A changeling nymph is accepted to go into deep cover in the town of Ponyville. However, what exactly are her motivations for requesting this assignment? Is it for the hive? Or is it for herself?
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First.
I now await comments calling me a douche.
2817924 Douche
EDIT: I rike.
Very interesting, I always like changeling espionage stories. I've read many with the undercover romance aspect of it, but I'm actually curious to see how it might be for Rhino in this case. A spy-hardened Changeling disguised as a shy innocent pony, I have to say the persona switches are just great!
Definately will be looking forward to this, if you want any critizim right now I could only say small bit on the formatting. I'm still rusty on editing so if you make more chapters I should throw together something of a review a bit more adequately.
So uh... happy hunting?
I can see this will turn out well. I await more!
Fantastic as ever! I look forward to seeing how an alternate timeline with new characters and new possibilities can turn out!!
This is really good. Gel is an interesting character and I love how you implemented your own character in as well. I await more.
2818245 Glad you enjoyed it! I find Gel very interesting too!
*See update* A new story by Rhino?!
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2819189 Indeed, truly was this an unprecedented day. Also, thank you for the warmth your comment gave me with its praise.
Interesting I'm looking forward to more of this.
Wow that was great! You should definately stick with this. It has a lot of promise and you are a great writer! Keep doing what you're doing!
2822012 Thanks! That means a lot!
It feels like things are moving a little too quickly to feel fully believable so far but, otherwise, I don't see any significant problems.
I aprov das story
The Changeling seems a lot like a Mary Sue, but I'll reserve judgement to see if things complicate.
This does seem like an interesting start to a good story. Though I do have one little nitpick. It's nothing big or anything, but a nymph is the 'larval' form of an insect that goes through incomplete metamorphosis. It's basically an adult insect without reproductive ability and sometimes flight. Like I said, it's just a little nitpick, using terms like that is a little peeve of mine, no big deal. Unless of course you were going for the fantasy 'Nymph', but anyway, will read on!
Okay, so I just started reading.
The premise is very captivating and her personality is a winner.
However her movein seemed a to quick and effortless. Angel must have found a four leaf clover on the way to town or something. Lets see where thos goes.
Stay up ALL the nights!
I'm reading this first chapter and it. Is AWESOME!
2817924
Oh my... Um. Douch?
2817924 Go back to 4Chan ya douche.
And so begins the adventure that I probably should have started before reading Something New
1 down...
...
seventy something to go.
Just got into this from my Read Later list, expect a lot of comments.
How could she bring a cart with her if she was flying at night?
Interesting start, but things seemed to have happened far too easily. Gel gets a job at the first place she walks into; her target runs into hr for some reason seeming to be in a hurry, yet goes straight to his house and is then relaxed; she then easily splits rent. So far everything is far too convenient and easy. I also do not understand how what appears to be a skittish changeling rose up the ranks of Chrysalis' army. It is almost like she approved that a total rookie be allowed to go infiltrate what would appear to be a high value location.
Did she happen to Steal the Luck of everypony in the world?
Sooo convenient. She rode a elevator to success. ..
Seems interesting so far, but I have to agree with the others, everything is going too well for her right off the bat.
Three lunas in a row inconsevable
You write shy character dialog very well, and that's tricky to do. I'm impressed
A rather interesting first chapter. Everything has been flowing far too smoothly for Gel thus far, so I think some bad luck is due soon. While I definitely think you write the shy character quite well, I think she's just too shy.
~SolidFire
How did that Changeling get to colonel?
She seems completely inept at that dance called romance.
This story has started out on pretty good grounds. Personally, I wouldn't have opted for the same house as my 'target' simply because it can be hard to get close when your living in the same house. There's a reluctance to engage in romantic affairs when you live with someone before-hand simply because of the possible fall-out it could cause in the living conditions. It's like the saying of 'being too close' so a potential couple can't move past a certain barrier. Or at least, that's been my experience. XD
I live alone... Its nice to live alone without any disturbances
I loved it all so far and can't wait to see where this is going and what happens next to them and between them.
3515409 I think being a shy pony is part of her disguise, you'd never suspect them.
I might be missing something here, cause I can't imagine living with the everyman with a specific name like Rhino qualifies as an espionage.
3355909 you don't know the meaning of that word. Also, it is impossible to tell this early.
This is my first time reading a story focused on a changeling. The cover actually urged me to read it and it hasn't failed me yet. Usually I quit reading something rather early but this time I won't back down. COME AT ME!
5514323 You ARE missing out! I've read a couple of books worth of changeling fanfics, and I'm yet to be disappointed by one, though usually they have mostly similar setups, I just can't get enough of them. Changeling romance fics are the absolute most adorable stories out there!
Some of the best are:
-Flitter
-An Affliction of the Heart (and sequels)
-He never had so sweet a Changeling
and of the non romance ones:
-Thrown Abroad
-My Little Changeling: Friendship is Weird (Thrown Abroad's sequel)
Also, I'm loving this one so far! I predict there'll be a huge mess down the line that ends up giving me a brutal case of heartmelt!
This thing is as long as FoE! Bloody hell! Imma have some fun wit dis.
2817924 This is an extremely late comment/reply that achieves nothing. I like this story though.
5779309 love on first sight?
2817924 you need a like douch
A very interesting start to this fic, liking how its going so far! heeheehee, this changeling seems cute
tehehehe.
Nice work so far.
Good start! I've got a feeling that this restaurant is like Hooter's, isn't it?
6745204 I have to agree with you there, she does seem adorable!
...
I guess her boss is a tease in bed
2817924
Huh, you must be a douche.
I don't understand why all the dislikes...
8259737
That's because he have a word Breeze in his name.
Brings back bad memories.
Did she just waltz in and take over this poor stallion's home?
2817924
jeez, why do you have so many dislikes? what's wrong with the name 'breeze'? did someone with that name do something wrong?
8330029
People hate it when someone comments "first".
5779309
#1 This could easily be part of her disguise
#2 Nervousness. It sounds like this is the first time she's been able to go anywhere, without the constant presence of the Hive Mind. She has ZERO backup. She never have had to go Undercover by herself, or even at all for all we know.
#3 Persona. This could just be the persona that is used to put people the most off guard. Few ponies are going to suspect a cute shy mare of being anything dangerous. Hell just think about it, if you were to suspect any of the Mane 6 as being someone dangerous, would you really suspect someone like Fluttershy, or would you be more suspicious of the rest of the Main 6? Thus this could all be a part of her cover.