• Published 3rd Apr 2013
  • 35,455 Views, 6,967 Comments

Five Score, Divided by Four - TwistedSpectrum

As a fan of the show, I always loved Rainbow Dash and her cutie mark, but I never wanted it to appear on my leg! Now that it has, all sorts of things are getting weird around here. I'm a guy, not a mare! Cartoon ponies aren't real... right?

  • ...

22. Rescue Rangers.

Chapter 22: Rescue Rangers.

“Rainbow Dash, at your service.” I flash a smile at the awe struck unicorn before me. Heh, wow, he is really speechless at seeing me. Oh, that’s just adorable his mouth actually dropped open! I thought that only happened in cartoons, never seen it in real life before. Then again, he is a pony from a cartoon so perhaps it makes sense.

I shake away the distracting thoughts, from what I overheard it sounds like this pony is in serious trouble. I give a slight nod to the unicorn, “Shining Armor. Sounds like I came just in time.”

Shining looks me over, “How are you... who are you?”

I give my mane a little shake, “I told you, name’s Rainbow Dash. What, haven’t you seen the show before? Even if you haven’t, come on dude, I’m pretty famous on the internet. You’ve totally heard of me before.”

Shining holds up a hoof, “Look, I know what pony you look like, I mean who ARE you and how did you find me?”

I sit back on my haunches, “Long story, see Applejack, Big Macintosh, Fluttershy and I started to look--.”

Shining cuts me off, “Hold on, you're referring to humans that suddenly became ponies, right? Or are you talking about the actual Applejack and Fluttershy from Equestria?”

I nod slowly, “Yes.”

Shining facehoofs, too tired and stressed to play these games. “Look, were you a human last month?”

I nod again, “Well, yeah.”

Shining breathes a sigh of relief, “Man, it’s great to know that my friends and I are not alone and other humans are going through this same confusing hell.” He nods somberly, “So, who were you, what’s your name?”

I cock my head at him, “My name’s Rainbow Dash. We already discussed this, didn’t we?” I hear my stomach rumble, it’s been a good 12 hours since I last ate. I stand up and head for the kitchen, “So, you got any alfalfa around here or something?”

He gives me a confused expression, “Alfalfa? What? Isn’t that like for cows? Why the hell would I have that?”

I roll my eyes, “Because it’s ridiculously tasty.” I rummage through boxes in the kitchen, “Well what do you have to eat around here?”

Shining scratches his nose with a hoof, “There’s some cereal and stuff on the table... Wait, hold on, you keep referring to yourself as Dash, which I guess makes sense since I refer to myself as Shining... but you’re a human right?”

I grab a box of Raisin Bran and tear it open, “Hmm? Well I was human for a little bit, sure, but I’m a pony dude. True, I’m not quite as amazingly awesome as I was in the show, but I think I’m getting close. Working hard on trying to be Rainbow Dash and get my old status back, you know?”

Shining just stares, “What old status? What are you talking about?”

I make a scrunchie face, this Raisin Bran is stale. I glance over at the stallion, “You don’t look so bad yourself. I’ve only seen one other stallion so far. He’s a pretty sweet guy, but I gotta admit, you look... nice. Regal even. Oh well, pity you’re married, you have a chance to get it on with Cadance yet? Oh man, who was she as a human? Was she a guy? You gotta fill me on the details bro.”

Shining leans back and holds both his front hooves in the air, “What? No. There is no Cadance, Dash what are you going on about? I feel like we aren’t speaking the same language here.”

I swallow another mouthful of cereal, “Okay, let’s back up. What kind of ponies are around here? You’re with a group of them right? I mean, I know Twilight lives here, are there any other Elements Bearers with you?”

Shining nods slowly,“Members of the mane six? Yeah, there’s--.” His eyes soon widen in alarm and he cuts himself off, “SHIT! Damnit, you distracted me! I don’t have time to talk, I gotta get back to Seattle! The others, shit, shit, shit!”

I raise an eyebrow, “How many others? Twilight and... Rarity and Pinkie?”

“Yes!” Shining cries out. “Pinkie and Rarity...” He trails off.

“Fantastic news, that’s all six of us.” I hold up a hoof, “Hold on Shining, let me check in with the others. They’re all back in Iowa, but I want to share the good fortune with them.”

