Craziness in Las Pegasus

by Sonicrules831

Chapter 3: Reaching Las Pegasus

It has been 2 hours, the sun was risen as the train chuffed through the Equestrian countryside. Couldn't have asked for a better day for a nice spring trip. The beautiful breeze and the sky was so clear. Sport's eyes slowly opened up and looked outside. Then he looked at Ludwig who looked like he just woke up. He then looked at Striker and Rainbow Shine who were playing a little game. He then looked at his cute wife Twinkle Bloom and she was still sleeping. Sport nuzzled her mane then looked out the window. He saw downtown Las Pegasus in the distance. He then opened the window to feel the morning breeze run through his mane. He stuck is head out the window. Then Twinkle Bloom woke up.

"Good morning sweetie." She yawned. "You look so….handsome with the wind blowing through your mane."

"Morning cutie and Thanks." Sport said blushing.

"Awww you're welcome." She said half-asleep.

Rainbow Shine and Striker looked at Sport after Twinkle Bloom woke up.

"Oh hi Sport!" Rainbow Shine happily said.

"Look guys!" Sport said putting his head back inside the train car. "Las Pegasus is up ahead!"

"Yay! Ohmygosh Ohmygosh Ohmygosh! It's Las Pegasus!" Rainbow Shine squeed in excitement.

"Ohhhh what are we going to do first! Applewood? The Beach? Ohhhh there's so much to do!" She added as she was jumping up and down.

Ludwig then calmed her down, "Easy sis, easy."

"Sorry I just can't help but be excited." Rainbow Shine blushed in embarrassment.

The conductor then called, "Ladies and gentlecolts, we will be arriving in Las Pegasus in about 5 minutes! We hope you've enjoyed your trip."

They all got really exctied and kept looking at the window. Las Pegasus, full of many casinos, hotels, buffets, beaches, and even on a clear day like this, you can see the Applewood sign.
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The train chuffed into the Las Pegasus Train Station. They all grabbed their luggage and walked onto the platform. It was crowded with many ponies from all over Equestria, some even from outside Equestria. They walked inside the place where there was a nice, big lounge with a clerk at the desk and many ponies walking about. They walked up to the clerk. She was a yellowish-green mare with a blue mane and glasses. Sport asked about directions to the Mareiott Hotel.

"Excuse me ma'am? Do you know how to get to the Mareiott Hotel from here?" He asked.

She quickly recognized him. "Sport, of the Ponyville Cardinals?" She asked.

"Yep, that's me nice to meet you." Sport happily said.

"Wow, it's great running into an ELB player! I didn't think the Cardinals wouldn't come for another day." She said almost getting excited.

She cleared her throat, "Anyway, I would be glad to help." She said pulling out a map.

"You are here." She said pointing towards the map. "Then you walk out and go straight down this path, then take a right for a couple blocks, then take a left and it should be on your right." She pointed out.

"Thank you very much ma'am. Have a nice day!" Sport told her.

"Oh, you too Sport!" She called to him.

So they exited the station, the clock read 8:06am. Sport turned to his friends.

"Ok, why don't we get to our hotel and then we could just kick back and relax for a bit. Then we could have lunch and hit the beach. Coach also told me the team will get here by tonight and we all meet up for dinner in Applewood. How does that sound?" Sport asked.

"That sounds delightful!" Twinkle Bloom said in a sweet tone.

"I'm in!" Ludwig smiled.

"Awesome! We're going to the beach!" Striker excitingly said.

Rainbow Shine just jumped up and down saying, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!"

"I'll take that as you're cool with it. Alrighty then, to the hotel!" Sport announced.

"What about casinos?" Ludwig asked.

"I'm not sure. Striker is with us and he's a little too young." Sport said.

"I hear they recently started putting arcades in there for fillies and colts." Twinkle Bloom said.

"Really? Sounds good but still. I don't want to gamble too much although I get paid a lot" Sport chuckled.

"It'll be fine." Rainbow Shine said.

So the walked for a little bit to the hotel. They past by the palm trees that danced in the spring breeze and saw the famous "Las Pegasus Strip" in the distance. They saw Las Pegasus Motor Speedway, home to many pegasus races. They continued to walk and finally reached the hotel. It was tall enough to easily see Las Pegasus and Applewood.

"Well, here we are!" Ludwig announced.

The Mareiott Hotel was tall and it shined bright against the sunlight with the top of the tower entitled, "MAREIOTT." They walked inside and saw the lobby. It had a big lounge, with TV's, chairs, couches, and a buffet for breakfast and dinner. The place also had a fitness center, a gift shop and a swimming pool.

"Wow! This place is so awesome!" Rainbow Shine squeaked while squeezing her cheeks like Rainbow Dash would.

Ludwig went off to the gift shop with the others not noticing. He saw a pair of DJ glasses, like the ones DJ PON3 has. His eyes gazed at the pair. They were only 10 bits.

"Oh…my…gosh! I must have them. They're so cheap!" Ludwig gazed at the glasses. He walked in, quickly made his purchase and met back with them.

"Oh there you are." Sport said looking at him.

"Sorry, I couldn't keep my eyes off of this." Ludwig showed him the glasses.

"Oh wow! I know a friend who has this. I know DJ-PON3 has them. But I have another friend who has that same pair. But he told me they're rare to find and that they were custom made." Sport told them.

"Really? What's his name?" Ludwig asked.

