• Member Since 30th May, 2012
  • offline last seen September 15th

KaraC


T

Having been forced to deplete their territory of gems by Rarity, Rover, Fido and Spot must find a new way to offer Tribute to the Alphas of all Dogs. Chapter 1 has been revised a bit, I'd suggest re-reading anyway.

Chapters (7)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 38 )

I'd like to see more of your Diamonds Dogs. :pinkiehappy:

Wow. A story that does the DD's justice, and in a very satisfactory way as well.

2016173
Don't you dare tempt me Kartal, don't you dare ...:twilightangry2:

2016520
I'm glad you liked it. It's nice to know all the trouble I went through trying to figure them out didn't go to waste.:twistnerd:

2016870 *innocent look* Nah, I think I'll just let the idea sit in your brain and fester--YOU'RE WELCOME!

So much winning, and nice to see someone else's take on the Diamond Dogs, look forward to my entry dueling with yours :twilightsmile:

2027692
Ditto here. I wish you luck!

2027716
To be honest, yours likely has the better chance to win, though I intend to give you a run for your gems :rainbowwild:

2027723
:rainbowhuh:
If you don't mind me asking, why do you think that?

And a bit of good news for everyone who likes this story, I've been goaded by a pony who shall remain unnamed *cough*Kartal*cough into attempting another chapter.

Hmm. Not bad. I'm looking forward to the rest of the tale.

Ooooh, I do like where this is going. Do continue my good sir :pinkiehappy:

2235883
I've read a lot of (pardon the pun) underdog fics portraying Celly as an utter troll, or tyrant ... you know that kind of stuff when the story focuses on non-pony characters. I'm trying to not do that here. Sure the Dogs hate her guts for things that happened 2 - 3 thousand years ago, but even she acknowledges (mostly) her errors as an over-emotional teenager (relatively speaking).

Several confusing points in this story:

1) When did the Diamond Dogs kill the cows? Seems odd to glaze over those two bovines, considering that you dedicated a portion of the story to Spot's excursion into the graveyard. Furthermore, the large female Sapphire Dog from the last chapter seemed to explain to Fido that cow killing was a viable food source, making it seem like the Diamonds never thought of that before. Is the implication that Fido was inspired by her advice, and went hunting for cows after their conversation?

2) Where exactly is Spot hiding? When I hear something called a "den" I think of roughly ovaloid/ellipsoid room. Where would this guy be able to hide? Are there pillars? Grooves along the room?

3) Why does Widepaw absolutely flip her shit with Celestia? It's so sudden, I kept looking around the page to see if I had skipped a line or something! It comes so suddenly, and the motivation or emotion behind the attack is never explained. I even have difficulty thinking of a reason why. Yes, obviously the carnivores aren't going to like being told not to eat meat. But is it really that much of a surprise that Celestia doesn't want the Dogs to view any of her subjects as food source? In any form? After all, we did see the Diamond Dogs make the effort to acquire the meat in under the radar. Celestia doesn't wasn't even acting provocative, especially in comparison to past experiences.

4) What does Fido mean "you and I, we’re the last of the Diamond Pack?" What about the dozen or so armored guards that were featured in the episode? In the previous chapter, you said they were hired. This entire story stared immediately at the end of "A Dog and Pony Show" and we haven't seen hide nor hair of them. What happened to them? Did you forget to mention the sequence of them leaving? How do they function?

2243350
Okay. First of all I appreciate the face you took the time out of your day to leave such a detailed comment. Secondly, I'll answer as much as I can without spoiling future chapters.

1) It was more desperation than anything, but the actual reason for it will be explored in the next chapter.

2) Spot's a small dog in a paw-carved room and he only thinks he got away with it.

3) I hate to keep saying this, but look to future chapters. It's a world I'm building from the ground up in a 3rd person perspective where you don't know what characters are thinking/feeling until they spit it out.

4) Look to answer 3.

