News Archive

  • Friday
    R5h's "Partyquest" [Royal Canterlot Library]

    You don't have to travel to a magical land of ponies to see greatness in today's story.


    Partyquest
    [Adventure] [Comedy] • 11,594 words

    Pinkie has one month to throw a party that's out of this world. Which is exactly where she'll receive the training she needs.

    Can she brave the trials of artistic integrity, heavy rainfall, an actual literal gun, and thinking too hard about why she went to Equestria in the first place?

    Read More

    10 comments · 740 views
  • 1 week
    Dromicosuchus' "The Rise and Fall of the Dark Lord Sassaflash" [Royal Canterlot Library]

    There is much Love in the craft of today's story.


    The Rise and Fall of the Dark Lord Sassaflash
    [Dark] [Adventure] [Crossover] • 116,239 words

    Wanted: Porter, assistant, jack-of-all-trades, minion. Applicants should be strong, loyal, pain tolerant, cold tolerant, unambitious. Must be capable of following simple instructions. Ideal applicant should be of low to average intelligence and mildly deformed, but exceptions will be made for extraordinary candidates, with extraordinariness to be determined by employer. Must be willing to begin work immediately.

    Read More

    9 comments · 1,145 views
  • 2 weeks
    Bookish Delight's "Being Juniper Montage" [Royal Canterlot Library]

    Today's story will really get into your head.


    Being Juniper Montage
    [Equestria Girls] [Drama] [Slice of Life] • 42,118 words

    Mere weeks ago, Juniper Montage was a spiteful girl, a thief, and even—for a short time—a magical menace. However, Starlight Glimmer and the Rainbooms managed to reach her, and extend the hands of forgiveness and friendship. Juniper has been grateful for the second chance ever since, and eager to show that she can be a good friend herself.

    While touring Canterlot High School with Twilight Sparkle, she comes across two girls in dire cinematic straits. Juniper knows she can help, so she decides to step in. However, in the midst of her attempt, her past—all of her past—returns to haunt her, and her self-esteem pays the price.

    Read More

    23 comments · 1,382 views
  • 3 weeks
    Timaeus' "Coming in From the Cold" [Royal Canterlot Library]

    Settle in and warm up with today's story.


    Coming in From the Cold
    [Romance] [Slice of Life] • 11,961 words

    Starting over is never an easy thing to do. Lost, alone, and cold, sometimes a friendly smile and mug of cocoa are all that's needed to warm the heart.

    And right now, Bon Bon is very cold.

    FROM THE CURATORS: With winter and spring currently engaged in their annual slippery baton pass, here's a story, as AugieDog put it, "where the cold and the warm are practically characters." But the main focus lies squarely on Lyra and the mare now known as Bon Bon, newly arrived in Ponyville after the dismantling of her previous life and full of uncertainty.

    Read More

    5 comments · 1,155 views
  • 4 weeks
    MagnetBolt's "The Doom that Came to Tambelon" [Royal Canterlot Library]

    Seeing why today's story is great is child's play.


    The Doom that Came to Tambelon
    [Adventure] [Comedy] • 4,397 words

    Starlight Glimmer. Trixie Lulamoon. Tempest Shadow. Three ponies that are definitely really great with foals. But there's no way they'll mess this up, right? They just have to keep Flurry Heart out of trouble for one night — what could happen in a couple hours?

    Read More

    9 comments · 1,560 views
  • 5 weeks
    OnionPie's "What is Left" [Royal Canterlot Library]

    Today's story is an addicting read.


    What is Left
    [Dark] [Sad] [Thriller] [Tragedy] • 24,301 words

    Five years of cheap thrills in the big city have left Sweetie Belle in bad debt with dangerous ponies. Forced to pay up, she returns to Ponyville to seek money from an estranged sister she loathes with a passion.

    Read More

    11 comments · 1,570 views
  • 6 weeks
    AndrewRogue's "The Destiny Trap" [Royal Canterlot Library]

    Enjoying today's story is in the cards.


    The Destiny Trap
    [Adventure] • 7,746 words

    Returning from a trip to Manehattan, Trixie has a brand new magic trick that she's all too eager to share with Starlight.

    Unfortunately, when things don't work quite as expected, Trixie and Starlight are forced to go on a journey across Equestria to find the pony that gave her the trick and make things right once more.

    Read More

    2 comments · 2,383 views
  • 7 weeks
    Norm De Plume's "As Horns and Halos Surround You" [Royal Canterlot Library]

    (Ed. Note: This week, we say farewell to Chris, who has been with the Royal Canterlot Library since its inception, and give a big hello to FanOfMostEverything, who has some formidable horseshoes to fill!)

    Give in to the temptation of reading today's story.


