Bassically when tragedy strikes for our little party pony... Rainbow has to share her feelings for the candy colored mare. Will she succed or will it all go downhill?????
A sad romance story that makes me cry
plus Rainbow dash and Pinkie Pie always remind me of cotton- cady beacuse Rainbow's fur color is cyan and pinkie's is a candy colored shade of pink
will not tolerate criticisim or bad things said about me or this fic. so if you have nothin nice to say don't say anythin at all please and thank you
EDIT: Critiscisim is allowed but nothing reallly fucking harsh plz.....................
Chapters (1)
Well, since you seem to be refusing criticism of this story, be it creative or otherwise, I really have nothing I can say here.
Nice
But just some advice
1.Try and pace it better
2.Explain things more
Not trying to be rude but no criticism means no improvment
But if you are insulted by this I'm sorry
Have a nice Day
oh and just because i can say this
FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's..... nice. -Applejack liar face-
WAIT HOW DID YOU GET THE STORY UP WITH ONLY 505 WORDS!
TELL ME PLEASE
how i got it up was a miracile i bet it was the emotion in it. i dont know but i know i can littertly write real tear jerkers when i know what i'm doing btw i am taking fan fic requests just no mature or adult content ones please
As short as it was,and the fact that it's a huge paragraph...I liked it
Then again I am also a sucker for RainbowxPinkie(paring's name escapes me)
170651
Tear jerkers? Yes, this story certainly made me want to... Cry.
I cried tears of sadness, and tears of anger. How can someone destroy the English language so?
Usually, I would try to help you, but judging by the reaction that others received for their efforts, I will not waste my strength.
I award you no stars. Pack your things and leave the island by tomorrow morning.
Good day sir.
http://www.english-online.org.uk/beginners/beg1_1.htm
Thank me later.
Well, if there is anything I would try to improve upon it would be you probably thought I was going to give you some criticism. Nope. Chuck Testa.
That's exactly what you wanted, right? Bye bye tata now!
Hmm....no negative comments you say? Challenge Accepted!
*ahem*
Well, to begin my assessment, I shall start off by saying that the basis for the story is a good one. It would make sense that the Cake's taking an unexpected leave would put Pinkie in a depression, especially if she can't come with. On that note, if you had expanded on that and gave some reasons why they had to move so suddenly, it would have added to the overall feel, and given the reader room to sympathize with Pinkie, rather than having her just being sad. Another bit of advice, try spacing out the dialogue by giving the character a new line when they begin speaking. Also, make a habit out of using transition words to make the scenes flow more smoothly. Be sure to remember that synonyms are your best friends. A lack of them can make a story feel clunky and repetitive. And remember to double-check your punctuation. While a few errors here and there are easily overlooked, I'm sorry to say that they were unfortunately abundant in this story. Considering this is a story of only five-hundred or so words, here's a tip. Make healthy use of description. Proper description can add atmosphere to a scene. Tell how the room was dimly lit and cold to add a gloomy or morbid feeling, or describe the weather to help the scene. If it is depressing, make it cold, cloudy and raining to compliment it, or you could even go so far as to contrast it with bright, sunny weather.
Thus ends my bit of helpful insight. I do hope that you take this in stride and learn from it, rather than take it as a personal attack. If you read and adapt from this, excellent, my work is done. If you choose to ignore or even delete this, so be it. This story has great potential considering its uniqueness, in that I haven't seen a story involving the Cakes leaving and throwing Pinkie into a depression. If you were to re-write this baring my advice in mind, I'd be happy to read it and submit a rating, but as for now, I shall withhold it. Good luck in your future endeavors,
-A Very M.A.D. Man
171037 dude who the hell is Chuck Testa?
plus peeps i am gonna start another tragedy one but this one envolves the mane 6,Luna,discord,and trollestia,And there will be alota blood shed but now enough to make it a mature rating. like i said this will be a tear jerker and then i have another Rainbow dashxPinkie PIe comin up soon bout when Rainbow gets sick after flying in a terrible rain storm and pinkie will do anything to help her little Dashie get better.(NO gore or "cupcakes" involved just like this one it's a romance fic but without the sad and tragedy tabs) oh crap under stress of writing fics and having to deal with school and 2 annoying brothers oh god i am gonna be isane by the end of the week! see ya'll soon
170763 Dude i'm a seventh grader and i know how to use the functions of grammar and all that crap but really a frekin link to a la teaching site you offended me and this story took me 7-8 hours to write due to cuteness overload of baby dashie,swearing on the fimfiction chat room,and getin Bitch Slaped for havingn writers block. ya think u guys would cut me some mother fuckin slack and the whole site thing offended me so much it broke my heart and Rainbow dash went Devil Dashie and Decapitated Gilda with my Harmony's Song Dream blade that washes away all blood that gets on it!
good day to u.
