up though, and that was an iffy proposition on if they were going to stay up. Sleep was awfully delicious.

They didn't even think about their jobs, their families, or anything else other than themselves, the meeting, and where they were heading morally. Everything else could wait a few weeks. Including where they were heading morally.

Twilight Sparkle, the unwilling leader of her band of misfit, formerly molesting fillyfriends, looked around at her fellow Elements.

Her focal point was Rainbow and Rarity, the two mares that were considered to be the agreed upon catalyst to the insanity of the day before, and they looked exceedingly happy and at peace. Or they had simply run out of endorphins and hormones to keep themselves fully awake without having to turn to illegal and extremely dangerous stimulants.

Rarity and Rainbow laid on the extended couch bed pressed against the wall of the room, and were in a blended state of sedation, fatigue, warmth, fear of one of their friends snapping and killing them, and dare they admit it, a pinch of love. They had only recently gone from two friends who liked each other well enough - but didn't quite consider themselves good friends - to something more akin to best friends with a bit of something extra, literally overnight. It was a shocking revelation for everypony involved, more so themselves.

It still stunned Twilight. There would always be dozens of hobbies and personality traits that Rarity and Rainbow would never have in common, but at the current hour it all seemed to be possible.

And by Celestia's silky legs, they were adorable right now. She stabbed a part of her mind for even considering that Rarity and Rainbow combined could be adorable, but the objective truth was still the objective truth, as much as it made her want to binge on Everclear.

Rainbow laid on her stomach, her right wing splayed protectively over Rarity as she laid on her side, her back pressed into Rainbow's body. She scratched her left forehoof contently into Dash's toned neck while Rainbow rested her muzzle tiredly in her own forehooves. They were clean and slightly damp from their post shower - and post night, and post morning - sex, and had most of their former tension melted away from their frames.

Rarity’s purple mane had gone back to its post spa treatment style, rolling down her cheeks and shoulders to faintly curl at the tips. Rainbow’s own hailstorm of furious colors danced like braided beads from Rarity’s neck and shoulders to down her back and chest, caking her in a curtain of shimmering hues. Her mane had been unlocked and allowed to become fifty coils of untamed thunder, and seeing her relaxed by Rarity made Twilight feel like the lightning heart of Rainbow Dash had finally been tamed.

It should have been banned by international treaty at how they had become… cute. How they laid on top of one another in a manner of personal trust was just an added eye twitch of diabetes.

Pinkie Pie and Applejack on the other hoof looked like two best friends who had just woken up from a night of partying and hastily remembered that bathing was a moderately good idea. However, they were not affectionate in the manner Rarity and Rainbow were. They had two hooves of space between them as they made two pillows their home. Their tails rested on each other’s hindquarters, like best friends showing their concern and affection for one another.

It was odd to Twilight that they were more beat up than their less biologically blessed kin, but then again, all of the Elements of Harmony had taken a hoof to the face at least once in the last day.

Pinkie looked like she had been smacked down mentally, but by the zoned out expression on her pillow resting muzzle it was a physical curb stomping she needed. Or that her guilt at almost choking the life out of Twilight and Rarity and releasing years of pent up anger had got to her. Or the sex. Or the vomiting.

Applejack was currently a shining example of a pony shot with a half strength tranquilizer and still among the living. Ramming her head into a dresser several dozen times was a near enough equal to morphine. The high was mighty fine if she was asked about it, because it meant her brain didn't have to think about much. She liked not having to think about too many things.

However, all was not well in the room.

Fluttershy and Twilight were not amused by the unsedated inferno that was wailing to get out of their groins, but by Tartarus’ tailhole how could they be that angry when their peers were being so, damn, cute? It must have been what they looked like when they did something that made a heart skip a beat.

But they were still pissed. Because they could be. And they were horny. That was reason enough.

And nopony was going to tell them to be otherwise. They had rightfully claimed the princess sized bed as their own, resting side by side like two regal queens gazing down at their four subjects who had disobeyed their orders.

With a sticky notepad beside her, Twilight tapped her forehoof on the tiny bundle of paper, glancing at Fluttershy for the briefest of moments. The flash of contact confirmed that Fluttershy silently behooved Twilight to continue with her call to order, and would not accept no for an answer. She was the one who was truly in control. And she liked it that way.

“I hereby call the Conclave of Clop to order,” Twilight said resolutely.

While none of the Elements were firing on all cylinders mentally, it was impossible for them not to slowly turn their gazes toward her curiously at her word choices, tilting their muzzles to the side. “Meeting of Masturbation? Diddling Debate? Hooving Huddle? Pussy Parley?”

“Hah!” Rainbow Dash balked, lifting up her muzzle. “That last one is totally what I would call it if I was that clever.” She giggled quietly. "Nice one, Twi'."

Twilight's cheeks flushed red at the faint smiles appearing over the muzzles of her friends. “I don’t think anypony in this room is exactly clearheaded this morning, so sorry about my word choices." She stumbled on her tongue, mumbling to herself. "Afternoon. Early evening. Whatever the bucking time it is, I don't know."

Her muzzle contracted into her neck as her cursing registered in her head, the locks of her mane swaying as the blush across her muzzle returned once more.

She had to admit, however, that every time she swore it calmed her down a bit. Not near enough to the level of Pinkie’s sweets or mass produced junk food, but enough for it to be more than a placebo effect for sure. There had been quite a few studies on how swearing helped convey emotion, control anger, and how intellectual accomplishments didn't alter how much a pony cursed.

