Paul's Thursday Reviews IX · 2:49pm Oct 1st, 2015
First thing's first: No Heroes: Beyond the Everfree releases today! I am very aware that this story is not going to make a splash, as the only people who will be seriously interested in it are those fans of the No Heroes series. And y'know what? I couldn't care less. I'm just excited to finally see a sequel – not a prequel, not a side story – finally come to light, and it's a sequel I've wanted to do ever since I finished Book IV almost exactly two years ago. This may be the beginning of a whole new set of tales, all continuing the adventures of Upper Crust, Nye, Jimmy, Lightning, Octavia and Fine Crime, stories that have been dancing in my head literally for years.
For those of you who know and enjoyed the original No Heroes series and its spinoffs, I hope you'll find Beyond the Everfree just as good. My only lament right now is that I couldn't commission original artwork for the cover.
And now for the reviews. This was a long week, with almost 300,000 words to go through (exact count: 296,067). Some were worth it, others weren't. Lets see which ones are which...
Stories for This Week:
How to Preen Your Chicken by Drakkith
Stardust by Arad
Know That I Love You by Snowybee (Requested by Snowybee)
Tethered by shortskirtsandexplosions (Re-Read)
An Affliction of the Heart Volume Three: Hybrid by Anonymous Pegasus (Sequel to An Affliction of the Heart: Volume Two)
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 1
Not Bad: 1
None: 0
This story is one of those “mixed bag” types. There are good things and there are bad things about it, as if two sides are actively warring for superiority over my final opinion. The plot is as straightforward as can be: Rainbow’s just spent a whole day with Scootaloo and now gives her a small lesson in preening in preparation for a ‘big surprise.’ Really, it’s everything you expect.
I mean that. This story is predictable and cliché and does almost everything every Scootalover could possibly wish for. I feel like I should pull out one of Twilight’s checklists and start going down it:
Scootaloo an orphan? Check.
Spent a day with Rainbow Dash? Check.
Preening lesson with Rainbow Dash? Check.
Force some D’awww in there? Check.
Random pony arriving with perfectly contrived timing to deliver some legal documents of obvious purpose? Check.
I have an admitted disdain for the obvious and/or tired concept, which is pretty much all that this story is. But, taking away that personal bias, what is there to this story?
Well, the writing style is plain and some of the sentence structure needs to be cleaned up. The exposition-y manner in which everything is handled also hurt the emotional impact in my eyes, although I know there are many who won’t be distracted by such things. Halfway through the story, the perspective abruptly shifts from Scootaloo to Rainbow Dash without announcement, which felt sloppy. And again, the timing at which the third pony shows up felt contrived at best, an add on that Drakkith used to cement the ‘surprise’ for the reader. This was pointless, because the ‘surprise’ isn’t even remotely surprising and the ending does the job well enough.
If you’re really into the RD and Scoots interaction and need to get your Scootalove fix, this isn’t a bad target. I’m sorry to say that it didn’t impress me.
Bookshelf: Not Bad
Crossovers are a class of story I generally avoid. Most of the ones I have read are poorly conceived fanservice with horrible concepts, worse plotlines, bad writing and tragic characterization, not to mention the shipping. (Oh Goddess, the shipping!) So of course, when I saw that Arad’s Stardust was a hit and everyone seemed to love it, I was skeptical. I knew of XCOM only by a trailer or two and suspected that not knowing anything about the games meant I’d be at a complete and total loss. If anything, it felt like the story would be a waste of time for me. Still, it came so highly recommended that I figured I’d throw it on my RiL and see what came of it.
I am pleased to say that I was wrong in every way. So, so wrong.
Startdust begins with the Season 3 episode, Keep Calm and Flutter On, but instead of Fluttershy reforming Discord, Discord preempts her involvement by challenging Twilight to a bet: if she can prove to him that Friendship can overcome any obstacle, he’ll agree to be reformed. Twilight being Twilight, she immediately agrees and Discord promptly whisks the unprepared pony to the world of XCOM’s Earth, where humanity is caught in a losing battle against brutal alien invaders.
To be honest, I found the opening iffy. It felt like Arad was taking things too quickly and was just eager to get the introduction out of the way.
At any rate, Twilight finds herself in the middle of a warzone – literally. After defending herself against an alien attack, she is captured by the XCOM soldier Matt Harris and returned to the primary North American XCOM base. At first she is treated like any other hostile alien – a lab specimen to be dissected and studied – but upon escaping the ‘interrogation room’ and making proper first contact, she soon begins bonding with and attempting to become friends with the humans.
