• Member Since 25th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Tuesday

Yukito


Trixie and Twilight are best ponies! (Diamond Tiara is best filly :D )

T

Fluttershy awakes to find herself in a strange mansion, with no memories at all. After a bit of exploring, she eventually remembers her name, however, she also finds a note, which forces her to descend deeper into the mansion if she ever wants to escape.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 43 )

Holy shit this is awesome

Pretty well done.

:rainbowhuh: You have my full interest.... but who would want Fluttershy dead? :applejackunsure:

Well, this cross-over is just PERFEEECT! Actually, finally somepony except Twillight, Rainbow or Pinkie gets the main role, but i guess Fluttershy is the best choise. Again, it was great, i can't wait till next part. :raritywink::moustache:

No... NO....NOOOOO:flutterrage:

Poor fluttershy!:raritydespair:

*track*:twilightoops:

My interest has been poked. :derpytongue2:

First paragraph: "There were widows, but it was night outside, so they didn’t provide much light."

What an odd mental image. :rainbowlaugh:

Fluttershy in Amnesia?

You are an evil man sir, tracked for sure.

Pretty good but I really want you to slow down and describe the setting and atmosphere more. After al amnesia is very heavy on the feeling the setting gives you.

You have me on a fishing line, next chapter to start reeling me in

See, this is why most Amnesia crossovers simply fail and I'm sorry to say, but yours included. Have you played the game? How long does it take till you get even the first glimpse at a monster? Let alone an actual confrontation? Amnesia isn't about 'running from monsters', it's about atmosphere and how everything in the dark is scary and may hold something dark an lethal. It's the buildup and the suspense that made the game good, not the constant shoving of enemies in your face. Putting Fluttershy in Daniel's place isn't necessarily a bad idea, but by losing the game's pacing, you basically destroy what made it good.

Your writing also demands some attention. There's a typo (widow-window) in the very first paragraph. Again, you could turn this into a good story, but you have to keep in mind what made the game good and apply it here. Best of luck!

170360

To be honest, I was never expecting this story to go anywhere. I just wanted to make a short Amnesia/MLP story after playing Amnesia. And I know in the actual game it takes a while before the monsters appear, but this isn't the actual game, and I want the focus here to be more on the monsters early on, then towards the Shadow when Fluttershy manages to get some safe ground away from the monsters.

Again, I wasn't intending this story to really be big or anything (mainly because I find it hard to reproduce the Amnesia atmosphere in just writing, since the thing that made Amnesia what it is was mostly the things you saw and heard throughout the game), but after my inbox was flooded by this story being tracked and favourited, and seeing all these comments, I'm gunna try a little harder to get the atmosphere more like the game (or as close as writing will allow.)

And thanks for all the comments guys, I'll try not to disapoint any of you. Btw, typos fixed. See through widows are no longer hanging on the walls of the mansion :P

Ive never played the game but ive watched some custom games be played on youtube and i think you did pretty well. I agree it needs to be a bit more discriptive wih the setting, but you did well with depicting Fluttershy's sanity level. Tracking.

flutter shy wrote a note for herself:pinkiegasp:

FIRST!

EDIT :

Wow, it was really worth waiting! Awesome job bringing back all the Amnesia nightmares to the pony world, but to tell the truth, i really hoped ill forget this game fast ... Anyway, good going, i'm wating for moar. :D

~Morning Dart

Always been a fan of Amnesia, and now fluttershy is trapped in this mess! :pinkiegasp:

'...to god only knows where...'

Just out of curiosity, is Fluttershy in a universe/dimension where Celestia is not ruler... like the human world?
I dunno, I just had to overthink that detail :twilightblush:

577739

It was a pure slip-up. Don't dwell on it too much ^_^;;

169987
She is so sweet she makes people feel emo compared to her.:flutterrage:
Just kidding, but possible.

Nice. I really enjoy how in depth you describe things. It makes me feel like I'm in her situation. Good job.:pinkiehappy:

Ah don't understand if tha brute was on Pinkies side wy did it kill her/Hurt her and wy was she avoiding them at all :applejackconfused:

645700

She made them, but they're not on her side. They just attack whatever living thing they see.

This is vey well written. I can imagine almost perfectly what is going on. I cant wait for more:)

Why am I reading this? I was about to forget about the fking Prison and Storage... oh well, at least Fluttershy isn't alone now. You are not going to kill Twi, are you? ARE YOU? :twilightoops: And also, take that Pinkie! Not giving you a Landa... bada... well damnit, not giving you the green juice!

~MorningDart

:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss: THIS STORY IS SO :rainbowkiss:

My congratulations, another successful chapter :pinkiecrazy:

Oh man, this was so good!!!! :pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy:
Congrats on finishing a great story :trollestia::yay:

:yay: It is oveeer! A big YAY for happy ending! Congratulations, It was a perfect story! :twilightsmile:

~MorningDart

I'm really confused, so they were the only ones who made it back and everyone else died?:fluttershysad:

715783
Pretty much

this is great so far, and this is really detailed and I can easily picture all of this happening. but pinkie pie.......:pinkiecrazy:

wow that was EPIC!

But surely people will think that flutershy and twilight were the ones to kill the others when they realise they were the only ones alive

Also where are Luna and celestia when you need them

But apart from that great story

:raritycry:I'm pretty sure this story was bad for my health.:fluttercry::applecry::ajsleepy:

very good story. I couldn't stop reading it till it was over. I love Amnesia and play a lot of the custom stories, I wish there was one similar to this. I actually found this story while looking for one. defiantly a good read if you enjoy the game. for one who never had it might be abit weird and confusing. after playing a few custom stories and seeing the evil fluttershy attacking (Small Horse and a few others) I was actually expecting this story to be how she became like that but this was an even better story. midway through I was almost expecting to have flying naked people come out of nowhere also.

there were a few problems I noticed. a few messed up words, spelling errors, and such but it was pretty simple to know what it meant to be. there were some parts that seems like you tried too hard to combine how one would play the game to what would be more realistic but its understandable. some small things wouldn't quite make sense (why Twi didn't free Shys wings was one that really got me).

Anyhow great story, now im in the mood to play a custom story or 2

Absolutely loved this story. It was amazing! You should make more like this!:yay::pinkiehappy::raritystarry:

good story but a sad tragedy

I really thought they were going to die!

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