The Evil Never Sleeps

by EvilNaab

Chapter 1

This night was truly one of the most wonderful night that Princess Luna had since she returned, yet as Twilight was watching her, something suggested in her mind that there is still something bothering Luna.

She was kneeling in front of the rock statue what Twilight placed back after the foals and Spike left them alone. Twilight was about to leave as well, but she stopped when she heard the princess's voice.

"I've always wanted to be friends with you, since the day you saved me.... from her."

"But I had no idea how to approach you," Luna looked down on her front hooves. "you helped me so much this evening and I'm grateful about it, so I have to ask, are we friends?

"Yes Luna, I'd be honoured if you would consider me as your friend."

"There is something I have to tell you, what i can't share with my sister at least not for now, but I have to tell someone who I can trust."

She turned around to look at the confused unicorn. Twilight walked a few steps closer to the princess and bowed.

"If there is anything I can help you, it would be my honour to do so, even if it's a secret to keep."

"Think about it a little more, the thing what I wish to tell you, you would have to keep it not only from the other ponies, but your friends and my sister as well."

There are tons of reasons rushed through her mind why she should say no, What if she has to lie to her friends or even worse, to Celestia, what if she can't and Luna gets into trouble because of her, but her last thought was the most important to her.

"But I have to do this, she suffered long enough, I can't turn her away and leave her alone what kind of friend would do that."

"If it helps you and I can take a small part of the burden off your shoulders i'd do so."

"She is back."

Luna raised her head back at the statue.

"What do you mean princess?"

"Nightmare Moon, she has been whispering me for months now, but this night, was worse than any other, when I was alone, it was almost unbearable."

"Princess, I'm sorry, but I don't know how can I help you with this."

"I'd like to stay with you for a few days."

Twilight raised her head to look at the princess with a confused face, luckily she was still facing with the statue, so she didn't see it.

"Maybe this will sounds weird, but when you were with me today she was gone, but when I left your side I could feel her presence so close like she could take over my body along with my mind once again."

"Princess."

"Twilight please, I already said before you can call me Luna and now it should be even more obvious.

"Luna if you think, your staying in Ponyville helps you, I'll try to make it as confortable as possible, but in time you will need to tell this to Celestia, I'm sure she would help you anyway she can."

She whispered in front of herself while she was rolling a candy on the ground with her hoof. "I know."

"Luna did you say something?"

Luna turned her head to the purple unicorn who had an anxious look on her face and a small shiver ran through her body as the light wind hit her.

The alicorn stood up and walked toward Twilight.

"We should leave, before you catch a cold." Luna stated when she got next to the by now trembling unicorn and placed her wing around her.

"Luna, It's quite alright I'm used to the cold nights," She felt how her feathers curved around her body and pulled her closer. "you don't have to do this." A couple of seconds later the good and warm feeling spread through her body. "Actually Luna, I was planning to watch the stars tonight from the hill near Ponyville."

"Why would you watch the stars instead of sleeping like everypony else?"

"What do you mean? Didn't you make them so everypony can admire their beauty and shine across the night sky?"

"I did," after the enthusiastic start, her voice became sad as she reminded back to her past. "But everypony went to sleep after I raised the moon, all the time and no one cared to look at the sky, nothing changed since a thousand years ago." said Luna with a bit of resignation in her tone and she took a look back at the stone statue.

Twilight teleported herself into Luna's view to get her attention.

"That's not true, you must saw the telescope in Canterlot, ponies.."

She stopped when Luna turned away.

"Twilight, no one entered that place since I've returned to Canterlot."

Luna slowly started to walk toward Ponyville, leaving a dissapointed but mostly sad purple unicorn behind. Twilight removed her costume and teleported it back to the library. Before the princess could leave her sight, she ran after Luna.

When she finally got next to her for some reason Twilight pushed her side against Luna's and looked in her eyes. The princess stopped.

"Do you really want to watch the night sky tonight?"

"Yes."

"Then at least allow me keep you warm."

"Fine."

Luna placed her wing around Twilight once again. When they entered Ponyville Luna noticed most of the ponies were staring at them. Twilight realized it too and her cheeks turned into red.

"Twilight, do I still look like Nightmare Moon?" Luna thought her body didn't change back to it's original form, that's why the eyes targeting her.

"No, it's ahm, well, it's not about that."

