Blank Flank
Jaime was awake.
She was back in the clearing, and it seemed to be starting to become early morning.
"Looks like Slendy can't change the time here." Jaime said to herself.
She got up, and decided to go look for pages first, then start getting grabby.
She walked out of the clearing, and heard a scream.
Twilight...
Twilight was tired.
She had spent all night searching the Everfree for Jaime, and was afraid her searcj was in vain, but kept looking.
She was on her way back to the library, when she saw something on the path.
It looked like a normal pony, but with exposed bone in some places, body all black, save for red orbs of eyes in it's head. It was filly sized, and had Jaime's jacket.
Twikight screamed when she saw this, because she feared that this is what became of Jaime, a creature she heard Applebloom describe after Twilight found her in a clearing one day after visiting Zecora.
A blank.
The Blank Jaime turned to Twilight, and seemed a bit surprised by the random screaming.
"Twilight? Why are you screaming?" the Blank Jaime asked.
"Jaime... you..." Twilight said before she passed out from shock
Jaime...
"Twilight! Are you okay?" Jaime asked before rushing over to Twilight. Jaime reached out to poke Twilight, hoping to get a reaction to make sure Twilight is alright, before retracting her hoof after seeing it.
"WHAT THE HECK?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY HOOF?!?" Jaime yelled. She ran over to a puddle to look at her reflection in it and saw she was not a normal little pony anymore. She got changed again into a blank. "I... I became a monster!"
Jaime proceed to begin going into hysterics as she stared into her reflection.
Twilight...
Twilight woke up and saw the Blankified Jaime in hysterics. She then wondered if Jaime had just looked like a Blank instead of becoming one. She looked around and noticed where she was: she was on the path at the ppoint where she saw Jaime, and there was poison joke in that clearing!
"Jaime? Do you... are you okay?" Twilight asked the hysterical filly.
"Okay? Okay?! Look at me! I'm a monster! How can I be okay!?" Jaime asked.
"Did you touch any blue flowers while you were here?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah? Why?"
"That was Poison Joke."
Jaime stared at Twilight for a few seco ds before flatly saying "What?"
"It's this plant that plays a cruel joke on you if you touch it." Twilight explained, "It made me and my friends think we were cursed because of it's affects."
"So I have a bad magic plant messing with me? I'm going to tell it how I feel aout that! Plants understand what you are saying, I saw the testing!" Jaime said as she walked back into the clearing.
Five minuted f angry yelling at plants later and she came out of it.
"Better?" Twilight asked.
"Slightly. Can we go back to the library? I don't like this... and I want some breakfast." Jaime replied.
Twilight and Jaime walked back to Fluttershy's to tell her what happened and see if she had the stuff to gix poison joke, where they saw that the others were waiting for them, or at least for Twilight.
"Twilight, Darling, wre you in that forest all night?" Rarity asked.
"Yes, and I fohnd Jaime." Twilight said.
"But you don't look so happy.' Pinkie said.
"Well... Jaime encountered some pouson joke, so... well..." She moved out of the way so thw orhers could see Jaime.
Rarity brought a couch in from nowhere as she fainted, and Fluttershy fainted too.
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2623395
Wrote a short onw to make you less sad!
Slenderling Jaime
2626856
I was going to do that, make her a Slendy Jaime, but then I realized she would jusy end up a different kind of Blank. She would have just ended up just lacking facial features or slightly thinner combined with the no facial features.
I was planning her to be allergic to the plant and have a differenr change each time... and she'll have to go through a few times...
2628020 Interesting
Okay, let's sum up what we have here.
At first it looks like a deplorable bundle of grammar errors with typos, tense incorrections and punctuation mistakes. And then, it turns out to be exactly that... plus a ton of meat to its bones. So I guess we can say it's a pleasant bundle of grammar errors with typos, tense incorrections and punctuation mistakes.
I approve of how you applied the game over engine into the story by making Slenderman a playful entity, and neatly sidestepped the whole drama of ponification by making Jamie an actual child. Those are some hefty positive points.
As for what we have to do with this... I recommend you to take this to "The Proofreader Group". Those guys are top notch, both in skills and attitude; they're sure to help you. Also, get an actual computer to at least modify the already existing chapters.
All in all, I can say this fic was worth the fave as much as it is of a thumbs-up, even with all its downfalls taken into account.
Peace, and I will see you in the next chapter!
I don't mean to nitpick but the creatures from SotB aren't called blanks. the ones that exist within Sunnytown itself are called Nightmares and the ones outside the town are called Bone Fiends iirc.
Oh now this should be good.
applebloom when she sees Jamie
cdn.unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/exploding_head_3.jpg
2640921
"Oh fuck! My intentions have been revealed!" I shouted out loud in my secret airship above Canterlot, "Retcon! RETCON!"
"We are out of Retcon Canon ammo!" Twilight said, "And the joke wasn't that clever."
"NOOOOOO!"
Could you please check all your mistypings. Its really getting on my nerves that you can't spell.
2716428
I understand your annoyance, it bugs me too.
I have been having kindle problems (including the Flower2 wallpaper not going away, no matter what I do, and it causes me severe lag), which has it slow and ridiculously dificult to do many revisions, as when I write I am generally on the edge between getting what I have written and all of it dipping into oblivion. And saving as I write makes things worse somehow.
I appreciate you suggesting this, but I have more to worry about currently than fixing my grammar, which includes schoolwork and finding time and ambition to write the next chapter. I appreciate your willingness to go past those errors and still read my story, though.
Abandoned stories areawesome.
this story is almost certainly dead, oh well what can you do?
I love this story! when's the next chapter?
aussiestorageblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/its-dead-jim.jpg
Oh... okay, well bye I guess...
4674597
Fear not, person who posted this almost a year ago! (Off by five days)
I am going to fix the chapters up, then I am going to write more!
It will live. It will live.
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6169081
Haha! Nice! Somebody is hyped!
Sorry nothing had changed for... 5 days. On one I got a new game, on the rest my internet provider hired monkeys so it kept going out when I decided "I should do that thing I said I'd do".
Oh dear god I just realized this has still been regularly getting at least some views daily since I wrote it. No pressure! Why do I feel mildly pressured to write a story others would like rather than one I would like?
Please continue