Besides, she had the perfect tonal stress to make them sound just deadly on her tongue. Her cute voice letting a vulgar word slide into an unexpected conversation was going to be a future eye raiser, and a perfect way to catch a pony off guard. Nopony would expect it from her, and with her verbose vocabulary…

The irony that the letter to Celestia that she would almost certainly write in the very near future, due to her compulsive need to write was going to headline with how swearing was mentally calming, had to be pushed into the maximum security section of her mind.

"Sorry for the vulgarity," she said, although she was unsure at how sincere she sounded. "And for swearing yesterday. And today. And now. And the yelling. And almost killing you all. And the threats of mind slavery. But I have my reasons to be peeved!”

She thudded both her forehoof and tail on her mattress, but was left unsatisfied with the lack of a solid sound of anger. She folded her forehooves across her chest in disgust, the pouting on her face unable to do justice for her discontent. It did look adorable though.

Fluttershy splayed her right wing over Twilight's back. “A lot has happened, Twilight, so don't be angry that you are getting out your anger calmly instead of yelling. It's a good start. And if swearing helps, then that's okay.”

“You can say that again.” Pinkie hiccuped, dragging her tongue over her pillow. "Swarring ish mahhic?"

Applejack placed her forehoof in front of Pinkie's tongue. “You don’t lick pillows, Pinks. Lick this instead. It feels good too." She licked her lips slowly, her eyes fluttering rapidly. "Mmm... just like that.”

Rainbow pushed her snout underneath Rarity's forehoof. Applejack's moaning was a siren's song to her ears. "Am I the only pony here who thinks that Applejack has the creepiest voice when she's turned on like that? Please tell me it's not just me."

"No, Rainbow," Rarity said, her hoof rubbing gently at Rainbow's ear. "You are far from the only pony who thinks that. But I shall not try to think about it anymore. It is not the Applejack I have come to know over the years, and so I shall purge the image of it from my mind."

"Just let Applejack relax, girls," Fluttershy hummed. "She's suffered a concussion, and is getting better. And that's not a nice thing to say about Applejack, Rarity. It's okay if you say bad words too. We're adults here, and if you need to say them to feel better like Twilight, then you do. We want to prevent this morning from happening again, and if it means seeing another side of each other, then it does."

"Bloody therapy and what it makes one do," Rarity grumbled.

Fluttershy giggled. "Don't you feel better saying that? I think you do. Just let it out softly, and it'll help that much more."

Rarity mumbled quietly to herself, folding her hooves on top of Rainbow's muzzle.

"I think I heard a yes from you," Fluttershy hummed.

"Fine! I feel better."

"Oww!" Rainbow winced. "I'm right below you. Just because I can hear in a tornado doesn't mean I want to have a pony shout in my ear."

Rarity's ears folded as she looked down at Rainbow. "Sorry, dear. I'm in a moderately intense therapy session, and am realizing I might need to take cursing lessons from you, as horrendously dreadful, and dare I admit fun as they sound. Although that makes a mare wonder: How does a Pegasus hear well in a tornado, and yet you don't like loud noises beside you normally?"

Twilight perked up immediately, her ears and tail lifting behind her as her eyes glowed at Rarity. "That is a fascinating topic, Rarity, and it's only been in the recent century biologists and neurologists have figured out why that is. You see-"

“Yesterday and this morning, a lot happened,” Fluttershy continued more firmly. She spread her forearm in front of Twilight's chest. "Twilight, if this was a session with just you and me, then you could talk about Pegasi ears for as long as you wanted too. But this is group therapy, and that means you can't talk about evolutionary biology for five minutes. We don't want you to make everypony angry by making them... umm... bored."

"Fluttershy! That's an awful thing to say to me." Twilight's frame sagged quickly. "You could have said it more politely."

Fluttershy squeaked. "Did I say it rudely?"

"Overall? Not really," Rarity said, shrugging her shoulders. "For you? Perhaps, but for the rest of us we would have said the same thing."

"Twilight's just mad because she's been conditioned to think of ya as kinda... well... shy." Rainbow shrugged.

"This isn't helping my anger problems right now, you two," Twilight growled darkly.

Fluttershy's wing gently stroked through Twilight's mane. "But you know from a psychological perspective, Twilight, it's very selfish of you to have a group therapy session all by yourself."

Twilight stared at her forehooves, her ears limp beside her muzzle as her morality returned to her. "I... guess you have a point there."

Fluttershy nodded quietly, her wing tips flicking through Twilight's mane. "I don't think any of us expected last night and this morning to happen the way it did. You have your reasons to be angry, Twilight. It went from a night out to... umm... can you think of a sentence for me? I can't think of a really long sentence describing everything like you can."

“It went from a night that was simply going to be a gossip filled extravaganza to where the six of us showed that whatever moral high ground we could once hold to future generations has been completely thrown out the window, forcing us to deal with the fact that we do have genitalia and the urge to use them for less than evolutionary designed purposes?” Twilight smiled brightly. "I think that's a good summary of everything."

Rainbow opened her mouth to comment on her mastery of not using her foalmaker for foal making purposes. "Well-"

Fluttershy responded first. “Umm, Twilight... I’m not sure if you know this - but I’m pretty sure that you do - but herd breeding was considered the norm for equines all the way up until we started settling down.”

Twilight blinked rapidly. “But what does-”

“Ever since we’ve become sentient that instinct has diminished," Fluttershy continued. "But since we still outnumber colts two to one the evolutionary need for us to be in larger numbers than colts doesn't exist anymore.”

