Diamond Tiara is perfection incarnate. She usually gets whatever she wants from her father, and whatever she doesn't have she's incredibly skilled at just taking.
However, being forced to work with Apple Bloom on a group assignment as punishment was not on her wishlist.
Neither was getting lost deep in Everfree with the aforementioned blank flank, pursued by timberwolves and any number of disgusting creatures that refuse to bend to her will, and ending up stuck tending to an injured filly that she just can't bring herself to leave for the forest to claim.
Maybe the jeweled tiara on her flank means something more than she'd expected.
Chapters (2)
Looks really interesting so far. Can't wait for more!
This was a really interesting story! I hope you will write more of this story.
Hate is such a strong word!
It's going to be quite a challenge to you, then. Moreso if the goal "to take two awful characters and turn them into respectable ponies" doesn't include throwing overboard everything that makes the characters unique; always a danger with writing someone you don't like.
Best of luck!
Wow, I really hope she becomes respectable, because I know I wouldn't put up with that shit. And, is Filthy blind?
Hard to get a clear idea of what a story will be like when it's still really just a bare introduction, but what is here seems promising so far.
Looking insteresting.
Hope Apple Bloom hoofs her in the face
Dammit Tiara, Sugar and Filthy were so happy...
2202441 I agree. Let her get hoofed. For romance's sake.
Such an interesting story! i really want to read the next chapter!
I'm ok with how this ended. Just sayin'.
And so you shall discover the joys of writing for best pony.
Just keep in mind what Derpsby said. Without her spunk, she's just another flavorless background pony. With it, she's an absolutely fun character to use. Just have to get past the bias, all the real life crap people tend to transfer onto her (and Spoon). And adding to the Diamond Cutters group.
A few errors:
She should be lowercase, part of the same sentence.
She should be lowercase. Said should probably be asked.
Formatting on the second chapter is messed up, putting too much space between paragraphs.
Missing comma after amazing, assuming she's talking to Dash, and not announcing to everyone nearby who it was that just crashed.
If she's hissing those words, then she should be lowercase.
Cringe.
2311194
Thank you! I think I got everything. Although apparently the slight spacing issues must be a result of importing text from Google Docs instead of directly entering it in the field. Not sure what to do about that; I'll look again in the morning.
And yes, I'm not planning to strip Diamond Tiara of her personality. She actually reminds me of a character from Persona 3 that undergoes a transformation similar to what I plan to do with her; the Devil Arcana social link, if you've ever played the game. She's a right little punk of a filly, but I want to nudge her to 'self-absorbed and haughty' instead of 'complete monster'. Because the former is much more tolerable.
That's it? That felt a bit abrupt. I'll let this grow a few or six thousand words more before placing any real judgement. For the time being though, it feels pretty one sided. But on the other, I'm glad she isn't being flipped around into a quick redemption bit.
Personally, it would of been nice to see them get into a scuffle, DT may be rich, but she gives off that vibe like a few girls I've known that can bring the head-up and not be just all talk. I doubt she'd beat beat AB in a fight, but I can see her doing plenty a good deal of hurt even if she had to result to biting AB's legs.
Fic is ok, a jealous filly that can't get enough attention from daddy and takes her aggression out on everyone else in turn. Still, story as is just feels pretty slanderish and all too one-sided in the opinions normally seen in every other fic with DT that normally ends with her losing her fortunes, drugged up, suicidal, grows up to be a call girl, dies some pitiful and thoughtless death and no bucks were given.
I just don't feel you're really trying. Not looking for 3k chapters, 1k's could work fine too even. But, this all just feels 'meh' overall. Been there, slandered that. Redeemed later. Bullying is bad and all you need is friends.
I don't ever expect anyone to see potential or traits that make even characters like Trixie, DT, Gilda likable or even ones as awesome as Lightning Dust, but I'm just hoping this story pans out a bit more so I can see where it's going. This chapter could of had so much more added to it, including Cheerilee busting DT and AB and sending them to detention. Forced to sit alone in class. Parents and guardians being called up. A nice one liner or event to close it.
Hell, there is nothing telling me what a buck to the face did. Celestia knows ponies are built tough enough to fly at mach 5 into a mountain and walk/fly away fine in the next minute or two. I'll stop ranting there. Good luck with the story.
most the time when I favourite a story I will get bored whit a chapter but you have failed to disappoint me!
have a derpy:
Dun dun dun dun... what's gonna happen next?
Maybe Applebloom's gonna get punished, likely. Tsk, I have felt that feeling that someone gives you harsh insults, sometimes you hit them and you are the one getting punished. That's totally not fair!
Anyway, I'm really pumped up to see the next chapter!!
Whee!!
Oh yeah, I'm looking forward to more of this. Good stuff!
As The TF2 Engineer says, "That's whatcha get."
Also.
You are way to young to be reading Hoof Beat.
And then Apple Bloom accidentally gouges Diamond Tiara's eye out, because it's practically impossible to hit a pony anywhere else if you clobber their face. Well, perhaps that'd be a little too dark. It'd sure change Diamond's perspective a little, though.
Actually, it seems pretty clear what's going to happen next just from the synopsis: Cheerilee will break up the fight, realize they were both at least partly fault, and tell them, "Guess what? You two get to be best friends for the next week!" Fair enough, I suppose. I wonder what she's going to make them do together, though. At least Bloom might feel a little better about it for having gotten that satisfying thunk in first.
I think I'll remember this as the story where Diamond is tiny more than anything else. There's definitely a lot of effort put into the detail. It's some of the best description I've seen. I suppose that's countered by some vanilla characterization. Granted, it's very well-churned vanilla, possibly even french vanilla, but I'd be more interested to see you add your own swirl of flavor to it. Maybe just some toppings if nothing else.
I was a little worried when you said you flat-out hate Diamond Tiara, but you actually wrote her character quite well. You made her believable as a brat, but without going overboard and making her completely cliche. So far I am enjoying this story, and I really recommend that you continue it. By the way, I don't think you truly hate Diamond Tiara. Once you start to see her character as being more than just a stereotypical bully, you will begin down a path of no return. You will never hate Diamond as much as you may have in the past, and I believe by now you at the very least enjoy her character.
I'm very curious to see where this story goes. I'm predicting some exploration into Diamond Tiara's mean behavior in the show. Doesn't appear to have been updated in a while though. I hope it comes back so I can read more at some point. :)