Mark my words
“I never wished to do any harm to anypony. I’m leaving Ponyville.”
Scootaloo’s serious declaration took her two friends totally by surprise. They had expected to spend the day together, playing and crusading to their heart contempt. Not that Scootaloo would announce them she would go away.
“What do you mean you’re leaving?” asked Applebloom. “You mean for some holidays or something?”
“I’m just leaving, forever. I wanted to come and say goodbye.” replied Scootaloo. “I’ve got to go now.”
“Wait!” shouted Applebloom. “You can’t just leave us like that. Aren’t we your friends anymore?”
“Yeah.” added Sweetie Belle, “What have we done to you? What’s going on all of a sudden?”
The question was more than pertinent. Not only Scootaloo’s behavior was really strange and her seriousness was almost frightening, but she was wearing a dress, which they thought she would never do on her own will.
This was asking many questions that they wanted answers to.
“We have the right to know.” said Sweetie Belle. “Maybe we could help.”
Scootaloo looked at them and a huge wave of sadness seemed to submerge her eyes.
“I can’t tell you. Believe me, you really don’t want to know. I don’t want you to know.”
The pegasus was about to cry. That simple fact terrified her two friends. Scootaloo had almost never showed any tears in public, preferring to hide behind anger or hatred not to look weak in the eyes of others or, more importantly, in her own eyes.
“Well, we will be the judge of that.” replied Applebloom. “Just tell us what it is.”
But the pegasus clearly wasn’t ready to speak, even if she probably wanted to. So Sweetie Belle thought of another approach and proposed to her friend to, at least, stay a little more time for one last cup of tea together, as a departure party.
She was able to convince Scootaloo and they sat around the table with the hot flavored water in front of them.
“Where are you going?” asked Sweetie Belle. “So we can come visit once in a while.”
“I don’t know. As far away as possible.” answered Scootaloo.
Those words were too caricatural even for the filly not to understand Scootaloo had probably done something wrong and didn’t want to bear the consequences of her acts. In the end, it was probably only a big overreaction. A strange one, but still nothing too serious with some luck.
“Say…” began Applebloom, slowly getting Sweetie Belle’s plan. “If we aren’t going to see you ever again, could you stay a little longer and help us tidy up the house?”
To her surprise, Scootaloo accepted. She exchanged a look with Sweetie Belle and they both smiled. It probably really wasn’t as serious as they had feared it would be.
The three fillies spent some time fighting the dust and rearranging what little furniture they had and it seemed that Scootaloo was slowly relaxing and coming back to them. Sometimes, she would even smile as you do when you think back of a good joke, but some other times, she would grimace as if something was still bothering her heavily.
The night came and Scootaloo was still with them. Proving their action had been effective.
To pursue with the plan, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom engaged in a discussion about the only subject they were sure would work: what cutie mark they were going to get one day.
“I heard about something called quantum physic. Maybe if we can figure out what it is, I could become a quantumer physicianist something.” proposed Applebloom.
“Did you know that some ponies spend their whole life writing stories?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Wouldn’t it be nice to just stay at your home and write all day long?”
“You mean like an essay for school?” replied Applebloom. “That seems like the most boring job ever.”
And eventually, what they awaited happened when Scootaloo took the initiative to speak. But her words weren’t the expected one, as there was no cutie mark proposition, but a strange question instead.
“Say…” began the pegasus, “Do you think that, if you get your cutie mark and you don’t like it, you can still go crusading to find a new one?”
Her two friends looked at each other with the same surprised and lost expression on their faces.
“Why would anypony want to change her cutie mark?” asked Sweetie Belle, as if she was stating the obvious.
“Yeah.” added Applebloom, “A cutie mark tells you who you really are and what you are meant to do with your life. I mean, why would you want to change who you truly are?”
“When I get my cutie mark” began Sweetie Belle, “She will be so awesome I most certainly never would any other. Just like my sister.”