Twilight sputtered, the concept of getting lectured by a friend on a subject she knew well a hypothetical scenario she had never thought of before. Her other friends could not keep themselves from being bemused, lifting up their muzzles to listen out of perked interest. “Wait a-”

“So what I’m getting at,” Fluttershy hissed between her teeth, her tail smacking onto the bed, “if you didn’t interrupt me giving you a lesson, you little bitch, is that with modern society we’ve become sexually fluid, because we no longer die in childbirth or fighting each other for the alpha stallion's foal. That balances out what would normally be a lot of dead mares in nature due to war and colts fighting for us with modern day lesbianism. It leaves more stallions and mares open to mating, and lets those who want to have foals have more choices in partners. It means a lot of us who would have died early live, and that means those of us who decide to fondle fillies are in fact helping equinity.”

She laid down on her side, throwing her mane with a quick flick of her muzzle. “So you are wrong, Twilight. From an evolutionary view, it’s wonderful.”

"I-"

"I said you are wrong!" Fluttershy screamed. "Suck on being wrong, Twilight Failkle. You, are, wrong."

She shoved Twilight onto her back, pinning her forehooves to the bed. Her muzzle was inches from Twilight's own, sneering down at her. "How does it feel to be wrong, Twilight? Because you were. So suck on it! Suck on it!"

Twilight's body quivered as Fluttershy stood over her. "I-I-I-"

Fluttershy had decided then and there to give Twilight a more encompassing example of sucking. It involved slamming her muzzle into Twilight's and inserting her tongue into the back of her throat, forcing her to embrace in the kiss or suffer from asphyxiation.

Twilight had learned a lesson from this, and that was that she was no longer aroused at the concept of having her oxygen supply reduced. Or that any fantasies that she had of being used without her consent like the little innocent librarian that she formerly was were also no longer arousing.

"Should we... pull Fluttershy off of Twilight?" Rainbow whispered. "And I wish she kissed me and acted like that back in Flight School."

"Are you insane, mare?" Rarity hissed. "If I thought Twilight's anger was a problem, Fluttershy could clearly murder any of us in an instant if we interrupt her. I value my life, thank you very much."

"Here here," Pinkie said. "I ain't touching that crazy horse."

By the time that Fluttershy pulled her muzzle away from Twilight's her body had decided to intimately straddle Twilight's own. Her hind legs were splayed over her, pinning her down like Fluttershy was about to give her an extremely personal lap dance. Saliva dripped down in large, sticky chunks from her mouth to land on top of Twilight's chin and snout, drenching her face in a splatter of clear fluids. "You did a good job, Twilight. You are very good at sucking."

She looked around at her other four friends, panting wildly. Her tongue hung out of her muzzle, her wings half splayed as a confident grin beamed across her lips. "Who's next?"

"Rarity is," Rainbow said, lifting her up under her armpits. "Here, take her. I haven't tested her suckingness, but she's awesome with her tongue. Just ignore what we talked about yesterday about you two not making out."

Rarity whinnied loudly in protest, her hooves kicking at Rainbow's stomach. "What the shit are you doing, Dash? Put me down!"

Pinkie looked at Applejack, scratching at her mane. "Did... Rarity just say an incomplete sentence? Did I just say something that Twilight would?"

"It doesn't matter, Pinks." Applejack shook her muzzle. "I have to admit that hearin' her swear is a mighty fine pleasure in some weird way I can't explain."

"Well you said you value your life." Rainbow shrugged. "So go make out with Fluttershy and keep it. If you make her happy, she won't kill you. Seems pretty straightforward to me, and you enjoyed making out with her yesterday anyways."

Rarity bit Rainbow's nose, landing on her hooves as she was let go to the satisfied cries of Rainbow in pain. "That doesn't mean throw me in front of the nearest bus. I can do that well enough myself, thank you very much. And I thought you were supposed to protect me. You are the male in this relationship."

Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Applejack gasped in disgust. Twilight gasped to simply control her breathing.

"What an awful and sexist thing to say to Rainbow Dash, Rarity." Fluttershy huffed. "I was going to kiss you, but with that kind of prejudice I won't. You should be ashamed of yourself, Rarity."

Rarity sputtered, her saliva caking Rainbow's muzzle as her tongue flailed in disbelief. "M-m-me!? You have to be kidding me. With everything she's ever said that's offensive?"

"She has a point," Pinkie said, nodding her head. "And Rarity has the dressmaking, and wine drinking, and culture liking thing down, so she can be the mare of the relationship. And the 60's housemare hairdo. We can't forget about that."

"As if that isn't as offensive in twenty different ways to Rarity, Pinkie?" Rainbow rubbed her sorely abused nose.

"How is it mean when I'm that too?" Pinkie said. "I mean... look at me! I bake, look good in a baking skirt, have a curly mane, jump about like a happy wife, act like I know nothing when other fillies gossip about me, giggle like a housemare, have the rump that a work stallion and his friends look at and think about, would do it on the kitchen counter, get spanked loudly by a rolling pin, do-"

"Far more information than we needed to hear, Pinkie," Rarity groaned, "and I can verbally defend myself, Dash."

Rainbow couldn't repress the dark chuckle that escaped from her lips as she sat up on the couch. "And now you know how I felt when you and Twilight were fighting and you didn't let me stand up for myself. Don't you feel amazing right now?"

"I feel really powerless in fact," Rarity whimpered, her ears flat against her muzzle.

"Now multiply that by ten, and that's how I felt. So how about we talk about our egos and standing up for each other later. You know, when Fluttershy doesn't want to rape us?"

"Oh I don't feel like raping anypony anymore," Fluttershy said, giggling quietly. "How could I when two of my best friends realized that they need to discuss their relationship in a healthy and nice way?"