HarmonyAngelDashie- my present to u guys who were offending me and my work google.com/imgres?q=rainbow+dash+with+katana&hl=en&rlz=1T4ACGW_en___US463&gbv=2&biw=1024&bih=414&tbm=isch&tbnid=oGXSeBp2Gk9zJM:&imgrefurl=http://www.wallchan.com/wallpaper/30861/&docid=SK8v8HutuyGm0M&imgurl=http://www.wallchan.com/images/sandbox/30861-rainbow-dash-katana-my-little-pony-weapon-sword-blood.png&w=1366&h=768&ei=vfslT9RqwZyDB6vu7OQI&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=0&sig=113521488519396330725&page=1&tbnh=74&tbnw=132&start=0&ndsp=14&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&tx=77&ty=19
does anybody reading the comments see the pic i posted?
srry emoticon war can't go for long gotta go to bed at 9:00 ( where i live in reality)
Btw do you want me to write you a sccootaloo and Rd fic that will be a not tragic/sad ut sweet tear jerker like the fic It's not thesame without you ( that's sad if u wanna see scoot's see Rainbow dash die)
You are taking fanfic requests?
Please do not post anything ever again until you're willing to put some actual effort into writing properly. Quality work is more attractive than quickly churned-out masses of drivel.
172107 i promise that the next fic i write i will Try really FUCKING HARD TO MAKE IT THE BEST I CAN
besides startin next fic today
171252 Ok.
1. You claim to understand spelling and grammar, and yet you display astounding ineptitude in both in this fic. If you're going to make such a claim that you understand such things, at least be able to back it up, if not in your story then at least in your comments. A few tips:
-A new paragraph for each time a different character speaks.
-Punctuation. Use it. Don't just use it sometimes, use it whenever it is called for.
- Overuse of emoticons is not cool nor is it entertaining. If as a writer, you have to convey emotion through images rather than text, you are not a writer.
2. Four hours? Forgive me, but four hours is not nearly long enough to come up with a story, plan it out, write it up, read over it and edit it at least twice over, then read it a final time before uploading it. And if you did not do those steps, then you are doing something wrong. Before submitting, one should look over the story as many times as one deems possible, and possibly get a proofreader to look over it themselves to give constructive criticism to improve it.
3. We are not getting on your back. We are simply giving criticism on a story that demands alot of criticism. If you do not accept constructive criticisms and take their advice to heart, you will frankly never improve. You don't necessarly need to heed the advice to never write again or get off this site forever. But if someone gives you advice on how to improve your work, if it is relevant then follow it. They want you to be as good a writer as you can be.
4. No. I think that, until you have gotten this story up to scratch and made it legible, let alone enjoyable, save any later stories for the future. I can saye that this story does have potential. I have not read that many fics that involve Pinkie being left alone, and I can see how this could be done well. So you need to go back and give this a serious lookover before you try another story. Better to be known as a writer who vastly improved their first work, and went on to write good works, than as a writer who constantly churns out poorly written garbage.
four? Shit i meant it took me 6 or 7 hours Damn writers block!
And happy? I am using your tips right here right now. so i know my next fic will be just riight.
170700 Would you like me to fucking rewrite it?
It took me almost 2 damn days to get this thing througth moderation and it was a miracle that it was excepted with it being only 505 fucking words long!
So could ya just do me a favor and fucking lighten up and take it easy on me i'm a newbie and i admit it!
writin new fic called As the Days go by. It will be Paragraphed when a new person speaks no bad grammar or punctuation and my little friend Called
Fucking Spell Check
!!!!
Jeez guys lighten up
Constructive criticism is ok
but
way are you being assholes to this kid
just lighten up
its only a fan fic
(I Open the flame box)
I dont see why people are so negative, this was a good fucking story, 5 stars.
Edit:
New story comin envoling the Mane 6 and Princess Trollestia And princess Luna and maybe Discord... Caleed as the days go by... Not Giving away plot cause plot has a lot of fucking spoilers!
EDIT: It's now called " The shattered hearts and lost memories of Friendship" It's currently waiting to be approved. So have faith in me and hope it gets approved! This fic's 1st chapter is 1,108 words i think. EDIT: This is it's thrid time going throgh Moderation! It's gotten denied for having more than 10 characters so i took out scootaloo, she will be in the sequel if i make a sequel.and for me to only tag main characters so i took out discord until he makes his debut!
Oh lord help us! Two and a half derps are in love..
It says two and a hallf derps cause rd is only half a derp beacuse she only derps in one episode and that's fall weathered friends and she hasn't derped since oh the shame.. We need more rainbow derp! PLz in a season 2 episode plz make Rainbow derp one last time! but for longer than one scene!
and now i am VStarRainbowDash!
Wow... this kid likes to swear a lot...
