Lunar Deviant
Joined 4th Aug, 2011 ·
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Okay seriously. I won't say anything bad but, I seriously need some details as to WHAT THE FUCK I JUST READ! I've been to my share of raves, and no shit like that has ever gone down.
WHAT THE LIVING LORD OF MOLESTIA FUCK DID I JUST READ?!?!??!?!?!
yes more
1916793
I think this must be what someone that's never been to a rave thinks they are
Either that, or the raves I've been to apparently weren't the right ones. There was certainly ecstasy in abundance, and that tends to mean lots of body contact, but at no point did any raves I've been to turn into an orgy.
1919188>>1916793 Well, the site is called fimFICTION. Maybe something to ponder. About the story itself... good, bit weird though. Some errors, which kind of interrupted my reading flow. Too bad.
1919923 Yes Loki is correct.
I realize this kind of thing doesn't happen at real raves, its an adult fantasy. These were the things I was going for in order of emphasis: Drug Use, Exhibitionism, Anonymous, Incest, Bisexual. I decided that a fantasy rave orgy was the setting I felt best suited that.
Don't get me wrong though, I really do appreciate everyone's feedback, and Loki, if you don't mind being more specific, what broke the flow for you? I'm always looking to improve.
1920040 Some spelling error. Don't ask me where it was... it's in there though. Tucked away, biding its time, waiting to spring out on the unsuspecting reader.
Look, it's a tiny, tiny flaw. Most won't notice it, or just read over it and think nothing about it. There's something wrong with me, not with the story. For example: I see some mistake in a movie and I spend the rest of the movie obsessing over it. Ruins it for everyone, nothing I can do, I'm afraid.
1919923>>1920040
I was just having a bit of fun with my comment. I never believed that you thought this was a realistic representation of a rave. I actually thought the story itself was well done, even if the premise was more fantasy than reality. The blurring of thought feeling and sensation was well portrayed; although I felt that the sex was rushed and more time could have been spent there.
1920053>>1920040 I'm sorry if my comment came off crass, and I was we'll aware of the mature tag and the warnings, but my question was 100% serious. I was so confused as to why the story just kicked off like that. No build up, no explanation, just dirty club sex. I'm sorry for sounding so demanding, I understand the whole fantasy idea of it, and this story doesn't offend me in anyway. I was just expecting more story to the fantasy. My brain wasn't prepared for the "Main Event" right off the bat is all.
1922571 Well to be honest, this story was just something quick and different to get me out of the writer's block rut, but if my readers want me to go back and make an "extended cut" or some sort of prologue/epilogue I'm sure I could find time to do that. After all, the whole reason I write for all the fandoms I do is cause I love when people read and appreciate what i write, people like you all that comment are what keep me motivated.
1922114, looking back on it I feel that way too about the sex scene. At the time I was just doing the exercise and putting it up to move back to my bigger projects, but it needs to be extended, at the very least, in that scene.
I suppose 1919050 will be getting their wish
I found two spelling mistakes. Other than that, I fucking love this.
1922829
I'll look forward to seeing the edit/continuation.
I decided to see what your "bigger project" was, and easily discovered how I hadn't come across your work before. I filter out the dark tag as a matter of habit. I enjoy your style though, and I hope you do some more happy sexy stories.