Kill Me Now

by Golden Script

5. What a garish dress!!

The human and the unicorn took a short walk to the market where they had first met. This was not a quiet walk as the unicorn had many questions to ask this strange being from another world.

“What is your species like? How many are there? Can I go see them? How did you get here in the first place? You said back there that we were on your planet, but why isn’t your kind on ours? Do you like muffins?”

“Ok, stop. I will answer all of your questions bit for now we should be working on the task at hand.” When the unicorn just gave him a quizzical look I said “shopping.”

“Oh, right. Sometimes I can get carried away.” There was then an awkward silence as the two kept walking down that narrow road. Then there was a savior for both the pony and the human as a cream milk white unicorn was walking by and noticed them. She quickly trotted over and started walking on the opposite side of the purple mare.

“Hello twilight.” Said this new pony in a regal and charming voice. “How goes the studies, I haven’t seen you in a while. Oh and who is your tall… friend?”

The purple unicorn was more than welcoming to this new intrusion on their awkwardness. “Greetings rarity, my studies are doing fairly well and this is Dillon. He’s a human.”

“Hello, rarity, a pleasure to meet you, and might I add that you clothing is quite exquisite. A delectable mix of my few favorite colors.” I said in an almost mock English accent.

“Oh, thank you, I didn’t-” she hadn’t the time to utter another word.

“But there is something just… off about it all.”

“Um, are you saying that my attire is garish?”

“Well I didn’t outright say it, but I guess the point got across.”

The marshmallow colored unicorn was absolutely pissed at this statement, she had worked hard on this specific dress and she wasn’t about to get put down by a total stranger. “Um, Dillon, I know your new here, but you really shouldn’t go around insulting ponies for no reason.” said twilight with a worried voice.

“Ok, one, this ponies dress is an insult to fashion. And two, I have a perfectly good reason to criticize this ponies dress…”

“Oh, and what would that be?” rarity said this with a red face, as bright as a ripe tomato.

“You’re obviously either high class or a fashionista.” I said with a smile. This enraged the white pony beyond her own decency, the fact that I would smile while saying such insulting words. She was about to burst like an over pressurized pipe. “I only thought you would want some advice about your dress, for you see, where I come from, I am known far and wide for my… fashion sense.” I made a fashion pose at the last words and rarity suddenly realized what she was dealing with. A being from a faraway place, willing to give her pointers about fashion, this was almost as great as having fancy pants himself tutor her in the art of bows.

“O-oh, I hadn’t realized, I'm so sorry, I didn’t know.” She stuttered and bowed apologetically. I pulled her chin up to look into her eyes.

“Oh, it’s quite alright, my dear rarity,” still with the English accent “if I were in your shoe- sorry, hooves, I probably would have reacted the same. Oh and sorry for needing to grab your attention the way I did, it was quite unbecoming of me.”

“oh no, you were just pointing out a flaw that I had somehow made, speaking of which, would you want to stop by the shop sometime and look at the rest of my wardrobe?”

“Not at all, my dear, not at all.”

“Splendid, whenever you get the chance just stop by the boutique and say hi. Tootles!” and with that she was off.

I turned to look at Twilight; she was gaping open with her jaw on the ground. “How did you- when did you- why did you-?”

“Ok, let me explain, I was not totally lying when I said I was known for my fashion, I was always the best looking out of all of my friends, when I noticed that most ponies don’t wear clothes, I thought that she was a clothes designer or high up on the food chain, so to speak, and I thought if I got on her good side, I could get a little something later, maybe a job if this becomes a permanent thing.”

“Yes but did you have to insult her like that?” she asked in disbelief.

“well her dress was a bit off, I would have to say it was made of the wrong fabric, or maybe the pattern was off by only a smidge, oh well, when I go see her later I can find out for myself. And to answer your question, yes. If I hadn’t made her notice me for my knowledge I would just be a weirdo with fashion knowledge, I had to be picky.”

“Whatever, just when you meet my other friends don’t do that, they will either be afraid of you for the rest of your life or pummel you to the dirt. Accept for maybe Pinky.”

I gave her a questioning look “pinky? You mean like the ghost from packman pinky?”

Suddenly a pink pony that smelled of cotton candy popped out from behind a crate and yelled “someone call for me?” and she gasped. “are you new? But wait, ifyournewthatmeansthatihaven’tthrownyouawelcometoponyvillepartyandifihavntdonethatthenineedtodoitandfromyourapearencyouarn’tfromaroundherebecauseihaveneverseenanyonelikeyoubeforesoyoumightneedawelcometoequestriapartyandifyouneedoneofthoseishouldprobablystartplanning, bye Dillon!” and like that she was gone.

“Was that-?”

“Pinky? Yes. She's like that most of the time. But you learn to get used to it. Anyway we should probably get a move on before somepony else shows up.”

“Yeah.” And with that we were off. We spent most of the afternoon grabbing things from different shops and tents. We finished and went back to the tree-house to sleep the night away. It had been a long day and I hadn’t seen Dinky anywhere. I just hoped she had found her mother.

Author's Note:

what did you guys get?
Dillon: not quite sure... mostly what looked like food and a few books.
me: that sounds so amazing.
Dillon: I know, right? *facepalm*

Comments

[Golden Script]

2183443
what?

[Neoco]

I was actually liking your story up until I read this chapter. Seeing your main character insult Rarity's work like that and putting on an English accent while doing it? Just ... unacceptable. I can't handle seeing him being so rude like that. It feels out of character

[Dricanus]

2189742
I would say the chapter is better because of it :3c