Twilight laid down on her side as she regained a moderate ability to control her breathing, a wide range of emotions quickly working their way across her face at Fluttershy's words. She thought about settling on disgust, but her own damnable ethical code pointed out that she had been an abusive and outright violent friend not very long ago. It was a double standard for her to be angry at Fluttershy for almost using her against her will.

Until she remembered revenge rape was still rape, but she really didn't want to tempt Fluttershy's anger. And so she kept her mouth shut at antagonizing Fluttershy.

"I'm just going to forget that my tongue hurts a bit right now," Twilight said. "I deserved that. It is my duty as our leader to accept the punishment of my peers for my own failures. I-"

She stopped. Her eyes slowly turned toward Fluttershy, watching the color drain from her muzzle. "Fluttershy? Are you alright?"

Fluttershy quivered. Her coat was several shades paler then it formerly was, her wings shaking weakly by the sides of her frame. She looked around at her friends staring at her in concern.

Or was it anger? Were they about to eat her? Rape her? Pet her? Pet her, then rape her, then eat her?

She cried like a lobster being thrown into a boiling pot, sobbing into her forehooves. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, Twilight. Oh my gosh-I am so sorry-I think I’m just really needy and still hungover-I've been holding it in all day-so I got so smug of myself-and since that’s something I like talking about-my vibrator broke last week-I love all of you-oh my gosh-don’t kill me!”

She grabbed onto Twilight's side, shaking her rapidly. Tears poured down her muzzle as she looked up at Twilight, choking on her sobs. "I want to be used by my fillyfriends! It's true. Everypony talks about me like that behind my back, but it's so true. I've always secretly wanted to be used like a pet. Use me. Brainwash me. Rape me. Mark me as yours, Twilight. Let everypony use me. I'll be better than Rainbow or Rarity could ever be. I'll cook for you, and curl up in your lap, and do anything you want me to do. Please, Twilight, I want to smell like you forever. Just don't kill me."

Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, and Twilight turned their gazes toward Rainbow.

She blushed brightly, scoffing at her mattress. "Y-y-yeah... she's always had a thing for musk. But don't blame me. I just... made it worse."

"Why did I ever decide to have sex with you?" Rarity massaged her temples. It was the only peace she could find. "Ahh yes, alcohol. I'll need more of it to bleach the memory."

Rainbow smiled gently, wrapping a wing around Rarity's side. "Because I'm awesome at sex and so good you'll keep on coming back for more, duh."

Rarity sniffled as she nuzzled into Rainbow's shoulder. "Why does the truth woe me so?"

Deciding to casually grab Applejack, something Pinkie was getting extremely used to, she stroked her hoof through Applejack's wild blond mane idly, ignoring the glare that she gave her. "Now all we have to do is wait for Applejack to yell, and scream, and almost kill somepony, and then all of us will have yelled, and screamed, and almost killed somepony today. Applejack, are you a secret subby wubby with anger problems who wants to be a pet too? Don't be shy!"

"I ain't a bottom," Applejack growled, shoving Pinkie away from her. "And I ain't gonna kill anypony. I try to look at the bright side of things, since I don't fancy gettin' anymore brain damage from thinkin' about how crazy my fillyfriends are and nailin' my face into wood. I'll let ya'll deal with yer anger problems, cause I can't do shit here, an' my head is killin' me."

It was Twilight's turn to attempt to control the situation. She had really lost all of her other options at this point, considering that her former therapist was now staining her coat in a stream of thick tears. She stroked her hooves gently through Fluttershy's mane, treating her like a foal who had seen their toy doll getting pulled into a river.

She swore mentally at the analogies that kept on alluding to watersports in her head, damning her brain's inability to not see wordplay wherever it could be found.

She looked over at her peers, shaking her muzzle gently from side to side. It was a shake that was a combination of shame, enlightenment, accepting her current predicament, and wondering where her once fluffy and gay youth went.

She was better than this once. She was once a greater mare.

She was once a heroine; an epitome of moral excellence and intellectual gravitas. A mare who could control her emotions. Who could lead the way when a friend went astray. Who always had some great saying that could teach a friend a lesson, or sum up what they had learned throughout their recent adventures.

And now she had become, and was surrounded by... this.

But at least she realized at that moment that she was far more incredibly awesome than she had given herself credit for, even in her current situation.

She was cute, a mage with few peers, had a wonderful singing voice, saved the world more times than she could remember, a genius to say the least of herself, a cunning strategist, and pretty much kept the rest of the Elements of Harmony from tearing each other apart when she didn't become apathetic to them tearing each other apart. She was relatively sure that wasn't the definition of friendship, but she didn't care currently.

Maybe not caring about her problems was the solution to all of her problems. Until not caring about caring about her problems inevitably became a massive problem itself.

She stopped caring about that silly logic. Logic was her bitch, and it would bend to her will.

Except when it didn't, then she just binged on Pinkie's food to keep herself from having a stroke.

"I am at an impasse," Twilight said coldly, "and I need your help, girls. And it doesn't involve raping Fluttershy."

"Aww." Pinkie folded her ears, a trundling whimper escaping from her muzzle. "But I was looking forward to that. Fluttershy made it sound so fun!"

Twilight turned her muzzle to nuzzle affectionately into Fluttershy's cheek. "And it's okay, Fluttershy. We all are... 'different' today. A lot has happened. Like you said. I'm just questioning if I'm the same pony that I used to be, and if I should consider taking anti-depressants, but I think the best thing I can do right now is just stop caring about what happened recently and move on. I can't hold grudges like that."

“Ya have every right to be pissed at us,” Applejack said, twirling a forehoof through her mane. “And even more so at me. Here we were last night, doing each other blind, an' you were left high and dry."

"And don't you dare make a comment about Applejack's turn of phrase, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity stabbed her forehoof into Rainbow's nose. "Don't, you, dare."