“But” replied Scootaloo, “Would it, just theoretically, be possible in your opinion, if the pony just didn’t want the cutie mark she had gotten, let’s say, if Applebloom was to get a rock as a cutie mark.”
She had thought about saying an orange before remembering about that part of Applebloom’s family.
“Why would I get a rock as my cutie mark?” asked Applebloom, upset to be taken as the example. “I don’t have anything to do with… rocks. I’ll get my cutie mark for something great and amazing.”
“She is right you know.” said Sweetie Belle to Scootaloo, “I don’t know anypony who would like to change her cutie mark, it would just be plain stupid.”
“It’s not stupid!” shouted Scootaloo in an outburst she quickly took back under control.
Her two friends backed away a little. They didn’t expect such a reaction. Still, reassured about the retrieved calm, they began do discuss again.
“Okay, if we accept that, for some reason, a pony would want to change her cutie mark, and I still think that nopony ever would…” tried to elaborate Applebloom, “Then she probably couldn’t. Because the cutie mark says who she is. Nopony can change who she really is.”
It was logical. A cutie mark truly does represent a pony’s destiny and there was not much point trying to fight one’s own destiny. Even magic had no impact on cutie marks, as Applebloom had had the opportunity to experiment at least two times with Twilight and Zecora.
Sweetie Belle agreed. It was vain for a pony to try and go away from her destiny.
But Scootaloo wasn’t sharing that opinion.
“You’re wrong.” she told the two others, “It must be possible to change it. It has to be.”
“But why, why do you bother about that ? Unless…”
And just saying those words, Applebloom understood, just at the same time as Sweetie Belle, what it was all about.
“Scootaloo!” she shouted joyfully, “You got your cutie mark!”
In her opinion, it was a great thing, something worth being celebrated. Obviously, the pegasus wasn’t thinking the same way. But she didn’t deny what was true. She had gotten her cutie mark.
“So what is it?” asked Sweetie Belle, pretty happy too about the news. “Is it why you’re wearing a dress today?”
Scootaloo nodded.
“I can’t show it to you. I won’t.” she told her two friends. “It’s not mine, it’s not me. I don’t want this cutie mark.”
“Oh come on.” said Applebloom, “You can’t just not show your cutie mark to your two best friends.”
And being more sensible, Sweetie Belle tried to add:
“Is your cutie mark related to your difficulties for flying? Is it what bothers you?”
It made Scootaloo laugh. Just genuinely and happily laugh.
“You’re really happy for me, aren’t you?” she asked her friends.
“Of course we are.” they both answered at the same time.
“I really don’t deserve good friends like you, you know?” told them Scootaloo, “Until the very end, you’ll have been the best I could have ever hoped for. Caring, joyful. It’s true when they say you don’t know what you’ve got before you’ve lost it.”
“Hey” replied Applebloom. “You haven’t lost us. We are still her and we are still your friends if you accept our friendship.”
“I’ll leave now.” said Scootaloo, “I really must leave now. It has been a pleasure and an honor knowing you.”
But Sweetie Belle wasn’t ready to let her friend go away like that.
“Wait just a moment there.” she told the pegasus with enough authority in her voice to make her stop. “You can’t go like that. Not after what you’ve said. I’m sure that you don’t have to go like you say. You’re overreacting, that’s all. Just show us your cutie mark and let us share what is really bothering you, like true friends do.”
Scootaloo thought about it. Her friends could very clearly see that she was fighting inside her mind over two opposite wishes, in a big mix of different emotions. They just didn’t know what was at stake, they just hoped for the best.
“You really want to see my cutie mark?” asked Scootaloo, back to a more serious and dark tone.
“Of course we do.” answered Applebloom, not the least impressed.
“Even if it could put you into danger?” asked Scootaloo again.
When she heard the word danger, Sweetie Belle hesitated. She wasn’t sure if she was truly ready to face any real danger or if it was wise to go blindly where it could be dangerous. But Applebloom decided for her.
