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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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WOOT! After waiting for so long after a cliffhanger like that, Dissy finally gets back together with the gang! Looks like things aren't going too well though, haha.
2910794
Yeah. Seriously, out of all the ships in Harmony, they had to steal the one with no guns.
Did you see the revised bits? I added a lot of stuff into the earlier parts of the fic.
This review proudly brought to you, by the group Authors Helping Authors.
Name of Story: Omega (chapter 15)
Grammar Score (out of ten): 10 (!)
Pros:
1) Awww yeah! the crew is all back together! They even brought Exe along for the ride, too, against my prediction!
2) Ashfall is going berserk. I love it when enemies flip tables and pack their dacks.
3) Wow. The Omega freaking tore itself away from the dock! That's some powerful-ass prototype they stole.
Cons:
1) While I have to say that I love all of the action in this chapter, it felt a little too compressed, if you get my meaning.
2) What was Nix doing in all that hubbub? Hiding?
3) conlocator.exe has stopped working.
Notes:
Yes! Everyone is finally reunited, with an extra party member! Woo!
The action in this chapter was all kinds of wild. You weren't kidding about it being packed to the explosive brim; cannonballs, invasions, freaking magic fire and lightning everywhere, explosions! Sooo good. I hope the Omega holds up alright, she seems badly damaged. But seriously Omega, y u no have wepon?
There are a lot of POV switches in this one. Handled rather well, actually. Really livened up the frantic pace of the chapter.
As the wise Toki Wartooth says, "That's brootal"
U mad, bro?
The ONE spoiler that might've (see, that's where 've is appropriate) stopped you earning that coveted 10 again:
Hyphen vs Dash. Although, since you haven't had time to edit the story with any of my suggestions yet, I'll let it slide. Congratulations on your second 10 (!)
Guess it's time to move onto the next one! I wonder what sort of punishment will be in store for old mate Ashfall when Robber hears about his unauthorised order belay...
Adren