Shining shakes his head as he stares at the floor, “No, it’s terrible news.”

I ignore him and use my equine ear muscles to flick my right ear sharply. The motion activates the button on the side of the bluetooth headset, and I hear it chirp to me, awaiting a voice command. “Call Applejack.” I announce clearly, then wait a moment as my smartphone dials the number.

The headset cracks to life, “Hey Dash, find anyone in the apartment?”

I grin to myself, “Sure did AJ, standing before me is Shining Armor. The captain of the Royal Guard, in the flesh.”

AJ responds with excitement, “Hot damn, Fluttershy’s hunch paid off. Is Twilight there as well?”

I grimace, “Nah, but Shining says he’s with her and the other Element Bearers. I’ll have him take me to them in a minute.”

Shining overhears the conversation and lowers his head as his eyes water over, “Dash...”

I ignore him for the time being and focus on the phone call. AJ speaks up again, “Big Mac wants to know if Cadance is there with Shining.”

I laugh, “What’s he interested for? Haha, but no, she’s MIA, looks like it’s just Twilight, Shining, Pinkie, and Rarity over here.”

Still smiling, I glance to Shining to confirm the names of the ponies he is with. My smile vanishes as I see Shining sitting there, weeping tears. He looks up at me, “Rainbow Dash. I need your help. Please.”

My ears sharpen as I look at the broken stallion before me. “AJ, I’ll call you back.” She responds with something but I just flick my ear to end the call. I take a step towards the Prince, “Shining, what happened to the others?”

He cries out, “They were captured by humans. They are in danger, and I can’t help them. I tried to save Pinkie but just made things worse.” Tears stream down his face, “Dash... they have Rarity now! It’s all my fault.”

I feel a flash of anger and feel my blood pounding in my ears. I slam a hoof into the floor, “Why the fuck didn’t you say something earlier?! Let’s go get them! You got a car? Where are they?”

He wipes his eyes with a fetlock, “I don’t have a car, and they are pretty far away. But you got here, right?” I catch him looking at my wings and his eyes light up, “Oh my god... you can fly? You can actually fly, can’t you?”

I raise an eyebrow in confusion, “Well yeah, can a dog bark?”

A look of hope flashes across his face, “Can you fly fast?”

I can’t help but smirk, “Dude, I’m Rainbow Dash. Pretty sure I’m the fastest flyer on both of our worlds.”

Shining wipes his eyes with his fetlocks again, “Alright, great, there’s hope for them yet then! Okay so you probably can’t take me with you, but if you can get to Twilight and tell her what happened, then the two of you can probably save Rarity and Pinkie!”

I grin, “I’d love to help. Where are they at? Across the city?”

Shining waves a hoof, “I wish! Nah, they are in Seattle.”

I take a step back. “Seattle? Damn, that’s across the border. Sorta far away too.”

Shining looks worried, “What? It’s just a land border, just fly over it? And it’s only like 180 miles, you can fly that far, right?”

I grit my teeth, “I can fly that far, but I can’t just fly over the border, it’s more than a line on a map you know. I can cross it, but I gotta take it slow and careful, probably best to do it while over the sea. Or better yet, while inside of a small cloud. Hmm, yeah, give me a day or so and I can get there.”

Shining shakes his head, his voice filling with emotion, “No, you have to get there NOW! You have to be in Seattle before sunrise! You have less than three hours before people there will wake up. Please, you have to go right now, and you have to fly as fast as you can!”

I shake my head slowly, “Shining, look, I’m sorry dude but that’s just not possible. Do you have any idea what radar is and how it works?” I turn sideways and wave a forehoof at my body profile, “Look at how big I am dude! I’m ten times the size of a bird, and larger than most drones. And you want me to fly at full speed, and across an international border? We’re not talking about a normal border either. If I fly across that border like you ask, well, alarms go off alerting the world’s largest air force that an unidentified aircraft is breaking their airspace. I prefer my mornings WITHOUT patriot missiles being fired at me.”

Shining rubs his forehoof into his face, “Look, Dash, you’re literally the only one who can get there. You have wings, come on, find a way.”