Luna stopped in the middle of the street, pulled the unicorn closer and looked into Twilight's eyes.

"Twilight?"

She didn't know how to say it so she simply blurted it out as fast as she could.

"They maybe think that we are, you know, together."

Luna let out a small sigh then begin walking leaving her right wing open, so Twilight can return if she wishes to. Twilight was standing there for a few seconds then ran after Luna to take the princess's offer.

"Are you not bothered by this?"

"I'd be happy, if that would be my least problem what others think about my personal life."

It took them about ten minutes to reach the place where Twilight wanted to be as they were walking up on the small hill the full moon was in front of their eyes.

They were laying side by side on the grass watching the stars on the bright night sky for almost an hour before Twilight fell asleep.

Twilight woke up early like always, but her vision was blinded by another ponies' mane. The dark blue mane with small stars shining inside it surrounded by purple aura. She tried to get out under Luna's wing without waking her up, with her magic she lifted the wing until she was able to crawl out from the bed and lowered it back gently on the bed.

She was able to sneak out from her room without a sound as she turned around she almost screamed, but luckily Twilight was able to stuff her mouth with her hooves. Spike was heading upstairs with freshly made toast with scrambled eggs in his hands, but his face.. he probably forgot to wash it off after the foals had their fun on it.

"Morning Twilight."

She slowly removed her hoof and began laughing softly at the small dragon.

"What is it?"

"See for yourself."

She levitated the mirror from the desk in front of Spike's face. Unfortunatly Twilight couldn't see the expression what Spike had from the mirror before he turned around, stormed off heading to the bathroom, but placed the food on the desk where Twilight get the mirror.

She sat down in front of the desk, pulled the food closer to herself and ate it, a few minutes later when Spike came out from the bathroom he checked his face in the mirror.

"Thanks for the food Spike, can you make one more ration?

"Don't tell me you are still hungry."

Twilight raised her hoof and stroked the little dragon's spikes on his head.

"I'm not, but we have a quest and she will stay for a few more days, so it would be great if you could make food for two ponies."

"Fine, anyway who will stay here?" His eyes went wide. "Is it Rarity?"

Twilight smiled at him

"No, It's Princess Luna."

His little heart skipped a few beats as he remembered back to Nightmare Moon.

"Why?"

"What do you mean Spike?"

"Why does she want to stay here?"

"No particular reason, she simply wants to spend some time outside the castle."

"With you?"

"Spike, please, just go and make some food before she wakes up after that you can go anywhere you want."

He did as Twilight asked him to do and left to the kitchen, when he left the room she let out sigh, but she tried not to do it too laud so Spike wouldn't hear it, but someone else did.

"I'm sorry, that..."

Twilight waved her hoof before Luna could continue.

"There is no need for apologizing Princess, I mean Luna, probably I should be the one doing it after falling asleep like that and didn't prepair another bed for you and you had to." For some reason Twlight felt a blush appear on her face so she turned away. "sleep in mine with me."

"Lighten up Twilight, you don't have to treat me like a princess, I've never done anything what would be worthy to be one."

She felt how she touch her back with her wing, the spot on her body which contacted with any of her feathers felt colder than the rest of it and shivered a little.

"But."

Spike ran out from the kitchen with a smile on his face which faded after he saw Luna over Twilight.

"The breakfast is ready, can I go now?"

"Yes, but didn't you forget"

Before Twilight could finish her sentence the dragon dissapeared from the library as fast as he could like someone who is running for his life.

"to say hi."

"Probably Nightmare Night is not over for him while I stay here."

The window opened and a small wind came through it carrying a paper with the face of Nightmare Moon and landed in front of the pair. It was one of those which was spread all over Ponyville on the ground.

Twilight closed the window with her magic then turned her face to Luna.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes."

Luna was eating for a few minutes when she finished Twilight was organizing or searching books, she couldn't decide it from the look as she was doing it. She was levitating almost ten books around her all the time while her eyes were closed.

She laid down on the ground a few meters away from the purple unicorn. She didn't want to distract her concentration. A few minutes passed when finally Twilight stopped taking books out from the shelves and put back everyone of them to their rightful place. She let out a small sigh and lowered her head. A few rays of the sun hit her face throught the window what made her turn away and open her eyes to see Luna staring at her.