At this point, I rapidly went from skepticism to curiosity to full-blown approval. Arad crafts this story in a way that is smart, well-paced and attention-grabbing. Stardust is written in such a manner that no previous knowledge of XCOM is required to understand everything that’s happening, although the Author’s Notes do provide a little extra information early on to help flesh out some details. Twilight’s custodians are all interesting in their own right, each human having backgrounds, motivations, quirks; personalities. Whether it be Lana with her constant wit, Matt’s struggle to deal with his view of Twilight, or Vahlen and her eternal hatred, each character has a voice that resounds and make them unique.
To add to this is the clandestine nature of XCOM and Twilight’s story-long isolation. There’s this constant understanding that even though the members of XCOM are coming to like and befriend Twilight, they need her, and have no choice but to keep her locked up in a lab without any access to the surface world. The contradiction begins to wear on some of them before too long, and it’s an interesting dynamic.
Yet the most interesting bit is their struggle to protect Twilight from the consequences of her well-meaning assistance. As she teaches them more about magic, which Aran perfectly melded into the aliens’ pre-existing arsenal of weaponry, the humans develop magical weapons of their own. The young, innocent and naïve pony is blatantly unaware that her friends are fighting and dying, and using her knowledge to do even more fighting and dying. The web of deceit they hold around her wears thin with time, and to see Twilight’s gradual unraveling of this web is both a delight and a heartache to behold.
But let’s not forget the fighting. This isn’t just a story about a bunch of scientists poking and prodding a clueless unicorn for her secrets while she tries to make friends, oh no. Some of those friends are soldiers. They are going into battle, they are seeing some brutal shit, and we get to watch. It’s not like in those idyllic adventures where everyone comes out okay regardless of the odds. Characters die, and they die violently. If you’re squeamish reading about a little blood, get ready to squirm.
Last but not least, Arad goes back to Equestria on a few rare occasions to show us what Twilight’s friends, the princesses and Discord are up to in her absence. To my surprise, it didn’t involve a massive war as chaos begins to spread across Equestria again. We gradually come to get an idea for Discord’s real motivations for sending Twilight to Earth. I found the entire concept a little off-putting, especially without the background to support it, but there’s no denying that the end result is effective.
Of course, the story isn’t flawless. The opening chapter, like I said before, felt rushed and the epilogue completely fails to impress due to Arad’s terrible choice of formatting. Discord’s motivations and actions put him on the level of near-godlike chessmaster, and while there’s no question that Discord is powerful I disapprove of the sheer level of total control he shows towards the events – including his easy manipulation of Celestia and Luna, the former of whom hints at having been and being continuously enfeebled by Discord for a very long time. I am very eager to know how a being with this much power can claim to have no ability to stop the impending threat that he sees coming to Equestria, and I’ll be watching in the sequels for Arad’s explanation.
On the technical side of things, the story is solid. There are a few issues, as always – a typo here, a confusing sentence there – but they are so few when considering the size of the overall story that they barely warrant this passing mention.
Stardust defied my every expectation. The pacing is great, the characters endearing, the story riveting. I actively bemoaned to my friends the fact that I couldn’t abandon my other responsibilities and just read the entire story in one prolonged sitting, and it is a testament to my willpower that I managed to avoid doing so. Whatever doubts you might have about this story, set them aside. I am going to be eagerly exploring more of this universe, because Arad has captured my attention.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Know That I Love You
Snowybee provided no cover art. Point and laugh.
Requested by Snowybee
Snowybee – assuming she still is Snowybee, she changes her screen name so often – is a friend of mine who occasionally acts as my pre-reader. This is the very first story of hers that I’ve read, entirely because none of her stories are completed yet. Know That I Love You is tagged as a crossover, but the author declines to specify what it is a crossover with. I think I know (Snowybee told me a while back), but I’m going to assume the author’s desire to not make this obvious and keep my silence on the matter.
The first thing of note is that Snowybee has a very fanciful style of writing. Part of me wants to call it artistic, but it also hinges on the edge of purple prose. On the one hand, I am envious of any author who can make writing look like a painting. On the other, there were times when I felt Snowybee could have toned it down a touch. This may be considered subjective, though, as I simply prefer to have things direct rather than artistic and metaphorical. For example:
I fretted over some thing before my deliverance into that small room. Did anything exist before now? It tasted like a dream, with a repulsive aftertaste. I felt a tingle in my chest. Some hole tightened with time, where a thorn once made home. That thing had tortured me, buzzed in my ear like a fly. It sapped my energy one moment, then disquieted the next. That thorn stung when I noticed it, and itched when it didn’t matter. I had, had to know it was there. I couldn’t let it go.
Vivid imagery, with words that say a lot but, at the same time, say nothing. Depending upon your perspective, it’s either beautiful or it’s droning. And that’s the point I’m trying to make here: some people will find the writing style brilliant and others will find it frustrating. Which type of reader you are will determine your appreciation of the story. For myself, it leans more towards brilliance, but seems just a touch excessive.