I roll my eyes, “Oh, and just outrun the F-22s that show up to shoot me out of the sky? Yeah, sure thing. I mean, could you pick a more inopportune city for me to fly to? You do realize that Seattle, and in fact the entire Pacific Northwest, is on a state of alert due to the terrorist attack in the city a few days ago?”

Shining blinks, “The bookstore explosion? You heard about that?”

I toss a hoof in the air, “Well yeah, I mean, bookstores exploding in front of a cameraman and a squad of cops sort of makes the news.”

Shining grits his teeth, “That was us. It wasn’t terrorists, it was Twilight, Rarity, and myself.”

I blink, “Wait... why did you? Forget it, I don’t care. We gotta find another way to get to Seattle. Maybe steal a car?”

He shakes his head, “It’s too slow Dash. We, or at least one of us, have to get there in the next 2-3 hours if there is any hope in saving Rarity and Pinkie. They are being moved to a new location once the sun is up, once that happens we will never be able to find them.”

I fall back on my haunches and carefully rub my temples with my hooves, “Wait... why exactly are they on a time limit? They are being moved? You said some human captured them? What are we talking about here, local cops? FBI? CDC? Some farmer?”

Shining looks away from me, “It’s some cartel, or some gang. I don’t know exactly. All I know is they have Rarity and Pinkie locked in cages and they are going to sell them as pets or something.”

My blood pressure spikes and I grind my teeth. I head for the window, “I’ll be in Seattle in an hour.”

Shining trots after me, “What about me? How can I contact you? I have nothing here!”

I pause to take a cheap flip phone out of my saddlebags, I toss it at Shining, “There’s my extra cell. My cell number is in the address book, I’ll call you when I find your sister.”

Shining nods, then uses his magic to pick up a pencil and paper. I take a step back at the sight of it. I may be a talking blue pegasus, but to me seeing actual magic is a bit unnatural and freaky. Shining scribbles some stuff down, “This is a sketch of the house where Rarity/Pinkie are being kept. They are in a cage over here and they have electric collars on. You’re going to need to find the keys for both.”

I look the paper over, “How many guards are we talking about?”

Shining whistles, “Four or so...”

I nod, “I can take them.”

Shining continues, “Four or so are outside sentries on patrol, then inside there are, I don’t know, a dozen? Maybe more? I think the neighboring houses are full of gang members too.”

I raise an eyebrow, “So, I know I’m Rainbow Dash and all, but a one pony attack sounds like suicide here.”

Shining nods, “Yep, and these guys are prepared. They have pony cages, tranquilizer guns, shock collars for ponies, etc.”

I throw a hoof in the air, “How the hell do they have all that stuff on hand?!”

Shining shakes his head, “I have no idea, but they do.”

I frown, “I don’t suppose you have a plan for me to get in there and rescue them without getting caught myself?”

“I’m still thinking of something, I can call you when you’re in Seattle and hopefully have a plan of attack worked out.”

I look down at the map Shining drew of the house and imagine myself up against 20 men with tranquilizer guns. “I’m not seeing it Shining. This is a suicide mission.”

Shining pats me on my back, “Nah, that’s why you need my sister! Find Twilight and take her with you. I don’t like putting her in danger like this, but I think it’s our only shot.”

I look up at him and smile, “Sweet, is she like a total badass? I mean in the show she was this quiet and reserved book nerd with zero combat experience and no physical fitness. But in this world your sister is the opposite? She’s a brutal fighter who has tasted blood... Right?”

Shining grins awkwardly, “Sure...”

I facehoof, “Your sister is a scrawny book nerd isn’t she?”

He nods, “She’s probably read more books than you have hairs in your coat.”

I let out a low whistle. “Right, so what you’re telling me is that I’m doing this mission solo.”

He shakes his head, “Oh no no, she’s good! She can handle herself in a battle.”

I sigh, “A book nerd with no physical fitness? Sounds like she would just slow me down.”

Shining laughs, “Come on, she made that library explode!” He gestures at the scorch marks in the hallway and the broken windows in the living room, “And see all this damage? That was her very first spell!”

I raise my eyebrow as I see all the damage done to the apartment. “Okay... this could work. Where is she?”


