30 years old closet brony from the center of Europe. Just happily doing my thing in my corner of the internet.
Scootaloo was bound to get her cutie mark one day or another. She just wouldn't have think it would be that particular cutie mark. She would have never imagined she was the bearer of such a destiny.
Forced to face her fate, she is decided to leave Ponyville forever, but can't go without telling her two friends goodbye. But that goodbye doesn't goes as she had expected it.
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2078515
Spoilers dude
Scootaloo will be traumatized for life....
2078515
This is kind of the type of details that I try not to care about. But if I had to answer "seriously", I could say... well, it's kind of her special talent, and given that the victim trusts her (trusted her), it made things easier.
2078558
That's the biggest reason I'm not satisfied with that story, but I don't know how to change it. I wanted to follow the form:
- problem
- discussion of the problem
- solution
But the solution, even if everything ends on the best possibility ever, doesn't solve anything. So, I feel the characters are still totally powerless and it ends on a pessimistic note.
And I wanted to give Scootaloo a second chance. To show that she could change and decide who she wants to be. But I can't.
I should maybe have found a more subtle way to approach the subject.
...
Whoa, dude! Not like that's gonna happen! Right, Scootaloo?
Scootaloo...?
Jokes aside, Nice, creepy story. Keep writing!
2078838
Thanks, happy you could enjoy it ^^.
(fun fact, that story was thought in four different version and written three time, one being a 11'000 words story. So in total, writing that story took me something like 40 hours. I'm glad it wasn't for my sole pleasure (even if I mostly write for myself)).
2078724
Have them go on a mighty adventure to figure out how to bring Dash back to life? I don't know either.
What was the cutie mark? I get that she got it by killing Rainbow Dash, but, what's it look like?
Another nice fic of yours about the importance of cutie-marks and their affects on the life on a pony, the questions you raise are interesting indeed. And, I liked the ending, because I agree, it was the best possible ending for an positive ending ... did that make sense?
Poor Scoots' though, the fact that the fic was about the small fillies made it a bit sadder. I mean, there are multitudes of fics where ex. Twilight goes dark for some fate-inducted reason. Those are awesome, but, doing that to 'young soul' like Scoots changed the tone a bit towards darker. I don't mind though, it was greatly written and performed.
Summarizing: Great one-shot, dark, and enjoyable
Liked and faved
First off, you need to put a colon here:
Other than that, it's a decent story, and well written. By all means it's not bad at all.
Will there possibly be an epic adventure sequel? Following what happens and maybe including a little bit of action?
Nevertheless: a good one-shot indeed.
2079102
I don't know what the cutie mark looked like. I chose to tell the readers it was the most horrible possible so that each reader would imagine the cutie mark with their own cutlural references (just as if I say "the most beautiful woman ever", each individual should have a slightly different image in mind).
I also follow a rule that says I shouldn't try to force an image to the readers. Just because that's the animation job, not mine.
But I honestly have no idea what a murderer cutie mark could look like and I hope I will never find out.
2079137
Actually, it was your comment way back then (seems like an eternity) that triggered the will to go into the subject a little more.
Originally, the story should have been about a filly named Moonlight. Then, I figured I didn't need to bring in a new character and could use one from the show. So I wanted to use Sweetie Belle. Then I wanted to make Rainbow Dash have to choose between the filly and her friends, to discuss loyalty. I dropped that part of the story, but kept Scootaloo.
2079284
Thanks ^^.
Mark my words was a joke I did to make a reference to the word "cutie mark" and show that the story was about the will of an individual against destiny. So I should have written it "Mark my words!" I guess.
I don't really know... But why not?
=> my bad, I didn't notice I had left the title in the actual text. I took it out.
I tried developping the story and it became a 11'000 words story. Rainbow Dash had to prevent Twilight to find out about Scootaloo, Fluttershy was trying to retrieve Scootaloo's victim, and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were trying to discover why Scootaloo was wearing a dress all of a sudden. But I figured out I just don't have time to properly write such a big story. It would take me a whole week to do so and my jobs as well as my studies do not let me so much liberty.
But you would be more than welcome to try it. Still, being sort of a fan, I don't think I would like a story without Rainbow Dash (even if she isn't in my favorite episode, which is kind of paradoxal). She represents hope and the most impossible choice in life (loyalty) in my eyes, so I've got some difficulties to take her out of the equation right from the beginning.
2078968
I... actualy like the idea.
Well, my bosses won't like it, but I think I'll try. But it might not be the kind of big adventure you're thinking of.
i sware this was sad and cool till the end
poor rainbow 
and then the fucked 
2092920
.
Thanks, I'm glad you had some pleasure reading it
Hmm, I don't know what to think about the story... I guessthe biggest point is that I don't agree with this interpretation of cutie marks. And I also guess that I just can't see Scootaloo being as she was... it felt a little too forced and a bit out of character, such as Scootaloo's use of vocabulary.