227049 Yes, but i don't anymore! I stick to non-swear words or my canon phrases! Son of a Mudkip! I dropped My dsi again!
172107
Shad Up My next fic is awsome! and i am using Skills of grammer!
So Shad Up And read the fic i listed in one of my comments when it finally makes it through moderation! That's if it does! 
I LIKE MUFFINS AND RAINBOWS! ( I REAALLY ACTUALLY DO LIKE THEM BOTH!)
239962 Can I have gold pot instead?!?
240374 HELL YEAH!!!! BEST FUCKING GIFT EVER!!!! You sir, are totally awsome,and I wish for your writing skills to increase 10 fold!
240855
Then you have to read the sequel! Wich is now on my profile! And also.. * Vinyl scratch Makes you famous and Gives you a Huge Hug and hands you a golden Katana and says" " use that and go Kill Rainbow Dash in any way you want but you musn't do it in any horrific way, or you can kill anypony that you hate and do it in a non- adult or mature way. jusst in a everyone rated death!"
+
=
+
= DAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
+
= OMFG I JUST DIED FROM A CUTNESS? RAINBOWDERP
SHIPPING!!!!!!!!!!
Vstar... I...
I don't want to sound negative, but Redback has said everything needed to be said here. It's just...
I'm sorry, but this is how I wrote in the 3rd grade.
7-8 hours is NOT enough for even a one-shot story like this one. For me, especially since I took Creative Writing in La Villa, 7-8 hours is how much I spend on HALF of a one-shot story I would write, planning, actually writing, proofreading, proofreading it again, then proofreading if I feel I missed anything. I'm sorry, but you shouldn't write like this past the 4th grade. I'm sorry, but with all the writing they hammer on you for FCAT writes (FCAT is where I live, where ever you live your name is different). You should AT LEAST put " " every time a character speaks! (The name of them escapes me right now), also, you should really indent, because this is WAY more than just ONE paragraph.
Rant over. Initiate randomness.
239962
Huh, I'd forgotten about you. Was it really necessary to respond to my comment again? I'm assuming it was to show that you weren't discouraged from writing, which is all well and good, except you don't seem to have learned from the criticism people have levied at you. I'm not saying I don't hope you improve, but I'm afraid that so far, any improvements in your subsequent stories have been marginal.
Also, is it really necessary to make the first comment on your stories additional clarification or elaboration that could have been addressed in-story?
OK PEEPS!!!!! SINCE YOU ARE ALL TELLING ME WHAT TO FIX ON THIS.... I AM JUST GONNA REWRITE THE WHO DARN THING!!!!! NOW I AM GONNA REWRITE THIS AND THE SEQUEL! BUT I AM NOT REWRITING THE 1,SOMETHING WORD LONG ONE! thAT TOOK HALF OF MY PRECIOUS SUNDAY TO TYPE UP!
AND IF IT GET'S HATED ENOUGH. 
IT'S DONE
. I WILL CANCEL IT! BUT IF IT DON'T GET HATED ENOUGH. IT KEEPS GOING
I AM GONNA GET BETTER! I AM NOW IN COMPUTERS CLASS FOR THE REST OF MY 7TH GRADE YEAR! SO DON'T WORRY THEY WILL GET BETTER AS TIME GOES!
NOW I AM GONNA GP REWRITE THIS!!!!!!!!!!
I AM 1,000,000,000,000,000 PERCENT DERP!!!!!
:242223 so are you saying i'm a fourth grader who writes terribley?
if yes than, WHY YOU!!!!!!!!
243940
Uh... Sorry, but what do you mean "Why you?"
Not really following here....
Never said you were a 4th grader, I said you shouldn't write like this PAST 4th grade. Which you obviously are past. At least middle school, maybe high school.
240947 Ah yes, forgot to reply to this, I took the katana and went "Kill Bill" Style on Prince blueblood, Diamond tiara, and Silver spoon.
358603 Speaking of Katanas, Here's a lil pic for you!wallchan.com/images/sandbox/30861-rainbow-dash-katana-my-little-pony-weapon-sword-blood.png
I Had Damn Writers Block In The Middle Of February! And It's The GodDAMN MIDDLE OF MARCH!!!!! I AM PISSED! JUST LIKE RD IN THIS PIC!img.ponibooru.org/_images/754fa1249b50f74e00437a177836fce0/43936%20-%20angry%20caption%20fuckin_angry%20rainbow_dash.jpg
363589 AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS SO AWSOME!!! *head explodes in death star like exsplosion.* Ah dude, do you have a skype? You seem like an awsome person, so I want to add you.
365302 No I don't have a Skype and, I'm a Girl.
602549 Oh, okay, and I knew you were a girl, I call everyone dude or bro, sorry about that.
611629 ok, also i re- typed it beacuse i put it up on deviant art i finnaly decided to re- type it by fixing all the errors.