I enjoy making entire worlds from the ground up. I don't create to give people morals, or subtle political opinions, I create to give experiences people would otherwise not have.
Luna is awoken mid day to find a letter, she soon finds out it is from Twilight, the fist pony besides her sister to accept her. Upon reading it she finds implied feelings of love. Her heart soars and she feels warm and fuzzy inside her midnight blue coat. Twilight checks her mail to find that a similar letter has been sent to her from Princess Luna arousing similar feelings. How does the changeling queen get Twilight and Luna Together?
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Don't worry this will become a TwiLuna story, in due time.
Oh wow. I love the idea behind this fic. I like it quite a bit. Quite a bit indeed. You got the three best ponies as character tags too, this is gunna be good.
1629508 can it be a twichryluna all three of them together? or are you against three way romance?
1629791
Noted, A TwiLunaChrys would be interesting,and I may throw in a twist nearing the end Involving chrysalis. but a TwiLunaChrys not likely in this story. especially under the circumstances, but I may write such a fiction later.
1629978 yay ok then i'll read then see what you come up with later.
Make it a TwiLunaChrysCelesRainApplePinkieRariSpikeCheerileeShy story
Edit: why in the name of God did I write all of that
1630626
you are missing Discord, Nightmare Moon, Lyra Bonbon, Trixie, Derpy, and Gordon Ramsy for a little sour sweet tang with colorful expletives.
The dialogue is really robotic.
1631594
Any ideas on how I may improve upon it? I do not typically have many characters in stories that aren't mine. so having all characters that i have to follow a specific characteristic that I am not the creator of is rather new to me, so any input on how to make it flow better would be much appreciated.
1632218 The best way to get better at writing is to get more experience. Read more, write more, learn grammar, etc. If English is a second language to you, you probably just need more practice. If you're young, you probably just need more life experience to be able to write better characters.
For example,
Use commas, contractions, ellipses and switch some things 'round a bit so things don't sound so formal and robotic.
1632292
Thank you I missed that 'you're' mistake when editing, and as for contraction, I typically speak formally and rarely use them. So I often forget to account for them.
No, English is not my second language. Most of the grammar I learned when I was younger was from older books, the kind that used archaic terms such as henceforth, hither and thither, ne'er as a contraction of never, et cetera.
Thank you for the help, I appreciate it and I am sure other readers will as well.
i like the idea/plot behind this but... the introduction was rather weak in my humble opinion, hopefully that will be better in the coming chapters.
1637384
That is what I strive for, I want this story to be enjoyable. But this is also the first romantic story I have ever written so it this entire genre is rather new to me. As well as a massive learning experience.
If you see any errors please tell me.
And for those who will say I had the lyrics wrong for This Day Aria, i was actually using the lyrics to This Spy Aria, a parody of it.
But, what if Twilight uses spike to send the letters? Chysalis' plan would fall apart before it began! While this is all well and good for the HMS TwiLuna, it is no good for her.
Please space the paragraphs and dialogue lines out more so it's not a massive wall of text. Just one space in-between them would help tremendously.
I will gladly read it then, the idea intrigues me greatly.
1641584
Using Spike risks nosy older sister seeing the letters.
1641584
1641777
I have already had that incorporated into the next chapter.
edit: how chrysalis avoids it.
1641642
Alright, i will space them.
edit: they are spaced
sorry about the chapter being so short, the next one is only slightly longer, but I will try to make later chapters longer.
This is going to be really awkward as soon as one of them visits the other at their house instead of a public place pre-arranged postally.
1659740
hey no spoilers!
Oh that won't end well things are going to get awkward between Twilight and Luna once they figure out they haven't been going out on dates with each other.
I may rewrite this at a later time to make it more awkward when the realization happens.
A shitstorm be abrewin
How did you all enjoy my first romantic story?
not finished yet i hope. anyway here's to seeing what comes next and good twiluna also hope chrysalis gets in celestia and the other two's good graces.
cheers.
If y'all want me to continue with this story and get some more actual TwiLuna in this story and for it to continue i will. All you have to do is ask.
1660622
Thought that looked off, thank you.
Oh and i was planning on throwing a ChrysaLestia in here as a twist, but it just didn't fit, I may have Chrysalis getting on good sides of them, if the story is too continue, all you have to do is ask for it to continue.
1660656 Can it continue please I would like to see more.
1660628 Oooooooo.....more please
More please :)
I like the story over all but I have one complaint. Its spelled throne not thrown. Thrown is the past action of throw. A throne is a somewhat opulent chair.
Suddenly, a million updates at once! Not that I'm complaining. That was a very cute story.
Oh, more you say? Why would I ever turn down an opportunity like that?
1661141
Thank you for pointing that out, i never have had to type that, thus i will often make a mistake when it is something i never had to deal with.
1661323
The reason for that is, for each time i wrote two chapters, I only posted one. so i would have a proper buffer, if i where to say stop writing fo a little while i would still be a ble to post regularly. And since i thought that that would be then end there would be no point in keeping them i posted them all right after the other. Now it would appear this story is going to continue.
please sir can i have some more?
Moar!!
There can never be enough TwiLuna in the world, and this story is simply divine!!
You did an amazing job on it, so I would definately love to be treated to more!
I have quite a bit to do. but hopefully I will have the next chapter posted today.
This story now feels a little forced, It also seems the less creative my story, the more popular it is. This story is many times more popular than my other story, but I believe it is also a bit less creative. My other story was about an immortal changeling who wandered streets every decade or so moving from town to town and taking up a disguise, and living in a town. But this was many times more popular. probably only due to the fact that it was a twiluna.
1666532. It's well read and smooth that's why it has so many views it draws the reader in it doesn't push the reader away all on all its a good fic and you should be proud of it.
1666747
Dafuq did i just read? lolsnaps.com/upload_pic/DafuqDidIJustRead-34796.jpg
This is a nice story but at the same time it’s rather dull. There’s next to no emotion attached to what the characters are saying so they’re not very believable. It could also use some padding out, would it kill you to add a little more conversation before they start sticking their tongues down each other’s throats? At least imply some conversation, people don’t just start kissing like that, when you like someone and would enjoy a romantic relationship with them it’s called a crush. It takes time to develop those sorts of feelings and you make it clear that they have had very little interaction between now and Nightmare Night. Granted I can respect that Chrysalis would want to get her grub as soon as possible but she would understand the necessity of making it believable.
Like I said you have a good story here and it has plenty of potential but it still needs a lot of work. It’s practically bare bones for the moment and needs a lot more description thrown in. The only thing driving it at the moment is the interesting concept and that isn’t fully explored either.
Still, I’ll keep watching. I’d like to see how everything turns out, both in the story and for the story.
1675353
Duly noted,
As I have said, very first romantic story, I am completely new romance centered stories. if I ever write a romantic story again, and probably in future chapters I will attempt to accommodate your advice. Every author has to begin somewhere and this is where I began learning about writing romance, and probably will not come to it again for quite a while after this is done.
Anyone still looking to see if this updates? If so I will continue, just had a lot on my plate, and seven stories I wish to start.
moar? id like some more plz... what celestias plans for changlings is interesting, and we cant go wrong with more sweet twiluna
2223913
looky that, someone wishes for it to continue, I am not sure where to go, the flow sort of failed, I will look into how i can continue this, as it sort of fell apart after I pushed it farther than I ever had, I will see what I can do, when i get the chance,