They were holding the eye contact for a long time without noticing Rainbow Dash who jumped throught the window in silence. Dash was looking at the two of them for a minute before she bursted out laughing and rolling on the floor which got their attention.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't want to interrupt your staring contest or whatever the two of you were doing."

The two mares looked at each other once again, but this time a blush appeared on Twilight's face what both Dash and Luna noticed as well.

"Twi are you coming?"

"What? Where?"

"Nightmare Night, cleaning, outside, Ponyville."

"Oh yes, sure, Luna would you like to come?"

When she turned back to the dark alicorn, her eyes were closed

"Luna?"

Twilight walked closer to the seemingly sleeping alicorn, when she was a few hooves away, Luna opened her eyes which were glowing, she fell on her back and Dash begin laughing. Luna shook her head a few times until the glowing faded then completly dissapeared.

"I'm so sorry." a scared look was on both mares faces when Dash saw the two of them she stopped laughing."

"What?"

Twilight tried to force a smile on her face like nothing happened.

"So, Would you like to come?"

"Yes."

The cleaning was going slower than the citizens of Ponyville would imagine and it was late afternoon when they finally finished the whole town. Luna and Twilight were together the whole time, the two of them were like some inseparable pair, Rainbow Dash was waiting for the opportunity to question her friend about what happened in the library and plenty of other questions, but she never had the chance to speak with her in private. Dash never was a patient pony and after waiting hours she had enough.

Twilight and Luna were walking on a street towards the library after the mayor declared Ponyville clean once again. Dash landed in front of them.

"Twi can I talk with you?"

"Sure, What's up?"

Dash looked at Luna so maybe Twilight would get the hint, but instead of her Luna understood it.

"I'll go forward and take care of the food."

Rainbow was following her with her look until she was far enough and pushed Twilight between two houses so no one would hear what she is saying.

"Dash what are you doing?"

"Twilight when i heard from Spike that she is staying here and as he said "all over you" I had to come and see it for myself."

"Dash it's."

"Please Twilight, let me finish."

"In the morning when the two of you were looking at each other, it wasn't some game was it?"

As Twilight remembered back at the moment the same warm feeling hit her inside her body,mind and her heart.

"But what happened after that, she didn't do that on purpose, I saw you, you were scared just like her or even more than her, so I'm sorry if I won't buy the thing that She only came to hung out with you to take a few days off from duty."

"Maybe she is a great company and you like her even more than a friend, but you can't deny the fact that SHE WAS Nightmare Moon."

Twilight have never heard her friend talking in a serious tone like now.

"Dash where are you going with this?"

"Is there something wrong with her?"

"No"

"Twi please don't lie, I'm trying to be serious here."

"She is FINE!."

"Would you pinkie promise that?"

The purple unicorn opened her mouth, but the words didn't leave her mouth instead she lowered her head. Dash took a few hoof closer and hugged Twilight so she can whisper into her ear.

"Don't worry, It's not like you broke your promise to her, but please be carefull and if you ever want to talk about it or something else, you know where to find me just don't do it in front of anypony else I have to keep up my reputation."

"I promise."

They let go of each other and smiled.

"Nah, go on and have fun with her if you like her."

Dash lifted her body.

"Hey!"

She stopped in the air and turned back.

"I'm not the only one who is playing with the fire."

Dash let out a small laugh and continue her flight towards Cloudsdale while she let out a small sigh.

"Why does she always have to get into some mess?"

Twilight opened the door to the library and a few seconds later she could feel delicious smells coming out. She stepped in, closed the door behind her and headed towards the kitchen. The door was barely open.

"Wow Spike this smells great."

She opened the door for her biggest surprise she found Luna cooking instead the little dragon. She just finished the food and placed it on the table on two plates.

"But, wait, What?, How?, we, few minutes ago."

Luna smiled at the confused unicorn who couldn't make a complete sentence what would make any sence at all.

"Time manipulation spell."

Luna sat down at the other end of the table ready to eat.

"Please sit down and enjoy."

When Twilight took the seat, she recognized the food immediatly which she ate only one time, it was back in Canterlot after Celestia accepted her as her personal student, the name of the food was still a mystery for her and she couldn't find it from any cooking books no matter how hard she tried.

Luna was waiting for her to take the first bite.

She placed the fork with her magic into her mouth, after a few chew her smile was wide as ever and swallowed it.

"This is even better than the last time when i ate it, well it was the first time too, but still somehow It tastes way better this time, but what is this anyway? I tried to find the reciepe, but I couldn't."