“I said of course we do, are you deaf or something?”
Applejack’s sister, just as Applejack herself, was a strong pony, even if only a filly. She wasn’t frightened by just words.
“Alright.” said Scootaloo.
And for some reason, she smiled at that moment.
She moved to the door and shut it, standing between the door and her friends. Then, she took her dress away and, showing the most atrocious cutie mark the two other fillies would ever see in their whole life, she told them:
“I got it this morning. I didn’t want it. It’s not who I wanted to become. But it just all happened too fast. And now, I can’t come back. Not anymore.”
“But what is it?” asked Applebloom, as scared as she was confused.
“It’s the cutie mark that says who I’m really supposed to be, my destiny that I despise, but my destiny nonetheless. It’s the cutie mark I received when I ended the destiny of another pony, one I loved above all others.”
“You mean…?” asked Sweetie Belle, slowly understanding and shocked beyond measure by what she was understanding.
“She will never fly ever again. She won’t ever smile to me and she will never be able to hug me anymore. Because of me. Only because of the despicable me.” answered Scootaloo, whose face was contracted by the anger and covered with tears.
A silence ensued.
Neither Sweetie Belle nor Applebloom knew how to react. This was just off chart. Something nopony was prepared to face. And the worst was to come.
“You don’t even know why I stayed with you.” said Scootaloo. “It wasn’t just because I was happy to be with you.”
And her look began to lose contact with reality in a terrible way.
“I wanted to leave because I feel the need to hurt you too. I was just enjoying the thought of how I would harm you and dispose of you.”
Scootaloo’s words were ringing like a death knell, with passion and madness. And sadness, a huge, incredible powerful sadness.
The three fillies stayed quiet. There was no way out. Scootaloo was blocking the door and her friends could see that they wouldn’t have time to escape through the window. They would have to fight, and probably lose. Which meant losing absolutely everything.
That was a fight they were not prepared for.
Applebloom was not ready, but in her mind and for her pride, she was willing to accept that ultimate confrontation. She would make her big sister proud and prove that she was worth of the Apple family.
But Sweetie Belle got that they would have probably no chance in a frontal fight with somepony whose special talent was putting her at a disproportionate advantage over them. Would they be able to escape the house, it was night outside and they would probably lose the chase… And even more, she didn’t want to fight. Because it would have meant hurting Scootaloo. And she didn’t want to hurt her friend.
At the time being, she wanted to help her.
Harvesting a courage she had no idea she even possessed, she came closer to Scootaloo and with a very gentle and caring voice, told her scary friend:
“It’s okay Scootaloo, I understand. I won’t fight you, I’m here to help.”
The pegasus was surprised, but ready to counter any trick. She had become, after all, a professional.
“If that’s the choice you want to make, then I won’t oppose you.” continued Sweetie Belle, not showing all the confidence she would have wanted and slowly beginning to cry too. “I don’t want to live in a world where you wouldn’t be my friend anyway.”
Applebloom saw the scene and her flow of adrenaline dropped. Suddenly, she understood that she didn’t want to fight either.
“I won’t fight you either.” she told Scootaloo, “If that’s who you have decided to be, then I guess that I can only try and help you the best I can, being your friend and all.”
Now they were acting mad too. And they truly didn’t want to suffer the consequences of Scootaloo’s destiny. But something was telling them that their friend needed help. They didn’t know how to provide such help, but were willing to try, following nothing but their heart.
It was stupid. It was literally suicide.
But it worked.
Scootaloo looked at them, trying to get where the trap was, but saw only caring and gentle looks from two ponies who were holding a very special place in her heart and soul. A part of the pegasus was telling her to finish the work as soon as possible, as she was getting weaker by the seconds. She had every reason to finish them. They knew too much, they were compromising and their suffering would give just so much to enjoy. Scootaloo could smell and taste the blood already and that was intoxicating.