Rainbow whined like a dog, sagging into the couch.

"This was supposed to be your night," Applejack continued, "but we twisted yer nipples, and fiddled our fiddles, an’ well… shoot. It’s my fault the most. I’m sorry, Twilight. I can't even imagine how ya feel right now, even though I'm beginnin' to see an' feel how much stupidness ya have to put up with."

Her eyes stared down at the floor solemnly. “I didn’t know I was this bad of a first date, cheatin' on ya with Pinks. Guess that’s why datin’ isn’t for me. I got so horny that I couldn't think straight."

Twilight stood up on the bed, staring down at Applejack sternly. “Don’t say that about yourself, Applejack. Let me be the judge on that. And when I think about it in a fair and balanced light, you were the one who kept checking on Fluttershy and me the whole night. Nothing was set in stone to begin with last night, so you really didn't 'do' anything wrong."

She waved a forehoof at the thought. "It doesn't matter that we didn't do anything, Applejack, and maybe something will happen in the future with this if we all don't become psychopaths or go into insane asylums. It doesn't matter, because when you all have fun... I have fun. I know I didn't exactly 'get' any last night, but I had an incredible time that was... unforgettable. I had so much fun with you all, as I always do. Even when you drive me crazy and I don't sound like I had fun."

"So you aren't going to rape me then eat me?" Fluttershy said.

Twilight raised her eyebrow at Fluttershy. "N-no, Fluttershy. I... didn't have any plans on doing either of those. And I know this isn't exactly the right time to comment on this, but if you fantasize about ponies eating and killing you, I recommend you seek professional help. There's fetishes, and then there is serious self-esteem issues."

Rarity coughed loudly. "If my memory recalls, Twilight, you thought about molesting all of us both before the club and this morning."

"No comment on you wanting to make me your slave, Rarity." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Too late."

"Oh shut up, you would have enjoyed that," Rarity growled.

"Pretty sure I would not have."

Pinkie giggled excitedly. "Twilight does have a rape dungeon under the library. All of those weird gadgets and-"

"It is not a rape dungeon, Pinkie," Twilight snapped. "And why are we joking about rape? This isn't funny. I'm trying to ask you all for help about what we should do with ourselves now that all of this... this is known. That we all are insane. And I would never do that to a pony. It's called hypnosis."

Rainbow extended her wing tips. "'Hypnosis'."

"Shut up, Dash," Twilight neighed. "You... you're just jealous you can't use Sombra's magic for good purposes!"

Rarity bit her bottom lip. "I... erm... never knew that magical indoctrination was a good purpose for dark magic, Twilight. I was relatively sure that our duty as the Elements of Harmony is to stop that from happening."

"I like the thought of mentally weakening a pony to make it easier to sexually stimulate them, alright?" Twilight groaned loudly. "Is that really that bad of a thing to like? To fantasize about? You like it too, Rarity."

"I do," Rarity said, resting a hoof on Rainbow's back, "but I don't magically alter personalities to do it, sweetie. Just with words and a little shake of the hips; not magically rewriting their brains, even for an hour or two. You might want to reconsider giving ethical lectures when you consider invading a mind with no consent an arousing thing to do."

"You can... umm... hypnotize me whenever you want, Twilight," Fluttershy said. She nuzzled into Twilight's neck, curling her forehooves toward her chest. "I'd really enjoy it."

Rainbow had decided to hide behind Rarity for her own safety. Her courage was legendary, but she had seen what a Unicorn catfight was like, and she wasn't about to get into the middle of another one. "And next time, Rarity, don't talk to me about saying stupid things to piss off ponies."

Applejack looked about, judging her options. Her Element won out for once. "Yeah, Twi', I'm gonna go with the herd on this and say yeah, that's pretty bad, and that the truth can be a bitch. It's still kinda half rape."

"And Applejack can no longer do that either," Rainbow said, hiding underneath Rarity's tail. "So I'm just gonna chill here and not die, since I think Twilight is still gonna hold a grudge."

"And my friends can be too, Applejack," Twilight hissed between her teeth, digging her forehooves into her sheets. "You know, I was trying to say that I enjoy your company, girls, but I'm starting to realize I may need to adjust that perception and move back to Canterlot."

Rarity waved her hoof dismissively at the comment. "Oh, Twilight, I go back and forth on those same thoughts all the time. If you would like advice from a mare who has amply studied stress management-"

She looked behind herself at Rainbow hiding underneath her tail, tilting her muzzle to the side. "As a mare who has amply studied 'stress management'..."

Rainbow tilted her muzzle back at Rarity. "What? Okay, yeah, I'm kinda invading your privacy by hiding under your tail, but I'd rather die from you than Twilight."

"While that would be a moderate issue normally, I was expecting you to make a joke about how poorly I manage stress. It... is normal for you."

Rainbow snorted dryly. "As I said: I like living right now."

"Rarity is really bad at managing her own stress," Fluttershy said. "But finish your sentence, Rarity. I'd like to hear it."

The silent scowl that Rarity gave Fluttershy wasn't commented on by anypony. Fluttershy simply blinked at the anger directed at her.

"You must let it go and slide off of you like mud in the shower, Twilight," Rarity said. "Think of all of the good times we've had together. How could they ever be repeated if we broke apart as friends? Rainbow Dash has a good piece of advice around twenty percent of the time, and it's to let things slide. In the long run she's fantastic at doing that."

"That's pretty accurate," Rainbow said, poking her muzzle above Rarity's tail. "In fact, that's kinda optimistic with me and good advice percentages. I'll take a compliment."