The promise of avoiding the typical Tyrantlestia pleases me.

Good can't wait for the next chapter. Also those editing notes at the end you may want to remove them

2564986
Oops. Thanks for the heads up! And I am working on the next chapter :raritywink:

Why are the grunts degenerating if each has to be made directly from the pool by magic? Or am I missing something? :derpyderp1:

2565158
Well, if you make a copy of a copy, it's likely to degrade. Copy a Dog twenty, fifty, a hundred times over? I'm surprised they even have any sentience left at all

2565907 Oh, they're copied from other grunts. I thought they were copied from normal dogs.

Mirror pool grunts. Interesting idea indeed!

The spacing is a little weird to read, other than that good chapter can't wait for more.

I applaud your use of tricky cannon. I haven't come across any stories as of yet that utilize the Mirror Pool. It can be intimidating, given that the Pool seems to have no performance limitations. And I find it delightful that as opposed to giving background characters a beloved story like most bronies (which often just comes down to relying on memes), you have decided to doom them all to irrelevancy for the rest of their lives, even when they're off camera.

One sentence had me scratching my head, and isn't really excusable.

The colour of her coat continued to fluctuate as she ignored the guard posted at the entrance to a cave and entered it.

Is it a pony guard? Presumably. Why doesn't he do anything the stop the VIP from heading towards the embassy of the nation that his boss, Celestia, probably wants to keep as much in the dark possible?

I'm glad you mentioned the distinction between males and females. That dimorphism, as well as the difference in physiology between normal Dogs and the Alphas, are details I felt should have been answered in your side story "Written in Stone." I was going to leave a huge comment on that page, actually.

The biggest plot hole is Rover's apparent knowledge of magic. The problem here being that this story actually started with Diamond's point of view. Rover never mentioned this ability when we saw him with his brothers, and wasn't he unable to meet the Alphas since he went off to get a dragon egg?

2779334
You bring up a valid point about Rover's knowledge of magic, but as I see it Rover may have met with Alpha Steelfang prior to the events of Dog and Pony Show and discussed his findings. The author did say that Rover had made his observations over the course of almost fourteen years. The Dogs certainly aren't stupid so I suppose without further explanation it's not too much of stretch to think that Rover could have learned something about magic in that time. And it's also feasible that Rover was ordered to keep quiet about it, hence why he wouldn't have discussed it with Spot and Fido.

I defer to the author on this, whom I hope can provide a better answer to your concerns either in the coming chapters or in a comment reply of her own.

2778187
I believe the spacing has since been fixed up nicely and we'll try and take care of any problems like that beforehand in the future. Thank you for pointing it out.

Yeah, this is too weird. I just can't bring myself to address you like you and I don't know each other irl. Here, I've got a challenge for ya: anytime we see one of each other's comments, we must reply to that comment as if we've never before met. Waddya say? (Reply in a PM, so we don't clog up the author's notifcations)

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

2371242
Pleases me as well. I think the Dogs will learn the same lesson Chrysalis did, Thou Shall Not Frak With Celestia's Little Ponies

If Steelfang and Widepaw were voiced, what would they sound like?

3926370
Paul Dobson (Adult Matrix from Reboot) - Steelfang
Kate Mulgrew (Katheryn Janeway from Voyager) - Widepaw
Sarah Drew (Stacy Rowe from Daria) - Beni

Damn it Twilight, you're being stupid again! Leave the stupid to ponies who are supposed to be stupid!

Now things are getting interesting :pinkiehappy:

Awesome, another update! I really do enjoy this story.

I don't think this inclusion of Nightmare Moon works. Usually, Luna actually conversing with NMM goes down in a few ways, based on the author's NMM origin.

1) Luna's corruption was from an outside source, and either that source, or that piece of it as NMM is tempting or mocking Luna, hoping to complete what it started. This has been given some grounding in canon (like it or not) by the second IDW main comic arc.

