Plebians
As the owner of an extremely successful business that now served not just Ponyville, but several of the various corners of Equestria, Filthy Rich was a very busy pony. As such he generally had little time for his daughter beyond leaving exquisitely wrapped giftboxes in her room and the meals they shared, and even those were truncated by his swift departure from time to time. This was to be one of those mornings, apparently.
Although she could not ascertain whether the feelings were genuine affection or not, her father leaving early generally put Diamond Tiara in a foul mood. She finished up breakfast on her own with a dour expression, leaving a holy mess worthy of several ponies her size out of spite for the maids to tend to, and waited for Sugar Song (who would not look her directly in the eye) to adjust her saddlebag before departing for school.
"Oh Sugar," Diamond said sweetly as she headed out the door, glancing back over her shoulder at the chastized maid, "Do take care not to damage any more of my property. Daddy wouldn't appreciate it."
The crestfallen expression on the unicorn's face as the door shut behind her was priceless.
The garden path that lead from her home to one of the main roads of Ponyville was in full bloom, and Diamond Tiara had to admire the efforts of the gardeners that kept their lawn in check and their various flora healthy. The air smelled sweet with blooming flowers, and she lifted her tiny snout to the air and inhaled.
Waiting at the end of the path was her best (and probably only) friend, Silver Spoon. Silver stood at rapt attention, as usual, and she fell into step beside Diamond Tiara like clockwork.
"Morning Dee Tee!" she trilled, raising her left forehoof; it was met by Diamond's right and a rather enthusiastic "Spoony!"
Both fillies giggled at the nicknames; they were absolutely terrible and thus never drifted past the walkway. The sight of her best friend brightened Diamond's spirits immediately. Silver Spoon tended to be far less abrasive and less prone to being in a rotten mood than Diamond Tiara, even though Silver's family wasn't hardly as wealthy as hers. As such, she was surprised that she never caught the light of jealousy in Silver Spoon's eyes, nor the stench of false camaraderie that other fillies wanting to be 'BFFs' with the richest filly in class gave off. As they walked along the road to school with the fragrant scent of flowers and late spring tickling their nostrils, Diamond Tiara's expression softened into a genuine smile.
"So I was flipping through the latest issue of Hoof Beat, and Sapphire Shores is doing a concert in Ponyville this summer!" Silver Spoon squealed with delight. "I'm soo stoked."
"Who's she again?"
"Only the glitziest of the glitziest!" Silver Spoon paused to flip open her (designer) saddlebag, withdrawing a crisp magazine with a very colorful mare drenched in sequins and gems splashed across the front. It was a rather nauseating display.
"Oh...her." Diamond Tiara snorted. "Her fifteen minutes of fame must be over if she's performing in a one horse town like Ponyville."
Silver Spoon put her magazine away, chuckling nervously. "Y-yeah, why would any famous artist come all the way out to the sticks?" The two resumed trotting along, and Diamond Tiara noticed that Silver Spoon was much quieter than before. Probably realizing her mistake in getting so worked up over a washed up singer. The poor dear was so lucky to have Diamond Tiara to keep her from tarnishing her reputation by showing interest in the wrong things...or conversing with the wrong ponies.
As they passed the recently rebuilt Town Hall, the latter drifted by idly, wallowing in their sad (and likely extremely unprofitable) duties. Diamond Tiara sighed. She really couldn't wait until she was old enough to attend school in another city, a real city. Manehattan! Or better yet -- Canterlot itself. Sure she wasn't a unicorn but she was the daughter of the richest pony in Ponyville. That had to stand for something.
"Look out below!"
Diamond Tiara shrieked, grabbing Silver Spoon's hoof and ducking just as a rainbow-hued bundle of feathers careened through the air just above their heads. The pegasus was diving too quickly to halt her trajectory, and the fillies winced as she plowed right into a soft patch of grass, leaving a dent in the earth.
"That was amazing, Dashie! Even the part where you fell out of the sky like "Wheeeee" and then went SPLAT!" Diamond Tiara ducked once more, giving way to a pink Earth pony bouncing on her hooves as if her entire buoyant body was composed of marshmallow fluff. Pinkie Pie bounced her way to Rainbow Dash's side, whistling as she took stock of the wreckage. Rainbow Dash sat up, shaking her head, and spat out a mouthful of dirt.
"I almost had it!" she hissed, emphasizing her frustration by pounding a hoof against the ground. Her companion ruffled her colorful mane, responding with some kind of encouragement, but Diamond Tiara was no longer listening. Throwing her nose in the air once more she trotted past the two noponies with Silver Spoon in tow. Once out of earshot she turned to Silver Spoon with a conspiratorial smirk.