Twilight relaxed visibly, her shoulders slouching. She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply from her nose.

"Okay. I can do this," she said. "Just stop caring about stress. Stop caring about things. Be indifferent to the suffering of your fellow pony."

"I don't think Rarity meant takin' it that far," Applejack said. "I-"

"I am trying to be indifferent to the suffering of others, Applejack. Please do not interrupt me as I am teaching myself to stop caring about the world."

Applejack curled up into a ball. It was all she could do. Her brain had taken too many hits to think of another solution. "I'll always be here when you need me, Twi'. Loyal friend 'n all. I'm just concerned yer're gettin' a bit cold and distant tryin' to protect yourself."

Pinkie leaned into Applejack's ear. "It's better then her being an evil empress. Go with it."

"Hey!" Rainbow growled. "That's my Element, Applejack. Just because you and I... like... are both of our Elements a lot doesn't mean you can be mine too."

Twilight dragged her hoof down her muzzle. "Do you ever listen to yourself talk sometimes, Rainbow?"

"Just remember: Today and yesterday don't count," Rarity said. She smiled softly, nodding to Fluttershy as she stroked down Twilight's back with her wing. "It was the shock of it all, and that we will have to adjust to this being the norm, as dangerous as it may be for our long term health."

"And stop feeling so bad about having a rape dungeon, Twilight." Pinkie swatted at Twilight's muzzle playfully. "I have a dungeon under Sugarcube Corner too. Nopony would expect me to laugh evilly as I rub rub ponies in my basement. So what the other girls say doesn't matter. Laugh at them for being silly fillies and not having one too."

The other Elements of Harmony silently looked at each other. They pondered about how they were openly talking about molesting other ponies, and how they still could consider themselves to be virtuous citizens of the community.

Saving the world many times over had its perks, and the universe was a perverted bastard.

They were also all very soft and cute. Except for Applejack. She was more along the lines of husky.

"Pinkie Pie, sweetie." Rarity chuckled nervously, glancing at Rainbow and Twilight, who silently nodded their heads. "Yes. Yes they - and we - would."

Pinkie squished her snout into her own neck, gasping loudly. "What? Why!? I try to be super duper nice, and love everypony, and tell them how special they are. I'm not faking it."

"But the thing is, Pinkie, you always wanna look out for the nice girls when rape dungeons are involved," Rainbow said. "It's like horror film one 'o one."

Pinkie sputtered on her own tongue. "B-b-but look at me. I'm the baking filly! I-"

"You're the cute fluffy baker who giggles, and everypony thinks is innocent." Twilight hung her forehooves off of the bed. "Which is a clear indication that you'd be the prime suspect if nopony else is odd. Maybe you repress all of your feelings of being pushed over, and then one day you snap, venting your anger through non-consensual sex."

Applejack wiggled uncomfortably away from Pinkie. "Erm... is this really a good thing to be talkin' about? Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut all the time around y'all. I can only work well one on one."

"It's better than Twilight being mad," Fluttershy said. "It's very awkward, but I'm getting used to this."

Pinkie had decided to make Fluttershy even more uncomfortable. She grabbed her, holding her up in the air by her sides like she was a pet cat that was being moved. "But Fluttershy is cute and nice. What about her, huh? How do you know she isn't a secret killer?"

Rainbow giggled loudly. "She's the hippie. The only thing she kills is the chip bags when she's high."

"And now I'm hungry," Twilight whimpered. She stared at the blanket underneath her, contemplating if she could consider chewing it for food. Sadly, she knew of no spell that could fix that.

"That explains why nopony wants to go in the basement with me..." Pinkie sniffled loudly, wiping away the budding tears in her eyes. "I... I just want to play games. Okay, I'd never hurt a pony, and blood makes me sick, but I just wanna play like I would. Is that so hard?"

Fluttershy sat down beside Pinkie, rubbing a hoof up and down her back. "I'll come to your dungeon. I'd really enjoy that."

"Oh my gosh, you will!?" Pinkie squeed.

Fluttershy glanced at Twilight, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Applejack. They nodded their heads vigorously, martyring Fluttershy to Pinkie like the good friends that they were. And it wasn't like she wouldn't enjoy the experience herself. It was why they didn't feel much guilt about abusing her innocence.

"I will," Fluttershy grinned, hugging Pinkie into her chest. "You and I can enjoy each other like nopony else would understand."

"Except... for... Twilight and Rarity?" Rainbow said.

Twilight's neck twitched as she stared at Rainbow. "It's not a rape dungeon," she said. "It's full of a wide range of devices for me to test-"

Twilight Sparkle had a moment of divine revelation. Or considering she was skeptical of the ability for any divine being to influence her shadow magic protected mind, a sudden kick of moral clarity.

She sat up, her tail coiling around her side as she adjusted herself. Her friends looked at her curiously, silently preparing themselves for some sort of devastation to be projected from Twilight's horn or for her to break down into tears.

"Did... did we just have a thorough and half joking discussion about rape dungeons, and how four of us might like the thoughts of semi-nonconsensual sex?"

For the first time in recent memory, the Elements of Harmony felt overwhelming guilt. It was an emotion they had thought they had lost, but a small part of the legendary heroines that they once were shined through their hearts once again.

For most likely a very short amount of time.

Applejack nodded slowly. "Y'all did. I just sat here, keepin' to myself. I enjoy the thought that I can enter the Summer Lands when I die, running with the herd of Fruits. I guess I'll not see y'all there, an' I was lookin' forward to spendin' the afterlife with my fillyfriends. Guess it's just me now."

