• Member Since 11th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 14th, 2012

BrianTheSparityFan


T

Spike Is now 18, and must leave Ponyville in case of any problems by him being a dragon and all. But... Will he be able to stay?

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Picture by RyuuKiba of DeviantART.
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- Inspired by the Musician Band Skillet and its song: The last Night...

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 17 )

For your first fic here, it's not that bad. I have to say that it's best to give characters their own spaced for dialogue; it makes the story easier to read. Secondly, there are some grammar issues. I'm no expert, but the fic needs some commas and capitalization. Thirdly, I think there should've been some insight to why Spike really returned. Maybe he realized that he just couldn't leave Rarity or his friends. He grew so attached to them that he felt he should be with the other ponies, and not dragons. Also I think maybe Pinkie should've popped out of nowhere and threw a party for not only Spike's return, but to celebrate him and Rarity being together.

All in all though, it's a pretty good first fic. It just needs some elbow grease here and there.

4/5 stars.

Glad you liked it! :moustache: I also put more reasons why Spike came back because he realized his family was the ponies in Ponyville and that his home was Ponyville! So thanks for the ideas!

when they were saying good bye to spikey i balled my eyes out :raritycry:

Very nice. Interesting thought with the leaving when 18 thing...

It was very sweet! Maybe you could work out some of the grammar details and consider making it longer? :twilightblush: Pretty please? :pinkiehappy:

I can't even describe how good this is.

First, I was like :fluttercry:

Then, I was like :pinkiegasp:

And at the end, I was like :pinkiehappy:

Well done sir. You are a champion.

598246 Thank you very much! :twilightsmile: 500417 I would, but I have other story's i'm working, maybe if I have some extra time on my hooves I could extend the story a little bit. But thanks for liking it so much! :pinkiehappy:

I can't really say i was feeling this one so much, but I'm not going to down vote it.

i must say, it was beautiful, a little short lived. but phenomenal nonetheless.... the part with all of the goodbyes made me shed a couple of manly tears... but at the end... i was clapping, literally... beautiful my friend, beautiful:moustache:

Short sweet enjoyable. Keep up the good work.

A beautiful and touching Sparity fanfic. The very last couple of sentences, now that is raw and true love. :fluttercry::pinkiehappy:

I don't think the centered text does this story any favors.

The single sentence paragraphs OTOH are an interesting artistic flourish. I think I like them in this case.

FWIW I have found success with printing out my stories and reading them out loud carefully enough that I'm reading what the page actually SAYS, rather than what it SHOULD SAY. Red pen in hand I can find most of the errors I think, and then edit them out on the computer. Of course, that is the LAST step before I submit a chapter. Get all the plot and characterization and such well-edited before worrying about the spelling and grammar too much. That way you won't introduce more basic errors in the process of fixing the stuff that REALLY matters.

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