But on the other side of things, a part of her was pulling her away, shouting and fighting with all her willpower to overcome her fears and just remind her of one simple fact. Just one day ago, she would never have.
“I would never have.” She whispered, in total confusion.
But she had done it in between. And there was no turning back. She had done something that had stained her for the rest of her life, that she could never repair or repay, she had no choice but to go along where her new destiny would take her.
She truly had no choice, she had just ignored it until then. But it was becoming clearer and clearer.
She fell on the floor and cried, defenseless, alone and wishing for the nightmare to just stop.
She felt two pairs of hooves comforting her.
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle exchanged a look. They were happy to still be able to see each other and feel each other. Happy to be able to enjoy the world for some more time. Still, they didn’t know what to do.
“It’s okay.” tried to say Sweetie Belle into Scootaloo’s ear. “We are with you.”
“I didn’t want to, I never wanted to, I don’t want to!” shouted in response the pegasus, not to her friends but to destiny herself. “I swear that I’ll better die myself than harm anypony anymore!”
And there was so much conviction in that voice, so much passion and authority that destiny probably heard her in her far away place where she hides and probably got afraid.
Because when she glanced at it, Applebloom suddenly realized that Scootaloo’s flank was blank. Totally blank.
She made the two other fillies notice. But not one of the three could believe it.
“I…” began Sweetie Belle. “It’s not possible.”
“A pony’s cutie mark can really change?” said Applebloom, not capable to grasp the implication.
But Scootaloo didn’t rejoice with them. She was just crying, all withdrawn on herself. Her two friends understood. Even if she was given a new chance to become somepony else, the past hadn’t been altered. Some things couldn’t be changed, even with all the willpower in Equestria and beyond.
They hugged their pegasus friend and all cried together for some time.
Then, when they had no more tears to spare, Applebloom decided to take the initiative.
“Scootaloo, where is her body?” she asked.
“What?” asked in return, surprised, the pegasus.
“We should go and bury her, that’s the least we owe her.” explained Applebloom.
“And then what?” asked Scootaloo with a little anger. “Then what?”
“Then…?” asked herself Applebloom. “I don’t know. I guess we keep on living, whatever happens, but together.”
And being just fillies after way more emotions than they should have ever endured, their hearts began functioning normally again, telling them to keep hoping for the best and just not expect the worst, just as the sun outside was announcing the dawn of a new day.
THE END
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2078515
Spoilers dude
Scootaloo will be traumatized for life....
2078515
This is kind of the type of details that I try not to care about. But if I had to answer "seriously", I could say... well, it's kind of her special talent, and given that the victim trusts her (trusted her), it made things easier.
2078558
That's the biggest reason I'm not satisfied with that story, but I don't know how to change it. I wanted to follow the form:
- problem
- discussion of the problem
- solution
But the solution, even if everything ends on the best possibility ever, doesn't solve anything. So, I feel the characters are still totally powerless and it ends on a pessimistic note.
And I wanted to give Scootaloo a second chance. To show that she could change and decide who she wants to be. But I can't.
I should maybe have found a more subtle way to approach the subject.
...
Whoa, dude! Not like that's gonna happen! Right, Scootaloo?
Scootaloo...?
Jokes aside, Nice, creepy story. Keep writing!
2078838
Thanks, happy you could enjoy it ^^.
(fun fact, that story was thought in four different version and written three time, one being a 11'000 words story. So in total, writing that story took me something like 40 hours. I'm glad it wasn't for my sole pleasure (even if I mostly write for myself)).
2078724
Have them go on a mighty adventure to figure out how to bring Dash back to life? I don't know either.
What was the cutie mark? I get that she got it by killing Rainbow Dash, but, what's it look like?
Another nice fic of yours about the importance of cutie-marks and their affects on the life on a pony, the questions you raise are interesting indeed. And, I liked the ending, because I agree, it was the best possible ending for an positive ending ... did that make sense?
