• Member Since 7th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Oct 26th, 2014

TheSkeletalGent


T

Somewhere below the sea, there lies a city.
A city envisioned to be the home of invention, of progress, where the finest minds of all of ponykind would be allowed free-reign, and so reach a potential undreamt of on the surface.

Yet something has gone terribly, terribly wrong, both with the city itself and it's inhabitants. Now, only abominations and the keening wails of the damned inhabit the once bustling tunnels and domes of that great place, and of all thats left of it's former splendor there is only rot and rust.

Is it possible to escape such a nightmare? Is it at all possible for an individual to survive such horrors, such insanity, without being tainted themselves?

Perhaps that is the only fate that await those inside; to die under the waves, alone and forgotten... or to leave a monster.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 18 )

Well, well, well, how's it going every pony?

This here's a little fanfic I got interested in writing after I finally got around to playing Bioshock. I really loved the game, and I desperately needed some practice pieces under my belt soooo I thought... why the heck not?

I know there's quite a few other Bioshock crossover fics on this site, but please give me a chapter or two and I'll do my best to tug it into it's own, hopefully original, direction.

Leave your comments, criticism's, and corrections below, would you kindly?

Bioshock! Crossover! Great writing! :pinkiegasp:

Tracked, 5 stars! Please, give me more, please! :pinkiehappy:

I have so much expectations for this, Bioshock being one of my favorite games. Don't disappoint me please ... :twilightsmile:

"A man chooses. A slave obeys." Obey the author people, or he hands us a golf club and orders us to beat him to death. And we can't do that, he has to write more first! :pinkiecrazy:

Promising promising promising!

tracking to see where this crazy adventure leads me.

Would you kindly make more :derpytongue2:

would you kindly write more of this?
big sister doesn´t like slackers.

Awww man, Bioshock. You have no idea how damn hard I adore Bioshock. I officially love you for making this.

I like Wander already, and having played the games I worry for his daughter. :twilightoops: That being said, you switched from past to present tense and back a few times, and that was really distracting for me. I'd give it a good proofread and that should fix most of the problems.

Also, Bioshock. :yay:

207023
Damn, I was pretty eager to post this so that kinda slipped right over my head...

Will do my best to smooth that out. Maybe I could find a proofreader on ponychan or something...

Anyway, thanks for the comments you guys :D
Like this one for example, 'would you kind-'

'_'

*_*

Yes. *wanders off* I should be typing now. How silly of me.

I haven't even started reading it and I couldn't help but start singing Beyond the Sea...
Now Imma read it!

Wow, that was incredible. Man, the authors that make their way to this site... makes me wonder if some of these people would've developed their writing skills if not for this show. Your descriptions of his life, the plane, and the chaos are excellent. I noticed this on the looking for editor's page, and I was interested. Well, if you'd like, you can take it off those folders- you can set a password here now and I'll edit them for you. For this chapter, though, I'll just do the comments way.
Onward!

>‘Every generation has it’s mules’, he thought, picking out one of his last cigarettes (what his more liberal and less tolerable friends jokingly referred to as ‘cancer sticks’.) ‘The bozos that get left behind trying to catch the tail draft.’
When you do thoughts, its best to do italics with no apostrophes or quotation marks. It pops up more in this chapter than in this one example, but still.
(Also in this one, you should use 'its' instead of 'it's').

>pulling taut the wrinkles at the side of his face (.
Random ( for the win!

>was starting to look very much like a freight train,
>sure to the best of his ability that nothing
There are two spaces where there should be one.

>“Amen to that” he mumbled to no-pony in particular.
>“Nothing to worry about sir” He answered without missing a beat.
Needs some punctuation inside the quotes.

>and air currents around this part of the Atlantic are pretty hard to predict, because... “Licking
The " needs to be moved back a space.

>The plane was really shacking itself to pieces now.
Shaking*.

>Hi limbs are all thrown forward like those of a rag-doll
His*.

>Wanders whole world shudders as he’s thrown forward. He hadn’t bothered... ...but loud enough to heard.
>The world shuddered. The aluminum wing finally reached it’s critical failure point and is sheared off like so much paper, being flung from a body no longer stable enough even have a hope of maintaining altitude. Wander does not know this, he only feels it’s effects, and continues to pray. ‘Anything” he now thinks to himself.
Two things in this- you're using it's instead of its again, and you switch tenses a lot. If you just switched to present for the last part of the chapter that would be acceptable, but you use both past and present so it doesn't really work. Those are the only to paragraphs I really noticed it in, though.

Anyway, don't stop writing this! Keep on!
Cheers

238420 Dude, yeah man. I love editing. In your title for this chapter, you used were instead of we're. Can't help it. Also, you might just want to capitalize it like it's a regular title(important words capitalized). Also, you might not want to put the password out in public like that, or some horrible person could come into the doc and erase everything. Maybe make a new one and send a pm to me? Or have a backup, whichever's easier.

Yea! Bioshock! Spectacular! And that's awesome. Anything to take the piss out of Objectivism :yay:

> That awkward moment when most authors post this amount of writing as a regular update.

> Fimfiction, Y U NO TRANSLATE OVER BOLD AND ITALIC WRITING :raritydespair: had to do it manually :fluttercry: (somepony who knows how to fix this... help me... I beg you...)

> Changed the daughters name from 'Honeydrop' to 'Dewdrop'... because I thought it would sound better-ish.

> Gotta practice more. Practice makes perfect. So says great overpony Applejack :ajsmug:


Leave a comment on what I could do better, would you kindly?

Oh! Chapter update! Kewl. Now to...
*15K words*

:rainbowderp:...

Horry sheet.

Great read, although the issue with the italics and the bold is a bit strange. Sometimes, they're in italics for an entire sentence they're speaking, while others are simply thoughts (I assume these are supposed to be in italics). The only remedy I've had for this is simply typing the italics and bold script commands into the word document itself.

Also, there are a few "Honeydew"s and "Pollys" in there; might want to brush up on that. For a minute, I thought there were four fillies running around with Wander.

Just don't forget to read your chapter a few times to help smooth out any discrepancies. Anyways, looking forward to the next chapter.

I enjoyed this as well, look forward to more later on. :twilightsmile:

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