"It's not something what you would find anywhere Twilight, only me and Celestia knows the recipe and swore we would make this only for special occasion."

Twilight tried to remember what would be so special about today, but she didn't know any special moment back in the history what would make this a special occasion.

When they finished eating, they kept talking about the night sky and how Luna created it while Twilight opened a few bottles of apple cider. The only thing which interrupted their good time was the settling sun.

Luna stood up from the table.

"I'll be back in a minute."

Luna saw the question emerging on Twilight's face but for some reason she didn't have enough couragé to ask it. She almost left the room when she heard Twilight letting out a disappointed sigh so Luna stopped and turned her head around.

"Unless you want to come with me.

She jumped down from the chair and almost fell in her hurry to follow Luna upstairs, she lead her into her own room's balcony. Twilight stopped behind Luna when she stepped outside.

Luna's horn glowed and the stars on the darkening sky came alive to light it up, but the moon didn't appear anywhere.

"Would you like to help me with the moon?"

Twilight felt like her heart would jump right out from her chest it was beating so fast from the excitement that she would do such an amazing thing, but instead taking the offer she took a few steps back.

"Luna I, I'm not sure it's a good idea, I don't even know what to do what if i mess up something or."

"You won't, trust me."

Twilight couldn't explain why, but there was something calming in Luna's voice and it was like her hooves would move on their own as she walked next to Luna who faced her when she arrived.

Luna bowed down a little so she could cross her own horn with Twilight's.

"Try to empty your mind and summon the raw energy inside you then channel it inside your horn."

They were looking deep into each other eye's and their face were so close that they could feel each other every breath and scent, Twilight no matter how hard she tried, but she couldn't let go the thought that Luna is standing so close to her and a blush appeared on her face what she couldn't hide, the only way she could if she turns away, but she didn't want to mess up the process..

Her horn began to glow just like Luna's then a few seconds later the princess broke the contact as she fell on the floor. Twilight tried to catch her, but she wasn't fast enough.

"I'm so sorry, are you alright, Did I hurt you?"

A few tears dropped from Twilight's eye on the wooden floor.

"Oh come on Twilight I'm fine, take a look at the sky."

She turned her teary face toward to night sky to see that the giant silver orb is on it's rightful place.

"But I couldn't stop thinking about you when I."

She tried to fill her mouth with her hoof, but it was too late after what she already said and her whole face turned to red. Luna stood up and smiled at the embarrassed red faced unicorn then placed a hoof on her shoulder.

"It's alright Twilight, go get some sleep, I'll sleep downstairs this time.

She turned away, but a few steps later Luna was stopped.

"No, you will sleep in my bed and I'll make a spare bed for myself in the room after I find Spike, you said that you want to stay around me and I can't just let you sleep on some old couch."

"If you insist."

"I do."

She left the room then the library, outside the wind was getting stronger and black clouds were closing in from the Everfree forest sealing the beautiful night sky. The temperature outside was colder than last night which was exactly what Twilight needed now. She was running towards Rarity's boutique. It took her five minutes to get there, after a few knocks, Sweetie Belle opened the door.

"Hey Twilight, are you here to see my sister?"

"No Sweetie I'm looking for Spike, is he here?"

"Oh, he is already asleep, after he came over asked my sister if he can help out and sleep here for a while, I can wake him up if you want."

"That's not necessary, I only wanted to know if he is alright, thank you Sweetie Belle have a good night."

"You too Twilight."

She began to walk back slowly to the library while her head was lowered, but her body still fell so hot. After two minutes Twilight felt like her fur is getting wet first she thought she is sweating then the cold rain started to pour from the sky.

The ground was getting soft by the heavy rain and by now her entire body was covered by the cold rain, when it was getting harder to walk as the ground turned into muddy she teleported herself away.

Luna was waiting for Twilight's return for half an hour so she looked outside the window and began to worry about her. She opened the door to the balcony and spread her wings, It didn't take her long to find the purple unicorn in the rain.

Twilight was laying on the grass shivering her whole body was freezing when the rain stopped falling above her. Everywhere else the rain continued with the same intensity as it started so she looked above herself to see a dark fathered huge wing.

"Don't you think it's not the best time to wonder off like this?"

"He hates me."

She could barely push the word out from her mouth from the shivering.