"DJ-BRONI3." Sport replied. "He's originally from Mannehattan."

"Oh wow! That's awesome!" Ludwig said.

"I know right?" Sport smiled back.

They then proceeded to walk up to the front desk. The clerk was a pretty young mare who had a light green coat with a purple and white mane with glasses.

"Hello, how can I help you guys?" The clerk asked happily.

"Hey, we just got here and we're looking for a room." Sport said.

The clerk looked up and saw Sport and gasped. "You're the Ponyville Cardinals rookie!" She exclaimed.

Sport smiled nervously. "Yeah, that's me."

"I'm sorry." She then calmed down. "It's just awesome meeting any ELB players. Especially one who's a rookie player making a lot of noise on the field."

"Yeah. The rest of the team will come soon. But we all thought we could vacation here." Sport smiled nicely.

"Anyway, how many rooms, two?" She asked.

"Just one." Sport replied.

"We do have a room on the top floor if that's ok with you. It was a beds, a TV, a couch, that also makes a good bed and a restroom." She explained.

They all looked at each other and nodded in agreement. "Sounds good." Sport said.

"Ok, here are your room keys and enjoy your stay!" The clerk said happily handing over the room keys.

They walked over to the elevator. The elevator was the kind of elevator to where it was glass and you could see out of the elevator while going up. They got in and Striker hid behind Rainbow Shine, hugging her leg.

"Awww, it's ok Strikey. It'll be quick." Rainbow Shine said petting his mane.

"We're going up so high though." He said nervously.

"Aww Strikey Wikey, it's ok." She huggled him.

They got up and went to their room, room 554.

They opened the door and it's exactly what they saw what exactly was described. 2 beds, a couch, a TV, a little kitchen, and a bathroom. And outside the window was an amazing view of downtown Las Pegasus. It was so luxurious with a reasonable price of 20 bits per day. Rainbow Shine immediately picked up Striker and ran towards the bed to cuddle him. She squeezed him and giggled.

"Ohhhhh you're such a cute wittle colt!" She squeaked.

Striker giggled and snuggled in with her.

Sport looked at the clock, it read 9:00. "We can rest for a while. Then maybe we can hit the beach over there." He pointed out the window.

Rainbow Shine yawned. "Sounds like fun. But I'm going to cuddle with my Strikey Wikey first." She then wrapped her tail around him and fell asleep.

"Yeah I'm tired too." Ludwig yawned lying on the couch. He lied his head on his pillow and fell asleep.

"Well Twinkle Bloom, want to snuggle?" Sport asked his wife.

"Of course sweetie!" She replied happily.

Sport and Twinkle Bloom hopped on the other bed and cuddled up next to each other. Sport immediately fell asleep as Twinkle Bloom placed her wing over him, and cuddled him.

They would then wake up at noon for the beach. But I'll give you that in Chapter 4 ;)

Comments

[Theater Critic]

Yes. YES.

Bring me more!

[elbj]

Much better story than your last one. The only complaint I have is the characters. While you may know who these characters are, I've never met them and I know next to nothing about them, except Twinkle Bloom and Sport love each other and Sport plays baseball. Just something to keep in mind

[Blue_Moon]

2614224

Same with me.Try to give more character to your characters and give them recognizable personality traits and interests (When I say recognizable, I mean give them traits that would make us distinguish them from the other characters.)

[Sonicrules831]

>> Jble
>> Blue _Moon

Thank you for the suggestions and helpful feedback. That's what I like to hear. Not what happened on my first fanfic. Thanks guys, brohoof? /)

[Theater Critic]

2616175

SURE! /)

[Blue_Moon]

2616175

I would love to, but this a work area. However, I'll give you a brohoof in the forums.

[The DJ Rainbow Dash]

To begin, sorry I haven't followed this in awhile, I actually forgot about it awhile back and it just came to mind recently. Good to see that you've improved quite well since I last read, which I think was the first chapter

Your grammar is overall very accurate, which is a nice sight to behold of any story, it makes everything read much smoother and overall is more enjoyable. The dialogue serves its purpose, and is pretty good in letting me know what is going on in the story.

Now for the things you can improve on, these consist of a couple of different things.

1. Expression. While the dialogue does flow good, it seems to lack overall in emotion and expression. To me at parts, many of the characters seem very one dimensional, and at times its hard for me to judge the differences in the character's voice. Like for example, comparing how Rarity speaks to how Twilight speaks. There is an obvious difference here, and I'm not saying that you don't do this at all, as I can see the difference between Sport and Striker and such. But giving each character more uniqueness helps the reader distinguish each character, while also providing more meatier dialogue.

2. Description. Now you have improved here, as there are parts where you do this well, but I feel that you could do much more than provided here. Giving us description of the places, people, and things around your characters help us create imagery in our minds of the setting of the story. It also gives the story character and flavor.

3. POV. Nothing is wrong with the 3rd person Point of View to begin, it works well in any story and is the easiest in my eyes to write in. However, adding in some first person viewpoints told directly from Sport's eyes for example provides the reader with a different perspective on things, and keeps the story interesting. The only story I wrote on FIM so far is entirely first person (Entitled My Greatest Fear), if you want an example on first person. (Also, do ya mind giving it a Read and Review? )

Overall the story is shaping up okay, and your improvements overall are very evident. I'll keep this on watch

[Sonicrules831]

2715276

Thank you for the favorite! Thank you for the pointers. I appreciate it :)