• Published 3rd Apr 2013
  • 37,266 Views, 6,994 Comments

Five Score, Divided by Four - TwistedSpectrum

As a fan of the show, I always loved Rainbow Dash and her cutie mark, but I never wanted it to appear on my leg! Now that it has, all sorts of things are getting weird around here. I'm a guy, not a mare! Cartoon ponies aren't real... right?

  • ...

18. Farewell fingers.

Chapter 18: Farewell fingers.

My sibling, Rachel, explains things to Pinkie, “This was our last shot at finding some answers, and it’s a dead end. We’re stuck, we just don’t know what to do anymore.”

I sit down and I look at my arms, the purple fur spreads across them like an invading army. My life is pretty much over, and even after two days of hard work I am still no closer to finding a way to fix things. I feel a wave of depression come over me, and I look around at all the boxes in this room. They hold the remnants of my childhood, but that life is all but over for me now. How did it come to this?

“...Tess?” I hear Tom end a sentence, he must have been talking to me. I glance up at her, but then just lower my head and close my eyes. She probably wants answers, she probably was asking me what we are supposed to do. But I don’t know, I just don’t know. Tom is going to have to ask someone else, this one has pretty much given up.

I bury my face in my hands, noticing the room has gotten very quiet. I hear my sister, well, brother, clear his throat. “Hey, Tom... can you take Pinkie out in the hall for a moment?”

I open my eyes slightly as I realize Rachel’s actions. Tom gets the message as well, “Yeah, sure thing. Hey Pinkie, let’s go find a vending machine.”

Upon hearing her Pinkie pauses for a second, but then smiles and claps her hands, “Yay candy... Let’s go get something!” It dawns on me that she actually isn’t that excited, but she is just doing her best to lighten the mood. I grin with one side of my mouth, realizing how fortunate I am to be friends with someone like Harry.

Tom escorts her out into the hallway, and Rachel turns to me, “So, it’s just us, what’s wrong Tess?”

I take a deep breath, “Everyone is looking to me for answers, but what can I say, I have no answers Rachel. We’re screwed, that’s all there is to it.” I look down at myself and realize I’m actually sitting exactly how a feral pony sits. Not only that, it’s very comfortable. I quickly fix this mistake and stand up as a human should, which is far less comfortable.

Rachel pays no attention to my standing posture and levitates a few pieces of my school art, “So, this quest is all a dead end huh?”

I nod sadly, “Trying to find meaning in the sketches I made when I was a toddler is impossible. It would be like me asking you what you had for dinner on some random date twenty nine years ago.”

He chuckles, “Well that would be hard, seeing as how I’m only 25.”

I blink, of course he is 25, I knew that. So why did I think he was around before that? I shake my head to clear the strange thought, “Yeah, whatever. You get my point.”

Rachel turns his arm over and looks it up and down, I glance up, noting that going by the fur line, he is now more pony than human. He speaks up, “So long story short Tess, you’re out of ideas and worried that we’re out of time.”

“Pretty much, yeah.” I scratch my neck, realizing that not only is my neck entirely covered in fur, but my fingernails are starting to feel just like the tips of the hooves on my feet. “I’ll be honest Rachel, I knew we had less than two days to solve this once we got those ears. I was able to extrapolate it out ever since I ran those DNA tests and saw the pace of our changes. I knew we were going to be full pony by nightfall today. I just never thought about what it would really mean, and how serious it would be. I guess I thought that we would have found a way to reverse the changes before it got too real.”

Rachel puts one of his hooves on a box, then pulls back a pant leg. I wince as I look at his leg, the entire lower appendage its literally 100% pony. Rachel laughs softly, “Well, I think we missed that train Tess. ”

I nod slowly, then rub my forehead, “We only have a few hours left really. Pity, I liked this species. ”

“Meh, it was so-so.”

I chuckle softly and punch him lightly in the shoulder, “You brony, can’t you at least wait until you’re totally pony before you go on insulting your old species?”

He smirks, “I’m just trying to lighten the mood Tess, you know I don’t want this transformation any more than you do.”