Luna cuddle with the other mare then activated her horn pressing the water out of their fur. She teleported themselves into Twilight's bed and pulled the blanket over their bodies.

"I should go back to Canterlot, It would be better for everyone."

Twilight looked at Luna.

"But not for you."

"I'm sorry about all this, I shouldn't even place this burden on you in the first place and your friends stay away from you because of me."

Luna wanted to leave the bed, but Twilight pulled her back.

"If they are my real friends they would accept you for who you are and not judge by what you were, like Dash she knows there is something wrong and that I, I, but she is fine with it."

"What exactly does Rainbow Dash know?"

"When you left us she asked me about what happened in the morning, but I didn't say anything, she knows there is something wrong and I can take care of myself."

"I'm glad to hear that"

Luna leaned towards Twilight's ear.

"But I meant the other thing what you didn't finish."

Twilight was freezing a minute ago, but now once again her insides were burning and the usual blush appeared on her face. She turned on her other side so she wouldn't see Luna.

"I, I'm tired, it can wait till tomorrow."

She could only hope Luna won't push it and luckily she didn't, but maybe what came after that was even worse. Luna laid down back to the bed and from the back she enclasped the purple unicorn with all four of her hooves and pulled her closer.

"As you wish Twilight."

It was a great feeling and confortable to lay in the bed like this for Twilight, but she couldn't fell asleep knowing that she is so close and kept thinking about why can't she just tell it to her. She was awake for over an hour before the drowsiness finally beat her so the exhausted body and mind could finally rest.

The storm was still raging outside when Twilight opened her eyes and it was still dark so she tried to close them and fall back to asleep when she felt a cold aura behind her crawling around her own body. She turned around to face Luna, but instead of her Nightmare Moon welcomed Twilight with a smile on her face.

"Hello Twilight."

She teleported herself out from the bed, but for some reason she appeared in the Canterlot castle's garden after a few seconds surprised looking around she saw Nightmare Moon heading towards her and she began to run to the castle.

"Twilight!"

"Twilight!"

Nightmare was screaming the name as she got closer and closer to her, finally she arrived to the castle's door, but no matter how hard she tried to open the door with her hooves or magic, it didn't open. She turned around to look behind and when she did Nightmare was nowhere to be found, the door opened with Nightmare waiting for her inside with glowing horn. The dark magic blast hit her body.

"Twilight."

She slowly opened her eyes and saw Luna facing her with a long bloody cut on her face. Twilight's entire body was covered in cold sweat and she began to shake.

"Are you alright?"

Twilight tried to move her body, but she couldn't all four of her hooves was embracing the alicorn's body and didn't want to let go of her. A minute passed before she finally gained back the control over her own body parts returning before she answered.

"Yes"

Twilight turned her face away and wanted to remove her hooves, but Luna pulled the unicorn closer and gently turned her face back with her hoof. Before Twilight could react anything she felt how Luna's lips press against her own and she closed her eyes to enjoy the moment.

A few seconds passed since Luna departed from the kiss, but Twilight's eyes were still closed and had the same position while they were kissing which made Luna chuckle. She opened her eyes slowly to see Luna and she pulled the blanket on her face which turned to red.

"Oh come on Twilight, I'm sorry."

She tried to remove the blanket over her, but she held it back.

"Did I hurt your face?"

Luna touched the place with her hoof where she felt a small pain and saw the blood on it yet a smile appeared on her face.

"You might cut it with your horn, but it will heal."

"I love you."

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear it.

"I said I love you."

"What was that?"

She threw the blanket off the bed with her magic and instead of using her words she kissed Luna. Twilight was looking into Luna's eyes this time and she felt how their lips touch, her previous bravery and the fire somehow faded and she backed out.

She teleported herself outside in front of the tree house, the sunlight surprised her and she had to cover her eyes for seconds while her eyes adjust to the light, since in her bedroom for some reason it was dark. It was already afternoon, her daily plan has been turned upside down, the library is still closed and she planned to do some things and instead of that, she did this.

"What on Equestria am I doing?"

She take a look back at the tree house at the balcony where her bedroom is then lowered her head and walked away. After an hour mindless roaming around Ponyville she found herself walking on her favourite hill. She almost fell off it when someone pulled her back by her tail. She didn't turn back to find out who did it, simply laid down on the grass and placed her hooves over her head.