Why did they choose this motel? This place is crazy sketchy! I pound my hoof on the door of the room that Shining gave me. “Come on Twilight, open up!” I knock again, eager to get inside already. There are about three different reasons why I want her to hurry. First off, we have to hurry if we want to save Rarity and Pinkie. Secondly, this motel creeps me out and I wanna get out of this hallway. And finally, I have--.

The door opens, and the most confused purple unicorn I have ever seen stares at me. I stretch my neck a little to check her sides. Ah, scratch that, I’m looking at the most confused purple alicorn I have ever seen.

“Can I... help you?” I can practically see her brain try, and fail to comprehend the sight of me waking her up at 6am.

I nod, “Hey Twilight, long time no see, right? Look, can I get inside? I’m pretty sure I have like a third of the air force following me at the moment.”

She steps to the side, “Rainbow Dash?”

I nod, “Yep, that’s me. Good to see you’ve seen the show.”

“How are you here? Why are you here?” I could tell sleep clouded her mind.

“Your brother sent me.”

She nods, still entirely confused, “Well, that was nice of him.”

I nod, “Yeah, well it would have been except he was all like ‘Fly to Seattle’ and I was all like ‘There’s a border there and the Americans are on high alert’ and he was like ‘Well you gotta go bro’. So then I decide to just try and do it like a night op mission you know? I fly pretty much as fast as I can go, but I lay close to the ground as I fly, right? So I’m hoping I can stay under the radar and stuff, flying super fast and super low, okay?”

Twilight just nods, clearly not paying attention to my dialog and still in shock at seeing a new pony in her room. I continue, “Yeah, so turns out something of my size flying that fast and low meets the exact flight signature of a cruise missile or something. All I know is I enter the US and the first town I fly over has freakin air raid sirens blaring as I flew overhead. I looked down to see the city in sheer panic and people running everywhere.”

Twilight walks past me and opens the door, she’s looking outside for more ponies I guess? She turns back and looks at me, then looks back outside. “Where did you come from?”

“...and that’s how I lost the fighter jets that were in the air when I flew by that third city!” I finish.

Twilight repeats herself, “Where did you come from though?”

I sigh, “Like I said, your brother sent me. And I made it here on time too! Granted, I’m pretty sure my flight made the President get rushed onto Airforce One, NORAD probably went to DEFCON 1, and we may in fact be at war with Canada. But hey, I got here in time!”

Twilight shakes her head, “What? Wait, in time for what?”

I nod, “Oh, right, umm, so Pinkie and Rarity were captured by some gang and are now being held captive and will be rented out to people for money if we don’t rescue them in the next hour or two.” I rub a hoof into the carpet, “That’s why I had to, you know, DEFCON 1 and all that.”

Twilight holds up both of her hooves, “What? No, everyone went to bed in the motel here. This makes no sense. Don’t get me wrong I am THRILLED to see a new pony before me, but you’re not making any sense here. Pinkie and Rarity, captured by a gang?”


“And my brother found you and told you to find me and get my help?”

I nod, “Exactly!”

She sighs, “Well, let’s go talk to him and clear this up.” She opens the door and steps outside.

I put a hoof on her flank to stop her, “Uh, he’s not here Twilight.”

She turns around, “Oh? What, is he captured by the gang too?” She laughs.

I shake my head, “No, he’s in Vancouver.”

Her eye twitches, “What.” I don’t think it’s a question, it’s her brain tripping over itself again.

I nod slowly, “That’s where I came from. Canada! I met your brother in your apartment there.” I list off the address to confirm it is her place.

Twilight blinks, “But my brother went to bed in this hotel.”

I bite my lip, “Well, he’s in Canada now, how do you think I got your hotel number?”

Twilight twitches again, “Why is he in Canada? HOW is he in Canada?!”

I raise an eyebrow, Shining never told that part to me. “Because it’s his apartment?”

She looks at me, “No, he’s not supposed to be in Canada, he is supposed to be here with Rarity!”

I shake my head, “No, Rarity is with the slavers, your brother is in Canada.”

“ARGH!” Twilight screams in frustration, “This doesn’t make any sense! When did this happen?!”

“While you were sleeping?” I suggest.

She raises a hoof, “It’s only been six hours! What the hell did they do in that time!? Why didn’t they wake me up?”