    As Horns and Halos Surround You
    [Slice of Life] • 4,809 words

    Rarity’s little Temptation ends up on pins and needles. Literally.

    With her shoulder-devil out of commission, other Temptations pop into her life to pick up the slack from their fallen sister.

    Read More

    10 comments · 2,905 views
  • 8 weeks
    Mitch H's "A Requiem For Lost Libraries" [Royal Canterlot Library]

    Today's tale has its roots in an unusual ghost story.


    A Requiem For Lost Libraries
    [Mystery] • 2,655 words

    There is a ghost haunting the corridors of Ponyville's newest dwelling, the princess's Castle of Friendship. It is a ghost without voice, or hoof, or spectral limb to cast strange shadows upon crystalline walls.

    But it's not the ghost of a pony. It's not a person at all.

    Read More

    5 comments · 2,772 views
  • 9 weeks
    Redric Carrun's "Sleeping Habits" [Royal Canterlot Library]

    If you're procrastinating on reading today's story: You snooze, you lose.


    Sleeping Habits
    [Slice of Life] • 8,504 words

    Rainbow Dash has rather a poor reputation when it comes to her workload. Everypony always thinks of her as the pony who takes three naps during daylight hours, and four on weekends, and always seems to be looking for something to do to pass the time. All of this is true, of course. But ponies seem to think this means that she must not ever get very much work done.

    Can the weather captain for all of Ponyville really be as lazy as she seems? Is that the only explanation for Rainbow Dash's free time and constant napping?

    The weather is a full-time job. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. And the worst weather happens at night.

    So weather ponies have strange sleeping habits.

    Read More

    4 comments · 2,903 views
Sep
29th
2017

Author Interview » Fiddlebottoms' "Discord's Ant Farm" [Royal Canterlot Library] · 12:11pm Sep 29th, 2017

In today's story, take a trip into the future with one of My Little Pony's ant-agonists.


Discord's Ant Farm
[Sad] • 2,619 words

That wacky Spirit of Chaos is at it again...

Except, there's no ponies in the audience.

There's nothing, really. Just an empty, post-apocalyptic expanse.

Nothing, and some ants.

FROM THE CURATORS: Over the past six years, many fanfics have been written whose premises have been invalidated by later seasons of the show.  However, some remain great despite that.  "This story shows just what sort of potential Discord had prior to his reformation," Present Perfect said in his nomination, and this soared to a feature amid compliments like AugieDog's: "Really, it all worked for me — the way Discord feels betrayed; his aimlessness; his lashing out; his hitting upon a new hobby at the end."

It was that strong execution, combined with an exemplary examination of Discord's character, that drew most of our commentary.  "Along with good imagery and that overwhelming sense of loss and loneliness, this tackles subjects like the importance of harmony to a spirit of chaos and why Discord doesn't kill," Present Perfect noted.  Horizon had similar praise: "The big thing right here is how effectively this paint's Discord's denial and frustration and desperation through his actions," he said.  "It's easy to forget that, despite his phenomenal power, Discord is fundamentally a reactive force ... his portrayal of Celestia is really telling: his ideal fantasy world isn't one in which everypony loves him and follows his lead, but one in which he gets to continue playing the foil. That, more than anything, drives home the horror of the isolation here."

We also noted how the prose reinforced those deeper themes.  "The language the story uses had a Discordian feeling to it, too: heading toward overblown but undercutting itself constantly," AugieDog said.  And the world around Discord, Horizon said, also contributed to the overall excellence.  "I appreciate that the apocalypse is well-sketched but never fully explained," he said, "and the ant-iclimax — ha ha, see what I did there — is the cherry on top."

Read on for our author interview, in which Fiddlebottoms discusses graviton theft, future cancer, and angry scalp massages.


Give us the standard biography.

I was born in a townhouse I made with my own two hands, steepling them together over my head like so for shelter and personal amusement. Unfortunately for substantially more of the latter than the former as my exceptionally tiny fingers provided minimal protection from the elements. At the time of my birth I had but one butt cheek, and still very much do, but my other senses have grown stronger to compensate.

At a young age my mother taught me the value of a dollar by selling me as an antique lamp for one dollar, and in that capacity I lived for 18 years, standing very still in the corner with a wick held in my mouth and a gas pipe resting under my one butt cheek. Many people commented on my ugliness but said it contributed to my authenticity, words I have lived by to this day.

In the Modern Era, A.D. I make my living as a homeless crazy person, squatting naked in the woods and doing such things as God surely would have intended.

How did you come up with your handle/penname?

Once upon a time, it was the 60s I suppose, I met my father. I recognized him by the way he screamed and immediately attempted to strangle me as was the fashion for parents in those days.