2) Luna faces off with a voice or image of NMM in her head, as a literal devil on her shoulder. In most literature, this could be interpreted as a sign of mental fracture. That line could be blurred (for better or for worse) given that Luna is a capable of entering subconcious minds as physical locations.

3) The Nyx/Penumbra approach. Nightmare Moon gets her own body, yet somehow her conciousness came from Luna. I'm not as big a fan of this one, since when you get down to it, the mental implications for Luna are pretty convoluted.

Here, as a direct manifestation of surpressed memories from even before the divide between the sisters, is a pretty original approach to NMM's spectre. An interesting idea, that is completely botched during the landing.

Drawing her carnivorous transformation and association with the moon to a canine heritage works, but the motivations and pool of knowledge don't work out in the slightest. During the events of the Pilot, how do you explain NMM (or "Alpha Moonsong" as it were) not going out of her way to contact the dogs? Why does she even WANT to the throne of Equestria if she doesn't consider it her home? And why did she, you know, try to blot out the sun?! I think even the dogs would raise some objections to that.

If you were argue that the antagonist we saw in the show was a bastardization of the Alpha Moonsong persona, why not go out the way to demonstrate it? Instead, the third-person narrative NAMES the spectre as Nightmare Moon, and even claims the two LOOK perfectly alike!

There floated the semi-opaque form of Nightmare Moon, armour and all.

Nightmare Moon idly buffed her hoof against her chest and examined it.

Nightmare Moon rolled her eyes.

This personality talking with Luna expresses no morale outrage, sorrow, or regret at the prospect of terrorizing people that had never wronged her, or trying to extinguish all life on the planet.

Dragon Turtle, hey! Long time no read! Since you've asked the Q's, let's see if I can supply the A's without spoiling anything.

Here, as a direct manifestation of surpressed memories from even before the divide between the sisters, is a pretty original approach to NMM's spectre. An interesting idea, that is completely botched during the landing.

[notseriously]You wound me DT, you really do.[/notseriously]
I know a compliment when I see one. Thank you for that DT, it's nice to know that out of all the NMM origin fics out there I managed to come up with an original idea.

:discordgrin: Anyway, I never claimed to be an excellent writer; I know I'm not, yet somehow you're still drawn to this story :raritywink:. For something I pretty much pull out of my butt :twilightblush: with almost no forethought I don't think I'm doing all that badly.

Drawing her carnivorous transformation and association with the moon to a canine heritage works, but the motivations and pool of knowledge don't work out in the slightest. During the events of the Pilot, how do you explain NMM (or "Alpha Moonsong" as it were) not going out of her way to contact the dogs? Why does she even WANT to the throne of Equestria if she doesn't consider it her home? And why did she, you know, try to blot out the sun?! I think even the dogs would raise some objections to that.

If you were argue that the antagonist we saw in the show was a bastardization of the Alpha Moonsong persona, why not go out the way to demonstrate it? Instead, the third-person narrative NAMES the spectre as Nightmare Moon, and even claims the two LOOK perfectly alike!

There floated the semi-opaque form of Nightmare Moon, armour and all.

Nightmare Moon idly buffed her hoof against her chest and examined it.

Nightmare Moon rolled her eyes.

This personality talking with Luna expresses no morale outrage, sorrow, or regret at the prospect of terrorizing people that had never wronged her, or trying to extinguish all life on the planet.

Just wait for Chapter 8, then we'll both know if I successfully managed to explain all that neatly. I'll be looking forward to hear ... ah ... reading from you again. In the mean time, I'll see if I can fix those three little holes you just pointed out about NMM.

(Take note here, authors and future authors. This is the kind of stuff that gets missed when you're too lazy easily distracted to search for a proofreader/editor like I am.)

Chaps 5 - 8 all happen during the same day and they're all exposition chapters. Hopefully I can finally wrap up the entire story during Chap 9 or 10.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!