"It's so nice of Princess Celestia to be so very kind as to give the common ponies something to be proud of themselves for."
Silver Spoon nodded vigorously in agreement.
Soon the quaint schoolhouse the two fillies were obliged to attend loomed directly ahead. Diamond Tiara could see her various peers milling around, chatting with each other, or, in the case of the losers and loners, sitting off to the side, continuing to lose at the all-too-important game of socialization.
Diamond Tiara's eyes narrowed as she scanned the schoolyard. There were three very specific losers she had her sights set on, and she quickly located her targets sitting beside a tree, staring intently at an open notebook. Their flanks, as usual, remained free of any markings denoting their special talent, unlike the shimmering headpiece adorning her own. A malicious grin spread across her face.
Putting the blank flanks in their place never got old.
-------------------------
Apple Bloom scanned the pages intently, the hoof pressed against her cheek pushing her lips up into a mockery of a smile. She had nothing to smile about, she thought, grimly meeting the gaze of her two best friends. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked equally dejected.
They were out of ideas.
The pages of the notebook in front of them were filled with activities and tasks that could very well have been the special talent needed to earn their cutie marks, and each and every one had a line drawn through it.
Sweetie Belle sat back on her haunches, heaving an exasperated sigh that ruffled her bangs. "We've tried everything," she lamented. "Bunny wrangling, cupcake making, mud wrestling..."
"That was Apple Bloom's idea," Scootaloo muttered.
"...and we still don't have our cutie marks!" Sweetie Belle's voice rose into a characteristic squeak.
"Maybe that's because your special talent is being talentless." The statement was punctuated with matching giggles that made Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle all cringe in unison. They knew the newcomer's voice well, and all three fillies fixed Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon with withering glares as the two approached, sneering as usual.
Apple Bloom slammed the notebook shut. "Ain't ya'll got anything better to do than hangin' around here messing with us all the time?"
"Who said anything about messing with you?" Diamond nudged Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle out of the way with twin yelps of protest, looking down at Apple Bloom smugly. "I just wanted to see how your quest for your cutie marks is going."
"It's going, and I reckon it ain't none of your concern," Apple Bloom deadpanned.
Diamond Tiara sniffed. "I'm just trying to help a fellow classmate. There's no need to be rude." Apple Bloom's guard loosened ever so slightly at those words, giving Diamond the second she needed to snatch the notebook in her mouth and canter off with it, Silver Spoon in tow.
"GIVE THAT BACK!" Apple Bloom yelled, leaping to her hooves and taking off after the disagreeable fillies. Scootaloo followed suit, leaving Sweetie Belle to sigh heavily and press her tiny hoof to her forehead before joining the chase as well.
---------------------
Diamond Tiara had already plopped down on the green with the notebook open before her (and attracted a couple of their classmates by reading aloud from it) by the time Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle caught up with her. Silver Spoon met their eye, snickering at their expressions of horror as Diamond Tiara continued to read.
"Sheep shearing...mudraking...PIG SLOPPING? Who wants a cutie mark for that?" The handful of fillies and colts gathered around laughed as well; Apple Bloom's cheeks flushed. She darted forward to seize the notebook, but Silver Spoon stepped in the way, causing the fillies to collide with each other. Diamond Tiara's eyes glittered; at the back of her head the thought that she just might be going a little too far tried to assert itself, but she pushed it back down into the depths. "I'd rather be a blank flank for the rest of my life than have a lame cutie mark like that."
"At least our cutie marks won't be something stupid like a crown," Scootaloo bristled. "Or a spoon. You two don't even HAVE special talents!"
That hit a raw nerve. Diamond Tiara's eyes narrowed, her voice dripping with false pleasantry. "You know, Silver Spoon, I heard you can tell a lot about a pony based on their cutie mark. Not just what they're good at, but what they're going to be in life."
Silver Spoon nodded in agreement, chiming in, "Like a pegasus that can't fly yet with funny-looking wings..."
Scootaloo dug her hooves into the grass, assuming an attack stance; Sweetie Belle rushed over and made an attempt to hold her back that dissolved into sitting on her haunches, stunned as Silver Spoon continued, "Or a klutz with a really weird voice..."
Diamond Tiara chuckled, rising to her hooves to face Apple Bloom. The notebook paper crunched beneath her tiny hooves as she walked forward until they stood face to face; her small body felt as if it were full of air, her head light on her shoulders as she concluded, smirking, "Or an uneducated farm pony that won't ever live anywhere besides a dirt hole with a crazy old lady, a brother with a limited vocabulary, and a possible fillyfooler for a sister."