Poor Scoots' though, the fact that the fic was about the small fillies made it a bit sadder. I mean, there are multitudes of fics where ex. Twilight goes dark for some fate-inducted reason. Those are awesome, but, doing that to 'young soul' like Scoots changed the tone a bit towards darker. I don't mind though, it was greatly written and performed.
Summarizing: Great one-shot, dark, and enjoyable
Liked and faved
First off, you need to put a colon here:
Other than that, it's a decent story, and well written. By all means it's not bad at all.
Will there possibly be an epic adventure sequel? Following what happens and maybe including a little bit of action?
Nevertheless: a good one-shot indeed.
2079102
I don't know what the cutie mark looked like. I chose to tell the readers it was the most horrible possible so that each reader would imagine the cutie mark with their own cutlural references (just as if I say "the most beautiful woman ever", each individual should have a slightly different image in mind).
I also follow a rule that says I shouldn't try to force an image to the readers. Just because that's the animation job, not mine.
But I honestly have no idea what a murderer cutie mark could look like and I hope I will never find out.
2079137
Actually, it was your comment way back then (seems like an eternity) that triggered the will to go into the subject a little more.
Originally, the story should have been about a filly named Moonlight. Then, I figured I didn't need to bring in a new character and could use one from the show. So I wanted to use Sweetie Belle. Then I wanted to make Rainbow Dash have to choose between the filly and her friends, to discuss loyalty. I dropped that part of the story, but kept Scootaloo.
2079284
Thanks ^^.
Mark my words was a joke I did to make a reference to the word "cutie mark" and show that the story was about the will of an individual against destiny. So I should have written it "Mark my words!" I guess.
I don't really know... But why not?
=> my bad, I didn't notice I had left the title in the actual text. I took it out.
I tried developping the story and it became a 11'000 words story. Rainbow Dash had to prevent Twilight to find out about Scootaloo, Fluttershy was trying to retrieve Scootaloo's victim, and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were trying to discover why Scootaloo was wearing a dress all of a sudden. But I figured out I just don't have time to properly write such a big story. It would take me a whole week to do so and my jobs as well as my studies do not let me so much liberty.
But you would be more than welcome to try it. Still, being sort of a fan, I don't think I would like a story without Rainbow Dash (even if she isn't in my favorite episode, which is kind of paradoxal). She represents hope and the most impossible choice in life (loyalty) in my eyes, so I've got some difficulties to take her out of the equation right from the beginning.
2078968
I... actualy like the idea.
Well, my bosses won't like it, but I think I'll try. But it might not be the kind of big adventure you're thinking of.
i sware this was sad and cool till the end
poor rainbow 
and then the fucked 
2092920
.
Thanks, I'm glad you had some pleasure reading it
Hmm, I don't know what to think about the story... I guessthe biggest point is that I don't agree with this interpretation of cutie marks. And I also guess that I just can't see Scootaloo being as she was... it felt a little too forced and a bit out of character, such as Scootaloo's use of vocabulary.
The story was okay, but also had a fair number of grammar issues, especially when it comes to dialogue, but I'll neither thumbs up or thumbs down the story.
I also hope that this comment doesn't dissuade you from future writing, as the idea here was pretty good, it just didn't explore the function of a cutie mark as much as I wished for it to.
Thanks for writing it though, I appreciate the amount of effort that went into writing this, and I wish you the best in your future writing endeavors.
2117547
I understand that you wouldn't agree. In fact, I would be interested in knowing your point of view on the matter. How do cutie marks work? And I'm really interested, as it's a point that has been bothering me for quite a time (due to personal circumstances, but still).
I note the point about vocabulary, as I heard it a lot, so I should try to do something about it. Don't know how, but that's kind of my hobby to find out.
I probably won't ever stop writing. I don't intend to become a professional, I couldn't even if I wanted to, but I just like to write as others like to draw. God I would like to be able to draw. And dance. And sing. And act.
.