I look at the ground, “We’ll fix it. One day, we’ll find a way to change back.”

Rachel taps his chin, “What if we forget? Aren’t you worried we might change in our minds? What if we wake up tomorrow as full ponies and have no memories of ever being humans?”

I stare at him, “Well that’s a terrifying thought, but no, I don’t think that would happen.”

“Why not? Don’t you think that something that has changed our bodies as quickly as this has the power to change our minds too?”

I shake my head, “Oh it’s not that I think our minds are immune, I just don’t see it happening so suddenly and so drastically like that.”

Rachel gets a worried look, “But... our minds will still change?”

I yawn as I nod, “Rachel... our minds have already changed. They have been changing ever since this started. Look at the way we are all acting today, I mean, you don’t have to look any further than Pinkie--”

He raises a hand to stop me, “She cannot be explained, even when she was still human, for all the years we have known her, her antics were never normal.”

A slow smile spreads across my face, “True, but we never called Harry a she before this did we? Our minds are being ever so slightly tweaked Rachel. Even before we knew her gender was flipped, we referred to her as a girl.”

He nods, “True, same with Tom.”

I smirk, “Yeah, about Tom...”

My brother starts to blush and I find it adorable. He plays naive, “What about her?”

I point at his cheeks, “That. You are attracted to a mare Rachel. A mare! I’m pretty sure that’s not your female, human mind’s idea of a good partner.”

He rolls his eyes, “Hardly fair, of course I find Tom attractive, I always had a thing for her. Well... him, but you know what I mean.”

I raise an eyebrow “Whatever, watching you keep a crush on someone as you both get rule 63’d is quite interesting to say the least. But your little puppy love affair isn’t what I meant when I said Tom changed. I meant to say that Tom really has taken up her new role. I mean, look at her and the way she carries herself, she’s acting more proper and feminine than girls that were born female and lived as a girl their whole life.”

Rachel gives me a look, “Oh come on, just because she’s wearing women's underwear and--”

I cut him off, “It’s a thong Rachel. I saw it when she was picking up boxes. She’s wearing a black lace thong, not to mention that before we left she went and put on eyeliner, light mascara, and I’m pretty sure she even has a touch of lipstick. Pretty sure that’s not how Tom normally acts, and that’s not how a normal person would act just hours after finding their gender has flipped.”

Rachel just stares off into space, “She’s wearing black lace... panties?”

I lightly smack him in the shoulder, “Keep it in your pants lover boy. As I was saying, she’s changed Rachel, we all have.”

Rachel’s eyes go back into focus and she glances at me, “Have you?”

I wasn’t expecting that question. I bite my lip for a second, “No one has the capacity to accurately judge themself. Only others can do that for you.” I turn to face my brother, and feel my pony snout crease into a smile, “So, you tell me brother, have I changed?”

“You’re the same to me sis, always will be.” He tosses an arm over my shoulder and gives me a comforting hug. After a few seconds a crack of thunder interrupts the silence, and the sound of fresh rain falling on the cheap roof is soon heard.

I rub my hand on his back, enjoying the familial bond, “Thanks for this little chat Rachel. At least we’re together in all this madness.”

Rachel pats my back in return, and I feel my wings twitch under the touch, “I’m happy for that as well. But I do have one question.”

I pull back from the hug, “Hmm?”

Rachel laughs nervously, “So... seriously, as Tom was asking you a minute ago when you zoned out... What the hell are we supposed to do now?”

I stare at him and give a neutral expression, “I have no idea!”

There is another boom of thunder and I check the time. It was actually quite late, I may not know what to do long term, but in the short term I know we should probably try and get back to the safety of the apartment before the transformation finishes.

As if on queue there is a knock on the wall and we turn to see Tom poke her head in the storage room, “You ready? We better get going if we're going to stay ahead of the weather.”

“You don't have to rush off, you know. That storm is going to miss us completely.” Pinkie replies from the hallway, then starts laughing about something she finds hysterical.

As per usual, I ignore her antics and nod at Tom, “Yeah, I was just thinking about leaving. Just let me lock this stuff back up, then we can leave.”