But still, I am envious. It would be a significant challenge for me to write a paragraph like that, to say nothing of an entire story. The quality of this story’s imagery is top-notch, something I can’t imagine reaching for myself, and for that alone I am impressed.
Still, the question remains: what is this story about? To be direct, it’s about Diamond Tiara and her time after death. That’s right, Diamond Tiara (a grown up Diamond Tiara, might I add) has died, although she can’t recall how, and now she’s stuck in limbo. Rather than ascend to Elysium, however, she has met The Lady, an entity that may or may not be death, who gives Diamond a chance to play in a competitive game. If she wins, she gets her life back, but if she loses… well, everyone assumes that the consequence is just making death permanent. I have a feeling it’s not that simple.
At the time I wrote this review, Know That I Love You is only four chapters long. As such, the Game hasn’t even begun (or, perhaps, it has but the beginning was never announced. This story’s tricky like that). Thus far we’ve already been introduced to an interesting new brand of magic even earth ponies can wield, Diamond Tiara has had multiple hallucinations teaching about her past beyond the show, and she’s even managed to make a ‘friend’ of sorts in a crystal pony she’s now partnered with for the duration of the Game. Diamond is neither reformed good nor irredeemably bad in this story, which is a nice shift from her common interpretations. She is most certainly flawed, which makes her very interesting to watch.
The story does have its issues, including a variety of typos. One of the major problems I had was that the artistic styling of the writing can lead to some confusion if you’re not paying very close attention. If you’re the kind of reader who likes to skim things, abandon all hope of understanding what’s going on because you will miss something important. This is the kind of story where you’re either all in or not at all.
If I had to sum up my opinion of the story so far, I would pin it down as ‘very curious.’ The writing style is fresh, if a bit verbose, and Diamond is a fascinating character to observe in this interpretation. Of course, coming to understand the Game and where it’s going is also part of the fun. As with any incomplete story, I cannot give this one a proper rating, but I will definitely be watching for its conclusion. Consider me all in.
Tethered
By shortskirtsandexplosions
Re-Read
Previous Rating: Not Bad
Despite its poor rating, this is a story that stuck with me long after I finished it. I was eager to give it another go, because I couldn’t help but wonder if my rating had been premature.
This story follows along the genre of the weird that I am a known fan of, in that there are far more questions than are answers. It takes the style to the extreme in that there are really no answers whatsoever. In this story, Rainbow Dash is a captive to some unknown entity, and Ponyville has been annihilated. The nature of the destruction, however, is one of the oddities of the story.
Rainbow finds herself in a small room and is ordered to ‘retrieve the pieces.’ With this enigmatic command and attached to a cable, she is given two hours to complete her task or the consequences will be fatal. She then wanders a weightless black world filled with the floating remnants of Ponyville, complete with the bodies of its former inhabitants. There is no attempt to explain what happened or why, just a seemingly endless space of death and destruction.
The story has SS&E’s trademark verbosity. In this case, it’s a bit too much as a lot of what is said is excessive. I’m starting to remember the real reason I rated it so low in the first place, and it has everything to do with the writing style. SS&E has been very good at eliciting eeriness, horror and other atmospheric emotions in the past, but Tethered seems to fall short in this regard. Make no mistake, the beginning is quite distressing, but as the story wears on the force of it wears out.
I will note, however, that this story is a nice representation of Rainbow Dash. Despite knowing the consequences of her actions, she does something befitting the Element of Loyalty. Feeling bad (but not terrible; again, writing style) for her ultimate fate, I am nonetheless pleased with her decisions. Her behavior also leads me to question exactly what demonic force has done all of this. Considering the minimal amount of resistance she offered, she had to have known that it was futile, which in itself is distressing.
The greatness of this story is how it hints at so many horrible things without trying to do so. The sheer mystery, combined with a reader’s overactive imagination, is powerful. But again, the excessively verbose nature of the writing style, usually something I praise for SS&E, hurt the potential emotions in this tale. I still like his style overall but, like in Background Pony, the author often said a lot without saying much.
Still, in light of the nature of the story, the strength of its concept and the way it plays with the imagination, I feel like I can raise my rating for it a notch.
Bookshelf: Worth It
An Affliction of the Heart Volume Three: Hybrid
By Anonymous Pegasus
Sequel to An Affliction of the Heart: Volume Two
The original story was entertaining but predictable. The sequel was lackluster. To be honest, I was beginning to question whether I should continue with this series, but I was eager to see how and if Anonymous Pegasus would improve as a writer, so I went ahead and set the third story to my sequel list.