I raise a hoof, “Look, I’d love to play family feud with you right now, but seriously, I almost started a war flying here as fast as I did because I wanted to save Pinkie and Rarity. Can we do the rescue mission first, then you can argue the how/why details with your brother?”

Twilight facehooves, “Urgh, do you even have a plan to save them?”

I bite my lip, “No... but this guy probably does!” I’m looking down at my phone. Shining appears to be calling me. I answer the call and hand the phone to Twilight. Hmm, on reflection, I probably should have called him at the start and let him explain things to his sister. That would have been much simpler. Pretty sure I’m zero for two on smooth introductions tonight.


“Rarity, I don’t think Shining is coming back, not tonight anyway.” Pinkie mutters, shaking her head at the wall. “And he’ll never find us once we get moved to the new location.”

I nod, “Well Pinkie, at least one of us got out. And I know Shining won’t give up. Maybe he won’t get to us tonight, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for a few years... but he’ll find us. I know he will.”

“Hey, horses, quit yapping!” A guard snaps at us. There are three guards watching us now, they weren’t too happy that one of us escaped.

I roll my eyes, “We’re ponies, not horses.”

He sneers at me, “Either way, animals shouldn’t be talking. Now shut it, the boss isn’t going to happy to learn that your friend got away, I hope you realize he’s going to take his anger out on you two.”

Pinkie chuckles, “We’re locked in a cage, and we’re going to be sold as personal slaves in a few hours. Like your boss could make this any worse.”

The guard leans towards the cages and grins, “The Boss is confused about the pictures on your butts. He is thinking of giving all you ponies a logo more fitting for a beast of your shape. Ever hear of how farmers brand their animals?”

I take a step back in horror, “He wouldn’t dare!”

Another guard sits down and puts out his cigarette bud, “Mmhmm, keep telling yourself that missy. The Boss branded the ass of the last pony that was here after she bit him.”

My heart drops a beat, “Wait... what other pony?”

The guard hesitates for a second but then speaks, “Maybe you know her? Red mane, purple body? It was about two days ago, the Boss hears from an associate that a few colored ponies are popping up in some cities. The Boss tells us to keep an eye out, and sure enough, two days ago we find one. She was wandering the ghetto by herself, pretty easy to nab once one of our guys saw her.”

Pinkie steps closer to the bars, “Where is she?”

The guard lights a second cigarette, “We didn’t have any equipment to hold her, the bitch was stronger than she looked too. Broke the rope we tied her with, then ran through the house in a panic. The Boss tried to put a collar on her but she bit him. He didn’t like her attitude, so he ended up having a guard knock her unconscious and tie her in chains. Then the Boss branded her with a hot iron when she woke up.”

One of the other guards chuckles, “I swear, you could probably hear that scream of her’s for miles around. Thankfully the mare sounded like a dying animal, so it seems no one bothered calling the cops about it.”

I feel my forelegs shaking in anger, “You bastards.”

The guard sighs, “Yeah, not all the guys here were happy about the way the Boss was treating her. That night one of the night guards ended up feeling some empathy or some shit and untied her. The pony and the guard were missing the next morning, the guard leaving a resignation note.”

Another guard pipes in, “The Boss doesn’t accept no resignation though. We’re still looking for the pony and the traitor. We’ll find them one of these days. In the meantime though we were told to get prepared to handle more ponies in the future. That’s why we got these cages installed and got some of these here tranquilizer guns. Makes things a lot easier for us, that’s for sure.”

I sit down and shake my head, well, at least the other pony made it out. Pity her escape meant these brutes became better prepared to deal with Pinkie and myself. This cage, these collars, all these guys, I’m not seeing any way out of this place--.


The lights flicker loudly and fizz out, sending the the room into darkness. I hear one of the guards stand up, “What was that?”

The only light is the faint hint of early dawn coming through the window. Another guard looks around the room, then turns on the stereo only to find it’s also dead. “I think we lost power somehow.”

The third guard looks through the window, “But the house across the street has power. What the hell?”

A loud tapping on the window startles everyone. The head guard peers at the glass but it’s too dark to see anything. The tapping is heard again, and the head guard turns to one of his underlings. “Open the window, it’s probably one of the outside sentries, maybe he can tell us what happened.”