Rachel look down at the boxes, then magics an empty box towards her and starts to fill it with all the loosened items on the floor, “I’m gonna take all the pony stuff with us. Who knows, maybe tomorrow you might wanna look at it again.”


The car ride was long, and pretty uneventful. I sat in front next to Tom, who was driving, and I kept myself occupied by testing my finger dexterity every ten minutes. It was declining fast, which I guess was to be expected. The quiet of the car ride was occasionally broken by Pinkie’s squeals as my brother practiced his telekinesis by lifting her entire body off the seat. Part of me wanted to yell at him to be more careful, but I admit, another part of me was proud my brother has the skill to use magic that well. I can tell I have more raw power than he does, but he certainly has me beat in practice and skill. I should probably start training like he is, but that will have to wait until a calmer time.

Eventually we get home and we all raid the fridge for dinner. Once everyone takes their food I return to fridge and check our stores, “We should have stopped at a grocery store on the way here, we’re nearly out of food that we can eat.”

Pinkie laughs, “Oh come on Twilight, you really think we could have gone shopping looking like this?”

I bite my tongue, “Pinkie, can you not call me Twilight? My name is Tess, this transformation is depressing enough without losing my name in the process.” I glance over at my brother, who is completely covered in white fur and whose entire face seems to fit a pony better than a human, “Shining, can you back me up over here?”

He snickers, “Sorry sis, you are far more Twilight than Tess at the moment. That new name just fits you.”

I sigh, then return to the table and levitate my fork to start eating. “I’m serious about the food though, our supplies will barely last us another 24 hours. I don’t know what we are going to do, we can’t go shopping looking like this.”

Rarity-Tom ignores my statement and stares at my levitating fork, then looks down at my arms. “Something wrong with your hands Tess?”

“They’re getting a bit hard to use but--” I look down at my hands and realize they are resting at my sides. I am eating my salad using nothing other than my horn and my mouth. I sigh, “Well, good to know I guess I don’t need them anymore. Eating via magic just sort of works. Hmm, still a bit disturbing to know my hands will be lost though.”

Pinkie looks at me, “Mmhmmm, yeah lady, keep talking about how hard it is to rely on nothing but magical powers.” She ends her stare with a smile, “You unicorns make me laugh.”

I bite my tongue, good thing Pinkie is the one who is becoming Pinkie. I can’t even imagine how Rarity or Shining would deal with becoming Pinkie. But Pinkie on the other hand, she really is perfect at becoming Pinkie...

My train of thought catches up with itself and I swear under my breath. Shining glances over at me, “Something wrong sis?”

I shake my head, “Mental changes just driving me nuts, don’t worry about it.”

Rarity-Tom raises an eyebrow, “Mental changes driving you nuts? Darling, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Rarity, did you just say darling?” I point a hoof at Rarity. No, not hoof, HAND, I point a hand at Rarity! I shake my head, “Okay, nevermind, I’m done here. I’m going to bed.”

I stand up and take a few steps away from the dinner table. I just want to go to bed and wake up when this is all over. This state of being torn between full pony and human is seriously driving me crazy.

Shining excuses himself and gets up to follow me as I make my way to the bedroom. He looks me over as I grab my pajamas off the bed. “Are you... okay?”

I nod, “Yeah, I just really need to sleep through this last part.”

He sighs, “Yeah I know what you mean. You should probably take a shower first though.”

I raise an eyebrow, “Uh thanks for telling me I smell bad? Is it the fur?”

My brothers laughs, “No, you smell fine I guess, I just meant you should shower now while you still have hands, and since you can fit in the shower standing upright. Tomorrow it might be harder to fit in there, it’s a narrow tub, not sure how comfortable it will be for an actual pony to use.”

I nod, “Right, right. Showering tonight does make sense actually. Is there a bar of soap in there by the way?”

Shining chuckles, “Soap? You won’t be using a bar of soap.”

I raise an eyebrow, “Because... I’m missing something here aren’t I?”

He smiles, “Not sure if you noticed, but you have no exposed skin anymore. You don’t really need a bar of soap for fur, you just need shampoo, and lots of it. There’s a bottle in the shower, go nuts.”

