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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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What a generally cheery day for Dis.
Ah, but such is the life of a not-quite-hero.
Looking forward to more!
3062372
That Mass Effect connection never occured to me.
Though there is one in Chapter Two. It's a Joker... joke.
Glad you like my story!
3146239
Nice to have another reader.
You'll be delighted to know that the first chapter is definitely the worst one of them all.
3149256>>3149442>>3149501
You are my favorite kind of reader. The one that comments on everything.
The Harmony segment was rather rushed, yes, because it's only the beginning. I didn't want to spend more than four chapters just on setting the story up. It slows things down.
Just wait till you get to the Outer World.
My god this fic is good! Its not every day that you go on this site and find a fic that doesn't immediately dive into the pits of cliche hell. But sir, I believe today I have found one! Keep it up!
Oh, and a side note, Nix has the ship leaving dock at this point. If ya know what I mean...
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Picked up on that, eh?
Thanks for the compliments, it means a lot! Keep an eye out for The Sound of Thunder, a collab I'm a part of, if you're interested in more of my writing.
This review proudly brought to you, by the group Authors Helping Authors.
Name of Story: Omega (chapter 18)
Grammar Score (out of ten): 8.5
Pros:
1) The Omega is about to get an indeterminable percentage (>10-30>)% better. Moonstone? And they never realised?
2) More than one ship is about to take off, I'm sure of it...
3) Dissero keeping his naturally non-violent nature. I'm pleased that he hasn't become a slave to indifference.
Cons:
1) Did the enemy recusants just fly away and leave them for dead? Would they not try to capitalise on their "victory", especially after the confrontation cost them a party member?
2) Well, Zabari's out. That was rather sudden. I had no chance to even try to begin to like him.
3) Grammar slipped again. I are so
Notes:
Goddamn it, I will cut a bitch if they wake me up one more goddamn time!
But seriously, did Dissero just nick Nix's neck? And if so, why did she say/do nothing about it?
I feel like this will lead to something... Oh, and it's "leaped". At least, chrome dictionary says so.
Dat Ending. What. The serious. Fuck. Why would you do that? That's just cruel. But God damn me if I didn't laugh in spite of their misfortune.
Here's where you went south again:
No! Bad apostrophe! Bad!
dammit Golden, you're falling into a pattern here...
Comma after "down"
Hmmm. Methinks a comma after "rate" and make "they'd" into a simple "they".
Shrapnel.
I'd drop the "And" but this is stylistic, not error.
Drop the now, it looks a little awkward.
One more chapter... Just one more... Come on, Cerulean, you can do this. You can hold it together.
Adren