The guard goes to the window and looks to the left, then the right, then down at the ground below. “I don’t see anyone out here.” He slides it open and sticks his head outside, “Yo, where you guys at? Greg are you--.”


There’s a blur from above the window and the guard falls forward, clearly unconscious from some blow to the head. His body falls into the window frame and inertia carries his whole body out the window.

“Bruce!” His partner yells as he jumps to his feet and moves towards the window.

I turn my head to check on the head guard, noticing him back away from the window and drawing his gun in the process. He calls out to the other guard who is now just inches from the window, “Tyrone, get away from the windo--.”

He doesn’t finish his sentence before a blue blur of something flies through the window, slamming into Tyrone. The blue mass lifts him off the ground and carries him into room for several feet before the human’s back smashes up against the cage with a loud clang. My ears ring from the noise, but my eyes focus on the blue pony, no, pegasus that is now in the room.

Pinkie’s hair stands on end. “RAINBOW DASH!” My heart skips a beat as I recognize the rainbow maned mare from the show. Where the hell did she come from? How did she find us?

The human gasps for air, “I think you broke my ribs.”

The pegasus spits to the side, “Yeah sorry, I would do more but I’m pressed for time.”

Out of the corner of my eye I catch movement from the other side of the room. Before I even spend time to confirm what I see, I cry out a warning as fast as my tongue lets me, “Watch out! The other one has a gun!”

I see Dash’s ears twitch from the news and not second later I hear a muffled gunshot as the guard fires his tranquilizer gun from across the room. Faster than I can blink I see the pegasus spin around and pull up behind the body of the injured human who only a moment ago was behind her.

I wince, “You okay Rainbow Dash?”

Pinkie giggles, “Anything I can do to help?”

Dash rolls her eyes at the line and steps away from the human, brushing the dirt off her sides. Everyone in the room looks for the dart, and we all spot it sticking right in the chest of the unconscious guard that Dash dove behind. She looks up at the guard and grits her teeth, “There’s your one bullet.” She trots towards the guard slowly, cracking her neck in the process. “Nice thing about hooves... they don’t need reloading.”

The guard turns white as a sheet and bolts for the door, only making it about half a step before Dash takes off and slams into him with her shoulder. Pinned to the ground, he cries out, “Get off of me you animal!”

Dash backhands his head with a hoof, “We can do this the easy way or the hard way. WHERE ARE THE KEYS?”

The guard scoffs, “Yeah, like I’d tell you. You can’t even--.”


I wince as I see Dash’s hoof slam into the floor just an inch away from his face, breaking the floorboard in two. She bares her teeth, “Don’t mess with ponies dude. The next hoof is going to land on your face, so let’s try this again: Where are the fucking keys?”

I can see the guard tremble from back here, “O-on my nec-necklace.”

Dash taps his forehead with her hoof, “Good boy.” She grabs the necklace with her teeth and rips it off his neck. She turns to me and tosses the keyring at us, “Rarity, Pinkie, take the collars off each other and get that cage open.”

I nod as I grab the keyring with my magic, “And what are you doing?”

“Buying us some time.” She mutters as she props a chair up against the door. Turning to the human she barks, “Go sit in the corner until the four of us are gone.”

I unlock the cage and breathe a sigh of relief as Pinkie takes that damned collar off my neck. I return the favor to her and then I hear the guard laugh “It’s not over you know. The noise here awoke the entire house, including the Boss upstairs. He will never let you leave.”

My ears twitch as I hear the sound of footsteps and yelling above us. Someone bangs on the door, but the chair holds it shut. I turn to Dash in worry, and I’m confused to see her smiling. She trots to the window and looks around, “So your little gang has this place surrounded huh?”

The guard smirks, “That’s right. We have almost a hundred gang members in this block of houses. You’re totally surrounded.”

Dash nods, “Well, that’s kind of cool, because you guys are also surrounded.”

Pinkie tilts her head, “Oooh, concentric rings!?”

The guard shakes his head, “So, what, you brought an army of cute little pony friends? Pretty sure we can handle them.”

Red and blue lights flash across the room, reflected in from outside. Dash shakes her head, “Pony army? Nah, not really our style. We figured the regular ‘ol police can do the job.”