I shake my head in amusement as I turn to leave, “Shampoo all the things!”


The shower was nice, it was a bit hard to stay standing on two hooves on a wet surface, but I sort of managed. The shampooing was pretty easy, but drying off was actually really hard. It took me about three towels to get all the water out of my fur, but hey, I did it! Hopefully Rarity doesn’t mind the extra wash load, I really can’t thank her enough for the generosity she’s showing us all by letting her live at her place and eat all her food like this. She doesn’t even really know Pinkie or myself that well, yet she treats us like family, it’s crazy.

I walk back to the bedroom, wearing only the bottom half of my pajamas (with a tail hole cut through the back). It feels very strange to walk around without a top on, but there really is no reason why I need to wear a top anymore. My boobs are entirely gone! Well, I guess I still have them, they are just nestled down a bit lower. It is somewhat disturbing, but part of me actually likes having all my private parts in one place. It certainly makes it easier to keep everything covered. The other nice thing about not wearing a top is my wings are free to get some air. God knows I have no intention of trying to fly, but it is nice to let them breath a little.

I enter the bedroom and notice Shining in his pajamas laying on bed, a pillow across his lap. I raise an eyebrow, “Um, what are you doing?”

Shining gives me an awkward expression, “Nothing, nothing, just going to bed.”

I take a seat on the floor to rub my legs when I look up and notice my pillow is missing from it's usual area. I soon spot it on Shining's lap, “Oh, hey, that's my pillow right?”

Shining blushes beet red, right through his white fur. Then he turns his back towards me, “Can you, uh, use the other pillow please? I sort of need this one to cover me.”

I raise an eyebrow, trying to figure out why he needs a pillow across his lap. It clicks, “Shining!! Oh come on, that was my personal pillow! Well I don't want it anymore, urgh.”

He bites his tongue, “Sorry Tess, all I can really do it hide this thing. My pajamas don't really... you know.”

I rub my forehead, “Shining, we’re sharing a small bed tonight, and my pajamas leave me half naked... can you possible make this any less awkward?”

He sighs, “No worries sis, I’ll sleep on the floor tonight. It's not a problem for me. You take the bed, I'll go grab some pillows from the couch and bring them in here to sleep on.” I look up to see him stand up and start heading for the door. I stand up as well... and promptly faceplant into the carpet a second later.

“Ow...” I twist around and stand up again, only to immediately lose my balance and fall forward again, this time catching myself with my proto-hooves. I find myself in a very awkward position, something in between standing ‘on all fours’ and crawling on my hands and knees like a baby does.

Shining stops in the doorframe and looks back at me, “You okay sis?”

I sigh pitifully, “My body isn’t the right shape to walk on all fours, but I don’t think I can walk on two legs anymore.”

With no hesitation, as I feel myself enveloped in magic, my brother telekinetically lifts me off the ground and drops me on the bed. “There, now you don’t have to get up until morning.”

I glance over at him and smile, Rachel may not be my sister anymore, but she was still my sibling. “Thanks. And goodnight.”

He waves, “Goodnight sis, and farewell human.”


The next morning arrives and I teeter on the edge of being awake, and I think about last night. My sister, Tess, really seemed to be starting to crack under the stress. She needs to just take a deep breath and let things be sometimes. Not sure why she’s the most stressed one here, she has the best deal out of the three of us. She is the only one who got to keep her gender, and she’s a freakin alicorn, sheesh.

I yawn and notice how much longer and flatter my tongue is, even compared to last night. My eyes shoot wide open and I realize it’s morning and the transformation is probably complete. I can see the end of my pony snout between eyes, the white fur visible on the end of it. I take a deep breath, I really don’t want to look down, but at the same time, I’m naturally curious as to how my new fully formed body looks.

The first thing I notice is my neck. It’s freakishly long and lets me look down at my own back. Huh, well, everything looks pretty much how I imagined it would look. I mean, I’m in the body of Shining Armor, and I’ve seen the cartoon enough to be able to draw this character in my sleep. I’ll admit it’s strange seeing him in 3D like this, but at the same time, I don’t know, the body feels snug. It’s like wearing a perfect glove, it just feels like part of you... which I guess makes sense seeing as how this equine body is ‘part of me’ now.