Rarity looked solemnly at the floor. "May Tartarus damn our souls for eternity for what we have become," she whispered. "What monsters are we now? Realizing what dark desires are in our hearts, and yet joking about them? Who are we to consider ourselves heroines saying such foreboding things?"

Fluttershy and Pinkie's eyes watered as they contemplated what inner evils they had held in their souls had slowly begun to project themselves to the outside world. They had once been the happiest and purest ponies in Ponyville, and now they too were falling to the everlasting and growing darkness around them.

“I think we need to make a new Elements of Harmony rule,” Twilight said, cupping her forehooves together. “Things never go as planned with us. Ever. Whenever we do or say something in one way or another we screw up somepony or something in the process. Does anyone here disagree with that statement?"

"I think it is impossible to disagree with how vile we have become," Rarity said, squeezing Rainbow's shoulder. "It is the fault of no one but ourselves equally. The hardships we have faced have truly damaged our sanity and morality, and I believe it is time we talk to the princesses about this. It isn't that we shall refuse that call to arms from them, but to admit that we need help dealing with the stressors that it brings. In the end, my lovely fillies, we are simply mares who enjoy our simple lives. We are not warriors."

"Man, you really speak beautifully when you get philosophical like that," Rainbow said. "Like, for real."

Rarity smiled down at Rainbow, stroking a forehoof through her mane. "I am a mare who is fond of classical literature and poetry, Dash. It helps one cope with times like these."

Fluttershy exhaled quietly. "We all need to see therapists. Not me. Real therapists. I'll just... umm... let Applejack lead sessions if a therapist isn't here."

"I charge eighty bits an hour for each one of ya an' one on one is a hundred 'n ten," Applejack said. "Light snacks, water, and hay come with each visit. It's cheaper than what other quacks charge."

Pinkie bolted onto her hooves to stare down at Applejack. The incredibly rare emotion of anger was on her face as her eyes stabbed invisible knifes into Applejack's own.

"What kind of prices is that!? I didn't expect you to do it for free, but that much? Wow. Wow. I... if I could form a sentence entirely of naughty words to shout at you for your prices, I would!"

"Pinkie," Rainbow said, "it's you. You do things that aren't possible all the time."

"Thanks for reminding me, Rainbow." Pinkie pressed her forehoof into Applejack's chest. "Shit buck cock-a-doodle tit monster smegma pus. That's what I call your prices, Applejack. They're smegma pus I tell you!"

"Do you feel better?" Applejack stared flatly at Pinkie.

"I do in fact!" Pinkie giggled gaily as she twirled through the air, landing on her pillows. She rolled around contently like a dog. "Swearing is magic. You're the best therapist! I've been holding that in for years. Silly fillies, just because I'm me doesn't mean I don't have mental issues."

She stroked her chin with her tail. "Or... does it? That's so deep, me."

"I can't believe I used to have sex with her," Rainbow said. "I blame all of the toys she has under her bed."

Twilight snorted at the comment. "I'm going to be really honest here: I secretly enjoy watching you all do stupid things and fight, even when I'm rolling my eyes and groaning. That was about half of my fun yesterday, this morning, and pretty much ever since I've moved to Ponyville."

"We... we did kinda drag her around," Applejack said. "I think she kinda deserves that right, as dark as it is."

Rarity scoffed idly at her couch. "She did have that right yesterday. We all made buffoons out of ourselves and our promises to her."

Twilight shrugged. "It helps me cope by watching my friends yell at each other and not have to yell at you all myself. Maybe it just reminds me of how true my feelings were when I first moved here, and I realized everypony in town was crazy. I guess its come true after all of these years."

Rainbow Dash opened her muzzle, closed it, then opened it again. "I... wow. That's slightly dark of you, Twi'. I mean I enjoy schadenfreude and stuff sometimes too, but that's taking it way too far."

Applejack buried her muzzle underneath a pile of pillows, considering the very real temptation to end her own life. "Oh damn it, Rainbow, I didn't need to know you like that Germaney stuff. I... Twilight, I might need ya to wipe my mind. Now. Even a therapist needs her whiskey."

"It means laughing at other ponies' misfortune, Applejack," Rarity said. She looked at Rainbow quizzically. "And you surprise me with what words you know, Dash."

"Dude, it's like... such a common word to use," Rainbow chuckled.

"I am not a 'dude'." Rarity growled deeply at Rainbow, showing her teeth. "Do not call me one again."

Rainbow squeaked, her wings covering most of her muzzle. "D-d-dudette?"

Applejack perked up her ears, poking her muzzle from between her pillows. "Ya know, I like this word I can't pronounce when it involves Rainbow receiving it. Feels mighty... just."

Rarity's growling continued as she pressed her muzzle into Rainbow's.

"B-b-babe?" Dash mumbled.

Twilight inhaled calmly through her nose. "I needed that."

"Needed what?" Fluttershy said. "Rainbow's suffering? That's not nice, Twilight. But... umm... if it makes you happy you can like it."

Applejack turned toward Fluttershy in disbelief. "Where's your spine, girl? I know ya said ya only like to get involved when things go south, but they are goin' kinda south."

"If you didn't hear me earlier I get out my anger passively or aggressively." Fluttershy rolled Applejack over onto her back, staring down at her. "Would you like to see me do it aggressively again?"

"Passive," Applejack quivered. "Shadowfax's scrotum, passive, girl."

"To realize we are all insane in the membrane?" Pinkie chortled. "Look at us! Aren't we cute? We are, even when we are fighting."

Twilight nodded gently at Pinkie. "And… and if you want my thoughts on it? I think it’s really hilarious!”

Her chest began to heave as she burst out into a roaring thunder of hysterics. She rolled around on the bed, laughing as if she had heard the best joke in history.

