Shattering Sound

by Sugar Moon

bringing down the house

"Disastrous. Perfectly disastrous" Octavia thought as she drudged home. "Every new audition is the same. I play some beethoofen or perhaps an original piece only for them to demand the pony polka. I am a lady of quality not some showmare or clown to be scoffed at. I am a serious artist. Should never have listened to that charismatic pink fluffball she grumbled. Look where it got me. The laughingstock of the classical musical scene."

Grey thoughts settled on the mind of the slate grey pony. She was a simple mare to look at. Almost blending into the background amongst all the colourful ponies around. The only thing that stood out were her two violet eyes. They shone out dejectedly from beneath her black mane as she slowly trotted home. Shifting under the weight of her cello and of her thoughts she turned into her street and looked up. Her home was there in the middle of the street. It always reminded her of that old speilbuck movie batteries not included. A old decript building split in two with nothing directly bordering it. The thought of the movie brought a small smile to her face. "Such a silly film" she thought. "Little humans interacting with ponies. Why its the sort of thing that madmare Lyra thinks happens." The teasing remark about her rival elicited a small
chuckle from Octavia.

She slowly walked up the steps to her apartment building and turned the key to let herself in only to hear an odd noise. A sort of wub wub wub sound. She shook her head. "Must be Mrs Acres" she assumed "only she would listen to such nonsense. She must be going senile" Octavia scowled at the noise and carefully opened up the door to her sparse apartment. She closed the door just as carefully before entering the living room to set down her cello. "Feels good to be relieved of that particular burden, and now to be relieved of another" she thought dryly. Walking towards the drinks cabinet she took out a bottle of jura. Just what she needed. She haphazardly poured herself a rather large glass of the amber liquid and drained it in one large gulp. All the while the wub wub wub noise was getting louder.

"Forget the glass." Octavia announced to nopony in particular. "It is my last bottle anyway" She collapsed onto her old worn out red leather chair with an audible whumpf. All the while the wub wub wub noise was getting louder. It seemed to be coming from the wall infront of her. Behind it must be Mrs Acres living room. She stared straight ahead at the wall in front of her fixing it with a steely gaze as if she was silently daring the noise to get louder. Drinking the whiskey straight from the bottle she never once broke eye contact with the wall when a new rhymthic clunk sound joined in. Clunk wub wub clunk wub wub clunk wub wub clunk wub wub.

"SHUT UP FOR CELESTIAS SAKE!" she screamed at the wall in her best royal canterlot voice. This was unfair as it wasnt the walls fault. She flung the whiskey at the wall in a vain attempt to silence the noise. Smash. As the bottle struck against the wall, the wall exploded towards octavia. The shock made her recoil in surprise falling off her chair. Lying there on her stomach she groggily tried to stand on her front hooves, when a white unicorn strolled into the now dusty abode. Octavia was stunned. The white unicorns mane was a sort of two tone electric blue and she seemed to be wearing tinted safety goggles. Or were those shades? No, impossible, nopony would be that dense. While she was catalouging this new pony she released the pony had a sledgehammer in her mouth. "A bloody sledgehammer???"Octavias mind flashed with anger. "She broke into my house with a sledge hammer?Well then lets see how she likes it when im the one swinging it" Octavia thought malicously

Comments

[The Writer of Fate]

This story is riddled with grammatical errors.

The most prominent are the lack of capitalization of the first letter of proper nouns like names of ponies.

You also forget to capitalize lone I's and put in quotation marks, apostrophes, and commas.

Also, I would suggest putting Octavia's thoughts in italics, not quotation marks, to prevent the misconception that she's talking to herself.

Apart from disregard for basic grammar, the idea does seem interesting enough, but I can't read a story with so many glaring errors in it. The Grammar Nazi in me won't tolerate it.

[Sugar Moon]

220017
That seems fair enough to me. Thanks for the feedback.
Well I tried to incorporate the changes you suggested into the story. (Really liked the italics idea. Can't believe I didn't think of it) But it seems FiM won't let me edit it. I hope you keep reading as I need someone to shout at me for all these silly mistakes I make. Ah well thats what I get for trying to write a story at half four in the morning. Thanks again for the feedback

[Purple Thunder]

It does seem like a good idea, I'm sorry but I just can't read it.
If there weren't any errors, I'd say this was a nice start to a story.

[SomethingForThePain]

I'll have to agree with the gentleman at the top on this one. But I must say, I love the vocabulary. :3 I'm presuming that you're British, because I don't really know all the facts. But seeing as that I myself am American, I don't often see your form of the queen's English too often here. o3o. I think it adds that higher air of sophistication to Octavia, and it may be better to attempt an American accent for Vinyl. Also, thank you for checking out my story. ^^