I should probably be freaking out more than I am right now, but the fact that I’ve had a tail and fur for two days sort of dulled my brain a little. I think it just gave up at questioning these things. I glance up at the bed to see if Twilight is still sleeping, but no, she isn’t anywhere in the room. Huh, well, hopefully she didn’t freak out and do anything crazy. I should really go find her as soon as I can. With purpose I stand up on my hooves, then promptly fall over on my side. I grit my teeth, great, I have to teach myself how to walk first.


About ten minutes later I stumble into the kitchen, nearly crashing into the dining table in the process. Damn, walking with four hooves is not as easy as they look in the show. I glance around the kitchen looking for Tess, and sure enough, I spot a purple mass sitting in front of one of the large windows. She was still wearing the bottom half of her pajamas, of which I’m thankful for. I’m wearing a pair of boxers myself, I know ponies don’t normally wear clothes, but the fact is even with fur our ‘private parts’ are still awfully visible. Personally, I’m never taking these boxers off, and I can only assume the girls will act in a similar manner.

In any case, I focus back on my sister, the pony. She is just staring into the rain that is pouring outside. I clear my throat, “Hey... Tess? Twilight? Tess? I’m just gonna call you Twilight from this moment on, seeing as how you literally are her at this point in time. So, you look good by the way, actually quite regal with those wings and such.”

“It’s raining.”

I bite my equine tongue, “Given our current situation, I would have to say that is the least remarkable thing you could possibly comment on.”

“Rain is death. Ernest Hemingway, ‘In the fall when the rains came, the leaves all fell from the chestnut trees and the branches were bare and the trunks black with rain’. It’s rather suiting that it’s raining today, our old lives are gone, the rain represents that death.”

“Whoa, easy there pony.” I walk towards my sister, “Maybe it’s just raining because we are in Seattle and it rains like 364.99 days of the year here?”

Twilight looks back at me with a soft laugh, “Very true Shining.” Tess sighs for a moment, “I’m going to miss calling you Rachel by the way. I always liked that name.”

I smile wistfully, “Well, once we change back, you can call me Rachel again!”

“Mmhmm.” Tess turns back the window, she doesn’t sound convinced.

I step closer to her and rest the side of my head against her neck, “You okay sis? There’s a lot of pressure on you and I know you never really liked the whole pony thing. I can’t imagine you're taking this very well.”

She looks at me with a glint of strength in her eyes, “I’m doing okay, I really am. I’m just a little worried about being stuck in the middle of a city that we don’t belong in.”

I raise an eyebrow, “A city we don’t belong in? What, do you think we belong in Ponyville or something?”

She snorts, “Don’t be absurd, no such place exists. We belong back home in Vancouver. Or at least somewhere more isolated than this. We need time to sit down with books, computers, and friends, and figure all this out. We should not be in the middle of an urban center while we look like this.”

I make sure I can balance on three hooves, then I wave a foreleg at her, “Hey, we should be happy that Rarity let us stay in her apartment. Sure we’re in a city, but at least we have this place to ourselves and it’s safe here.”

She nods, “And I am extremely grateful to her, but riddle me this one big brother, how are we going to get food? We have enough supplies here to last us one, maybe two days. Then what? We can’t exactly go shopping.”

“What’s that about shopping? I admit, I could definitely use some new material to work with.” A crisp voice comes from the doorway and I turn around to see who it is, only to freeze in place as I see her. My brain tries, and fails, to fully comprehend just how attractive Tom looks. She is, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on. Her white coat gleams like fresh snow, and every hair and curl of her mane is in the perfect position. Her blue eyes radiate like bright sapphires, and donning her backside was a custom fit purple and gold skirt that hugged her flanks and kept everything covered out back.

My mouth flops open and attempts to communicate, “I... you... so good.”

Twilight joins me in raising her eyebrows, “Wow Rarity. You look amazing, how long did it take you to make that skirt and do your makeup?”