“Like... how the planned Applejack and Rainbow kiss went way deeper than it was supposed to!”

“That was planned?” Rarity gasped, staring at Rainbow. “Certainly looked like an awful lot of improvising went on there. Could have fooled me.”

“W-w-well...” Rainbow squished her snout into her own neck meekly, a burning red matching Applejack's muzzle from across the room. “It was done to... you know... throw you off? Not think about what we were doing? And is Twilight going insane again?”

Twilight flailed her hooves as if she were falling from the sky, speaking Equish, Neightin, and incoherent gibberish at the same time. Tears streaked down her cheeks at the barking laughter pouring from her mouth interrupted her breathing patterns. And yet with every inhale, she squealed once more.

“Most likely,” Pinkie whimpered, thudding her snout onto the floor. "But this time she's a goner. Everypony, prepare your rumpholes for whatever tentacle monster Twilight is about to summon and put in there. I’ll miss you girls, because I think I have about two rounds left in me before I die.” She sniffled. “At least I had the best sex of my life beforehoof.”

Applejack couldn't help but smile as she nuzzled gently into Pinkie's cheek. "Aww, sugarcube. I was rusty as Hades, but that means more than a thousand apples to me that I made ya that happy. You were as lovely as I knew you'd be."

“Or when I was hitting on Pinkie Pie so hard I could have forced myself on her on the train!” Twilight had become a cackling, wheezing wreck by this point, eventually falling off the bed from her squealing. "It... it was priceless!"

Pinkie wrapped around Applejack needingly, burying her muzzle into her stout neck. “And I’m gonna be the first pony she uses. I don’t know if I should be happy or scared that she likes me like that. Can I be both? Why do I have rapidly cycling cyclothymia?” Pinkie burst out into tears, sobbing herself raw into Applejack’s neck.

Fluttershy had leaped underneath Rarity’s and Rainbow’s tails, taking half of the sheets of the couch with her to escape the madness consumed Twilight screaming herself raw at an invisible joke. “What do we do? I’m scared. I've never seen Twilight like this!”

“Or… or when you four were making out with each other. And Applejack and I were just… watching!” Twilight was hitting octave ranges that even Pinkie Pie struggled to reach consistently, slamming her body and limbs on the floor as if she were having a seizure.

Rainbow shook her head, her wing holding onto Rarity’s side as she held her tightly against her thick coat. “Prepare, Fluttershy,” she said somlemly. “Prepare.”

Applejack’s green eyes scanned her four coherent friends quickly as she stroked through Pinkie’s mane. Her ears perked up, a confident, Twilight-like grin going across her muzzle.

“Alright. I got a plan. What we have to do, is when she stops, we have to hit her on the horn. Knock her out like we did before.” Her friends nodded in unison. “We’ll just have to think of somethin’ after as to why we did it. Not important right now. We-”

I just had an orgasm!”

Reborn by her baptism of overly stimulated organs, Twilight shrieked as she pressed the lower half of her body underneath the bed, her muzzle as red as an exploding star.

All five of her friends screamed at the sudden shout, causing them to leap into the air and slam into one another, sending them tumbling down onto the ground in a pony pile of mismatched colors and limbs. Tails and frames merged together to form a broken sheet of color, forming a scrap pile of fear stricken and twitching ponies.

All that was heard in the room was the panting of six very confused mares.

Five of them pulled themselves apart meekly to look at their catatonic, half drooling, twitching leader that had slithered everything under her stomach underneath the bed. They stared at her in a vortex of fear, perplexment, and dare they admit it, curiosity.

In the defense of her berserk cackling and sudden howl, Twilight let out a trained, shy, red cheeked squee. It was the best she could do, in addition to curling her forehooves toward her chest. Whatever former madness that had consumed her before was replaced by the innocence she once had. Again. It was a good enough facade to have fooled most ponies. Including herself.

Her left eye twitched. “T-t-too much pressure on the stomach and hamstrings. M-m-muscle contraction. Stress. Laughed it off. Went insane. Feel better. Oh gosh my tail. Oh buck I feel so high right now. Is this what you all felt like this morning? Give me forty five minutes? Maybe an hour? Shower sounds nice, and maybe a bit more. Food would be nice. I’ll be better!"

Fluttershy grinned. It was the kind of grin that Fluttershy should never, ever do.

It spread across her muzzle slowly, tracing across the corners of her lips as her wings snapped rigidly by the sides of her frame. Her eyes glowed as she looked down at Twilight, licking her lips like she had suddenly decided to be an omnivore.

Pinkie shuffled backwards as Fluttershy's wings sprang to life, stabbing a hoof at them in defiance. "Ahha! You think you can hit me in the eye again. I have grown used to your tricks, wings and/or random objects!"

"Would you mind if I join you in the shower, Twilight?" Fluttershy trilled. "I would really, really like that."

Twilight had for the briefest moment thought that her once serene and gentle nature had returned to her kindred soul. She was going to embrace it. Let it consume her heart and return her to her former glory. To the great mare she once was.

The seductive glimmer in Fluttershy's eyes broke her.

"No other mare I'd want with me, Fluttershy," Twilight nickered lustfully.

Rainbow's wings flapped slowly as she looked down at her friends. "So... should we leave you two-"

"Well I'm really enjoying looking at your pelvis right now, Rainbow," Twilight purred. "There's room for one more in the shower. You have a fantastically toned barrel."

"You take up that offer and you are never having sex with me again," Rarity spat at Rainbow.

"A bit protective much?" Applejack said, raising her eyebrow.

"Shut up, Applejack," Rarity hissed.

Applejack shrugged. "May Tartarus take y'all after all."

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!