The guard sits up, “The cops are coming? Pfft, they know not to deal with us directly.”

The sound of a helicopter can be faintly heard. Dash looks out the window, “Well the cops are coming... and so is the FBI... and Homeland Security... and pretty sure the army.”

The banging on our door stops and I hear people in the house start yelling in confusion. The helicopter sound outside multiplies, my ears drop as I realize it isn’t the sound of a single one, it sounds like fleet of them are approaching. I turn to the pegasus, “Dash, what did you do? How?”

Dash rubs the back of her neck, “So, not sure if you guys know that all the security forces in the state are on high alert from that terrorist bombing earlier? Yeah... so I may have made some calls and left some tips saying that the terrorist cell responsible is located in this exact house.”

The guard scoffs, “You idiot, they would never believe that.”

Dash laughs, “You underestimate how jumpy everyone is. They are pretty eager to catch a lead. And now we just need to seal the deal for them by showing off ‘stored explosives’.” Dash gestures at a shack outside, “Yo, guard dude, anyone live in that shack?”

Confused he shakes his head, “What? No, it’s a stand alone garage. It’s deserted.”

“Perfect.” Dash smiles and she pulls a walkie talkie out of her bag and steps on the transmit button. “Twi-Twi, this is The Dash, you’re all clear on the shack. Repeat, you are clear on the shack.”

I raise my eyebrow, “Twi-Twi?”

Dash rubs her hooves together, “Shhh, this should be good.”

I squint as I see a four legged figure on top a roof about five houses down start to glow white. I glance back at the shack next door to us, “Oh shit.”

Knowing what’s coming, I dive down to the ground and pull Pinkie with me, then hold my hooves over my ears. The blast hits a second later.

Even with my makeshift ear protectors, the sound is deafening as the shack explodes in a massive blast of red and purple sent by the alicorn. The blast shatters the remaining window and knocks Dash off her hooves. Twilight doesn't know many spells, but she is getting awkwardly good at that one.

“HOLY HELL!” The guard yells as the ringing fades from my ears. As the light from the blast fades, the entire night sky erupts in emergency vehicle lights and hundreds of police sirens start blaring towards our location. If there was any doubt about this being the location of the terrorist cell, it was gone now. The explosion was probably seen for miles all around, and flaming bits of wood start to fall like rain outside our window.

Dash gets up, laughing, “Okay, it’s cliche for me to say, but that was AWESOME! Almost makes me wish I was a unicorn. Though speaking of pegasus, we really need to get going.”

I shake my head, still trying to clear the ringing sound, “How are we supposed to get past the cops and god knows what other armed forces are on the way?”

Dash trots over to Pinkie and hooks her forelegs around her. “Helicopters will have to back away to avoid the debris in the air. Now we fly and escape in the confusion.”

“Oh boy!” Pinkie exclaims, and before I can ask if Dash really can fly, the pegasus leaps out the window and takes flight with Pinkie in her hooves.

I move to the window and watch the silhouette of the pegasus fly low over the houses and towards the spot where I saw the glow of Twilight. Over there appears to be a small field that connects to some thick brush. And from the sounds of the police sirens, the cops are coming from the opposite direction.

I turn around as I hear shuffling and I see the guard shakily get to his legs. He bites his lip, “You ponies can fly, and you can make shit explode. You’re trouble, you know that? You’re dangerous.”

I look out and see Dash returning to pick me up. I turn to the guard and sigh, “Yeah, well, we are. So stop trying to kidnap our kind, okay?” I feel a little strange referring to ponies as ‘my kind’ but... well I guess it’s true, right? I honestly don’t identify as a human any more. Hmm, that’s kind of a scary thought.

Dash lands outside the window and glances at the cop cars and armored SWAT vans pulling up by the front door of the house. In the sky I can make out fifty helicopters on the horizon all headed for this house. Dash waves at me, “We're out of time, come on Rarity we gotta move.”

I hop out of the window and relax as I feel Dash grab me with her hooves. “Dash, where are we going once we land?”

She pulls me airborne and away from this hellish place. “Away from here Rarity. Far away from here.”

I smile for the first time that night, “Thank Celestia for that.”