She walks past us and goes towards the coffee maker, “Meh, not too long really. I figured a lady needs to look her part.” Tom stops and blushes slightly as she realizes how far she’s taking this. She tosses a hoof in the air, “I don’t know, I guess I’m just trying to fit the role of being Rarity, you know? Acting like the pony we now represent just seems to make things easier than trying to resist everything we are becoming.”

Tess nods in understanding, “Taking a page from Pinkie’s book I see.”

“Hold on a second, who’s stealing pages from MY book? Put those back!” Pinkie cries out from next to me.

I slowly look left and see the crazed pink pony standing right between Twilight and I. I share a glance with the purple pony and we both look back across the room to confirm that the only door to this kitchen is over there on the right. Yet Pinkie somehow got in here, walked around Rarity, and slipped between Twilight and I without any of us seeing her.

Twilight finally cracks and turns to Pinkie and opens her mouth to ask her, “Pinkie, how the hell--”.

I reach out a hoof and put it over Twilight’s mouth to stop her. I shake my head, “Don’t do it Twilight, just trust me, don’t even think about it.”

Pinkie leans into me and smiles, “Don’t even think about doing what?”

I shake my head, “It’s nothing.” Pinkie doesn’t back down, she continues to smile and blinks innocently as she waits for me to say something. I stammer, “So... Pinkie, how was your morning?”

“Woke up; am horse!” She spins around, “I’m thinking about selling the movie rights to Disney when this is all over.”

The coffee maker beeps and Rarity levitates a cup over to it and pours herself a glass, “Yes, fascinating idea Pinkie. So, now that we’re all up, what the game plan for today? Looks like the transformation is done, we are all thoroughbred ponies.” She laughs to herself at the thought of it all, “So... what now? Personally, I have no idea other than ‘drink coffee’ and maybe ‘cry’.”

I shake my head, “I wish I knew the answer, Rarity.”

Tess jumps in right after me, “Likewise, I’ll be honest girls, I got nothing.”

Pinkie remains silent and we all look at her waiting for her to offer some advice. She blinks, “What are you looking at me for?”

Rarity raises an eyebrow, “Come on, the Pinkie from the show always knew the hard answers. She seems to usually know more than just about anyone else.”

The pink one giggles and talks about herself, “The ramblings of Pinkie are more comedic than accurate.”

Rarity disagrees, “Not too sure about that one. Well, if we are taking the show as fact, then Pinkie’s madness is always based in truth. I mean, earlier during that pony marathon you two had made me watch, I saw that first pony movie. Equestria Girls, I think was the name? Well in that movie--”

I dismiss the notion, “Oh please, that movie isn’t even really canon.” I really hate to disagree with someone as enchanting as Rarity, but I had to make a stand here.

Rarity raises an eyebrow, “The DVD box said it was an official Hasbro product, doesn’t that make it canon?”

Pinkie scratches her head, “The fandom was always split on that movie. And technically... aren’t we the ones that decide what’s canon now? Well, Twilight Sparkle is anyway.”

My sister looks up upon hearing her new name being spoken, “Hmm?”

Pinkie bounces on her feet, “Tell us! Is Equestria Girls canon?”

Twilight rolls her eyes to the upper left and appears annoyed, “Like I would even know.”

Rarity bites her lip for a moment, “Twilight Sparkle, where is your box of mementos? Maybe we can find a movie reference in your things?” Twilight mutters something about still not liking how everyone uses her new name, but levitates the box into the living room and drops it at Rarity’s hooves.

I facehoof, “Wait, Rarity, why are you involved in this? Why does the fan canon status of a movie interest you in the slightest?”

The white unicorn starts using her magic to sort the items in front of her. “Well I for one rather enjoyed Rarity’s role in that film, so I don’t mind it being canon. Besides, come on, it’s about ponies interacting with humans on Earth. If it’s canon, it has huge implications for us.”

