A changeling nymph is accepted to go into deep cover in the town of Ponyville. However, what exactly are her motivations for requesting this assignment? Is it for the hive? Or is it for herself?
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2832036 you're*
I can arleady say that Gel is my favorite changeling OC, it's may be a little because of my soft spot for shy charachters.
2833458 Yep. Though some of that might be her playing Angel's character, one can see that at least part of it is how she actually acts.
Well done so far!
Why is it that I enjoy seeing stories explaining/expanding on a villain's character, indicating they aren't as bad as they seem?
Again, love the stutter.
Gel is really becoming the clumsy damsel for no reason here. I kind of find everything to be going a bit absurdly fast in pacing.
I think this is a spelling error and should say "wear".
And agreed with the other comenters so far. This is moving forward at warp speeds. But unlike most other stories at this speed this haven't turned into mess of words and fast paced dialogue that leaves one thinking they missed half the story. Altough, more detail would make the scenes more memorable, but on another side, given Gel's memory problems the fast pace somehow puts one in a place where one sympathises with her.
Note: After writing a 300, 000+ word story you are bound to have improved.
3367608
Others have mentioned it gets better as it goes, which makes sense as I got a better feel for the story overall.
huh. the first comment was deleted between 2 days ago and now.
You seem to use ellipses a lot. You could maybe replace some with an em dash when she is interrupted more suddenly. — (alt+0151 on Windows or Shft+alt/option+ - on OS X.) Also know that a space comes after ellipses. "... No... I can't think of that... i—it has to work..."
So all the places you have used a hyphen before, use an em dash instead.
"Alot" is not a word unless you mean an alot. But I do not see how one of those animals fits into this story. The correct words are "a lot" and "allot".
3519654 I'm getting the distinct impression that you peruse the blog "Hyperbole and a Half".
I loved it it is so sweet how hard she is trying to get him to fall for her. And the part with Gal and Rarity was sweet to it was so nice of Rarity to help Gal out like that I hope that they become friends.I can't wait to see what happens to her next.
It might be terrible of me, but...
BOW CHICKA WOW WOW
Please tell me the 'Getting wet like that' is in innuendo and I'm not a pervert looking for sexual things every other word!
5389258 It is an innuendo.
5389258 sure you're not a pervert
4249419 it's Gel
2834352 Because it's a hopeful notion, letting us think that there's some light in everyone. Most people prefer happy endings to depressing ones.
Another nice chapter, though I think Gel is a bit lacking in romancing training.
Cya
Raziel-chan
Oooooh... ooohh... oh my... *manly titter*
nicely done, hehehe eue
This is a cute story so far, but Rhino really isn't a pony name.
7775480 Rhino's not a pony name? What about Joe? There's a pony called Joe, there's a pony named after Rainbows, there's many named after food, so why not an animal?
8035409
there's a point there... Ponies are named after inanimate objects, colors, environments, states of weather, emotions, randomized personalities, and in Derpy's case their eyes, the way they look, sometimes based on their parents' names or personalities, professions, talents, and a few are named after animals. you're right, what IS wrong with rhino?
6746868
*repeated facedesk*
8330079
To be fair, "Derpy" isn't really her name. The community just calls her that, just like with Minuette (Colgate). Sorry, just kind of a pet peeve of mine (Ditzy being called Derpy).
8340398
She was called derpy in the Officially Licensed stuff. It's only due to the controversy that they changed her name to "Muffins", so by that logic even ditzy doo isn't her real name. Hell let's not forget she's been called "derpy" in her first speaking appearance by rainbow. In fact Lauren Faust herself wanted her to be called "derpy".
In fact in the international releases, her name wasn't even changed. It's only due to the name controversy that she isn't called derpy anymore here in the state side.
Things are heating up rather nicely! <3
8351634
She's been called all sorts of different names. And from what I've read, Lauren Faust only decided to call her Derpy as a nod to the fans. Called Derpy by Rainbow Dash, (possibly) referred to as Ditzy (also by Rainbow Dash), called Muffins in the credits where she's had speaking roles. Apparently she has a bunch of different nicknames given to her by the staff, and she's been given different names on merchandise (if she's even given a name, sometimes there's just a picture of a muffin). Would be nice to get some kind of official answer (though then most or even all previously released stuff would be inaccurate). Heck, maybe she doesn't even have a name, so everypony just gives her different nicknames. Though if that's the case, called her "Derpy" (and even "Ditzy" to a lesser extent) is a bit rude. I mean, consider if you addressed a bald person as "Baldy" or "Cueball" as though it was their name? Or calling a blind person "Blindy" or something like that.