I am happy to say that I am not disappointed. An Affliction of the Heart volume Three: Hybrid fixes or makes big strides towards fixing a lot of the issues that riddled the previous stories and is a sure sign of the author’s gradual but clear improvements. The story continues regaling us with the life of reserve guard Warden and his changeling wife, Kuno, who now have a six-year-old daughter named Swarm. When the story starts, it begins to look as though it will be about Swarm’s struggle for acceptance in her new school and her parents’ efforts to raise her. This doesn’t last long, however, as the purpose of the story rapidly (and unexpectedly) shifts from this to Kuno finally meeting Warden’s parents, which becomes the centerpoint of the tale.
This system suffers just a little from the problem that dominated the last story in the series; an inability to focus. When the story starts, it feels like Anonymous Pegasus has no idea what to do or where to go with the story, and a lot of seemingly unrelated, random things get thrown together for the sake of drama. But then, about halfway through, the author finds a focus and sticks to it. Things go smoothly from that point on.
Another thing I was pleased to find was that the excessive narrative that plagued the last two stories has been significantly reduced. It still exists here and there, but it’s nowhere near as obvious and doesn’t cause much of an issue anymore. This, in more ways than any other, clue me in to Anonymous Pegasus’s gradual improvement.
There’s a lot to enjoy for this entry of the series. Almost from the moment she first opens her mouth, it becomes obvious that Swarm is Kuno’s daughter, and that bit of characterization worked splendidly. Kuno and Warden are still interesting and entertaining to watch, and learning about Warden’s parents was a treat (especially his father). And of course, fillies being adorable are hard to criticize, something Swarm is dangerously aware of.
Also, the Spitfire cameo? That was awesome.
There are a few other things that bug me, most of them small. About the only remaining element of note is Anonymous Pegasus’s unfortunate tendency to retcon any established facts that get in the way of the ‘plan.’ In just the same way the author cheapened the first book by making the whole thing into one massive lie, so too does Anonymous Pegasus take away from the second book to fit a new agenda. I really hope that this author can break this bad habit and learn to cope with the corner their own writing shoves them into, rather than taking a sledgehammer to the support structure.
In the end, this story was entertaining, and not so readily predictable as those that came before it. I am pleased with the overall results and look forward to visiting Kuno, Warden and Swarm’s unusual family once again.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Equestria Girls: Applejack's Secret by Phantom Shadow
Schadenfreude by Daemon McRae
Sleepless in St. Martinique by bookplayer (3rd place entry of Skeeter the Lurker's Switcheroo contest)
A Little Game of War by JMac (Re-Read)
What Good is Magic? by Bluegrass Brooke (Sequel to The Best Kind of Surprise)
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Monday Reviews XXI – "Final" Edition
Paul's Thursday Reviews The Ist!
Paul's Thursday Reviews II
Paul's Thursday Reviews III
Paul's Thursday Reviews IV
Paul's Belated Thursday Reviews I
Paul's Thursday Reviews V
Paul's Thursday Reviews VI
Paul's Thursday Reviews VII
Paul's thursday Reviews VIII
Stardust has a sequel. It's very good. It's on my "Stop everything and read when it updates" list.
3434319
As if I couldn't possibly be ware of this. But Mente Materia is incomplete, and with the exception of review requests I refuse to read an incomplete story. The good news is that the instant Arad finishes Mente Materia it will be going into my 'sequel/completes' shortlist. In the meantime, I've set the side story Broken to that same list, allowing me to further explore the AU while I wait.
All this time, since I first saw How to Preen Your Chicken dominate the feature box all the way up to repeatedly seeing it in and out of the top ten highest rated fics of all time, I've wondered if I really should read it.
Think I'll give it a miss now.
My favorite part of Stardust has to be Charles' interactions with Twilight. Especially the toast thing. It was that exact moment that I knew I'd love that story.
3434722
With Sweetie? Sweetie Belle didn't even get a cameo in Stardust. You must mean its sequel or one of the side stories I've yet to get to.
You don't know how happy it makes me to hear the sequel is finally coming out! Hands down one of my most beloved series on this site. Seriously, it needs more attention. At least that's what I think in my oh so humble opinion
3434738 Ha, sorry my brain was elsewhere, I meant Twilight. The scene where he brings her breakfast.
Roommate is gone. Time for pony!
WOO!
Isn't this exciting? Are you excited? 'Cause I'm excited! I've never been so excited!
3434535
The review is pretty much spot on. If you don't really want to read a short, plain Scootaloo and Dash fic with a few glaring issues, pass on it.
Stardust is really good. I didn't quite see what you mean by the epilogue being a problem, but yes, the beginning was rushed. I see why though.
(also, expect more comments b/c I'm going through your reviews for flight reading suggestions)
... I didn't like Affliction of the heart. I see what you mean by improvement, but the 2nd one really annoyed me due to the twist, meaning the third one left a sour taste in my mouth that only grew as well.. he did the same thing.
4513241
Hey, I welcome more commentary! Frankly, I don't think my review blogs get enough of them, seeing as of how they're my only gauge as to whether or not I'm doing a good job.