It was unfortunate — as most things are — because, you see, the poor fellow had no concept of how to strangle someone. He was grasping the top of my head and wrenching it. Or trying. He’d forgotten to bring a wrench, so he tried with his fingers. It was like the second angriest scalp massage I’d ever received. His palms ground against my forehead and his fingers prodded the forehead of my antiface.

Anyway, the whole affair of screaming and wrenching and anti-Oedipal violence quickly became very boring, but there seemed to be no way out of this situation without someone dying.  My father must have realized the same thing, as he promptly passed away, leaving me only with his last word, “Fiddlebottoms.”

So, yes, and that’s the what for of my handle — I have one on the back of my head should I meet someone without an idea about how to strangle someone — and my penname.

Who's your favorite pony?

Rarity’s horror at the prospect of becoming bourgeois in “Canterlot Boutique” has leveraged her personal, monetized brand firmly into my heart. She’s probably a filthy Proudhonist, but that just makes it all the sweeter to imagine quoting The Poverty of Philosophy and Settlers at her during a struggle/snuggle session.

Also, Rarijack is best ship, and anyone who disagrees is just objectively wrong. Sorry, that’s how it is.

What's your favorite episode?

The first episode’s story book opening always makes me smile. Sure, the animation is supercheap, the voice acting weak and lonely, the characters rough, the humor broad, and it does nothing for my fetishes, and I should prefer, for example, "Inspiration Manifestation", but, “In the magical land of Equestria,” and that stupid electric guitar while Twilight runs away from a birthday invitation. Das ist gut.

What do you get from the show?

It is cute and fun.

What do you want from life?

An infinite mass of mechanical claws churning away at every flesh or possible flesh and all things become possible flesh under the working of these claws; the new flesh is steely and rigid but flows magma soft as it needs to be to make more of itself; the future is an ur-cancer; a better than black-hole darkness born from constantly changing flows which distort even light unto death, the speed of light — the very rules one might imagine about speed — change each second and in each second the nature of time itself changes and nothing reaches its destination; a howl that in shapelessness unites every throat; infinite cycles become infinite life and infinite consciousness and infinite pain as It tears out blindly and rips to shreds everything in its way; becoming ceases when the Monad becomes; a single Nothing that is All and devours the last refuge of the Non-All; a weapon that finally and completely unites the reaper and the reaped into one final nuclear mass; a quantum of everything; and in this ultimate abyss and ultimate darkness, we witness at last the non-form of the Monster.

Anyway, I want to live long enough to see that emerge.

Why do you write?

Because the world must know the truth about the importance of using proper PPE while riding a scooter and the carnivorous worms living in Fluttershy’s butthole and the hazards of inviting dead ponies to dinner parties and why you shouldn’t shove rabbits, or cell phones, or your whole self up your butt.

If I don’t perform this valuable service, my fellows will live a life desperately impoverished and despairingly short and with distressingly many objects lodged in their butt.

And the anus gods. Gotta make sure everyone knows about them. They’re very real, the Real in fact, and you should be aware.

What advice do you have for the authors out there?

Don’t worry about what anyone else says. Consider the man in the street: His shirt is made from cotton. His shirt has no pockets. His pants are too tight. He considers the tightness of pants to be a political statement. He foams at the mouth. If left to his own devices, he will chew on the furniture. He constantly and proudly signals his ignorance of the world to the world. He is obsessed with things that do not involve him. He says the New York Times is left-wing. He says CNN is not the finest comedy channel known to man. He says Marxists have infiltrated academia and he has the anecdotes to prove it. He says there are valid concerns about immigrants, although he lacks the wherewithal to describe those concerns as his own. He says he will live on Mars. He says that Tarantino is a film maker. He believes that he thinks and that these thoughts come to him. None of these thoughts are his, they are simply the ideological overwash that relieves him of the need for his individuality.

Or if that example is too vague, when A Confederacy of Dunces was submitted for publishing, it was rejected for being pointless. This complaint was objectively correct, but it is also what makes the book revolutionary.

Sapience is almost nonexistent in the Universe. The rules and theories of art are garbage, commonly agreed upon because it is easier than thinking for oneself. A fabulous disaster is infinitely better than a commonly welcomed mediocrity.

This story demonstrates a lot of Discord's storytelling potential, pre-reformation. Do you think things would have gone differently had he been reformed?

The obvious and snotty response is that he wouldn't be a statue.

In my eye the post reformation episodes have mainly confirmed the conjectures of the story. His idea of a deep personal relationship is still moreorless synonymous with a kidnapping and he doesn’t get the whole “being an object in the world”-thing that everyone else has to live with. “Of course, you must love gravity you’ve filled your whole house with it, and look at you there, being held to the ground by your gravitons.” Discord will always be the third worst kind of god, and therefore the second most believable.

