While Evan is getting drunk at a party, his friends notice that he is going over his limits. They decide to take him back to their dorm room and leave Evan's barely conscious body on his bed, not thinking about what could happen to him.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This shit sucks! NO just kidding javascript:smilie('
'); good job EarthTrack. I look forward to more into the future.
Lookin' good man. Can't wait to read how this turns out.
This was so bad it gave me cancer.
218391 I AM GONNA CRY NOW.
I was thinking about giving you constructive criticism, but I don't think any amount of construction would help you in the least bit. My suggestion, completely think over your stories before you post them, and please edit them as well.
218427
218472 You mean, edit for grammar mistakes?
Edit as in, completely destroy this story and start from scraps, and just in case you think I am just being an asshole intentionally. I assure you I am not. This isn't the first cheesy adventure story I've seen on this site and it may not be the worst, but it's borderline.
Story: 3/10
Dialogue: 7/10
Presentation: 2/10
I am a very tough critic and I often review stories on ponychan's fanfic section. Don't feel like a failure though, most people I review get low scores. The only story I have ever read that has exceeded a score of 8.0 was Rainbow Factory.218480
218503 Is there anything in particular that you think I should change? I'm not going to get all butthurt over someone saying that my story's bad, but it's a little difficult to make specific changes to something that's simply "So bad it gave me cancer."
TL;DR: Besides starting over, what do you think I should do?
Longer, it has to be longer. I honestly feel like you are trying to sell me a cheap screenplay of some drama movie and it's not working. Add onto what you have, at least 1000 words or more any less and it's hard to take a story seriously.
218796 I see that you aren't tracking, but I hope that you'll check on the next chapter I upload, which I'm trying to have meet your expectations. You seem to know a lot more about writing than most people I've met. Online or IRL.
I don't need to track to keep my tabs on you! I am watching, remember that!
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218847 Oh, and I forgot to ask. Are you from FJ?
Yes, but you'll never find out who I am.
218857
218887 Inb4 babyseaturtles.
Go ahead and check.218904
218907 I've no reason not to believe that that's you.
It used to be before I changed my name 10 times.218921