I shake my head, “The movie didn’t take place on Earth. Last time I checked humans are not all shades of the rainbow, and high school students don’t go around calling themselves Fluttershy and so on. It had humans, but it wasn’t Earth. Besides, it’s not even canon, it’s--”

My hair stands on end as Rarity erupts in a noise that sounds eerily similar to the actual Rarity’s famous ‘wuHAHA’. I look over at her and see her grinning and holding up a sheet of notebook paper from the box. I magic it closer to me to get a better look. It’s a crayon drawing of a gold and blue flag and under it is the line ‘Go WonderColts!’ I raise an eyebrow and pass the paper around to the other ponies. “Well, fine, I guess it might be a canon story, but that still doesn’t mean it actually happened on Earth.”

Twilight nods slowly, “That’s true, but if the story did really happen on Earth, Rarity is right, that would give us another huge lead.”

Pinkie falls to her haunches, and an audible, cartoonish squeak is heard as her rump hits the floor. “But if it did happen on Earth, what happened to all the brightly colored people? Did everyone with blue or green skin go into hiding?”

Rarity rolls her eyes, “Oh please, the colored skin was probably just a creative decision on Hasbro’s end. I doubt they ever existed in the ‘real’ version of that movie.”

I continue my opposition, “Look, all we know if Tess has some memory of an event that has some sports team named the WonderColts, and their team colors are blue and gold. There is no way this actually happened on Earth, the events in that movie would have made international news and every brony would have recognized it right away.”

Tess processes all the facts in front of her then takes a deep breath. “Guessing is pointless, let’s just do some actual research. We know the team name, we have the internet. Let’s get to work.”


A few hours pass, turns out unicorns are actually rather adept at using keyboards. You can envelope an entire keyboard in a magic hold, then use your magic to press the keys as if you were typing. However, just because we could use them doesn’t mean we found anything. I rest my oversized pony head on the desk and sigh, “Can we please stop researching and just admit I was right all along? The movie doesn’t take place on our Earth.”

Twilight taps her chin, “Can we really be sure? It’s sort of our last lead, I’d hate to cross this off the list unless we really can prove it isn’t here.”

I take a deep breath, “Zero elementary schools, middle schools, high schools, colleges, and universities have a mascot with the name Wonder Colts or Wondercolts. Even when translated into every major language, no foreign school has a sports team of that name.” I take another deep breath, “Zero schools are located in a town called Canterlot. Zero schools with those two colors have any record of a large horse statue in front of their school. Zero schools are run by two sister principles. And finally, zero schools have a ‘Fall Formal’ where only one girl is elected to Princess. If the movie took place on Earth, we would need a school that met all those criteria, turns out there isn’t even a single school that meets one of those.”

Twilight nods slowly, “Damn... yeah that’s pretty definitive. So Equestria Girls is not the answer to anything, it’s just another dead end.”

Pinkie groans, “What a waste of four hours of searching.”

Rarity laughs to herself, “Oh, it wasn’t all a complete waste...”

I raise an eyebrow, “Rarity, what are you hiding from us?”

She spins her laptop around, showing us a grainy picture of someone holding a folder. “I stumbled across this news release while I was searching schools in the Midwest. A small clinic in downtown Chicago published this photo to Crime Stoppers yesterday after a lone nurse went to them and informed them that a very important patient was caught on camera pulling a false fire alarm and stealing clinic documents. She wanted help finding him so she made the photo public.”

I squint and look at the picture, “Wait, this guy has red pony ears! When was this photo taken?”

Rarity taps the screen, “The morning of May 3rd, which is within 24 hours of when we got the pony ears ourselves.”

Twilight creases her eyebrows, “What is his name?”

Rarity smirks, “That’s just it, no one knows. The only thing he stole was his own file, which had all of his identifying information in it. No one knows who he is. The Crime Stoppers thing says a hotel worker nearby reported seeing that same man check out of his hotel the same day. Only problem is, he paid cash and that hotel doesn’t keep the records of guest addresses or names. So this guy is a ghost, he grew those pony ears and then completely went off the radar the very same day.”

Pinkie chuckles, “Well, he’s not a guy anymore, by now he’s a pony.”

I grin, “So we’re not alone after all...”

Author's Note:

Hey guys, slightly smaller chapter today but just like the last time, there will be another update on Friday. (Only 5 days, hooray!)

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