Diamond's initial suspicion that she might've gone just a little too far was confirmed seconds after she finished her analysis of Apple Bloom, in the form of the yellow filly rearing up on her hind legs and slamming her forehooves right into her smug face.
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- Telaros · 13k words · 26 3 · 1.7k views
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I'm ok with how this ended. Just sayin'.
2311194
Thank you! I think I got everything. Although apparently the slight spacing issues must be a result of importing text from Google Docs instead of directly entering it in the field. Not sure what to do about that; I'll look again in the morning.
And yes, I'm not planning to strip Diamond Tiara of her personality. She actually reminds me of a character from Persona 3 that undergoes a transformation similar to what I plan to do with her; the Devil Arcana social link, if you've ever played the game. She's a right little punk of a filly, but I want to nudge her to 'self-absorbed and haughty' instead of 'complete monster'. Because the former is much more tolerable.
That's it? That felt a bit abrupt. I'll let this grow a few or six thousand words more before placing any real judgement. For the time being though, it feels pretty one sided. But on the other, I'm glad she isn't being flipped around into a quick redemption bit.
Personally, it would of been nice to see them get into a scuffle, DT may be rich, but she gives off that vibe like a few girls I've known that can bring the head-up and not be just all talk. I doubt she'd beat beat AB in a fight, but I can see her doing plenty a good deal of hurt even if she had to result to biting AB's legs.
Fic is ok, a jealous filly that can't get enough attention from daddy and takes her aggression out on everyone else in turn. Still, story as is just feels pretty slanderish and all too one-sided in the opinions normally seen in every other fic with DT that normally ends with her losing her fortunes, drugged up, suicidal, grows up to be a call girl, dies some pitiful and thoughtless death and no bucks were given.
I just don't feel you're really trying. Not looking for 3k chapters, 1k's could work fine too even. But, this all just feels 'meh' overall. Been there, slandered that. Redeemed later. Bullying is bad and all you need is friends.
I don't ever expect anyone to see potential or traits that make even characters like Trixie, DT, Gilda likable or even ones as awesome as Lightning Dust, but I'm just hoping this story pans out a bit more so I can see where it's going. This chapter could of had so much more added to it, including Cheerilee busting DT and AB and sending them to detention. Forced to sit alone in class. Parents and guardians being called up. A nice one liner or event to close it.
Hell, there is nothing telling me what a buck to the face did. Celestia knows ponies are built tough enough to fly at mach 5 into a mountain and walk/fly away fine in the next minute or two. I'll stop ranting there. Good luck with the story.
most the time when I favourite a story I will get bored whit a chapter but you have failed to disappoint me!
have a derpy:
Dun dun dun dun... what's gonna happen next?
Maybe Applebloom's gonna get punished, likely. Tsk, I have felt that feeling that someone gives you harsh insults, sometimes you hit them and you are the one getting punished. That's totally not fair!
Anyway, I'm really pumped up to see the next chapter!!
Whee!!
Oh yeah, I'm looking forward to more of this. Good stuff!
As The TF2 Engineer says, "That's whatcha get."
Also.
You are way to young to be reading Hoof Beat.
And then Apple Bloom accidentally gouges Diamond Tiara's eye out, because it's practically impossible to hit a pony anywhere else if you clobber their face. Well, perhaps that'd be a little too dark. It'd sure change Diamond's perspective a little, though.
Actually, it seems pretty clear what's going to happen next just from the synopsis: Cheerilee will break up the fight, realize they were both at least partly fault, and tell them, "Guess what? You two get to be best friends for the next week!" Fair enough, I suppose. I wonder what she's going to make them do together, though. At least Bloom might feel a little better about it for having gotten that satisfying thunk in first.
I think I'll remember this as the story where Diamond is tiny more than anything else. There's definitely a lot of effort put into the detail. It's some of the best description I've seen. I suppose that's countered by some vanilla characterization. Granted, it's very well-churned vanilla, possibly even french vanilla, but I'd be more interested to see you add your own swirl of flavor to it. Maybe just some toppings if nothing else.
I was a little worried when you said you flat-out hate Diamond Tiara, but you actually wrote her character quite well. You made her believable as a brat, but without going overboard and making her completely cliche. So far I am enjoying this story, and I really recommend that you continue it. By the way, I don't think you truly hate Diamond Tiara. Once you start to see her character as being more than just a stereotypical bully, you will begin down a path of no return. You will never hate Diamond as much as you may have in the past, and I believe by now you at the very least enjoy her character.
I'm very curious to see where this story goes. I'm predicting some exploration into Diamond Tiara's mean behavior in the show. Doesn't appear to have been updated in a while though. I hope it comes back so I can read more at some point. :)