I'll stick with writing. Not very good at it, but I can enjoy it
2117821 Well, I have a chapter in one of my fics that is centered around the telling of a cutie mark story: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/19508/19/scion-of-chaos/chapter-19--worn-memories
It works relatively well as a stand-alone chapter, but jumping in at chapter 19 could still be disconcerting, so I'll pick out the important part as best I can:
* * *
“It took me years to actually put it into words. At first, after I got my cutie mark, I knew that being a lumberjack wasn't my special talent, but I couldn't put words to that feeling properly, it just remained a feeling. My cutie mark wasn't something that I had been forced into, but was instead a destiny I was choosing to walk toward. A cutie mark is something that you have control over, little lady, and if I had to describe what a cutie mark is as simply as I could, I'd call it the permanence of yer first fondest memory, or the dream ye'll always come back to. It's just what ye cherish, and what drives ye as a pony, talent's got nothing to do with it.”
Sweetie Belle looked at the old-timer with a doubtful gaze, and he offered a simple sigh.
“Well, take my cutie mark for example. An axe, splitting a log. Every time I look back at it, do you know what I see?”
“An axe, splitting a log?”
“What? No,” he said in exasperation, “darn it girl, no. What I see is that forest in the evening sunlight, all its trees, the cry of the crickets and the voice of the birds. I see my love of the woods, of wooden architecture, and I see Silver Lilly. I always see her, and the way her eyes would catch the firelight as we sat around it.” His voice sounded distant and carried a light tremble as it ebbed into silence.
* * *
Still, I like the idea of changing a cutie mark if the pony in question fundamentally changes themselves, as well as the trope of a pony disliking their cutie mark. I think there's plenty of room for interpretation of what cutie marks mean and how they function, but I tend to interpret it as a choice on the pony's part.
I'm glad that you will keep up with writing, you'll only get better as you continue. I think I'll keep an eye on you
~SilentBelle
2118088
I like the optimism. Actually, your vision makes a lot of sense. Even in the allegory I'm using. We choose our destiny and not the contrary. Fun thing is:
Just wanted to quote that passage, but it doesn't change the idea. Now I just have to think what it would mean for a pony to be able to choose its cutie mark as we humans can.
Too bad I didn't see your point of view before writing about illusion, because I would have added it. Seems to be a link.
ps: I'm flattered (no use to deny that) that you would take time to watch me, but I don't really improve as I write and I don't have any talent I can make grow. I fear you might be disappointed.
2119995 Well, it certainly doesn't hurt to watch other people who enjoy writing
I liked it! Short, dark, and heartwarming, a bit reminiscent of Higurashi if you've ever read/watched that. I actually think it could have been better if the story was expanded by a chapter or two, but it stands well on its own.
2249135
I've watched Higurashi, loved it. (ah, the time when violence was all I could watch, before I found about a certain show about ponies). I won't deny an influence there.
I was against making it creepy just to make it creepy. Higurashi (because we have that example) was about making us feel the madness and feel the fear and the pain (and god was it good in that way).
I wrote this story only to take the concept of the cutie mark to its extreme. What if your special talent is killing?
Honestly, it wasn't even supposed to be really scary or creepy, just a will fight for one to take her destiny into her own hooves.
Okay, all that to say that I wouldn't have been able to create a real suspense.
(ps: I'm still trying to write a follow up story, but it's really hard. It could seem that I'm just writing multiple short kind of average stories, but it, in fact, takes me a lot of time to write those ^^).
I know this story has been up for almost two years now, but I'd like to actually see a sequel to it.
5529262
Believe it or not, but I'm still trying. In fact, I had hoped to finish it in a sudden peak of writing madness and use it as a response to your comment, but real life called me back to cold harsh reality...
Still, I wonder what you imagine a sequel would look like (and given that you seem to have read most of what I've written, it makes me wonder that much more).
5535193 The only thing I can think of happening in the sequel is that Scootaloo tries to redeem herself in the eyes of the town, and somehow earns a cutie mark that she actually likes in the process.