Twilight felt how someone's feathers making cover over her back, but she buried herself into her thoughts about Luna.

"She is an alicorn and Celestia's sister", "I don't even know anything about her, so why do I love her and why is this hurt to stay away from her."

For Celestia knows how long she had been laying down on the grass, but the sun was almost under the horizon. Twilight removed her hooves and saw the last rays of the sun before it completly dissapeared. She tried to stand up, but the wing held her body down. She turned around to see the cyan wing and the pony who is kneeling right next to her.

"Hey Twilight."

"Dash."

"Welcome back to the living ponies Twi, How was your day?"

"What do you mean by this?"

"Well, after you didn't respond to anypony while you were in Ponyville and you almost fell of this cliff, I guess you were kinda lost in your thoughts, but maybe you want to talk to someone so I stayed."

In the corner of Twilight's eye the moon's light appeared so she turned to the sky to look at the emerging object. She was staring at the silver orb for minutes when she got interrupted by a waving cyan hoof in front of her eyes.

Twilight turned to Dash who was hovering in the air.

"What!?"

Dash landed on the ground and the smile on her face dissapeared after Twilight yelled at her.

"You were doing it again, so tell me What happened?."

Twilight turned back to face with the moon, Dash placed her hoof on the other mare's back.

"Come on Twi out with it."

She turned to the moon.

"I kissed her."

"So, why are you here all alone?"

"What do you mean so? She is the sister of Celestia, a princess, an alicorn and she is... immortal."

Dash stood up, turned around and walk beside Twilight at the edge of the hill looking at the moon.

"I don't get you Twilight"

"Dash?"

"You've found a mare who probably likes you, a lot and you like her as well yet, you are looking for pathetic excuses not to be with her."

"But it's complicated."

Dash turned around and raised Twilight's head so she can look into her eyes.

"Love is love Twilight there is nothing complicated about it unless you make it or are you saying unicorns should only fell in love with other unicorns?"

"No."

"So?" Dash pushed Twilight with her wing a little. "What are you waiting for Twi?"

"Dash?"

"Twilight you killing me, go home, she is probably worried about you if you really left like that."

"I'm sorry that you had to spend the day here, you probably had plans with her."

Dash turned back to the moon and laid down on the grass while looking at the night sky and she let out a sigh.

"I wish I could make some, but she is a wonderbolt and I'm not, she doesn't have too much freetime."

Twilight hugged her friend from the back and whispered in her ears.

"I'm sorry Dash, have a wonderful night."

"You too Twi."

She tried to organize her thoughts on her way back to the library so it took her a little bit more time than usual. Twilight opened the door and looked around, she didn't see any sign of Luna so she slowly walked upstairs as quiet as she could, when she got closer a small light of fire peeked out under the door. Twilight opened the door with her magic, but instead Luna she found a dark letter with a seal on it which she never seen before.

Dear Twilight

First of all I feel like I must apologize for my actions for rushing things and maybe forcing you into saying and doing somethings what you might didn't want to do so I hope you forgive me for that. I hope the time while we stay apart from each other will be enough for you to figure out your true feelings towards me. Thank you so much for letting me stay with you for this short amount of time and I'm sorry for the trouble what I cause with your friends. My sister asked me to return in Canterlot, so once again thank you so much for these few wonderful days.

Luna

Luna was sitting in her chariot heading towards Canterlot thinking about a certain purple unicorn who she left behind in Ponyville. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and the image of Twilight flashed through her mind which brought a faint smile on her face. When she opened her eyes, a purple smoke filled the chariot's cabin and the smile disappeared from Luna's face.

"No."

"Hello Luna."

Comments

[EvilNaab]

Soo here it is, one from the two story (1 chapter, I have a bit more of it, but didn't want to rush it and the point where I finished this chapter looks okey at least for me) which I meant to upload before taking a break. Hope its something good and I made the chapter break at a good point. Sorry about the grammar.

Thanks for the comments, faves or likes.

[dlazerous]

This is a great story, there are a few errors but nothing i couldn't overlook. keep it up, I'm anxiously awaiting the next chapter.