What caused the apocalypse?

I’ve the most generous heart, so I’ll do you one better and tell you what causes every apocalypse.

Well, that’s not really the big deal, though, is it? Apocalypses are a dime a dozen and charting them is as easy as walking the desert and possibly dying due to dehydration. The mountains stupidly surged themselves upward and massacred entire worlds in their shadow, and there’s your basic Apocalypse, not the death of anything in particular, just the world in itself. A species may go extinct though every member lives long and happy lives, they may even continue reproducing provided that their offspring are sufficiently distinct as to be new species, but if that species cannot evolve, if they cling to “equine nature,” failing to understand that the only nature of anything is change, then they all perish, and conscious organisms are uniquely positioned to do this. The stasis imposed can hold for a generation or two. 50 years tops, and you’ve got at most six left. Enjoy them, I recommend. The most unforgivable thing about hierarchy is that even the people at the top aren't happy.

Either that or blame it on Harmony-9. Probably Twilight’s fault either way.

Why is Harmony so important to the Spirit of Chaos?

It apparently kills him. This time all you get is the obvious and snotty response.

Ah, I can’t really do that. “Your enemies you will always have with you,” as the saying goes. Discord could destroy Twilight and Celestia, sure, but it is more important to him that they have to keep dealing with him. Everyone else just sprints for the exits, but they stick with him, and as a clown, he needs his audience as much as he antagonizes and disdains them and he needs his audience to be someone he can respect.

You could get all post-structuralist and talk about how Discord only exists in the space created by Harmony and whatever but I don’t care that much and neither of us would understand it the same way so let’s move on.

How long would you say Discord has before he gets bored of this new status quo?

You must never have owned an ant farm. It is literally impossible to get bored of those things.

Is there anything else you'd like to add?

Yes, there is.

If my demands are not met with a quickness, I will use my exceptionally tiny fingers to steal every graviton from the city of New York and deposit them in Los Angeles, and you will watch sick with horror as one city floats away into the sky and the other sinks into the ground, dragging the continent lopsided and dumping the entire population of the United States into the Pacific Ocean.

You can read Discord's Ant Farm at FIMFiction.net. Read more interviews right here at the Royal Canterlot Library, or suggest stories for us to feature at our Fimfiction group.

Comments ( 21 )
PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

"Getting the blog posted at something like a normal time! Feels good, bro!"

*types "Royal Ant Farm" in the blog title*

"..."

Oh god, these answers are golden.

At first, I was skeptical that you managed to contact Fiddlebottoms.

Then I read the answers.

Fiddlebottoms AKA the one man who managed to be edgier than Amit and Darf combined

This is why Fiddlebottoms is a true treasure and i think I would weep if i ever attempted to have a long conversartion with him.

And people say that hallucinogenics have no place in literature! :pinkiecrazy:

4681599
Yeah these answers are pretty much what I expected from Fiddlebottoms.

4681821
Every time I take acid, I don’t manage to get any writing done.

4681832
Really? ...

Time to download literally all of his stories.

4681833
No, no; 'shrooms for inspiration, rum for writing! (And just a little heroin to wind down afterwards.) :pinkiehappy:

4681821
I am completely sober these days; my body is a temple. This crimson cathedral with its myriad twisting bone passages and so on.

4681855
I've never considered galoshes as vestments before... :rainbowhuh:

And, I just now realized that I didn't properly thank WrathOfGod519 for his having contributed the idea in the first place in a Cockroach Club thread all those years and years ago. Wow, I am a shitty person.

4682137
I see one follows the truth of the eventual outcome of the universe.

Yes, we shall see the Monster, the hated, the loved one.
And on that day we shall scream in pained joyous rapture as all that we are become one speck of unimaginable gravity, of Resolution.

A single dot of eternal order, forever looking out upon a vastness of entropy of inconceivable proportions.

Welcome to Absolution, and hail Ilos.

I am so glad I read the story before reading the interview.

I am so happy.

I'm sorry are we all playing some sort of ironic game here in the comments? It's like watching the village idiot interview a madman.

4683958

It's like watching the village idiot interview a madman.

Sounds like a damn good time to me, fam.
Also that's going on my wall of favorite things anyone has said about me.

Also, Rarijack is best ship, and anyone who disagrees is just objectively wrong. Sorry, that’s how it is.

So was the Titanic. And the Hindenburg. Rarijack, like those, is a ship that can only end tragically ;)

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

4685485
This is why it's so good.

One of my absolute favorite stories of all time. You're fantastic, Fiddles.

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