Fat1thatyoulove
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Reading NOW!!!!!
Great story comrade.
*fave+thump up*... now reading ^^~~~
good, good... good work here ^^
the only thing i have to say is:
Fatty... do you wanted to shock me?!... simply; please, no. Please not, really.... maybe three asterisks centered or so, but please no line of symbols...
that makes Flutter-s-cry....
You should probably go over the last paragraph in this Chapter.
it seems a bit... how to put that, fractured... or strange.
(is still, quite good...)
nothing else to say good work ^^
good work again, maybe some more extreme mood swings, like a sudden outburst, caused my a normally irrelevant and little detail. ^^
the hell, happens here?
.... ;p
such things are a bad habit ^^"
good work ^^ nothing else to say ^^
... you doing that on purpose... am i right, you just like to see flutters cry
~~~ X'D... I'm evil... i know...
intendedly 'Foul' or did you mean 'Foal'?
* get suddenly hit by an realization...* hu... do you plan to ask your audience what names could be nice? ^^
Human Name patterns or Pony Name patterns and if human, Latin European, Celtic European, Slav European, central Asian, east Asian, Indian, northern American native, south American native, Zulu, South African, North African or Pacific patterns?
If Human i suggest Latin European, its FAR easier to tell the meaning of an Latin European name than the meaning of an Slav European Name or even a Zulu name... at leas for me...
... Fatty... what happened in Chapter 6?!... that was totally unexplained.
I guess the dislikes (with popped up as i switched to Chap6.) had come from this. with not the slightest explanation offered, Clopping scenery.
And also... She, You, Your, She, You, You, You, You, She... what happened?
Even to use personal pronouns to start a sentence trice in a raw and using is more often than in 20% if all Sentences is considered to be a bad habit. But in this chapter nearly 90% of all Sentences start with an personal pronoun.
What happened? Was it late at night as you finished that? That seems so extremely not like you
... no really, I'm worried about you, and your well being right now, have something happened?
You should really go over this chapter once or twice more.
I don't want to offend but this Chapter was, even if it was, out of the Authorial view point, good except for the missing explanation for the readers why Twi would act like this,... the worst Chapter until now, and i hope this one will stay the worst.
Compared to your, in my opinion, best chapters, this one has 'only' 40% of the Quality level of them.
I mean it is still better than a writing-novice's chapter but compared to your usually quality I'm totally shocked.
^^""" are you ok?
2244414
No explanation?
Ok lets see if I can give one:
Chapter 2. Stable says because of the spiked pregnancy her hormones would be VERY high. And in the human world some women get "horny" when pregnant, so I used that as the stem for why I had this chapter. (<---- that's the explanations you and everyone else is getting (You should really not question why things are put where they are, I always explain things just it may be in a later part. Its just how I write.)
As for the quality of this chapter, i'm sorry, I don't do clop and I wanted to try my hand at it, obviously I did not do a good job. Oh well, unlike normal writers I don't do different stories I do a series, so ya I don't have the opportunity to try different stories I have to make things flow in one.
Sorry that chapter was so bad for you just wanted to try something different. Hope that didn't kill the series, I just like to try things from time to time, thanks for the in-put.
Nice part.
2244545 well, of cause i will continue reading! Don't get the difference of 60% Quality wrong. if your worst Chapter is about 40% of the quality of your best Chapter your Chapters have a freaking stable Quality like a bucking mountain range... to be expected would be a difference of 80% or even 90% for an hobby-author. The personal pronouns just look quite ugly and are, if used quite often, really tireing.
What i meant with "no explanation" was, that in this chapter you don't show the reader, even if it would be just a slight hint, the reason,... sorry sometimes i forgot that there are two different "ways" you can look about a Story... lol... I was a bit to "deep in it" to realize that ^^"
Insert just a hint, like the Protagonist asks him self why she had acted like that and comes to the conclusion that it would probably be her hormones.
think like: my readers aren't stupid but clueless the entire time, if i switch between scenes or even chapters they already ignore what i had hinted short before switching...
Sorry if i had upset you. ^^"... *offers some piece of American baking art he at least likes*... cookie?
2244627
lol but the cookie is always a lie!
Fatty always promises the cookie.
This is pretty good. I thought in the last part that the doctor was hinting that the pregnancy was further along then they had been together lol.
i can just see her dad coming to ponyville and showing his rage.
with the Celestia in this story. i almost want to believe that she already knows twilight is pregnant. if she doesn't i think Celestia will be over joyed.
twilight's mom will probably be happy, her dad however.....
2244545
didn't one of the earlier story parts have a clop scene while he was still human?
2245679 jup there where clop.
2245529 *whispers* "but no one else needs to know that...."
you should put me in the story as an antagonist that ends up being somewhat help full and always random.
Well, this was a very good part and I thought you couldnt have done better.
Not much needed to be improved on at all realy, although the ... *cough cough* ...CLOP SCENE ... yeah ... It was great indeed but it could do with some work.
(before you start reading this, remember that this i my opinion OK BRO?!)
[1] try to replace words like "cock,penis,dick" with words like "member,shaft,rod or my favoret, party cannon"
[2] ... who in the sam hell am trying to kid, thats it, thats all you need to improve on.
but apart from that small detale this chapter is fantastic man and I hope part 21 is as great as you say it is.
2246677
if your profile pic is your oc then you have a LOT of problems dude
Sweetapple acre? Shouldn't it be SweetApple Acres?
Beside that slight spelling mistake,Twilight is going to the hospital!
Celasia?!Fatty,are you trying to make me a spellchecker for you?
One mouth?........hahahahahahahaha
no comment!
(wait that is a comment! Dang it!
)
Hm........I feel as if the next part will bring a storm as bad as the one in The Dragon Triangle!(I just finished the new Tomb Raider and the storms there where unbelievable! They targeted any ship or plane approaching the island directly!
)
2248784 what about now?
2257474
much beter, i only said your preveis OC was bad cuz it was the tipical 'alicorn,red and black,stand up' dork OC but nao its ALOT beter
2257791 Thanks
you need to fix this part: "He laughs as he shoves another jew into his mouth, "You will never be smarter than her, thats why Celestia is her teacher."' I think you mean jewel not jew. lol.
Twilight, you are so stubborn...
Man...
YOU SCARED THE LIVING BUCK OUT OF ME!!!!!!!
With the triplets line, of course.
I read this, laughed, and suddenly smelt cupcakes.
Well...
This one takes the cake as the best (no Pinkie, there is no cake.
It's just a metaphor).
Wow. Part 20. We sure have come far since the beginning.
This is one heck of a milestone.
Where do you keep coming up with these ideas?
Congrats on part 20. May Celestia bestow you with magical blessings.
2267843
lol, don't thank me yet, we're not even done.
"You no to her answer as you hover a bright red apple to your mouth, but before you can bite down you notice her grab her stomach in pain."
NO
nod?
hehe >:D
Fatty, even though she is pregnant and I still have to read the other stories, he needs to get a friend that we haven't meet before so he can have some fun everyone else is a mare or spike that he has become friends with
2244182 except how he said spike shoved another Jew into his outh
don't even change it it's too funny of a typo
4126578
lol. it's over a year now and no one pointed this out
Well, at least it's funny