[Shimmer_Spark]

A few errors and mistakes but otherwise great! :D
NEW CHAPTERS SOONNNNNNNNNNNNN

[EvilNaab]

2358276>>2360715

Wow, I really don't know what to say right now... didn't expect it would be called "great". especially with my grammar and writing skills, but thanks a lot for your comments and here comes the part where I'd like to apologize because I won't write anything for 1-2 weeks or more....
I want to take some time off from writing and rethink a lot of things.
I hope all of you can understand it who faved/like the story and await for the next chapter and you won't be mad at me. :(

[dlazerous]

2361358 don't worry too much about it, I've been working on the same chapter for my own story for like a month or two now.

[Cool_Story_Reader]

This is why I don`t usually read incomplete stories. It always end with a cliff hanger.
But the positive comments convinced me to read, and I agree, the story really seems great.
Can`t wait for the next chapter.

[justwannaread]

That was a really good start, grammar problems aside I liked the buildup and the Character development.
Since I am guessing then ending "Hello Luna." was Nightmare Moon which haunts Luna I can't wait for more.

[Jamu]

There were few grammatical errors for example "She step in, closed the door behind her and headed towards the kitchen." which I assume should be "She stepped in..."
And then there were couple sections that left me with a feeling of "who said what?".
Like for example at the start you have Luna and Twilight having a dialogue, with so many lines of dialogue, without any kind of pointing to who is talking like "Luna said" or "Twilight replied", the dialogue can become a bit confusing to follow, atleast in my opinion.

Oh and couple typos that caught my eye from when Luna's cooking: "cocking" should be "cooking" (twice), "mistery" should be "mystery" also
"she couldn't find it into any cocking books", should rather be "she couldn't find it from any cooking books"
"quiestion" should be "question"

But other than those small things, GREAT! story so far, can't wait for the next chapter.

[EvilNaab]

2363388

Hm... a few? xD I know that my grammar is horrific, since I uploaded this on Apr 1 I wasn't expecting the comments and everything what I received so far so it is a really great feeling. About my grammar I can't do anything(tho I'm trying), but I'll try to make the conversations easier to follow somehow in the next chapter(s). ;)

(corrected that mistake) Thanks for everything :)

[Jamu]

If you're unsure about your grammar, might be an idea to have somebody proof read your text (atleast that's what a lot of other writers do, not sure how easy it would be to find someone to do that) but that could reduce the ammount of grammar/word errors and also help you improve your grammar.

[EvilNaab]

2363388

Oh buck it. I always write without caring about spelling mistakes then when I finish it look over the whole story and fix them, but looks like I missed a lots of them :(.

Corrected them, Thanks again

[Sugar]

It's good so far and I can read through spelling mistakes but the wrong words are throwing me off when I have to figure out what the correct word is supposed to be. The biggest example I saw was the word "what" in place of the word "that".

Is "This night was truly one of the most wonderful night what Princess Luna had since she returned,"

should be "This night was truly one of the most wonderful night that Princess Luna had since she returned,"

These crop up throughout the story so far. but otherwise it's a good story.

[EvilNaab]

2446230

Well I'm sorry.. :/ I'll fix it right away, thx.

[TwiDavid]

Nice 'little' story in the first chapter. Please make another as soon as possible.
This story is deserves a good sequel.

[EvilNaab]

2894795

Thanks, yeah I know I'm really planning to do something about it, but... I already wrote a second chapter for like 4 times, but I didn't like them for some reason I can't explain why also I was afraid it won't be good enough and it will fail cos everybody expect a good 2nd chapter.... so I always left it in the dark and started another story :/

[Changeling98]

2896144
Would you consider trying again

[TwiDavid]

2896144
Hello again, really hope you are alright.

I know it's been a really long time since we last talked about this here, but somehow reading through my Favourite folder I found this story yet again, and now I can only wish and hope that one day- hopefully soon-ish, I and the others who are interested in it as well, will see the second chapter to this magnificent story.

[EvilNaab]

11155246
Ey, to be honest I probably have it somewhere, but I pretty much "sort of" gave up on writing... when i mean "sort of" I have around another 15-20 stories written some of them polished, some of them between 50-90% done, yet I stopped uploading. After I uploaded my latest story at some point no matter how much time I spent on a story, I never felt it was good enough to upload so after some time I completely gave up on it and wrote only to get stuff out of my head since dumb story ideas kept comming :(.

[DarkSnowGaming]

Please continue to this story, I would love to read more.

I'm starting to quastion how many times I have repeated that exact same sentence, probably won't be the last either.

There are so many Incompleted stories that I want completed but probably never will.