The story was okay, but also had a fair number of grammar issues, especially when it comes to dialogue, but I'll neither thumbs up or thumbs down the story.
I also hope that this comment doesn't dissuade you from future writing, as the idea here was pretty good, it just didn't explore the function of a cutie mark as much as I wished for it to.
Thanks for writing it though, I appreciate the amount of effort that went into writing this, and I wish you the best in your future writing endeavors.
2117547
I understand that you wouldn't agree. In fact, I would be interested in knowing your point of view on the matter. How do cutie marks work? And I'm really interested, as it's a point that has been bothering me for quite a time (due to personal circumstances, but still).
I note the point about vocabulary, as I heard it a lot, so I should try to do something about it. Don't know how, but that's kind of my hobby to find out.
I probably won't ever stop writing. I don't intend to become a professional, I couldn't even if I wanted to, but I just like to write as others like to draw. God I would like to be able to draw. And dance. And sing. And act.
.
I'll stick with writing. Not very good at it, but I can enjoy it
2117821 Well, I have a chapter in one of my fics that is centered around the telling of a cutie mark story: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/19508/19/scion-of-chaos/chapter-19--worn-memories
It works relatively well as a stand-alone chapter, but jumping in at chapter 19 could still be disconcerting, so I'll pick out the important part as best I can:
* * *
“It took me years to actually put it into words. At first, after I got my cutie mark, I knew that being a lumberjack wasn't my special talent, but I couldn't put words to that feeling properly, it just remained a feeling. My cutie mark wasn't something that I had been forced into, but was instead a destiny I was choosing to walk toward. A cutie mark is something that you have control over, little lady, and if I had to describe what a cutie mark is as simply as I could, I'd call it the permanence of yer first fondest memory, or the dream ye'll always come back to. It's just what ye cherish, and what drives ye as a pony, talent's got nothing to do with it.”
Sweetie Belle looked at the old-timer with a doubtful gaze, and he offered a simple sigh.
“Well, take my cutie mark for example. An axe, splitting a log. Every time I look back at it, do you know what I see?”
“An axe, splitting a log?”
“What? No,” he said in exasperation, “darn it girl, no. What I see is that forest in the evening sunlight, all its trees, the cry of the crickets and the voice of the birds. I see my love of the woods, of wooden architecture, and I see Silver Lilly. I always see her, and the way her eyes would catch the firelight as we sat around it.” His voice sounded distant and carried a light tremble as it ebbed into silence.
* * *
Still, I like the idea of changing a cutie mark if the pony in question fundamentally changes themselves, as well as the trope of a pony disliking their cutie mark. I think there's plenty of room for interpretation of what cutie marks mean and how they function, but I tend to interpret it as a choice on the pony's part.
I'm glad that you will keep up with writing, you'll only get better as you continue. I think I'll keep an eye on you
~SilentBelle
2118088
I like the optimism. Actually, your vision makes a lot of sense. Even in the allegory I'm using. We choose our destiny and not the contrary. Fun thing is:
Just wanted to quote that passage, but it doesn't change the idea. Now I just have to think what it would mean for a pony to be able to choose its cutie mark as we humans can.
Too bad I didn't see your point of view before writing about illusion, because I would have added it. Seems to be a link.
ps: I'm flattered (no use to deny that) that you would take time to watch me, but I don't really improve as I write and I don't have any talent I can make grow. I fear you might be disappointed.
2119995 Well, it certainly doesn't hurt to watch other people who enjoy writing
I liked it! Short, dark, and heartwarming, a bit reminiscent of Higurashi if you've ever read/watched that. I actually think it could have been better if the story was expanded by a chapter or two, but it stands well on its own.
2249135
I've watched Higurashi, loved it. (ah, the time when violence was all I could watch, before I found about a certain show about ponies). I won't deny an influence there.
I was against making it creepy just to make it creepy. Higurashi (because we have that example) was about making us feel the madness and feel the fear and the pain (and god was it good in that way).
I wrote this story only to take the concept of the cutie mark to its extreme. What if your special talent is killing?
Honestly, it wasn't even supposed to be really scary or creepy, just a will fight for one to take her destiny into her own hooves.
Okay, all that to say that I wouldn't have been able to create a real suspense.
(ps: I'm still trying to write a follow up story, but it's really hard. It could seem that I'm just writing multiple short kind of average stories, but it, in fact, takes me a lot of time to write those ^^).
I know this story has been up for almost two years now, but I'd like to actually see a sequel to it.
5529262
Believe it or not, but I'm still trying. In fact, I had hoped to finish it in a sudden peak of writing madness and use it as a response to your comment, but real life called me back to cold harsh reality...
Still, I wonder what you imagine a sequel would look like (and given that you seem to have read most of what I've written, it makes me wonder that much more).
5535193 The only thing I can think of happening in the sequel is that Scootaloo tries to redeem herself in the eyes of the town, and somehow earns a cutie mark that she actually likes in the process.