Bassically a Sequel to Rainbow Colored Cotton-Candy Hearts, Rainbow and Pinkie Almost have a tragic end in thier realtionship just weeks after they both fell in love. Now Pinkie is closer to Rainbow than ever all beacuse of what happened that faithful day. Will she ever be happy again? Will Dashie never forget her? Will their love stay Pure and of Alive? Will Dash Never Do What She did that Day? Just like she pinkie promised she wouldn't CRITISICISM IS WELL ENCORAGED BUT NOT EXTREMALLY HARSH!
Edit: Next Shipping Series is for a uncommon shipping. Cheridash. CherileexRainbow Dash. It will be called ' A Rainbow In peril"
Chapters (1)
umm.. watch your spellings and grammar :"marefreind", "Pinkie Pie Said", "they’re friend Zecora." for example. Also, spacing is your friend; reading clumped text is no fun.
Also putting language rules and formatting, characters seem a bit flat and the plot is filled with 'sudden appearances of something bad'. and character's responses are quite simple
The middle paragraph would be character fine if you had built enough tension beforehand.
DO NOT OVERUSE CANTERLOCK VOICE, BECAUSE IT DISTRACTS EASILY
especially without spacing.
Not trying to be harsh, but it is somewhat hard to read your story
Not angry?
First, you might want to encase the dialogues in quotation marks ("").
Second, you might also want to start a new paragraph for everypony's lines.
Third, too rushed.
Fourth, character reactions were kind of strange.
Fifth, plenty spelling and grammatical errors.
Good idea? Yeah, but the writing needs improvement.
Best of luck in your future work fellow writer.
Agreement with the above comments.
The grammer/writing wasnt very good, but the emotion conveyed was fantabulous, you get five stars for writing a story that made my heart explode.
Cant wait to see what else you might have in store!
240911
Well, Your profile and description does not say that.
Also, the description is one of the most important parts. If you make a insecure/bad description most readers will pass. I learned that the hard way
If you are going waky plot, make the reader feel it is right. I know it sounds weird, but it is another way to say you must 'justify' your plot and build tension even if it is a short story.
Greetings.
And also, the story is being re-written, all of them will be, beacuse i am offically on Summer vaca as of tommorow!